- A "good day" means you took a shower AND put on makeup. (Hair washing = REALLY good day - a.k.a. husband is home. :)
- When you took that shower it was the fastest one of your life and there's a baby in her rock n play in the bathroom...and you're praying she doesn't wake up yet!
- The glider is your new best friend.
- You listen to Praise Baby because it's calming to YOU.
- When the baby does go to sleep you find yourself SPEED WALKING from one end of the house to the other trying to get stuff done. (Then yes, your body has something to say about moving that fast!)
- When you sit down to feed the sweet baby you run through the list in your mind...did I eat? Did I shower? Does the dog need to go out? How many dirty/wet diapers has she had today? Who have I yet again forgot to call/email/facebook back? Do I have anything non-maternity to wear in public...that actually fits?! Oh, and how IS my husband today??
- When you do get a chance to eat dinner with your husband while the baby's sleeping, you have to discipline yourself not to talk about breastfeeding or that precious and beautiful baby. Seriously, what did we used to talk about?!
- You hope no one spontaneously comes to the door...because 9 out of 10 times there's a good chance you're not fully clothed.
- You think watching a new little human sleep to be the most beautiful, blissful thing in the world.
- When your husband takes you to the doctor's office those first couple weeks you get "dressed up." And when you leave you desperately think of where else you could go to feel like a functioning member of society again.
- Your iphone has at least a hundred pictures of the most beautiful sleeping baby on it.
- You cry at all the Pampers commercials. Yes, a baby changes everything. :)
- You get a random headache in the middle of the day and ask yourself, "Why am I so tired?"
- You have to tell yourself that one day you do have to return to the front seat and sit next to your husband in the car.
- You've never prayed harder in your entire life.
- When you ask your husband to please get you some breast pads, he responds with, "Oh, are those what I find lying around everywhere?" (First week stuff of course :)
- If you had to choose one toiletry item to take with you somewhere...it would be medela lanolin.
- You realize that the moms who are getting a whole lot done are the ones who one day decided they could live on a whole lot less sleep. (I'm not quite there yet ;)
- You finally grasp the meaning of being thankful in all circumstances...because it is an absolute privilege to endure and adjust to whatever necessary in honor of the amazing little life you've been entrusted with.
- If you're like me, you wake up each day feeling like you just landed your dream job...and the longevity is prayerfully promising.
My grandma lovingly made this beautiful cross-stitch for my mom many years ago...and now it has been passed on to me. It so wonderfully sums up my heart and my days with my special sweet baby Selah. Becoming a mom has been an overwhelmingly joyful experience...having waited so many years for this dream to come true makes it all the more sweeter. Even as I'm writing this I think of all the things I've wanted to put in a post lately, but now it's difficult to put into words. I have spent the last three weeks snuggling and soaking up all the squishy, squeaky wonderfulness that is my daughter. That first week at home was crazy...recovering from giving birth, learning how to feed this tiny person, trying to remember to eat, exhausted from such little sleep, the adrenaline of being overwhelmed with gratitude for this gift. Seriously, my excitement over having our sweet little baby home felt much like the week after I found out I was pregnant...I was so excited and thankful I couldn't sleep. That's how it was when we first came home. Kevin would tell me to go lay down for a bit and I would just lay there saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," over and over to God. Then I'd get up to go hold my precious baby. :)
Dance time with Daddy :)
The second week was filled with a couple dr. appts, a couple sessions with the lactation consultant, and a whole lot of feeding...trying to put some weight on my little one. If I read your blog and you breastfeed, I might just be emailing you soon. I am determined to persevere and I so enjoy it...I really am hoping to feed her that way for a long time...it's just thrown me quite a learning curve with some unpredictable scenarios. Definitely a full time job - but the best kind in my opinion! I've had a bit of a struggle with milk supply more than anything, so any feedback or encouragement from any of you who have been down this road and got it to work for you eventually would be much appreciated! :) (Though I think I'm trying every trick in the book!) Now we're at the end of our third week together, getting into somewhat of a rhythm, and being fully initiated into motherhood with some projectile poo the other day. :) That's what mommy gets for changing that diaper a moment too soon!
I don't believe you can spoil a newborn baby...I do believe in loving abundantly and holding a lot and savoring such a special, short lived time. I even prayed that God would allow me to have long days filled with memories and special moments with her these first weeks - because I know all too well, even without fully experiencing it yet, that she will be so different in such a short time. Even when she's sleeping I reach over and lightly feel her tummy to make sure she's breathing...what seems like a million times a day and night. I just so love this fragile, beautiful and delicate little life and I don't want to miss a second. I read several blogs of new moms and wonder how in the world you all now have 7 month old babies!!?? I feel like I was just the one waiting on all their arrivals!
Selah makes the best facial expressions - in her sleep, when she's waking up, and recently when she's awake. We have seen her smile in her sleep so many times - and it is precious. Today she was sleeping in my arms and I was on the phone with a friend...when I laughed she made the sweetest giggly face - it was awesome. She is quite curious, yet so peaceful at the same time. Even when she was born she had her eyes wide open when they laid her on my chest. Checking me out and quietly looking for love from the beginning. She especially gets a kick out of her daddy when he reads to her and talks to her on his lap after work. She is an amazing sleeper - (which of course caused us a little freaking out at first!:), and only seems to scream when she's hungry...which is why we're definitely thankful we figured out early on that she wasn't quite getting enough to eat with just what I was able to give her. I am praying hard that won't always be the case. She loves being swaddled, she enjoys car rides and walks in the stroller, and she loves being held close and rocked. When her tummy hurts she prefers daddy's special football hold.
