9 Beautiful Months

Well friends, there's no denying it. I have a 9 month old baby girl! Which, I have to say, is so.much.fun.  Discovery and a newfound determination and delight are the common themes. I am unfortunately getting used the the twinge in my heart everytime we turn over a new month and say goodbye to the past ones. I did, however, have a really neat moment yesterday, as Selah and I were having a dance party in the living room to our favorite worship music. The windows were open, the sun was shining, "Beautiful Things" by Gungor was on, reminding me of listening to it in the hospital in labor with her... and we were simply sharing joy through spins, giggles, and sways. As I held her close I imagined the years ahead of us of her growing up, and I was overcome with the realization that her joy as well as what God intends for her life means so much more to me than anything I selfishly might try to hold onto. I realized how deeply I love watching her grow and bloom into all that God made her to be. I am excited about the fun and new sweet things each new stage will bring. I honestly don't think I've ever before experienced the specific emotion I have when she discovers something new, or develops a new skill. It usually brings me to tears because it just amazes me. I pray often that God would allow me the opportunity to be around for a long time and experience the joy of being Selah's mom and watching her grow for many years. I realize her life is a gift, a blessing, and a privilege for me to get to enjoy.

So that said, I have peace knowing we are embracing each day, each month as they come with our sweet girl...taking photos, making memories, pausing in the small moments to take them in, soaking up the fascination of each new experience, surrendered to knowing that God brought this sweet girl into the world for his purposes, his glory...and we have been blessed with the opportunity to prepare her for just that. So I can honestly say with joy that I'm ready to celebrate having a 9 month old!

Speaking of which, what is our baby girl up to at 9 months? Well, she is still army crawling like crazy...every so often in the past couple days practicing getting up on her hands and knees. Wait until she realizes her need for speed. ;) She has recently figured out that she can follow me anywhere if she'd like, though I don't even go out of viewing distance of her. But it's cute that she follows. :) Just yesterday I said, "Let's go out here Selah," and she followed me out of the bedroom after I made the bed in the morning. It was so sweet. I don't provide the opportunity that often because as many of you know, you just don't turn your back on the sweet ones at this age. Because there's nothing more fascinating to them than anything that's not a toy! Especially a furry friend that's just about your size! She loves to do a friendly face off with Chai if he's on the floor and for any reason I'm not looking. But although he loves and is very protective of his baby girl, we usually make sure he's on the couch or up higher when she's around...because he is (thankfully) clueless of her very strong grip!

Selah's sitting on the first quilt I've ever made...hard work, but fun!

Just this past couple weeks she went from more of her pterodactyl speaking sound to a more confident 'roar' or deep, "Ah!" when she wants to communicate. (She does sound a little raspy like her mommy. :) And she's more interested than ever in being verbal and trying to make sure you know what she means. She also loves to sqeeze and shake those fists when she's making noise at someone. As with every new month, more and more of her personality seems to be shining through. She's more persistent when she wants or needs something, and if she's particulary hungry, tired, or needs mama comfort she will literally try to climb up or on me. It's so hilarious. The other day I was on the floor taking pictures of her and the next thing I know she's climbed all the way from my feet to my chest. I laughed out loud and asked her if maybe she was hungry? ;) Speaking of which, I'm in no hurry to wean her, and am feeling better and better about her experinces with food. She isn't exactly overly enthusiastic about solids just yet...except for puffs. She gets a kick out of those. But our baby girl tightens those lips like crazy. And she really has no interest in keeping those hands down. It is getting better and she's learning slowly how to open that mouth. And she does like some things better than others...orange things she likes, as well as green things mixed with pears. Oatmeal and rice...not as much. The doctor says persistence is key, so that's what we're going for. She does especially love her new sippy cups though! I have to laugh at how I always used to look at the people whose kids made a mess when they ate and thought I could surely do it neater than that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Strip the baby for a feeding and give her a bath afterward. It's just easier when they enjoy the whole process. Ha.

