Can't Wait to Make It!

So here are a few things on my ever-growing, "can't wait to make it" list.  I will be trying them all in the near future!  In the meantime....

I can't wait to make this:
(sprinklebakes.com)

And this:
(whisk-kid.blogspot.com)

And this:
(HowDoesShe.com)

And this:
(naptimejournal.blogspot.com)

And finally, (oh yes, even if I have to learn to use a sewing machine!), one of these:
(Etsy.com)

33 Reasons I Love You

Today, February 3, 2010, is my dear, sweet husband Kevin's 33rd birthday.  I am so proud of the man he is, the way he lives and loves as a husband and follower of Christ, and the desire He has to lead a godly family.  I'm excited to celebrate him today, and I delight in how God chose to design him 33 years ago.

Here's to you Honey-Love...33 reasons why I love all 33 years of you so very much.
                          
 Happy Birthday!!!



I love the way you laugh out loud when I try to be funny or cute;
I love the way you have a passion for tasty, yummy food.
I love the way you dance around, and love to sing songs of praise,
I love the passion you have for making the most of every day.
I love how you love our dog, sweet wonderful Chai,
I love how you ask me to look straight into your eyes.
I love the ways you try to make me feel special and loved,
I love how you always know when in your arms I need to be wrapped up.
I love how much you want to have kids and raise a godly family,
I love how much you love every little detail of me.
I love the way you're always thinking of ways that we can grow;
I love that you will hold me tight whenever I feel low.
I love the way you make eggs, and love to learn to cook;
I love the way you hunger and thirst for God's great guiding Book.
I love the way you write your thoughts both to God and me,
I love that when I share my thoughts, my perspective you try to see.
I love the way you fix your hair, and the style that you have;
I love the way you always look good, whether the day is good or bad.
I love the way that you love sports, including golf, and basketball, and many more;
I love how we love to play so many games:  Tennis, Euchre, or Rummikub, it never matters the score:)
I love the way you love on others and think about what they need;
I love to see what God's doing in you and how He's bringing you to your knees.
I love the way you let me dream and have my crazy plans;
I love how you love the simple things and enjoy just holding my  hand.
I love how much we enjoy our time, spent with just you and me.
I love how much we share a passion for a life of ministry.
I love the way you tell stories, and your awesome ability to teach;
I love the chances now and later that I will get to here you preach.
I love your wisdom, your depth and grace, and your life that shows them all;
I love your gift of encouragement, comforting me and others when we fall.
I love that you don't hesitate to love God and me out loud;
I believe with all of my heart that of you God is very proud.
I love your sweet and gentle spirit, the way the Lord brings you to tears;
I love how you let His perfect love cast out all your fears.
I love the way you smell, from your head down to your toes,
When I look at you I'm amazed how well for me God chose.
I'm so very thankful for this wonderful life we share,
You, Kevin Douglas, are the man of my dreams; for you I so passionately care.
Thank you for building me up, wanting my dreams to come true,
The kids, the ministry, the writing and more could only happen with you.
I love that we get to walk through this life, learning and laughing as we go,
Trusting, praying, and planting seeds, which we will then get to watch Him sow.
Thank you for forgiving quickly, being selfless and trusting the love;
You my dear Kevin are a special man, because it's God you make so much of.
There are many more than 33 reasons why my love for you is so fierce;
I'm beyond excited to walk beside you for many, many more years.

Happy Birthday K-Love.  I am so in love with you.  You are an awesome husband and a very special man of God.  I am celebrating his gracious gift of you today.  Happy 33!

She's Having A....

GIRL!!!!  After 5 years and 4 boys, my dear friend Traci is finally having a girl!!!!  I am so excited.  Beyond belief actually.  And yet God's timing seems so perfect.

 Let me tell you a little bit about her story.  Traci was the administrative assistant at Cincinnati Bible College when I attended there from 1999-2003.  She left in 2002 to open a coffee house called Reality Tuesday Cafe with her husband.  After I graduated, I spent a lot of time hanging out at the coffee house, forming a wonderful friendship with Traci.  She has more energy and spunk than any person you have ever met, and she works harder than anyone I know.  She is a friendly, familiar face, and a household name to her regular customers.  Their cafe is a place where "everyone knows your name."

