So today was a bit of a bummer. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but at the heart of it, as I was driving home from work, all I could think was, "Today I feel like dirt." Exhaustion has reached its peak, physically I feel disgusting, and to top it off, my nerves were totally shot when a certain situation at work today pushed all my hot buttons. I literally spent the rest of the day praying my guts out that God would erase my boiling over pride, and seriously help me do exactly what He would want me to do. SO tough.
That said, as I compared myself to actual dirt I realized it just might not be that bad of an analogy. I mean, really. Dirt, or better yet, fertile soil, is what the best, most beautiful flower or delicious produce actually grows out of. Fertile soil coupled with a great length of time being cared for, watered, fed, and weeded. And who are we kidding? How many times does God have to teach me and remind me that He is in control? He is doing a great work in me. His plans are better than my plans even when and especially when I don't understand them. To top it off, He is for me. He loves me because He made me. He wants to grow me until I am in full bloom as the unique creation He intended for me to be. Until my fruit most closely reflects His glory.
Of course, tonight after I finally had a chance to sit down at home, and was headed towards the computer to share these very thoughts, the Holy Spirit prompted my heart to read my Bible instead. I knew that's what I really needed after a day like today. Did I obey? Um, no. When will I learn? I picked up the computer, moved the mouse, and the screen became gray. It said the computer had to be powered down and restarted. At least I'm a quick learner. I shut it off and picked up my Bible.
The verses my study led me to were no coincidence either. First was, "If my people would but listen to me, if Israel would follow my ways, how quickly would I subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes! Those who hate the Lord would cringe before him, and their punishment would last forever. But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." Psalm 81:13-16 When my pride threatens to boil over into stupidity and gross ungodliness, I need only to listen to God and follow Him. He will take care of justice and peace in me. I know I need to obey Him and pray for my enemies (or those who seem so because while lost and broken they do hurtful things). He will take care of it. I have to trust that.
The other verse was equally fitting and where I'll end my thoughts for this very long day. "We are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 God knows how we feel, how we hurt, and what our hearts desire. We are God's masterpiece. He is proud and thrilled about His creation, which is why He longs to have our hearts, so that we would glorify Him by enjoying a relationship with Him forever.
I don't know where you are today. Maybe in the dirt, slowly sprouting, feeling overwatered or underfed, or just waiting for the sun to bathe you in warmth and fill you with hope. Either way, hang on and make the next right choice. (As Andy Stanley would say). God is doing a good work in you...work He has planned long ago, and will see until the full fruit is produced. Remain faithful and trust Him.