Selah is still a great car traveler, though she'll only sleep on long trips. She loves the stroller and taking walks, and can go for quite awhile. She loves bathtime which is still also some of her storytime, and I haven't transitioned her to just sitting in the tub yet. I'm still feeling safer with her infant tub as long as she fits it! She averages 2-3 naps a day and I feel like we've got a pretty good rhythm. (though that always seems to change for a time after I blog about it!!) I do think consistent sleep is really important for her, and I try to guard her naps as much as I can. When I don't I definitely can tell! Selah is a little snuggler, and seems to enjoy rocking and singing, which I love. If I need to I can lay her down to go to sleep without rocking, but I try too savor that time and use it to transition her to sleep time as often as I can. I think my body has adjusted to the mommyhood fatigue though I still have super tired days, and am definitely tired after any big excursion. I'm such a night owl but have learned that going to bed early helps a ton.

This past month Selah has loved her shapes puzzle, her shape sorter, banging on her leapfrog drum, playing the xylophone, shaking anything that rattles or shakes, and holding two of anything that makes noise when she hits them together. She gets a real kick out of that last one. Oh, and Chai's leash or the zipper pulls on the diaper bag. Can't get enough of those either. She's also still very interested in books...though she prefers to handle them herself...and would just love to get ahold of all the ones with real paper in them! She also loves door stops. That is cute to watch. She actually still will play in the exersaucer for awhile, and she does like the jumperoo. She is especially proud of herself that she can open and close drawers!

Also, since her daddy returned from a two week trip to Israel about 2 weeks ago she thinks he is just the funniest thing. She's quite smitten it seems, and will crack up at him. I think that's when she also learned to say 'dada' more intentionally, and now it seems to be her favorite word. Though today she crawled right up to my feet and said, "Mum." So sweet. She also said "Mama" kind of unintentionally on Easter and babbles it every now and then. Though it's not any sort of pattern or anything. Sometimes the way she looks at me I think she wishes she could just say what she means. I'm trying to get her start with 'please' and 'thank you' - whether she means it or not! :) I haven't been as consistent with signs, but I'm realizing this age is when it's starting to be fun to teach her things...because she loves to watch and listen to me when I go into detail about whatever I want her to learn. So now when she does the sort of whining noise whenever she wants something, I'll start up a big conversation with her. And at least she stops and looks at me funny, so I'll take it! I'm learning she loves when we act goofy and silly. I really got her going after her nap today, just from making funny sounds. And wouldn't you do just about anything to hear your baby laugh? It's so awesome.




While he was away she also started shaking her head which looks like she's saying no, but it seems like she just uses it to communicate. She got her second tooth on the bottom 2 weeks ago, and just today I saw one on top peeking through! Oh my goodness, she's going to look like such a big girl with a mouth full of teeth one of these days! That teething is as tough as everyone says for sure. When they really seem to be giving her a tough time I give her a cube of frozen breastmilk in one of those littlle mesh things that she can chew. That seems to help a lot.



This past month was filled to the brim and seems to have flown by. Selah experienced her first girls' trip with my mom and I, she celebrated both of her grandma's and one of her grandpa's birthdays for the first time, she went swimming for the first time on Memorial Day, (which she loved!) and she made it through another doctor's appt. like a champ. Better than me at least. So far I think summer and babies are a fun combo...with hats and sunscreen of course. I just think onesies, shorts, and sundresses are the cutest.

 There's always so much more, but I think that's a good summary of all I hope to remember. It's just so crazy that when she lays on my chest now she seems to cover my whole self. So I snuggle her just a little closer, determined to wrap her in my arms as long as she'll fit! then I try to memorize exactly what that moment feels like. I sure hope it works. ;) I have been thinking and praying a lot about the best ways to spend our days and how to start discipling her and raising her with a heart that burns for God from a young age. I'm so thankful for some great books, awesome older moms in my life who are an encouragement, and great ideas out there in blog world. What a blessing to have so many resources that a lot of our parents didn't. Thank you Lord for letting me be a mom. There's no doubt the journey has its difficult moments and will refine the very depths of a person...but but it's the most rewarding and fully wonderful experience all at the same time. What's crazy is how I know this baby stage is the physically exhausting part...but I have a feeling it is emotionally the easiest it's going to get. I know this sweet precious girl I write about might just find her tongue and break my heart on some days...but that's okay. Because I'm focused on and savoring right now.

