A "Baby Love" First Birthday

I decided around Valentine's Day of this year, as super cute heart decor was popping up everywhere, that I wanted to do a "Baby Love" themed birthday for my sweet girl.  This seemed like an obvious choice as that had become my instant nickname for our little one, pretty much right after we found out we were pregnant.  I got a little overwhelmed with all the inspiration out there, but in the end we loved Selah's first special day, and had so much fun celebrating our firstborn.

The week of Selah's birthday my mom, Kevin and I managed to pull off what I felt was a sweet and simple party on what turned out to be a beautiful day in September.  Here are some of my favorite pics from our Selah girl's first birthday. (As I was posting these I realize I have way too many...I'll have to do a separate one for cute pics of the cousins and grandparents!)

I made a special banner for Selah - but we had to move locations at the last minute due to rain...so we lost our trees to hang it on. This photo is staged...our brothers are holding it up! :)

She wasn't too entirely interested in blowing out the candle...probably because she was fascinated by the crowd staring at her and cheering her on!

I made Selah a cake from the wholesomebabyfood.com website.  It

definitely tasted healthy.  Ha.

 

(This is Selah's cousin Braelyn...they share the same birthday!  Crazy and sweet:)

Special thanks to Kevin for being an awesome husband and daddy...

and for being patient with me during last minute party prep!

(My mom entertained the kids with balloon animals...she's the best!)

My grandma with Selah's cousins, Kaydance, Chase, and new baby Harper

Cousins Jallen and Jaxon watching Selah open presents

Selah was blessed with so many sweet gifts from family...and one from mommy and daddy...

Daddy handed us the "special pink box" we had wrapped...

This was a gift everyone especially liked...

 

We are so excited to announce Baby Love #2! (Due April 2013)

My family...

and Kevin's family.

We had a special blessing and prayer time for our birthday girl.

 Selah was happy and proud to stand and practice her walking for the crowd!

My mom bought this super cute seersucker dress for Selah in Franklin, TN during

our girls' week back in May.  I cut out and stitched the heart on it for the party.

Being silly with Papa Paul.

I could not have gotten everything done without my mom...

ESPECIALLY in light of my current condition. :)

So glad my grandma could make it!

Later that day Selah practiced for her new role...I think she'll do quite well. :)

 We love you Selah girl!  It has been our joy and honor to be your parents this very first year of your life...God has changed us forever through you, and we are so, so grateful.  We look forward to many more celebrations and memories made with you as we enjoy the adventure of our growing family!  You, my precious daughter are a treasure, and I'm thankful beyond words that I get to be your mommy.

Dear Selah (On your very 1st birthday)

Dear Selah, my sweet firstborn,

Today is your birthday!  Wow.  How can we be meeting this moment already?  It feels like I've spent the past year, the very first year of your life, wanting to pour myself into celebrating and savoring every precious moment our heavenly Father has graciously blessed us with.  I've constantly wondered if I'm taking enough photos, writing enough memories, or studying and learning about the person God made you to be with enough care.  Ultimately, I've had to learn more about grace than ever before - both receiving and giving it.

Your Daddy and I have had so much fun talking about and preparing for this day; a day filled with reflection and joy, taking in the most amazing privilege ever of being entrusted with the care of one of God's amazing daughters.  We have loved this journey so far sweet girl.  It has not been without trial (and error :), but it's been oh so wonderful.  I wanted to surprise you with pink balloons over your bed this morning...but of course, on par with my often hilariously imperfect life and plans, they lost their helium and were all on the ground when we woke up.  But we got you out of your crib at your first peep, and snuggled with you in bed, replaying our memories of each moment of the special day you were born.  We told you the story, laughed at all we went through, and marveled at how far we've come.  We recalled those first moments and hours of snuggling your tiny little body, saying through tears how so very much we loved you.  There is simply nothing like new life little one.  The greatest adrenaline rush of my life as well as the most profound peace I've ever felt came in those hours and days after you were born.  Now we've had one whole year of getting to know each other and grow together.  I feel like every moment today I've been thinking about what that moment was like just one year ago.  I have absolutely loved the first time mom emotions this year.  The absolute elation and pride that comes from watching you learn and discover something is powerful.  With making the choice to stay home and with only having one car for the past year, we have had so many simple, beautiful, quiet days together.  And I've loved it.  I'm so thankful for the stillness we've often enjoyed as I learn how to make a home and you've learned what it's like to have one.