So in the summer of 2003, Traci and I made some great memories and shared many meaningful conversations.  She was 35 with no kids, and I was 22, excited to be out "on my own," but wondering if or when I would ever get married.  I remember one conversation from that summer particularly well.  We were taking a walk in a neighborhood near the cafe, looking at the new houses that were being built.  At the time, she and her husband lived in a tiny apartment, and had talked about being more than ready to start a family and move into that world.  They had tried several times before, even using fertility treatments, but had never been successful.  I will never forget what Traci told me that night.  She said she thought she would never have kids.  She just couldn't see it happening after all these years.  Essentially, she was ready to give up.  I remember feeling so much compassion and heartbreak for her, as I knew how desperately she wanted to be a mom.  So we talked about God and prayer, and the possibility of more than we could ever ask or imagine.  Fast forward to a year later, and that's exactly what happened.

In the summer of 2004, Traci and her husband decided to try one last time.  They still had 3 frozen eggs at the infertility doctor, and she felt like the right thing to do was finish what she started.  So they implanted all three.  And the doctor said there was only a 3% chance that she would get pregnant.  Well, the whole cafe community and everyone who knew them started praying like crazy.  I have journal after journal entry of prayers devoted to God, asking Him to give them a baby.  And that he did.  I will never forget when she called me and said it worked.  And when I ask how many took she said, "All three!"

That began the journey of the brazen and beautiful boys we refer to as the triplets.  We spent nine months dreaming and preparing, throwing showers, buying clothes, getting excited and thanking God for His faithfulness.  I was so blessed to have such a flexible schedule that I could help her when she was on bed rest, and I spent many hours visiting in the hospital while she spent her last month of pregnancy there.

I remember very vividly being in the room when she and her husband had the ultra sound to find out what they were having.  We had named all the "girls" we were sure she was carrying, and we had no doubt that's what they'd be.  The nurse said, "The first one is a...boy!"  And we were excited.  Then she said, "The second one is a...boy!"  And we said, a little more nervously, "Yay!"  Finally she said, "And the last one is a....boy!"  And we were shocked.  No one really knew what to say.  Who would have expected it?  But it was by design, and of course we were grateful for their little lives.  The boys made it all the way to 34 weeks, being born one day after Traci's 37th birthday.

Okay, fast forward two more years to the birth of their fourth child, an attempt at a girl, who turned out to be another beautiful baby boy,  who it's now impossible to imagine life without.  While Traci adores her precious and wonderful little guys, she has always had a place in her heart for a daughter.  She is the epitomy of a crazy-fun drama queen, and she has been like a sister to me.  She even got me to get in good enough shape to try out for the Ben-gal cheerleaders one year.  Talk about inspiration.  Now Traci gets to have a cheerleader of her own.  And I am so very happy for her.  Bring on the pink.

So thank you dear God for showing favor to this family and blessing them with 5 healthy children.  Thank you for being so faithful in answering prayers, even if your timing has been unpredictable yet perfect.  Thank you for dear friends that can be as close as family.  You are so very good, and we love you.

Service Without Hesitation and A Life Well-Lived

Today my husband and I attended the funeral of a sweet, wonderful, incredibly godly man who passed away last week and was an active part of our church family.  What amazing perspective to sit in a service and hear person after person share about how this one man changed the lives and influenced the hearts of so many.  Pat Butler was passionately devoted to God, his wife and family, and the body of Christ.  He was a true servant and a daily prayer warrior.  His favorite song was "Jesus Loves Me," and when we sang it as a congregation today, the simple, sweet lullaby brought tears to my eyes.  I thought, "Wow, I bet he would have loved to have been here."  Then I had to laugh, as I remembered he has the best seat in Heaven to experience what took place today.   He has literally met his Maker, and I'm sure it was a sweet reunion full of rejoicing.

My husband and I were talking later about how this man lived in such a way that he truly walked as Jesus did.  He did not hesitate to help or encourage, he was willing and ready to serve, and he was forever learning and growing, seeking all the truth he could find from daily studying the Word of God.  He was faithful because he believed in the power of Jesus, and he shared what he knew with an unwavering faith.  When others needed to be loved, he loved them.  When someone had a need, he and his wife filled it.  They were generous with their time, home, and encouragement.  And all of this I learned today and this past week, simply from listening to all that the people who knew him had to say about him.