7 and 8 Months

(DISCLAIMER: This post is overloaded with the most random photos, both in quality and theme. The result of a lack of blogging and a lot of practicing my photography!  Lesson learned...blog more! Bear with me...I'm a mess! ;)

Inevitably when you wait a few months to post about the current month details get a little mixed up.  But I'd still like to go back and record what I can remember and the details of Selah's 7th and 8th months!  Those were the months of March and April, and I feel like it was a fairly significant turning point for me and finding my rhythm as a new mom and homemaker.  I'm such a looong transitioner it seems, but at least I'm finally figuring that out about myself!

(This is Chai watching over Selah while she sleeps - he loves his baby girl. Also a peek at the nursery...more to come!)

Kevin thinks it's hilarious that I love her funny faces...but I just love her silly personality!

At 6 months I had said Selah started taking great naps...and she did.  Then the teething monster came to town a couple weeks before 7 months and we had a little bump in the road.  I had started working out consistently at 6 months, and was hoping to be a better blogger.  But without naps...those kinds of things aren't for sure going to happen...if you're me.  It's amazing what can be accomplished during that time if you have it.  We made it through though, and Selah remained her content little self, proud of her latest accomplishment of rolling over.  She rolled all around, discovering all kinds of toys during her daily play times.  She returned to taking two good naps a day.  She also tried her first baby food! 

(Little tip...feeding a baby in a Johnny Jump up is not recommended - ha!)

In March we celebrated my grandmother's and my nephew's 5th birthdays, Selah thoroughly enjoyed her first March Madness...in which her daddy's favorite team, U of K won the whole thing!!  Such an exciting tournament around here.  Kevin and I both enjoy basketball, so it was a fun way to spend our weekends, while also having the added fun of sharing it with our girl! 

 

(Niece Kaydance LOVES Selah, and is thrilled to be getting a baby sister this summer!!)

(Chase also loves Selah...and turned 5 this year!)

I also made my first quilts that month, one for Selah, and one for the new baby of our sweet photographer friend who took the most amazing pictures at Selah's birth.  I really wanted to do something special for her little one, so I attempted my first real baby quilt!  It was a lot of fun (and work!) to put together and follow the steps to accomplish.  Before that I had made a rag quilt for Selah, as she received one as a gift when she was born and I was motivated to try it myself.  That one was also fun, and even easier than the second one.

(This is quilt #2 - the more complicated of the 2.  I'll post pics of the rag quilt in the 9 month post.)

(Uncle Darin and Selah)

We also celebrated my older brother's birthday, and Selah started waving hi and bye for the first time - first at church when leaving the nursery, then to my brother after we had met him for his birthday lunch.  It was so sweet.  That was March, then came April.

 
(Braelyn, Jallen, Trace, Selah, and Jaxon - major cousin LOVE.  Yay for another little one joining the family in December!!)

Happy first Easter!
First Easter basket: Under the Nile bunny, Easter Storybook Bible, Easter storybook, stuffed lamb.

We had another fun month, making some new memories.  We celebrated Selah's first Easter, which was sweet.  I love Easter, celebrating the resurrection, and welcoming Spring.  My grandma came to stay with us for a few days, which was quite a treat.  We had fun sewing together, going to JoAnn's and just hearing her amazing stories from the past 86 years.  When we left a trip to JoAnn's, Selah also threw her first mini-fit when I took something away from her in the store that she had grabbed from the cart.  While minor, it was so crazy.  We had finally reached the point where my sweet gal had a pretty strong opinion and wasn't afraid to make it known when she didn't get her way!  Of course we've seen more moments like this since then, but it's so crazy to see it for the first time.  At least at this stage it's quite shortlived even when it does come!