This morning while you were eating breakfast, Daddy and I went back and forth about what to do for your party.  We planned it outside at a beautiful little park, but it rained all night last night and we just weren't sure what the weather would do.  But there was really no other place we wanted to do it.  And I, of course, being the mommy that you have, never really thought there would need to be a back up plan. ;)  Thankfully, your Daddy stayed positive and said we could make it work and would just hope the sun would shine brightly enough that everything would dry.  How beautifully blessed we were because it most certainly did.  We had the most wonderful time gathering with our families and celebrating you!  It turned out to be such a beautiful day, and it was just so much fun throwing you your very first party.  I had such fun with the details of your "Baby Love" themed birthday...and though it was simple, it felt beautiful and perfect.  We ate lunch, sang Happy Birthday and blew out your candle, took lots of pictures, opened presents, tried a little cake tasting, and had a short prayer time, thanking God for this year of your life and asking him to bless the one to come.  You also showed the family your new favorite skill of assisted walking!  How fast you are turning into a little girl is almost too much for me to take in all at once.  Your family loves you so much Selah.  We are so blessed by the relationships God has given us in this life.  After your party we went home and you took a great nap after playing with your cousins for a bit.  Daddy and I hung out with the family for the afternoon, and they left shortly after you got up.  Then we had a special little family time to close out your special day.

We wrapped and gave you your present from us...a baby Stella doll.  I absolutely loved and spent hours playing with dolls when I was little, so I always wanted to be the one to give you your first.  I've had it since Christmas and couldn't wait to give it to you.  You didn't disappoint. :)  You were excited about baby Stella and squeezed her tight once we got her out of the box.  I love that you seem to share some of my mommy heart.  I probably saw this doll for the first time 3 years ago and hoped so much to one day have a little girl to get it for.  Such a joy for me to give it to you this year.  After that, Daddy and I watched the video that Nana took of you being born and the moments afterward.  I have had it all year long but could never watch it until now.  And I cried...with tears that I didn't feel like wiping away because that day was so, so special and I am so unbelievably thankful.  I loved getting to relive it a little bit tonight.  Then we watched the beautiful dvd of photos from that day that our friend Tammy took and made for us....how so very precious to have those priceless moments captured.  It was so sweet when you heard your first little cries on the t.v...you stopped and were just staring.  One of my favorite moments that I didn't remember from when you were born, was when I looked down at you with a big smile and said, "This is going to be so much fun."  And I have to tell you Selah girl, those words have become so true.  We delight in having you for a daughter, and you will always be our first Baby Love.

Though I could write forever, I'll wrap up by sharing a few things we hope and pray for you in the days ahead of your sweet life.  Daddy and I pray for you daily baby girl, that you would grow to have the Holy Spirit inside you, that you would know and love Jesus as your Savior, and that you would have a passion for his Word and the way he calls us to love.  We are praying for ourselves, that God would so graciously lead us as parents, a role filled to the brim with such great responsibility.  We know we are desperate for his leading and guidance.  We pray that God would protect you and that you would know how very treasured you are.  We also pray that you would be a young girl and a woman of great faith and courage.  The Lord will certainly fight for you Selah girl, and we pray he would give you strength and wisdom as he reminds you that you're already victorious as you learn to fight for Him.  I pray that one day I can say with such peace and gratitude, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (3 John 1:4)  While it might seem like we have a long way to go, we want you to know that this is what drives our parenting each and every day.  This is why I feel a great and mighty weight, and have to rest in the arms of a graceful God through the process.  We will continue to make as many memories as possible, to savor each day, and praise God for giving us daily breath and life to share.  We absolutely love being a family...and though we are so far from perfect and often feel like the crazy ones, we are treasuring the unique story God is writing through our family.  And we absolutely treasure you Selah.  We love the way God made you, and we are embracing how quickly you continue to grow. 

A final thought before I end this first birthday letter to you.  While this past year has given me more crazy joy than I can sometimes take in, there has also been extreme pain that has been endured...moments that have reminded us powerfully that this world is not our home.  And honestly Selah girl, that's what I want you to know and hold onto more than anything.  We were not created for this earthly place.  There is so much more that awaits us for eternity when we walk with the Lord and offer ourselves completely to Him.  He created us and he knows us.  I know you will have pain in this life...and it will absolutely break my heart as your mother to see that.  But this year has reminded us more than ever that we have to hold unswervingly onto our hope in Christ alone.  We have to offer the hope and gift of having life and having it to the full to everyone God directs us to share it with.  Because while we rejoice and celebrate joyful days like today, this is nothing compared to the celebration that awaits us in heaven, when our Father, who is the most amazing Daddy, welcomes us home and into his arms.

These are my words for you baby girl, on this 1st birthday, your very special day.  So many tears were shed throughout my first 27 years of life, as I longed to know the joy of being a mother, and never knowing how that story would unfold.  And I simply love how it has.  I am truly amazed.  God's timing is so perfect...and if I had only known all those crazy years what the joy of knowing you would be like, how different my perspective would have been.  I am so thankful for the blessing of your Daddy, and that I get the honor of loving and parenting alongside him.  Happy 1st Birthday sweet Selah girl.  We are so looking forward to the new memories that will prayerfully be made in the years ahead.  We love you SO much.