I love everything about this little girl...and I'm still getting to know her. It is quite amazing how quickly it's hard to remember life without her. Pregnancy feels like a million years ago. Can you believe all that time I had a little girl growing inside me?? I certainly didn't know or was never really honest about how much I have always wanted a daughter...until I had one. We adore having a little girl...and since it's still pretty new to me I have moments of seeing something cute or girly and getting excited about the fact that I'm part of that world now too!! About pregnancy...I did love it so much...I felt so good with my baby belly all the way to the very end. That has definitely been confirmed now that I'm left with my post baby body...funny how it doesn't matter if you lose 18 lbs in the week or two after giving birth - what remains certainly begs for some serious work, and the leftover pounds hang on for dear life! :) Now that I can see my thighs again I'm reminded of them too. Ha. Totally worth it of course. And the several stretch marks I didn't get until the last few weeks but that will be with me forever will always be a beautiful reminder of the special season God was knitting Selah together. That was an amazing time...and life with sweet Selah in my arms is even more so.
New baby days are not all daisies and roses, don't get me wrong. (And I'd be happy to talk in more detail about those dandelions if you'd like to email me and chat about it. :) Today is actually the first day I have my mind and thoughts together as much as I do! I certainly have had my fair share of irritability and emotional breakdowns. (Kevin has learned quickly not to say much when I'm pumping. Ha.) And I've quickly grown a mother's heart as I'm often overcome with an overwhelming desire to make every right decision for my daughter. This is truly a new season and time to live in and offer grace. All that said, I do choose to focus more on the daisies than the dandelions. Because when God does an amazing work like creating new life, it is too powerful and priceless to miss. For me, it's years and years of dreaming and praying coming true. Ironically, just like I said in my last post before I had my sweet girl, this is a time to "savor and be still." And to once again give God the glory for what He has done.
"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."Psalm 127:3 NASB
I will share soon about her name and her crazy amazing birth story...I just had to get my heart out before too many days go by!
Look who God has graciously and abundantly blessed us with...our precious and prayed for Baby Love,
who is a beautiful, amazing daughter!
I'm excited to finally introduce you to...
Selah Page
7 lb 4 oz.
20 1/2 in.
9:48 am
9-8-11
(I wore this dress as a newborn...it was her coming home outfit!)
We are in love and consumed with our sweet Selah girl. Delivering and meeting her was the most powerful experience of my life by far. I can't wait to share the birth story, the inspiration for and meaning behind her name, and the beginning of our adventure together with you! Thank you for your prayers...God is so faithful and we give Him all the glory for this new life!!!
I have to be honest with you...you already know how ridiculously excited I am to meet this baby...but I'm really finding great peace and joy in this "waiting for baby" process. The first day or two felt weird, like I was "late" for something, the next couple days felt like bonus free time, and now I'm in the "savor and be still" stage. (Though I have my moments...particularly when the dreams get weirder and WAY more real! :)
Today I strapped on my more supportive Teva sandals and enjoyed an hour long walk (without waddling!) with Chai on our favorite trail. I savored the fascination of this full term baby snuggled and squished in my belly, being rocked to sleep with every step, and as physically close to my heart as he or she will ever be. I was overwhelmed in amazement that in a matter of weeks, (prayerfully!), I could be pushing this very baby in stroller, having to take breaks to make sure he or she is warm enough, fed enough, or changed. Even when it feels slow, life happens so quickly. So I certainly don't want to miss right now.
I was able to do some great thinking and reflecting about the times in my life I've had to endure the waiting...or the times of waiting others in my life are enduring right now. It's crazy how stories of others' experiences can at times be overwhelming when you're in the thick of pregnancy craziness...but now, when strangers ask me when I'm due and I tell them last Wednesday, their stories are actually the comforting ones, as so many tell me how long they had to wait! Makes me feel a little more normal, instead of like I'm missing the party or something.:)
Isn't it difficult at almost all stages of life to wait?? As children we struggle with waiting our turn, or sacrificing our own instant gratification for that of another, and waiting on our parents when they say, "Not now." (Actually, this is kind of true of adults too...yikes!) As teens we just want to grow up, be respected, be included, be loved. We think if we could just get out of that stage of life we'd get there. Then, if you're me, you go to college and wait to be pursued, or "wait" for all your dreams to come true and prayers to be answered. Sure, we try to follow God's lead and take the appropriate action steps, but often our hearts still feel like they're enduring the elevator music when we've been put on hold on the phone. Then we "wait" or endure the search for the just right job, or the next direction we're supposed to go. Or for the promised rental home you're waiting for while pregnant with your first child. Pray and wait, pray and wait...it can start to feel quite rhythmic if it lasts long enough.
But today, like so many times before, God convicted me with the richness that's to be found in the waiting process. It's the finite, one piece of the puzzle principle. We can and will only ever be able to see small pieces of the puzzle at a time, until it is complete and we can view with God the whole picture. Though often, when it is complete, it's a masterpiece and we feel silly for freaking out and throwing our tantrums because we couldn't see it sooner.