Unfortunately for my husband and I, we met this man and his dear, sweet wife not too long ago, and had not yet been able to spend much time with them.  I regret this deeply, knowing that we missed learning from a true servant, and a man who undoubtedly followed God in everything he did.  A man who was apparently really funny too.   As it turns out, we are certainly learning from him now. We were also talking about how this man did not have to sit around and wonder what God's will was for his life, or who he should be ministering to.  He prayed diligently, listened to the Holy Spirit, and believed that those who crossed his path on any given day were the very ones he had been praying for.  He always seized the moment to share what they needed.  I am thankful that even in his death, today he ministered to me too.

So two thoughts have stayed with me throughout the day.  One is, "Am I pursuing God and studying His word in a way that reflects the love and faith I profess for Him?"  The other is, "Am I living a life of service without hesitation that is an overflow of the ways God has blessed me and been so graceful in my own life?" If not, I certainly want to start now.  I guess the two essentially go hand in hand.  If I am walking with, pursuing, and receiving the love of God, I will constantly be in tune with the Holy Spirit and follow as He leads.  I will be so bursting with the joy that comes from this kind of faith that I will not be able to contain it.  Think about it.  Do you really believe in the power of the Holy Spirit?  What if you called on Him like you truly did?  We must pray believing, expecting great and mighty works, and inviting others to share in this divine, life-changing, and fruit-bearing relationship.

I don't know about you, but at my funeral I want there to be some serious rejoicing.  Rejoicing first of all because I am sitting at the feet of the One who created me and loves me more than I can possibly imagine.   And secondly because those who will be in attendance will have hopefully experienced the Good News from the overflow of my life...and will be walking on the path leading them to one day stand there too.

"His Master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master's happiness!" Matthew 25:21

I Felt Like a Real Teacher!

Friday was a good day at school.  I was exhausted, as I am at the end of every week, but I experienced something wonderful.  For a brief moment, I felt like a real teacher.  This may sound a bit crazy, as I am paid to teach a class of 22 wonderful third and fourth graders on a daily basis, but during your first year of teaching, it's difficult to feel like a "real teacher" when more often you feel like you have no clue what you are doing.

That said, currently we are working on Feature Articles in writing.  Although I love to write, teaching writing has been an entirely different animal.  Yet Friday I felt myself take a shift in my teaching.  The night before, I had diligently looked over the students' work.  I had something I was excited to share with them that I thought would help their writing become stronger.  So the next day, when Writing Workshop came around, I enthusiastically told them how proud I was of how they are growing as writers, and how a certain strategy would help them take their writing to the next level.  It's not that I shared anything incredibly profound.  It's that I was really excited about it.  And they could tell.  In turn, the kids were excited as well.  When I sent them to go write, the majority of them were eager for my help, really wanting to try the new strategy.  This is what I have been waiting for...children who are excited to learn!!!

While really wonderful, this was still not the best moment.  That came later, when we returned from an assembly, and one student said, "Are we doing writing?"  When I said no, she quickly responded with a disappointed sigh and said, "Awww."  I was thrilled.  I felt like a real teacher.  Even more, I felt like I was finally stepping into the role God intended for me at that school in the first place.  It's amazing how such a simple circumstance can become such a huge motivator.  I learned a powerful lesson that day.  Enthusiasm is contagious.  I feel like I've always known this...but God certainly knew I needed to experience it like this in order to truly grasp it.  Our students and kids reflect whatever we communicate to them.  If we hate broccoli, there's a good chance they'll hate broccoli.  If we have a bad attitude and a sarcastic tongue, these hurtful attributes will probably be reflected back to us.  If we are overwhelmed and unwilling to work hard at something difficult, there's a good chance they will be unwilling too.

So I am excited to bring enthusiasm even more into my classroom.  I want the children to notice this before they ever notice I am overwhelmed or unsure of myself.  I have something to share, and when I care about it, they just might too.