Love, Mommy and Daddy  
September 8, 2012

(A detailed birthday pic post is coming next!!)

This song is so perfect to me for this post...

Dear Selah (On the night before your birthday)

My sweet Selah girl,
Can I tell you how crazy it feels to be sitting outside your door, listening to you breathe, remembering that 1 yr. ago right now I was falling into the deepest sleep of my life, after almost 30 hrs. of labor, still praying through tears that you’d come soon and safely. The most amazing experience of my life by far was the one that brought you into the world. Now we’ve made it to today, a day filled with preparations for your big day tomorrow. A day we celebrate this beautiful life God has created in you, and praise him for the amazing memories we’ve made so far this past year. I am truly overwhelmed. Today after getting a dozen pink balloons to surprise you with tomorrow morning, tears started flowing as I drove them home and they blocked my view in the backseat. I just became so overcome with gratitude that I get to be your mom…that I get to experience the joy of having a daughter... that I get to buy pink balloons for my little girl. That our loving Father in heaven answered one of my deepest lifelong prayers when you were born. And baby girl, I delight in you. I am fascinated by how God made you…and I love your details. I am drawn closer to your daddy and to your heavenly Father because of you. Seeing you smile and knowing joy has introduced a whole new kind of joy to my own heart.

I’ve spent so much of today reflecting as I’ve crafted, cooked, and created for tomorrow. Nana helped with a lot of preparations and I asked her to make the recipe that’s called the “Best cupcakes Ever,” because I wanted to be able to tell you someday how excited I was about your first birthday. For the first time in my life, I truly understand why my own mother has loved celebrating her children’s birthdays with such enthusiasm and attention to detail. That is now what I desire to do too. Your Daddy has also been busy with preparations and excitement to celebrate you, and has encouraged me and all my crazy plans. We are having so much fun honoring the lovely little life God gave you.

It has been a joy to get to know you this past year Selah. Hours and hours have been spent snuggling you, playing with you, teaching you, feeding you, laughing with you, being amazed by you. So far it seems you truly love life. We continue to pray that the fruit of the Spirit would be evident in you and that you would love Jesus most of all. I have so much more to say tomorrow, on my firstborn’s first birthday…but I couldn’t close my eyes tonight without telling you how excited I am to be your mom. How I love you in a way you won’t even understand until you have your own first baby. (And we pray now that someday you will know that joy.) I could sit here all night and listen to you breathe, because I am just so thankful for every breath the Lord gives you. We will make a big memory tomorrow Selah girl. And tomorrow, on your very first birthday, I will write more of my heart to you. But for tonight, I say sleep tight little one…I can’t wait to greet your beautiful, contagious smile in the morning.

10 and 11 months!

  (I wrote this a long time ago, but just added the pictures so I'm just now posting, but back dating!)
 

Oh my, how many times I have thought to sit and write the memories of these months down...now I'm racing to finish before our baby girl takes those first steps!  She's oh so close.  I rocked Selah and sang to her before putting her to bed tonight, which was such a treat, as Daddy often does it. I sang our whole list of songs, including "Baby Mine," and thought of how true those words will always be no matter how big my sweet girl gets.

I remember when Selah turned 10 months and I thought - wow, she has changed so much this past month!  Then 11 months came and I look back and think she just grew and grew more into quite the little girl.  This past month often feels like a blur.  Just this morning at breakfast I looked at her as she so carefully put one cheerio at a time in her mouth and chewed it up...and thought about how much she is starting to look like a 1 yr. old.  So incredible.  Almost immediately after she turned 9 months I found her one day in her crib sitting up and clapping!  It was the neatest thing for me to see, as it was the first time she got into a sitting position on her own and clapped by herself.  I loved it.  What a blessing it is to watch your child grow and discover.  So amazing.  Shortly after that I found her pulling herself up to standing in her crib.  I am convinced that babies learn everything in their cribs. ;)  Plenty of alone time to practice!  Now it's hard for me to remember when she would play in there after naps without being able to sit up or pull herself up to stand and holler for us to get her out!  Right around this time she also seemed to go quickly from 2 to 4 to 6 teeth!  She's held steady with 6 for awhile now.  Those days seem like forever ago as we now almost have a walker!