There's no doubt those times can be incredibly tough and pain-filled, sometimes demanding moments of grieving over unmet expectations or the loss of the ideal while we're in the throws of the wait. Times when it just doesn't make sense this side of Heaven, and it feels more than we can bear. Especially when it comes to waiting to conceive, longing to be married and have a family, waiting for a loved one to be healed, or waiting for healing yourself. This is when we cry out to God from our depths and have to get real honest with our desperate need for His peace that passes all understanding. I completed a bible study on Exodus this year called God-Seeker. At one point, after highlighting the amazing verse that says Moses changed God's mind when He became angry and wanted to destory the people who had turned from Him, (Exodus 32:14), she asks the reader, "Who are you storming the gates of Heaven for?" This entire pregnancy I have been more drawn than ever to "storm the gates of Heaven" for so many. Like little Kate McRae who is only 7 years old yet has battled a brutal and awful cancer for two years. Or my blog friend Amy, who has also battled this ugly disease for a year now, yet has remained so faithful and honest with her almighty God. And now a family friend and co-worker of Kevin's who recently began his fight with what seems like an ugly and unfair cancer diagnosis. And a family member who has been desperate to conceive another child, praying for God to hear their requests as they long to add to their family for His glory. The stories could go on and on...the waiting can seem and feel awful and heartbreaking. So gut-wrenching and difficult for any of us to make any sense of.
Our pastor shared a great quote a couple Sundays ago during his sermon on prayer. He said something like, "We shouldn't make requests of God when we're not willing to also take action ourselves." I have thought about this over and over, particularly when I am sharing my petitions with God and have to question what I could be doing to be available for Him to use in order to answer the request. Like if I see or hear about people who are hurting and am immediately compelled to call out to Jesus on their behalf. I now also start reflecting on how He might be wanting to use me to bring comfort. Though I know I must choose to be willing and take action.
I will never forget the moment my persepective on "waiting for a husband" changed pretty dramatically. I had longed to be a wife and mom my whole life, and I felt like it was what I was created to do. I prayed and surrendered over and over, and I believed God placed that desire in my heart and wanted to answer my requests. But I couldn't see far enough in front of me to really get it. So I kept making choices and looking at my life in my early and mid twenties in terms of, "Well, in 2 years I'll probably be married, so I should or shouldn't choose this." And I'm even talking little stuff like buying a set of dishes, new silverware, (instead of using my mom's old), or investing in the comforter cover I really wanted. (Bright colored multi-striped!) I would think, "Well I wouldn't want to get something my husband wouldn't like, so I'll just wait." Crazy!! This is the perfect, (even if seemingly ridiculous) example of fixating on only a small piece of the puzzle. I think I was about 24 or 25 when this realization dawned on me, and I immediately decided to take a different course of action. I decided to savor the moment and live now. I bought a set of white IKEA dishes that I loved, and the comforter cover and shams, (and pink sheets!) from The Company Store I had really been wanting, so I could finally make my bed and decorate like an adult. And wouldn't you know it...3 or 4 years after that, God brought the amazing man He had for me into my life and we got married. And up until last week we have used that bright striped comforter cover! Ha! Turns out it didn't even matter! (Don't worry, I have worked hard to create a sacred space for us - without that cover - in this new home. :) Also, we are still using and love those white IKEA dishes as our only set. We didn't even register for dishes because of them!
Those might be minor and silly examples, but they will always be a huge lesson for me. During the years I was feeling the most discouraged about wanting to be married, Kevin was not even yet a Christian. I wouldn't have even considered him as a potential husband. Yet today he is a phenomenal and God-seeking man. God has done a powerful and amazing work in his life, and I am changed so grateful for it! He leads our family well, disciples others as his job, and is more than I could have ever asked for or imagined....and I asked for and imagined a lot!
What's on my heart that motivated this post is this: God is sovereign and we are not. He is our Creator and we are His creation. He loves us more than we can imagine, but while on earth, we will never not be small and human. He knows how the puzzle fits together and why. We would be foolish not to trust. Which reminds me, we also just recently had to make a tough decision about my job. Very long story, but at the end of the day, we prayed and were at peace with me making the difficult decision to walk away, regardless of the potential for circumstantial fear that might pose. Wouldn't you know it, a few days after that decision was made on our part, the family took a new position and relocated to California! Ha! Thank you God for confirmation of that decision.
It amuses me how theoretical and analytical we can get about life...and it must amuse God how often we try to understand and explain the details of why things are the way they are...rather than surrender and savor what He has for us in the middle of it. Which is what I'm doing now. I don't know when this sweet baby will come. But I know he or she will. I don't know what he or she will look like...but I guarantee you I'll say this baby is the most beautiful creation I've ever laid eyes on. I don't know how labor and delivery will go, but God has known since He started knitting this baby together. I do know that I have confidence in Christ, I trust Him, and I am praying fervently to Him about the whole process. Even when it's hard, I know He is in control and I just can't be. I am praising Him for the depth and richness He has given me while reflecting during these "extra days" of waiting. The Israelites wandered and waited in the desert for 40 years. And not without grumbling and wanting to give up, I might add. Sometime I'll have Kevin do a guest post on how much God has taught him during these 9 months through that story. If they had known what the Promised Land would behold, don't you think the waiting would have been so much easier? But then again, they would have never had to trust. They would have missed out on seeing the magnificent beauty of God's provision and answered promises...and they would have missed that He is to get all the glory.