That being said, the following picture depicts how my Saturday was spent, fostering this newfound motivation, along with some serious time with God, and progress on my "read through the Bible in 90 days" goal.  Which, by the way, is an awesome experience so far.  Reading the Bible as the amazing story that it is, from cover to cover, can have a profound effect on how you see and know God.  At least for me, it has shed  awesome new light on stories I have read or heard about many times before.

What can you get excited about that might inspire someone today?


(P.S.  After one whole week, my desk is still clean!!!  Loving it!)

Have You Talked To Your Grandma Today?

My grandma read my blog today.  I told her about it last night, including all the words she would need to type into the white box at the top of her computer screen to find it.  She is new in the last couple years to the internet, but I so love and respect how adventurous she is with wanting to jump in and join this crazy web world.

So she called tonight and right away said, "You're great Pagey, just great.  I loved it and I spent all morning reading it."  Then she said, "That's how I feel too.  I just can't put it into words and write it down."  She also told me she cried while she read some of it.  To quote a phrase I have come to love that best describes how I felt, "My heart swelled."  I love that my grandma is proud of me.  I love even more that she and I have been able to connect so deeply in the past few years about all matters of the heart, including our relationships with God.  She will be 84 in almost exactly a month, and I embrace every memory I am able to make with her.  It has only been in the last few years that I feel like I have really started listening intently to every word she speaks, trying to memorize the details of her stories, knowing that some day they will become dear treasures to me.  As a matter of fact, they already have.  I have come to love the way that each of our personal stories is woven together through so many moments of history.  My grandma has a fascinating history filled with moments God alone clearly orchestrated.

My grandma is a beautiful, spunky woman, with a bold and courageous heart.  She works hard and always has.  She keeps her home cleaner and nicer than I probably will ever be able to. (Although she'd say I can do it).  When I was first married, I finally found the motivation one day to scrub the entire apartment from top to bottom.  She was the first person I called.  The only one who could truly appreciate the magnitude of me saying, "Grandma, I cleaned all day long...on my hands and knees even!"  She gracefully replied, "Wow, good for you Pagey."  She is also quite fashionable.  When I used to work at Sephora, I introduced her to some "must haves," and have enjoyed helping her keep them in stock ever since.

So thank you, Grandma, for loving me and being interested in my life.  Thank you for loving my husband and reminding me what a wonderful man he is.  Thank you for not being afraid to talk to me about anything, and for sharing such a deep wisdom about life, including how you continue to seek after God and love all that you learn.  Thank you for reading my blog.  I love you.

Have you talked to your Grandma today?

See, I Am Doing a New Thing!

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

I love this verse. It was a powerful verse for me a couple years ago, and still is today.  It's quite amazing how life tends to work out that way; God allows us to choose paths that often when we look back on, we would choose to alter in some way.  Pointing once again to the fact that while we might have some regrets, we must remember that He is the great Redeemer.

This verse was a part of my Bible Study tonight, (Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer), referring to truly listening to and discerning the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit.  Priscilla was talking about how we need to passionately pursue this voice and follow it boldly, as the Spirit often is ready to lead us to something new, although many times we insist on focusing on what has already passed.  I have struggled with this consistently throughout my life.  The pain of perfectionism.  Maybe what this day calls for is a willingness to live a courageous life, one that could only be made possible through the strength and power that comes from completely trusting in and depending on Jesus.  Is it possible that often when we think we are waiting on God He could actually be waiting on us?  Think about one thing in the past that you continue to dwell on.  Could it be keeping you from experiencing the adventure before you?  Perhaps the Holy Spirit is trying to show you a new thing He wants to do in you.  Receive the new mercies of every morning and pray that God will provide peace for the past. What is the still, small voice saying to you today?  Listen closely, follow without hesitation, and receive the fruit of your faithfulness.

That's So Cute!

Kevin is always laughing at me for how many times I say, "That's so cute!" So here are some creative ideas I have found recently that I find fascinatingly super cute! Check out these crafty favorites from other blogs:

Felt Mail for kids from lu bird baby :

Valentine's Day Date Idea from Me and My Insanity :

Notebook Covers (super cute Christmas presents for my students next year?!) from The Pleated Poppy:

Homemade gift bows from How About Orange :

Love these Heartstring necklaces from Lisa Leonard :

Crayon Hearts from Martha Stewart:

B90X

Surely by now you have heard of the workout, "P90X." When I was in college, (10 years ago!), I actually did the P90 videos in my dorm room. I'm definitely no infomercial, but it was pretty fun. I highly recommend the "Ab Ripper" video.