Selah has started doing several new things in the last two months....like following me around and being able to find me by my voice.  She loves it when I get on my hands and knees and crawl towards her...she hurries right up to me, giggling all the way.  She is super ticklish, just like her daddy.  She does make you work for a laugh though, but it's totally worth it.  She is also our little pointer.  I'm trying to figure out if this is something I do a lot when I'm being silly, but it's so funny how she points at you and smiles when she's happy to see you or is just being cute.  She loves to sort clothes and cloth diapers, moving them from one side of her to another, seeming so serious and intent about it.  It's hilarious.  She's a big fan of these little plastic balls we have, and just recently likes to crawl around with something in at least one hand, often two.  Wooden puzzles are a favorite of hers as well, and even though we only have two right now, she's fascinated with the pieces and wants to play with these nearly every day. She also remains such a fan of books.  Her attention span has grown enough that she'll sit and be interested while you read a short book...as long as it's somewhat entertaining.  Her main focus now is turning those board book pages...she can't get enough of that!  She also enjoys her shape sorter toys, and loves turning those little plastic shapes in her hands.  And she's really interested in any toys that make noise.  Like the adorable little tea set her Nana got for her.  I personally love how well-mannered the little British teapot is as she says, "More please!" and "Why thank you!"  So cute.

Something else sweet Selah has learned...how to throw a bit of a fit.  It's pretty amazing at first, I have to say.  Kevin and I always cheer each other on to remain calm and firm.  I'm not going to deny that I've had a few, "I'm the mom, I'm the mom" silent self reminders run through my head when I need some encouragement.  And if you act like it doesn't phase you it only lasts a few seconds for now.  Today in the bookstore was one of those times I decided teaching her that she doesn't always get what she wants was more important than caring about what anyone thought around me!  Kevin and I were just mentioning today about how we need to reread the Duggers' "Twenty Kids and Counting" book - one of our favorites.  Kevin Lemen's "First Time Mom" is another one we've found helpful. 

She's also a little danger to herself on our photo shoots, especially if they're on a chair.  At 10 months it was the first time I had to have Kevin assist me so she didn't crawl right off onto her head!  We definitely spent a lot of time swimming in the month of June, and I've enjoyed being able to get exercise while kicking up and down the pool and pushing her around in her little float.  Though this past month I started sitting her on the side, counting to 3, and having her "jump" to me.  Now she practically spins herself around like she wants to swim to the side and I have to hold on tight.  She wants to do this over and over, or stand on the steps and play with toys.  Miss Independent.

I love how Selah acts shy and puts her head down while smiling if someone smiles at her in public.  And she still loves the nursery at church.  She seems to be a pretty flexible and social gal so far, which I'm thankful for considering we spend a lot of time at home.  She is making all kinds of sounds now, "talking" to her stuffed animals, and "reading" her books, and sometimes looking at us and having so much to say.  Though the only discernible words still remain "mama" and "dada" though they're not intentional enough that she's calling it out from her crib just yet.  Oh, and between 9 and 10 months she started "dancing" to music, which is the best thing ever.  We crank up our worship playlists on the ipod and she starts smiling and bouncing....so cute.  Selah also remains a fan of bathtime, which is also storytime.  Daddy often enjoys sharing this time with her, especially if it's been a long day for me.  Between 9 and 10 months we stopped using the newborn insert, which I delayed as long as possible, though she was hanging off the end.  Now she sits in the bottom of it, playing happily with her toys and getting frustrated when we refuse her desire to stand up in there.  That's something new that we're trying to squelch pretty quickly. :)

Selah also quickly increased her enjoyment of lots of foods after that 9 month blog post.  She still prefers baby food which I'm trying to slowly transition out of, (as I can't say I love making it - though it's totally cost effective!), and she loves puffs, cheerios, and graham crackers.  She seems to be a fan of all veggies and fruits except for peas, she likes rice and oatmeal cereal, and really wishes I would let her eat an apple whole.  The girl also loves herself some shredded cheese.  We are still somewhat messy eaters at times, and Selah still faithfully shares with her puppy dog Chai.

In the past couple months Selah also transitioned from the army crawl to the regular crawl, only reverting to the army style if she wanted to move super quickly.  Though now she is speedy on her hands and knees.  Just yesterday and today she stood on her own for the first time, almost not even realizing it.  Of course then we get so excited and she gets really proud of herself, then laughs when she falls down.  Two Sundays ago after church was the first time she felt big enough and heavy enough that I thought I should be able to put her down and she should walk.  It was such a crazy feeling.  I haven't had it since, but I must have been extra tired and had my hands full that morning!  Though I know only too soon that will actually be true!  In the past couple weeks she's begun to hold on and walk along things.  I'm not really one who looks up or reads about milestones and when developmental things are supposed to happen, and I'm not much of a pusher, just because I'm so afraid of rushing or missing these sweet precious moments and stages they grow out of so quickly.  I can't even bring myself to read those emails Baby Center and What to Expect send me.  But each milestone truly fascinates me and it's why I am trying to keep track of how she is growing.