Check out this admittedly heavy but ridiculously rich quote I just found in C.S. Lewis' article or sermon, The Weight of Glory, referring to how we think about God and how He thinks about us:
"In the end that Face which is the delight or the terror of the universe must be turned upon each of us either with one expression or with the other, either conferring glory inexpressible or inflicting shame that can never be cured or disguised. I read in a periodical the other day that the fundamental thing is how we think of God. By God Himself, it is not! How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important. Indeed, how we think of Him is of no importance except in so far as it is related to how He thinks of us. It is written that we shall “stand before” Him, shall appear, shall be inspected. The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God...to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness...to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is." WOW. (I just came across this, but will be reading it and reflecting on it so much more!! I can hardly wait to read the whole sermon!)
My doctor just left for vacation today. Much of the reason we chose this doctor is because she does whatever it takes to deliver each and every one of her own patients. Yet when she hesitatingly told me last week this might happen, it surprisingly didn't phase me a bit. For whatever reason, it seemed like I knew it was coming. God has done a real work in my heart during this pregnancy, squeezing out any desire of mine to be in control. I am constantly reminded that He is everything, and I am nothing without Him. And Kevin has reminded me, we have prayed the whole time, and God knew this scenario and how it would play out from the beginning. I've been reminded that my faith, hope, and trust for the growth and delivery of this baby has never been in the doctor...it is in God alone. That is the only way that He gets what He deserves...all the glory.
So my encouragement to you while you wait...or while others seem to be anxiously waiting for you ;)...give him all the glory, right where you are; be grateful and savor whatever He has to teach you in the unknown. I pray you'll be joy-filled in simply knowing that you are delighted in by the One who made you. And when the tears come because it seems too painful to bear...let them fall. That's often when our Hero and his love shines the most.
LOVE this song!! This summer our church did a beautiful service centered around the message of this song. Hope you are encouraged and uplifted on this beautiful Sunday!
So what does a pregnant lady do when she's overdue?? She embraces what I'm affectionately referring to as "extra recess." While I know meeting this little baby will be more fun than I can imagine, I am definitely choosing to make the most of this "overtime" Kevin and I are sharing. As two people who tend to have plenty to do last minute, (I'm trying not to call us procrastinators:), a few or more extra days doesn't hurt. Also, while many of you might start telling me to walk like crazy, unfortunately my first injury of the pregnancy just came on a few days ago...the ball of my foot throbs pretty excruciatingly when I walk on it. Probably the result of carrying around an extra 25 or so pounds and wearing sandals with horrible support all summer. Anyway, walking isn't currently easy. But here's a list of some other fun ways we're spending on time waiting on God's exciting and perfect timing:
* Enjoying a "date-a-day" with Kevin, eating at our favorite places and getting out and about. So far we've had an amazing dinner, an awesome breakfast, and a dessert night. We are trying to plan some other favorites for each day...a pre-baby bucket list...we'll see how far we get. :)
* Lots of pre-baby pool time for the pregnant lady. SO.MUCH.FUN. All summer I've embraced the peaceful times I've spent reflecting, reading, and praying while floating in the pool. I just love being in the water. Kevin and I had it all to ourselves for about an hour and a half tonight while the sun was going down. I hated to even get out. We have made many fun memories the last couple summers enjoying great talks and swimming together in the pool. Also, I haven't exactly mentioned that the place we just moved to is a patio home community...a.k.a...the average age of the residents is probably older than our parents. :) But let me tell you, that makes for some FUN conversation with the afternoon ladies. I was blessed to hear some great stories yesterday, including the tales of the dancing they do often with their hubbies...the waltz and polka...LOVE IT. So sweet. And of course they are so excited about the baby...they especially loved that I was taking it easy for a few hours at the pool when I could be having a baby at any moment.
*A trip to the mall - I'm having that last minute anxiety over wondering if I have just the right outfit for a boy or girl - so silly, I know. Another result of not knowing what this sweet one is and freaking out about not being prepared. At least I know I'm acting crazy. And we did not buy anything...but it was therapeutic to look.
*Catching up on all the new mommy reading I haven't yet finished in all my preparations.
*Reading non-'new mommy' books...like "One Thousand Gifts." I've had it all summer, but have yet to finish it. Such an amazing book to draw you to live in gratitude as a first resonse. I know it's well known in the blog world, I've just been slow going in getting it read!
*Replenishing my makeup and maybe throwing in a new sparkly illuminating powder from Sephora...to try to stretch the prego glow to new baby days. Ha ha.
*Praying, praying, praying and journaling. I am daily surrendering my fears, praying for courage and peace, praying through some powerful scriptures, and praising God for this amazing time leading up to holding my little one.
*Sharing some sweet conversations with my husband about the 3 yrs. we've enjoyed leading to this special new time, and talking about our hopes and prayers for our marriage and family. And dreaming about who God has created this little one to be...so exciting!!!