That said, this post has nothing to do with muscle building exercise. It actually has to do with a sort of work out for the heart. It's a plan my husband and I are even more excited to follow over the next 3 months - B90X. Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC has created a program for reading the Bible in 90 days. We have decided to take the challenge. Bring on the life changing power of the Holy Spirit. We invite you to do the same. Check it out by going to the following link:

http://www.stevenfurtick.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/B90X.pdf

The Kids Like It Clean

Well, the classroom was a hit. A hilarious hit. The kids came rumbling in this morning and quickly came to an astonished halt when they walked through the door. They stopped and stared, looking all around like it was a museum. I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat. It's just not every day - okay, more like it's not any day that people young or old marvel at any space of mine because of its cleanliness. I heard all kinds of comments like, "It's so clean." And, "Wow, where did everything go?" I was loving it. One very bright and quick witted little girl even went so far as to peek out the door, look up at the sign and say, "Is this really Mrs. Russell's class?" Very clever. I will have to say, though, after awhile, as more and more kids came in and commented, I started to think it really must have been something awful!

So, it's time for an admission. Here it goes. While I have learned to be honest about my weaknesses and play to my strengths, I get it. I'm starting to appreciate those that claim the OCD behaviors that keep a space spotless. It does feel good. And it's so much more efficient. You should have seen me walking around there today making sure things were tidied and maintained as the day progressed. And it sure made clean up at the end of the day easier!


I have to thank my dear teacher friend across the hall in the 5th grade classroom who stayed late for awhile Friday to help me create systems I had never thought of. Teamwork at its finest. It made me appreciate so deeply the necessity to share our gifts with one another. We must not keep our strengths to ourselves, when they can so enhance the lives of someone else. If you are naturally organized and think a thrilling Saturday means cleaning out the closets, then you and I might never understand each other. But I could never tell someone like you how much I appreciate when you help someone like me create "a place for everything," and help to "put everything in its place." In my mind it's all kind of a jumbled mess. Like the stinky little Charlie Brown character who walks around with that dingy, dirty cloud. But I could at least be good for a laugh in the process!


So thank you to my students for noticing and appreciating my hard work. I pray you feel loved, nurtured, and lead well here.
Thank you to all the naturally organized people who offer grace to those who struggle to grasp the concept. I am in awe of your gift.
Thank you to all those who, like me, refuse to pretend to be anything other than a beautiful mess...and aren't afraid to ask for help.
And here's to another day of having a desk I can see. Because after all...the kids like it clean.

(P.S. Those of you who are or used to be teachers: trust me, I'm aware this room will not win any awards. But for me, it's a win. I mean, you should have seen it before! :) )

Budget Booyah

Today is a big day. Basically week 3 of our super intense budget, and I had my best grocery shopping trip yet. If there is one place I prefer to save a lot of money, it is on food. Kevin and I are both able and willing to eat very simply when necessary, which is a blessing. So tonight, after 2 hours of carefully comparing and cutting coupons in Kroger, (I actually picked up the paper in there before I started shopping), I bought all our groceries for...about $38!!! Booyah - as my husband might say. Better yet, I saved $28.76 between the Kroger "mega event" and the coupons I had! Love it!!! I keep telling Kevin I am loving the challenge and look forward to even better trips in the future. My goal is to stay around $40, although I am often told that seems a little unrealistic...which gives me even more motivation. My gracious husband was even willing to let me buy him a different kind of deoderant because with a coupon it cost 50 cents! Seriously, this was a true adrenaline rush for me at the checkout. One disclaimer...we have one package of chicken breasts left that wasn't used last week, as well as a half of a box of pasta and a jar of pasta sauce that we will be using this week. And we still have half a bag of brown rice. This budget will prepare these meals: oatmeal or fruit smoothies for breakfast, turkey sandwiches and peanut butter sandwiches with chips or crackers and fruit for lunch, a pasta night, a chicken, rice, and veggies night, a breakfast food night, a chicken quesadilla night, a frozen pizza night, a yummy brunch on Sat., whatever is left Sat. night, and a gift card lunch on Sunday!