The last two months also brought along the celebration of her first Father's Day, her cousin Kaydance's birthday, her Uncle Chad's birthday, her first 4th of July, and the birth of her newest little cousin, Harper!  We also took our first family vacation, which included Selah's first plane rides (thanks to earning free vouchers from getting bumped on our babymoon last year!), and an opportunity to spend a week with friends in Florida!  We were so thankful to stay with our friends who recently moved to Fleming Island, FL and have a 3 yr. old and 1 yr. old, both little girls.  Needless to say, Selah was so fascinated with them.  It was adorable to see her have little "friends" for the week.  She definitely came home more intentional about playtime than ever!  Selah didn't love the sand on the beach, and really only liked the ocean if we were standing and holding her tight.  It did help on the days that other little ones were playing near her.  She did like when mommy swam with a dolphin though!  Oh my, now that is a blog post I need to make myself write!  Kevin surprised me and it was such a fun and unique experience that I've always wanted to have.  We are so thankful to our friends Jason and Stacy for their hospitality and graciously hosting us for the week.  It is no small task to welcome a family with a little one into your home for that amount of time!  We are truly grateful for the opportunity to take a vacation this year as a family.

I have peacefully surrendered in my heart that she's almost 1.  What a year it has been.  I can still feel and remember every emotion from those first moments holding her in the hospital, that tiny squishy body laying on my chest.  Kevin and I couldn't get enough of her, breaking out into random tears as we were overwhelmed with gratitude and love.  I will never ever forget one afternoon when Kevin had gone to get something to eat and I was alone with her...and I wept while thinking of my whole 30 years of life and how hard I had prayed for that one moment.  More than I can even comprehend now.  We still can't get enough of her, and love to watch her sleep, and love to make her smile.  We are humbled in realizing how desperately we need God to teach us how to raise her to love, follow, and serve Him.  That is our hearts' desire.

Now I feel fully initiated into motherhood.  Fully absorbed in praying over my family, asking God to lead me as I desire to lead Selah and our future children well, reflecting over moments of the day, hoping I'm enjoying her enough, wondering if I'm building a good foundation, and soaking in that lingering baby goodness whenever I get the chance.  I knew the day would come, and it definitely has, as more often than not when she's finished nursing, she wiggles her little body off my lap.  I remember months ago trying to enjoy my still little one content just to remain on my lap.  I was so determined to remember the last time Selah fell asleep after nursing but I can honestly say it happened so long ago that I'm not even sure.  But growth is good...and a gift.  When people tell you it only gets better they don't mean to say right now is not the most amazing wonderful time...just that the next stage will be the most amazing wonderful time in a different way too.  Thank you Lord for the 11 amazing months we've been blessed to share with this special little girl you created.  We give you the glory for her life and we are honored to be her parents.

Not Our Home

"..In all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of
God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39



The past few weeks have been a painful reminder that this world is not our home.  I have wanted and needed to write this post for the past week, but it's been difficult to know how to write down everything God has laid on my heart.  So today I'm pouring it out.  All of it.  Two weeks ago tomorrow, Matt D., a dear brother in Christ who led worship at our church, suddenly and tragically passed away from a post surgery pulmonary embolism after a scary car accident that had occurred 4 days prior.  He had been expected to make a full recovery, and we were all praising the Lord for sparing his life.  Kevin worked on staff with him at the multisite campus of our church for the past 3 years.  He and his wife of 13 years have an 11 yr old, 5 yr old, and 2 yr. old.  He was only 36.

I, like many others in our church family, will never forget that terrible moment Saturday morning, hearing that he went to be with Jesus.  That, and the hours that followed, were some of the most painfully shocking moments of my life.  I witnessed my husband on his knees and crying out to God, asking why.  Everyone was, and still is to some degree, in shock over this loss.  We were instantly reminded that this world is not our home; this is not at all how it's meant to be.

Matt loved Jesus with all his heart and his impact was incredible, as evidenced by the endless stories about him that have been shared.  Anytime we saw Matt at church whether in the hallway, the sanctuary, or the parking lot he always seemed happy to see us.  He made everyone feel like that.  And he was so excited for us when we had Selah.  I always thought it was so sweet when we saw him and he wanted to get a glimpse of her, especially when she was new.  Anytime we had staff get togethers he was always making others laugh and filled with laughter himself.  He was so full of joy and kindness.  He had an amazing musical gift, and was a wonderful and humble worship leader.

We have shed countless tears trying to grasp life here without him present.  Hearing and reading the stories of so many lives he has touched has been amazing.  I know we've all been humbled by how passionately he was living out his faith and reaching others.  About 2,000 people, from all over the country were at his funeral, which was an incredibly tough, but beautiful celebration of his life.  So many tears, but the Holy Spirit was so present and powerful.  One person said they have never experienced such authentic worship as they did that day.  I would have to agree.  We even baptized someone after it was over.  It seems like each time we've been together to worship since that horrible Saturday, we have definitely longed to have Matt walk out on stage and lead us again, but we have also praised the Lord and sang our hearts out more desperately than ever before...because we believe more than ever that what we are singing is true.  And we need it to be so.  So many are missing Matt now, our longing for heaven having only been increased.