*Resting at home, enjoying the quiet, and icing my foot. :) Also spending time in the nursery getting excited and thinking about my future plans for it...and being patient with myself. I've also managed to squeeze a couple loads of laundry here and there. Notice my "nesting" doesn't exactly have me running for the dust bunnies!
Who knows what tonight or tomorrow will bring?! Until then, we'll just keep living to the full our last days before being parents FOREVER. Can you tell transitions are a big deal to me?! ha. Such an adrenaline rush of trust...exciting!
Well, my due date has now come and gone...and we still wait on sweet little Baby Love. He or she is still cookin'! I had a great day today, starting with journaling and reading my Bible on the porch. I read some awesome passages in Psalms 77 and 78. Everything seems to carry more significance during this time of preparing and praying. I did have just a few weary moments of "due date discouragement," thinking okay NOW I'm finally ready...but still dealing with the unknown.
We did go to the doctor and she gave me 2 cm today. Of course still not a good predictor of anything, but I'll take it! Then I had myself quite the fun time at Sephora, playing with all the new products and fun, sparkly beauty goodness. Who knows when I will be doing that again!? Next Kevin and I used a gift card and enjoyed a yummy celebration dinner...the server was awesome and surprised us with the most amazing slice of chocolate cake to celebrate this milestone. After that we headed to Starbucks and Target, completed our "prepare for hospital" list, and came home to take some due date photos, Chai included. :) I'll have to share those later, as I can only blog on my phone tonight. I thought I would end this special day with a letter to my little Love bug.
Dear sweet Baby Love,
Your mommy and daddy are ready and excited, praying for God's perfect timing to bring your precious and priceless life into the world. What joy you have brought us already, watching you grow from a poppyseed into a squirming little pumpkin. It has been the most special experience of my life to feel you grow, move and live inside my womb. So many scriptures have become more powerful and alive since you were conceived. Never doubt God's unfailing love for you, sweet child of mine. He has knit you together and carried you to this time, hours or days from completing his masterpiece. Always know that He will never be finished with you though. You are about to embark on an amazing adventure as a creation of the King, and a powerful process of being shaped by love, defined and refined by grace. Your daddy and I are committed to rely on the God who made you to show us the way in raising, teaching, leading, and loving you well. I'm already amazed and changed by your life, and we haven't even looked into each other's eyes yet. I pray we do soon. I already want to hold you, protect you, and be changed forever by my love for you. My heart beats faster at the thought. You are a real life dream come true for me. For as long as I can remember, since I was an itty bitty girl playing mommy to my own favorite dolls for hours on end, I hoped and longed for the day when my own real life baby I would hold. Then God blessed me with many years of caring for the sweet little ones of others, which brought me so much joy, yet still left me longing. While those experiences taught me so much, each child I was blessed to know and love only increased my desire for you. The many times of waiting and wondering were often difficult, but it was all so worth it, as we're on the brink of meeting you. The reality of you has already been more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.
I love that you seem to wake up moments after I do each morning, as crazy as it seems to me. I also love that you seem to respond to the worship music I love and sing so much. One of our favorite songs has been "Praise the King" by Cindy Morgan. That is exactly what I want to do every time I feel your life inside me. If we've learned anything this pregnancy, (and we've learned a lot!), it's to be still and trust God. I pray you will trust Him with your whole heart and life. He will never leave you or stop loving you...He adores the beautiful child He's worked so hard to create with care. The verse God gave your daddy the other day is one we are taking into the delivery room...Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.". I ache, long, and pray to have a gentle and quiet spirit, one that ruthlessly and fearlessly trusts in my almighty Maker. I'm listening to our "hospital worship playlist" and I just listened to a song I will sing to you and we will pray for our family often-
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."
You are already a light for the whole world to see, and we give God all the glory for every ounce of you and every moment of this experience. Oh, how He loves us!!! And we love you so much Baby Love. My heart is overflowing with joy because I get to be your mom for life. Your daddy and I treasure the unbelievable gift you are, and we thank the Lord many times a day for your little life! We're so excited to meet you, my amazing firstborn. In God's beautifully perfect timing we soon will!!! I love that you already know the sound of my heart and can hear how it beats with joy for you. Holding you will be one of the sweetest moments of my life. Until then, I will continue to embrace and enjoy you in my womb. I pray we have many amazing days in the adventure that awaits us together in this life. The beginning of you has already been one of the greatest adventures ever, your daddy and I would both agree. We also know that this is just the beginning of so much to come.
You are forever deeply loved by us...but even more loved by the One who made you. I pray you have eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that seeks how wide and deep and high His love is for you. Seek and you will be sure to find Him. I pray you are forever courageous to let your light shine for Him.
Whether minutes, hours, or days, my arms long and wait for you...we are beyond excited to get to know you!
Well good grief, where has the time gone my abandoned bloggy friends!!?? The tummy tells the answers, I'll tell you that much! :) Wow, it all comes down this last month - just when you think you're going to get by without waddling, stretch marks, needing an extra push to get out of bed, a big appetite, sleepless nights...pretty much all those symptoms they tell you about in your "What To Expect" emails come along right at the end! I sure enjoyed my 8 months of denial and naivete though, I'll tell you that much! :)
Our 39 week doctor's appt. Will we have another one this Wednesday??