Now this was not just any adrenaline rush for me. It is part of what I have come to know as "the adrenaline rush of trust." Although often difficult, I have grown to love trusting God and experiencing His overwhelming faithfulness. Is it easy? No. Painful at times? Absolutely. But the relationship I have with God has powerfully grown over the course of my lifetime largely through our give, trust, and provide relationship. I commit to giving generously, I trust that God will provide for all my needs in sometimes creative and unexpected ways, and He without fail provides, often blessing me with more than I ask for or ever deserve. It has not always been in my timing, but He has never failed me. When I was younger it became an adventure to me to figure out my tithe and round up to give even a little more, for the purpose of expressing my love for God and showing Him how grateful I am for the ways He blesses and provides. It's always seemed like a tangible way for me to communicate my trust to Him, even when I've felt like I needed every cent. I might not have the most admirable wardrobe or the most beautifully decorated apartment, but I am joyfully grateful. Or gratefully joyful. Either way, one thing I know for sure is that we cannot out give God. From my experience, and as evidenced in the BIble, He is the great multiplier. He is the only one that can make something out of what might seem like nothing. And He delights in doing so. Yet it requires us to have faith rather than often deciding we can't wait for Him to provide and taking a much less wiser path to get things on our own. Often when we work on the budget, on paper it always seems like it will never work out. Like it just doesn't make sense how there will be enough. Yet we are reminded that God never promised to make sense, He never assured us that we would be able to understand. Instead He calls us to trust Him with our lives....the very ones He created and allows us to live. So that is my encouragement to you. Spend wisely, give generously, trust ruthlessly. And be amazed at how God provides for you. In what area of your life do you need to trust God the most today?

K-Love and U of K

My husband, more affectionately nicknamed "K-Love" got to experience some U of K love today. So, while I'm admittedly not a die-hard U of K fan, I am happy that he had such good seats and so much fun. I love you Kevin! Here's to one of the greatest times of year being right around the corner...March Madness!!! Get out the brackets baby!

A Beautiful Mess

So I'm not Martha Stewart. It's certainly not the end of the world. But boy does it make a highly administrative job extremely challenging. Tonight I spent 6 hours - I kid you not - organizing and cleaning my classroom. And all the papers still aren't filed. But to me, it's like a page right out of Real Simple. (Basically that means you can see the top of my desk.) I should have taken before and after pictures like a good little blogger would, but alas, read the title. I don't exactly claim to have it all together. Besides that, I could probably take the "after" pictures first and just give it a few weeks to take the "befores." I'm telling you, a real work in progress here.

Okay, so enough about the mess, where's the beauty in it? That's what I love. Here's where I come to life. Not in a pile of paperwork, art supplies, and notebooks...but in the midst of the life-giving truth of the heart of who I am, the Spirit that lives inside me, and the God that I adore. He is the beauty in my mess. I realized while I was driving home tonight how much less I try to be perfect now than I did in my younger years. I mean, I was the girl with the bangs that took 2 hours every morning to pouf perfectly before shelaquing with aerosol. Now it's a good day if I use a hairdryer. Then there were the years of trying to say the just right thing and being literally paralyzed with fear over what people must of thought of me. I remember so clearly the process of giving up my pursuit of perfection. I basically got tired. Exhausted from taking so much responsibility for my own value and worth. It is a beautiful freedom to surrender that effort to God and let Him alone define who I am.

Growing in life is not about getting better, becoming someone you always wanted to be, receiving the affirmation of others, accomplishing all your hopes and dreams, or even having all of your papers filed. It truly comes down to how much you are willing to lean completely into Jesus alone, making much of Him while thinking nothing of yourself. It is daunting, I know, which is why the fullness of this will unfortunately never be realized this side of Heaven. Yet the process can begin today. Everything, and I mean absolutely everything of significant worth and value flows directly out of a relationship with Jesus Christ. We don't do things to prove our worth and earn our salvation, then come to Jesus ready to be approved of, forgiven, and redeemed. Instead we need to go straight to Him, broken into a million pieces, admitting our inability to make sense of or succeed at anything on our own, and cry out to Him to be everything to us. To overcome all that is in us and fill us with His Spirit. Then from that comes the forgiveness, healing, redemption, and hope. That relationship produces the fruit. The good works then become an offering of gratitude, an overflow of an overwhelming love.