While our church family's faith has been tested and we continue to grieve the loss of Matt's presence here on earth, we have all been raised up to invest more deeply and fully in the only thing that really matters.  And that is to know our Savior Jesus Christ, surrender our lives to him, and introduce as many as possible to him, so that we will celebrate and worship together for eternity.  Seriously friends, it's time for action over apathy, service over selfishness, and committment over complaining.  I have been so convicted over how we live so many days for ourselves, the created, while we should be focused only on the Creator.  We are kidding ourselves as Christians when we think we can look so much like the world but say we want a revival in the hearts and minds of God's people at the same time.  If we pattern our lives in much the same way as those who remain lost, how in the world will they ever know there's a life giving difference?  How will they want what we have?  Jesus is coming back, and we've got to start preparing as though we believe that is true.  Life on earth is just so short...and not what we should be living for anyway.

That's what's awesome.  Never have I been so drawn to thoughts of heaven, of longing to really truly know what dwelling in the presence of Jesus is like.  I am seeking the truth like I never have, reading my Bible with more intensity and longing than ever before.  Because I want to know.  I want to know everything about my Savior and why God sacrificed for us the way he did.  I want to experience the depth of this love now, not only so I can share it with others, but so that when I stand before my Father in heaven, I will know him more fully becaused I savored and sought him during my life on earth.  I want to run to his presence now, so that the depth of our relationship will be that much sweeter later.  I want to be so close to Christ that my life is naturally a light that leads the way for others.  What a gift we have been given...this world is not our home; it's merely a flicker, a glimpse in the span of all eternity.  We can't comprehend it because we weren't created to!  We struggle to embrace this truth often because we can't fully understand.  Though I am convinced more than ever that trying to understand is a waste of time.  Because our finite little minds can't possibly comprehend an ever-present, almighty, all-knowing and fully just Creator.  The one who has covered us completely and fully with the powerful gift of grace...so we never have to truly face death, and so we have the absolute gift of being fully in his presence one day.

That alone is what comforts us now in the midst of losing Matt from this life.  We rejoice that he is worshipping with his Creator.  That he has stepped into the beauty of eternity, the place we were actually created to be...with the One who made us, knows us, and loves us.  The only one not shocked by what has happened here is God.  He was sovereign before, and He is sovereign now.  He will work all things together for his good, and for the good of those who love him.

Please pray for his wife Ashley, and his 3 children, who now grieve through a pain like many of us cannot imagine.  The pit in my stomach aching for her loss has not gone away.  I have tears for her throughout the day, praying through different moments that she is carried step by step through this unimaginably hard time.  I join with so many others who are calling on God on her family's behalf.  Her faith has remained unwavered through it all, as she clings to her Savior and prays for his quick return for the rest of us.  Recently she said, "There is one thing that has become apparent to me through this unimaginable trial, the ONLY thing that matters is knowing Him & making Him known...He IS coming back, I desperately want you to be ready."

This broken, fallen world offers up pain in so many different ways...we often feel struck down, but we must remember that we will not be destroyed.  We have been made victorious through Christ, and in the end, He will overcome.  Most of the people who read my blog are friends or family, many believe and have repented and confessed Jesus as their Lord and Savior.  But if you are reading this and have no clue how or why to take that step, please ask.  God created us in order to have relationship with us, and be known by us...his love is everlasting and the eternal life we will get to share will far surpass the short time we spent on this fallen earth.  We all struggle and are the worst of sinners, yet we are all invited and welcomed.

Please also pray for Matt's parents, his brother and sister in law, his in laws, nieces and nephews, etc.  They have an amazing family who is shining a bright light through their pain, and who have been a witness to us all.  Yet the pain of losing his physical presence in their daily lives remains.  Please pray also for Kevin and the staff, as they are grieving, missing him at work and in daily life as well.  We have all been changed by this.  It has been hard for me to not keep saying, "This is so awful.  So awful."  I have hated it so many times, and wished I could change it so many more.  I have to cling to the truth that we serve a trustworthy and good God.  He alone has a truly eternal perspective, and holds us close to his heart.  He sees the whole picture and will be faithful to provide and heal.  He reminds us that this world is not our home.  Matt is victorious.  He is free from the pain of this broken world.  To us death feels awful, it's so hard to take.  But that's because it's not the way it was meant to be.  Jesus came so that we would have life, and have it to the full.  Death is part of the brokeness on earth, the fall out from sin.  I will admit I've struggled with the fear of losing loved ones for a long time.  Yet I am drawn to Paul's words in Philippians and convicted to decide if it's true for me as well: 

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.  Yet what shall I choose?  I do not know!  I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far..." 

Later in 2 Timothy he says, "This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel...." 