So I'm still here, no baby yet, still embracing all things pregnancy. If the first half of my pregnancy was crazy, so has been the second. Our second car ended up dying about two months after the first, (which died on my way home from my first baby shower), and we have officially gone almost a month driving different cars loaned to us by gracious, amazing friends at different times. Wow. God is amazing with His provisions as always. And on the day that picture was taken in front of the cabin, (July 17th), we actually had just moved all our stuff out and were on our way over to move back in with the sweet and gracious couple who had taken us in for 9 weeks at the beginning of my pregnancy. And shortly after that photo was taken I found myself in the parking lot at Starbucks with my Bible having one of a handful of "weep fests," those times where you just have to let the tears flow and surrender all you've been holding in. I love the verse God gave me on that day too. "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19
Kevin was out of town one night last week so my mom came and my brother surprised me by coming as well! Fun 39 week pre-baby memories made!! :)
He will no doubt be a fabulous and FUN uncle!
After church at 38 weeks
Kevin miraculously fixed the washer after it endured some pain through all the different moves it endured. This was a proud day for my handsome hubby!!
And a new thing He has certainly done. I am happy...or should I say OVERJOYED to say that as of a week and a half ago, we have a place to call HOME. It is so wonderful. Also, as of TODAY, we have decided on and bought a car! Whew...what a process. I might win the prize for being closest to my due date before I have the car seat installed. It's all been such a long road, but so worth the wait. Last night a handful of friends from church came over to pray over our home and me for the labor and delivery, and it was a special, wonderful, powerful experience. God has humbled me a million times over during this pregnancy. Kevin and I have cried and prayed, fought and laughed, felt filled with hope and have honestly struggled with serious anxiety at times. Yet we have held fast to the truth that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He is for us. He is not afraid of our emotions, and He can certainly handle whatever we dish out. :) And He has known what He's had in store for us all along...no matter how long it's felt like to us. It has all been a priceless experience that we never would have sought after, but we know God will use forever in our family, our lives, and our ministry.
My mom brought baby clothes that my brothers and I wore!! Can you say sweet, sentimental take home outfits?! She has been AMAZING in helping me to prepare, praying for this process, and sharing in our joy!
About the abandoned blog...I have no good reasons. I honestly think this road leading to motherhood has been such a huge emotional and mental experience for me that it's been hard to put into words. Or maybe I've just avoided coming face to face with the depth of the experience and being able to write it down?? I also obviously can't seem to work out a short blog post...so I know it will be an investment of time. Who knows. Today I made myself come to church to get on the internet, (because we don't have it yet), and this might sound funny...but if I have to choose between going somewhere to get online for an hour or two and going home to be with Chai, I'll choose him and home every time. I will find my way back and get my blogging groove on though...especially now that I have our big comfy red chair out of storage as my place to sit and surrender my thoughts again. AND I will surely be more consistent because very soon I will have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful baby to reveal!!! We are SO ready to find out if this is a boy or girl!!! (The guesses are about 50/50...I'm clueless and will be shocked either way!) Because we've had names picked out for both for a long time, and we've referred to either/or for a long time, I kind of feel like I should be having twins! Yikes! :)
Look at that belly...I mean baby!!! Can't wait to meet you little Love!
I have truly embraced every day of the privilege of carrying this precious child, and I praise God each and every time I've felt this sweet Baby Love move. The heat has been hard, but the dresses and tan have been great. The emotions have been crazy, but the tears have been refreshing. Motherhood started for me at the beginning of this adventure, having to surrender this child that I know is ultimately God's, but He is graciously allowing me to hold as my own. I know every day I have to trust Him with his or her life, and I can only imagine how much greater the magnitude of that will be once I hold this little one in my arms!! I can honestly say while I've loved being pregnant, I'm ready to be a mom. God has made beautiful things out of all the years He asked me to wait and pray for the dream to come true of having a family of my own. And I am so thankful that He's choosing now to bring those dreams to life.
Tired mommy, finished crib...the night before 39 weeks.
Super excited Daddy putting together the crib!
My sweet, furry first born! Get ready for some fun Chai!!!
To any frantic pregnant women, take it from me when I encourage you to simply be still. Psalm 46:10 is one of my favorite verses in the Bible, a huge inspiration for one of our names, and what has carried me through many days of this journey. "Be still and know that I am God." I finally packed my hospital bag at 37 weeks, we didn't have a nursery until I was almost 38 weeks pregnant, and we put the crib up a day before I was 39 weeks. The room still isn't finished...but I at least have the fabric ordered! Ha! As for all those projects...I am hoping to have them all done by the time the baby is 6 months old. ;)
This experience has proven to me over and over what really matters. And so little of what the world focuses on has much significance at all in light of eternity. But I am so thankful God allows us to delight in the little, fun, frivolous things...like elephant hampers, front facing bookshelves, and aqua colored paint! Ooooh...speaking of which - after months of deliberating and obsessing, I LOVE the color. Which, for a perfectionist like me, is a huge blessing. (Because I certainly wasn't going to ask my husband to repaint it...no matter what!!) I am trying to make myself wait to show you once I get it all put together. So be on the lookout around October or November. Ha ha. And you know I will insist on telling the untold stories, sharing the pictures, and filling in whatever I've forgotten, whether it's after the baby or not. I can't leave anything out, but I just can't fit it all in. :)
Okay, that's all for now...time to get back home and take a nap! I'll get back with you either a few times before....or not until the big reveal. Who's excited!?!? (My hand is enthusiastically raised!;) Thanks for sticking with me friends. Happy Monday!