Trust me, I've got problems. As a matter of fact, those are the exact words I just said to my husband. Multiple times in a day I either think or say, "I'm a mess." Smiling in my heart of course. Because I know that I can stumble and fall and fail at everything around me, but because of the Savior I serve, the Lord who loves me with an undying and everlasting love, I might be a mess...but a beautiful one at that.

I Will Be Joyful

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habbakuk 3:17-18

Be Still and Know...

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I feel peaceful. Certainly not because I had a fabulously successful day at work or am all caught up on my work (only in my wildest dreams). Certainly not because my apartment is clean, (still waiting on the maid fairy to show up), and not because everything is right with the world. Clearly, as evidenced by the devastating destruction in Haiti, it is not. The peace I feel is only because of the God I know. My small group Bible Study started up again tonight, and it has set my mind in motion. We are studying about how to truly tune in to God's voice in your life, and the ways He intimately speaks.

My heart was incredibly convicted about how gracious God is to speak to us and constantly pursue us. There have been very obvious times God has spoken to me, and even more subtle, gentle times. There have been times I have been very in tune with Him and chosen to listen, and many more times that I have refused to be still and really hear His voice. Those times are often painful for me to reflect on, yet my joy comes from seeing how God has redeemed and restored anything that my brokenness caused.

At a church planting conference last April, Kevin and I heard Francis Chan speak about the Holy Spirit. It was a powerful message. (We LOVE Francis Chan, by the way. Author of Crazy Love and Forgotten God, and pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, CA. You have got to listen to his sermons. Check out the link to his blog in my list!) The point that struck me that hardest was when he said, "You cannot be walking with the Spirit and sinning at the same time." How true that is, although often hard to admit. In that moment I was so convicted because I love God so very much. I am so thankful for the journey I have walked with Him, and I want nothing more than to be constantly in tune with His Spirit. I have a friend who has always told me that God is not a God of confusion. So the times that we often think are chaotic and crazy, confusing and complicated, we actually might need to take a hard look at how in tune with the Spirit we are, as well as how closely we are walking with and pursuing after God. Right when Francis spoke those words I began to reflect on my own life. Those times that I was crying in my car, imploring God to speak clearly to me I have to ask myself, was I doing things 100% God's way, or anything my own way, trying to ask God to bless that? It's a tough question, but one that holds a lot of revealing truth.

I am confident that when we sin we break the heart of our loving Heavenly Father. Because He loves us so very much. Yes, He is slow to anger and quick to forgive, but oh how I hate to hurt Him. How I hate to take for granted in any way the love that He has shown me and the many ways He has been so faithful to me. He never lets go, He continues to pursue. That's why it breaks my heart to think of the times I have sinned against Him.

So what now? Where do we return when we are brought back to our knees longing to be right in tune with our gracious God? For me, it has always started with being still; knowing, believing, and surrendering to God. My mind and my mouth tend to be moving an awful lot, so I know that when things are getting crazy and chaotic for me, this is right where I need to be. Still. Knowing, trusting. Not understanding, not making sense of things or figuring it out. Not having the perfect emotion or feeling. Just getting completely outside of myself and trusting beyond what I can comprehend or see. It is amazing how difficult silence can be when we are experiencing our most fragile moments. Evidence that silence and the freedom to release might be just what we need.

One of my most favorite songs, one that we played at our wedding, is by Steven Curtis Chapman. Here are the lyrics:

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, O restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of peace
Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God

Be still; Be speechless

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know He is our Father
Come rest your head upon His breast
Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still, Be still

Listen to it if you get the chance. Sit still and just let Him love you. "Bow before the Prince of Peace, let the noise and clamor cease...Be still and know that He is faithful. Consider all that He has done, stand in awe and be amazed, know that He will never change. Be still."