Also he says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will awared to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

It doesn't take but a second to look around and witness a fallen world, living for nothing, in desperate need of a relationship with a life-giving Savior.  Turn on the t.v., the internet, whatever, and it seems like people just don't care anymore...like it's not worth standing for anything, so everything goes.  A spiritual battle is taking place.  Made obvious by the tragic, horribly sad and senseless shooting in Colorado, whose families desperately need our prayers as well.  This world is a mess...we are broken.  There is only One who can overcome it all...and we have got to run to him, while fearlessly bringing others to him as well.  Please join with me on a mission to stop wasting time...to get on our knees and cry out for redemption and deliverance.  To storm the gates of heaven on behalf of others.  To instinctively open our bibles and seek after God's heart, savoring his instruction and encouragement over turning on the t.v. or getting online. If we aren't desperate for him now, I shudder to think what it will take to get us there. Let's prepare the way for the Lord, so he will come quickly and reveal his glory.  We have to get over our fears and instead speak the truth boldly and live in a way that might just get us called crazy.  That pales in comparison to what Jesus endured on our behalf.  It's time to get serious and live like him.  Because this world is not our home.   And our true home is going to be absolutely amazing.

We sang this song at Matt's funeral:



Here is the video of the Sunday after Matt went to be with Jesus, and the sermon that followed.  Such a difficult day.

Southeast Christian Church from Southeast Christian Church on Vimeo.

Oldham Campus
July 8th Service

9 Beautiful Months

Well friends, there's no denying it. I have a 9 month old baby girl! Which, I have to say, is so.much.fun.  Discovery and a newfound determination and delight are the common themes. I am unfortunately getting used the the twinge in my heart everytime we turn over a new month and say goodbye to the past ones. I did, however, have a really neat moment yesterday, as Selah and I were having a dance party in the living room to our favorite worship music. The windows were open, the sun was shining, "Beautiful Things" by Gungor was on, reminding me of listening to it in the hospital in labor with her... and we were simply sharing joy through spins, giggles, and sways. As I held her close I imagined the years ahead of us of her growing up, and I was overcome with the realization that her joy as well as what God intends for her life means so much more to me than anything I selfishly might try to hold onto. I realized how deeply I love watching her grow and bloom into all that God made her to be. I am excited about the fun and new sweet things each new stage will bring. I honestly don't think I've ever before experienced the specific emotion I have when she discovers something new, or develops a new skill. It usually brings me to tears because it just amazes me. I pray often that God would allow me the opportunity to be around for a long time and experience the joy of being Selah's mom and watching her grow for many years. I realize her life is a gift, a blessing, and a privilege for me to get to enjoy.

So that said, I have peace knowing we are embracing each day, each month as they come with our sweet girl...taking photos, making memories, pausing in the small moments to take them in, soaking up the fascination of each new experience, surrendered to knowing that God brought this sweet girl into the world for his purposes, his glory...and we have been blessed with the opportunity to prepare her for just that. So I can honestly say with joy that I'm ready to celebrate having a 9 month old!

Speaking of which, what is our baby girl up to at 9 months? Well, she is still army crawling like crazy...every so often in the past couple days practicing getting up on her hands and knees. Wait until she realizes her need for speed. ;) She has recently figured out that she can follow me anywhere if she'd like, though I don't even go out of viewing distance of her. But it's cute that she follows. :) Just yesterday I said, "Let's go out here Selah," and she followed me out of the bedroom after I made the bed in the morning. It was so sweet. I don't provide the opportunity that often because as many of you know, you just don't turn your back on the sweet ones at this age. Because there's nothing more fascinating to them than anything that's not a toy! Especially a furry friend that's just about your size! She loves to do a friendly face off with Chai if he's on the floor and for any reason I'm not looking. But although he loves and is very protective of his baby girl, we usually make sure he's on the couch or up higher when she's around...because he is (thankfully) clueless of her very strong grip!

Selah's sitting on the first quilt I've ever made...hard work, but fun!

Just this past couple weeks she went from more of her pterodactyl speaking sound to a more confident 'roar' or deep, "Ah!" when she wants to communicate. (She does sound a little raspy like her mommy. :) And she's more interested than ever in being verbal and trying to make sure you know what she means. She also loves to sqeeze and shake those fists when she's making noise at someone. As with every new month, more and more of her personality seems to be shining through. She's more persistent when she wants or needs something, and if she's particulary hungry, tired, or needs mama comfort she will literally try to climb up or on me. It's so hilarious. The other day I was on the floor taking pictures of her and the next thing I know she's climbed all the way from my feet to my chest. I laughed out loud and asked her if maybe she was hungry? ;) Speaking of which, I'm in no hurry to wean her, and am feeling better and better about her experinces with food. She isn't exactly overly enthusiastic about solids just yet...except for puffs. She gets a kick out of those. But our baby girl tightens those lips like crazy. And she really has no interest in keeping those hands down. It is getting better and she's learning slowly how to open that mouth. And she does like some things better than others...orange things she likes, as well as green things mixed with pears. Oatmeal and rice...not as much. The doctor says persistence is key, so that's what we're going for. She does especially love her new sippy cups though! I have to laugh at how I always used to look at the people whose kids made a mess when they ate and thought I could surely do it neater than that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Strip the baby for a feeding and give her a bath afterward. It's just easier when they enjoy the whole process. Ha.