I am 34 weeks pregnant....only 6 weeks away from meeting our sweet firstborn!!! (Unless God and the baby have other plans of course!) Wow. I don't know that I've ever been in a more reflective or emotional place in all my life. I am not feeling frantic, just overwhelmed with more emotions than I can count. I vascillate between being nervous in my head that I'm not ready, and knowing in my heart that so little of what I think needs to be done to "prepare" will really matter when he or she comes. Most of all, I am just so excited and in shock that all these years and months of waiting are about to result in the most amazing miracle ever. I am so thankful.
Pregnancy Fun Facts:
Size of baby: Apparently the size of the baby should be a large canteloupe. After the last several weeks of feeling my little wonder baby move, I now understand why these fruit shapes are so round. Because the little one obviously curls up in a ball several times a day. (Someone kindly reminded me where we get the term "fetal position." ha.) His or her little bum rears out at me in the same spot right above and to the left of my belly button. In the last couple of weeks it's gotten stronger and stronger. (Ouch!) I just can't get enough of feeling this baby move though - it's amazing.
Gender: It's hard to believe we've stayed so strong this long and are so close to finding out by meeting Baby Love. I will say it's been challenging though. Especially when others around us are finding out and planning accordingly. I spend an equal amount of time imagining life with both....and know either way will be just so precious and perfect. I honestly am completely torn...no secret feelings of what the baby might be! I will say that people over 25 generally guess boy, and those under 25 guess girl. I think that's funny. We'll see who gets it right - kids or adults!
Baby's Name: One thing that surprised me the most was how soon we felt complete peace and excitement about our names - all the way back around February. Being as indecisive as I am and dealing with some 'fear of commitment' issues, I always thought I'd be scrambling at the end. But when we got pregnant we began praying boldly and often that God would lead us to a meaningful name for our child. Kevin was so good about encouraging me to trust that He would. And He did - pretty quickly. Once we decided we didn't have a doubt in our minds. I can't wait to see which one we get to give our child!
By the way, the only person we've told is a sweet lady on the beach in Naples, FL when we were on our 'babymoon.' I was just aching to say them out loud to someone. And it was fun!! :) But right after she walked away Kevin starting saying, "Hopefully she doesn't search us out on Facebook and tell everyone!" Ha ha. A little crazy...considering she didn't even know our last name! That said, neither one of us know that we could do this again...we're starting to understand why people find out what they're having and tell their names early! :)
How I'm feeling: I can honestly say I've reached the point where I often get excited about rediscovering what it's like to live without some unusual aches and pains. My back has struggled off and on this pregancy...ever since that crazy flu and rib situation...and lately my legs ache like crazy when I get up in the morning. Also, my hips hurt - especially after significant lengths of sitting. And unless I'm in a highly air conditioned place or in the pool, the heat is finally starting to get to me and make me irritable. My patience has always been oddly affected, ever since the beginning and those crazy months of nauseousness. I'm still loving the pregnant belly though - I don't think it will ever not be fascinating to me! No pain or annoyance has ever even come close to outweighing my joy!
Cravings: I never really have been overcome by any one food this pregnancy. Aversions for sure, but mostly my appetite has been weird - not a lot of room in there I guess! I think I struggle to ever really know what I feel like eating...as evidenced by the fact that Kevin has pointed out I like to eat part of whatever he orders, which apparently I've never done before!
Other happenings: I had another fabulous baby shower and felt so very loved. My sisters-in-law and mother-in-law did an amazing job this past weekend celebrating little Baby Love and his or her upcoming arrival into our family. The generosity of others continues to bless and amaze me! Those pictures will fill up a whole post, so I will work on that soon! Also, we finally moved out of that log cabin. Charming on the outside, yes - but tiny, spidery, and way out in the boondocks at the heart of it. We are grateful for our memories there, but thankful to move on. We have moved back in with another family, hopefully on our final countdown to our own place. We have learned so much about all the things God seems to be teaching us over the last 9 months. We have been living in the land of waiting on the unknowns, but are trusting that the endurance, resilience, and fruit that can come from that is worth it. (Possibly one of the contributing factors making the unknown of what the baby is more difficult!) And it has all been incredibly humbling - because we have come face to face with how little we really need, how much we have, and how very much we have to be grateful for.
Also, we have been LOVING our childbirth class. We have learned so much so far and can't imagine going into this process without being prepared in this way.
What we are looking forward to: We are SO thrilled to soon see this sweet face God has been knitting together in my womb. I can't wait to feel his or her skin, kiss that little head, and whisper my love to sweet Baby Love. I feel like the second I hold this baby I will breathe the greatest breath of peace I've ever known...and exhale all that's been building up during this process. We are of course praying that he or she spends as much healthy time growing as possible in there. (Oh, and I'm really looking forward to trying out cloth diapers!!)