Selah is still a great car traveler, though she'll only sleep on long trips. She loves the stroller and taking walks, and can go for quite awhile. She loves bathtime which is still also some of her storytime, and I haven't transitioned her to just sitting in the tub yet. I'm still feeling safer with her infant tub as long as she fits it! She averages 2-3 naps a day and I feel like we've got a pretty good rhythm. (though that always seems to change for a time after I blog about it!!) I do think consistent sleep is really important for her, and I try to guard her naps as much as I can. When I don't I definitely can tell! Selah is a little snuggler, and seems to enjoy rocking and singing, which I love. If I need to I can lay her down to go to sleep without rocking, but I try too savor that time and use it to transition her to sleep time as often as I can. I think my body has adjusted to the mommyhood fatigue though I still have super tired days, and am definitely tired after any big excursion. I'm such a night owl but have learned that going to bed early helps a ton.

This past month Selah has loved her shapes puzzle, her shape sorter, banging on her leapfrog drum, playing the xylophone, shaking anything that rattles or shakes, and holding two of anything that makes noise when she hits them together. She gets a real kick out of that last one. Oh, and Chai's leash or the zipper pulls on the diaper bag. Can't get enough of those either. She's also still very interested in books...though she prefers to handle them herself...and would just love to get ahold of all the ones with real paper in them! She also loves door stops. That is cute to watch. She actually still will play in the exersaucer for awhile, and she does like the jumperoo. She is especially proud of herself that she can open and close drawers!

Also, since her daddy returned from a two week trip to Israel about 2 weeks ago she thinks he is just the funniest thing. She's quite smitten it seems, and will crack up at him. I think that's when she also learned to say 'dada' more intentionally, and now it seems to be her favorite word. Though today she crawled right up to my feet and said, "Mum." So sweet. She also said "Mama" kind of unintentionally on Easter and babbles it every now and then. Though it's not any sort of pattern or anything. Sometimes the way she looks at me I think she wishes she could just say what she means. I'm trying to get her start with 'please' and 'thank you' - whether she means it or not! :) I haven't been as consistent with signs, but I'm realizing this age is when it's starting to be fun to teach her things...because she loves to watch and listen to me when I go into detail about whatever I want her to learn. So now when she does the sort of whining noise whenever she wants something, I'll start up a big conversation with her. And at least she stops and looks at me funny, so I'll take it! I'm learning she loves when we act goofy and silly. I really got her going after her nap today, just from making funny sounds. And wouldn't you do just about anything to hear your baby laugh? It's so awesome.




While he was away she also started shaking her head which looks like she's saying no, but it seems like she just uses it to communicate. She got her second tooth on the bottom 2 weeks ago, and just today I saw one on top peeking through! Oh my goodness, she's going to look like such a big girl with a mouth full of teeth one of these days! That teething is as tough as everyone says for sure. When they really seem to be giving her a tough time I give her a cube of frozen breastmilk in one of those littlle mesh things that she can chew. That seems to help a lot.



This past month was filled to the brim and seems to have flown by. Selah experienced her first girls' trip with my mom and I, she celebrated both of her grandma's and one of her grandpa's birthdays for the first time, she went swimming for the first time on Memorial Day, (which she loved!) and she made it through another doctor's appt. like a champ. Better than me at least. So far I think summer and babies are a fun combo...with hats and sunscreen of course. I just think onesies, shorts, and sundresses are the cutest.

 There's always so much more, but I think that's a good summary of all I hope to remember. It's just so crazy that when she lays on my chest now she seems to cover my whole self. So I snuggle her just a little closer, determined to wrap her in my arms as long as she'll fit! then I try to memorize exactly what that moment feels like. I sure hope it works. ;) I have been thinking and praying a lot about the best ways to spend our days and how to start discipling her and raising her with a heart that burns for God from a young age. I'm so thankful for some great books, awesome older moms in my life who are an encouragement, and great ideas out there in blog world. What a blessing to have so many resources that a lot of our parents didn't. Thank you Lord for letting me be a mom. There's no doubt the journey has its difficult moments and will refine the very depths of a person...but but it's the most rewarding and fully wonderful experience all at the same time. What's crazy is how I know this baby stage is the physically exhausting part...but I have a feeling it is emotionally the easiest it's going to get. I know this sweet precious girl I write about might just find her tongue and break my heart on some days...but that's okay. Because I'm focused on and savoring right now.