Scripture I'm focused on: "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
I just can't seem to stop posting this week. Ha. See, when I come back, I come back strong. :) It must be that nesting energy...hopefully not that "about to go into labor" turbo energy I hear about. Although my heart does beat way faster at the thought that we only have about 7 weeks left until our lives are changed for the better forever! Less than 50 days! My momminess instincts are getting intense. I can tell he or she is growing like crazy in there by the different places I'm starting to feel the movements. And I've got a strong one on my hands. It's not uncommon for me to find myself saying a random "Ouch!" when the little one really gets going. Just this morning it started to feel like a little certain someone is creeping those little feet up towards my ribs. Aren't you just dying to know what this little one will look like?! I sure am...last night my baby dreams picked up speed. I can hardly wait to see what they're like even closer! So how about a current belly pic??
So here I am today...33 weeks and 1 day!
One thing that hasn't changed is my egg shaped belly - it's been that way since the beginning and I think it's funny! I seriously love feeling like a mom in my pregnant body. I'm actually starting to feel like I'll miss it! The little one is just so transportable and the dresses are cute. Ha ha. And despite the heat, I am loving having a summer baby. Barefoot and pregnant for sure.
Last night I was once again watching YouTube videos of different cloth diaper reviews, and the g diaper newborn video totally made me cry! She had a brand new baby on there and it made me long to hold my own. I have held so many babies over the years and always dreamed and prayed one day I'd get to have my own. The reality of it is truly overwhelming and shocking to me now. My heart is overflowing with gratitude...I can't wait to snuggle little Baby Love and cry tears of joy over him or her. A real life dream come true. I'm sitting here crying just writing this!
Okay, okay, enough words - more pics! I really haven't done a fabulous job of keeping up to date with my baby belly on here. So in the next few days and weeks be sure that you'll probably get bombarded! I need to tell the whole story before little sweet one comes!
This is Kevin holding up the list we used to fill our "10 day emergency baby tub." Sometimes I think the nesting is hitting Kevin harder than me!
This is my older brother and I in Cincinnati last week for the North American Christian Convention. He is in Peru (South America) right now leading a mission's trip. It sounds like the driving up mountains is quite dangerous there, (based on his experience last year!), so please pray for his safety! And of course please pray for God to work in amazing ways while they're there! He's an amazing brother and an awesome friend.
This is Kevin and I at my grandma's for the 4th of July. 31 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. It was HOT.
My sweet grandma and I on the 4th of July. I had actually spent about 4 days before with her as she was in the hospital for fatigue and chest pains. Praise the Lord she is recovering and doing better! I once again entertained her with my insistence on sewing something with her while I was there. Speaking of which...
These are the bibs and one burp cloth I've made so far. I still have one bib left in progress. And to all those wondering...I will definitely be adding plenty of pink in the mix if it's a girl. I'm just choosing to stick with bright,cheery, and safe...completely neutral until I know for sure!
These are some of the cute clothes I got at my first shower - see, neutral can be very cute!! :) The red onesie on the right says, "mommy's little alarm clock." The bib in the middle says, "Star of Mommy's Blog." That will be true for sure. Love it!
This is a picture of my parents and I at about week 30. Yes, my dad is trying to be quite funny. Ha ha.
And of course I can't leave my little bro out - he has 2 sweet kids of his own and is excited
for me to join the club!
This was at 29 weeks - Kevin and I were housesitting and there's a putting green practically in the back yard. He was hitting some golf balls and the sky was awesome that night!
This pic is at the baby shower my friend Staci threw for me in my hometown this past weekend. 32 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. It was an awesome shower and a beautiful morning! The top pic is of my sister-in-law and niece, and the bottom is of childhood friends and my high school youth minister's wife. (Now also a friend! :)
Finally, here's one more pic that proves how very different a pregnant person can look depending on what they're wearing! Moral of the story - maternity clothes fit and flatter much better!
See, now you have proof that I'm as pregnant as ever! Thanks for your patience with the pics to prove it. :)
I do have a list of sewing/craft projects I have been working on for the baby's room as well. I have actually completed the bibs and just need to take some photos to share them with you! Here is the tutorial I used for that as well as some others I plan to use for my other creations.
I LOVE this baby quilt from Momfetti, and plan to use her pattern to attempt my first quilt!
Fabric covered framed corkboard
I've known I wanted to make framed corkboards for awhile. I also have a fun idea for using these other places when we have a home. How Does She offers a great tutorial for these.
Pennant Banner
These are all the rage right now, and I'm happy to jump on the bandwagon. So cute. Sandy a la Mode has a good tutorial for this!
Simple Crib Skirt
So far I feel most confident about following Gus and Lula's tutorial for a crib skirt, as I would like to make a simple, straight skirt for my baby's crib. I also like KdBuggie's tutorial. Now, there's always the ridiculously more simple "no sew" method offered by Young House Love!
Dot Mobile
I have loved this mobile for the longest time, and would love to create something like it. Sew She Sews made this and offers a great free tutorial.
Lined Curtains/Drapes
I'm also planning on making long curtains for the baby's room. (When I get a chance to measure the windows!) I'm definitely intimidated by this, but will certainly give it a shot. If I don't use a book I already have, here are some tutorials I've found:
Finally, the oh-so popular subway art. I would love to do something fun with a couple scriptures we pray for our little one. I love this bright piece and simple tutorial from once upon a {craft} time.