Selah and I also met some of my friends that I used to be in a bible study with for an amazing girls' weekend it Indiana.  It was an absolute blast.  We crafted our little hearts out, and enjoyed some much needed laughter.  Selah was sweet and content, (though not the best sleeper there), and right after we came home from there she started to crawl!  Now that was also quite amazing to see.  As well as the moment where life at home began to look quite different...but fun in a whole new way!

That's a pretty good summary of those months, of course not everything but definitely some highlights!  Those are just the events, though of course I could write a post about my feelings on each...but oh well.  Maybe some day!  Each month brings a new adventure in the first-time mom world.  I am so very thankful for every memory we are blessed to make!

A Life Lately List

(I wrote this post a month ago but forgot to post it...so I'm posting it now, but back dating it to then!)

1. Reconnected.  I restored my iPhone.  Do you know that I went 6 weeks without a phone at all in November and December, then almost 4 months with the cheapest most ghetto phone available.  Crazy.  Finally, I made some kind of peace with losing all of the many photos on my phone, (including newborn Selah), and much to my husband's delight, I asked him to finally restored it.  I learned 3 things from this experience:  a. Back up your photos regularly.  (I know, duh right?)  b. An iPhone is totally worth it - now that I have mine back I can't believe I went so long without it!  Much easier to manage life, capture moments, communicate, and find your way around. :) Also, I'm slowly learning to love instagram.  I recently just realized I had followers - ha.  c. It's so sad to lose photos...any photos.  But photos aren't the actual memories themselves.  And because of this experience I have printed more pictures, paid attention to what I'm capturing, and learned the value of making new memories rather than dwell on what's been lost in the past. I also spent so much time remembering the photos lost that now they won't be easily forgotten.

2.  Walking with Jesus.  My husband is taking a two week Jesus study trip to Israel.  It's a crazy story of how it all came to be, but God totally opened the door and made it happen.  Kevin felt so led to pursue the possibility, and it's pretty incredible how it all came to be.  We've never been apart for that long, in the entire 4 yrs. we've known each other.  The sacrifice on my side is worth it...because I believe in what God wants to do in his heart and life.  And I'm thrilled to see how his ministry and our family will be impacted for a lifetime.  I would be so, so grateful if you would pray for his safety, his health, and that God does an amazing work in Kevin's heart and life while he's there.  I'm so excited he gets to experience this...but please pray for my nerves and my heart as I pray for him and wait for him to come home!!

3.  Blogging.  No more empty 'returning to blog' promises.  :)  Of course once I claimed that on my last post, my baby girl took a sabbatical from napping.  Thankfully, she has returned to happy sleeping times throughout the day.  Good for mommy too!  So who knows if I'll be frequent...it's always my hope. Though I assure you if I am, the posts will haphazard until I get any rhythm back.  Or maybe forever.  Whatever.  Breastfeeding baby brain will get you every time if you ask me. ;)

4.  Speaking of baby.  We're still loving life with our little girl of course.  I love being a mom.  Don't get me wrong...I experience exhaustion, frustration, and self-induced mommy guilt with the best of them.  I struggle with organization and keeping a clean house; with consistency and keeping up with schedules.  But I also experience ridiculous and overwhelming joy and gratitude and fun in the mommy- hood.  It's the most rewarding experience I've ever had.  Sometimes I feel the freedom to live in grace; other times I allow the weight of the world's perceived expectations to overwhelm me.  This is when I stay away from Pinterest, Facebook, beautifully kept blogs and homes, and anything else that I allow to get in my head and tempt me to look for my value anywhere but from God.  At times I find joy in all these things...but at other times I just have to step away for a bit. Recently someone mentioned my blog and said, "I hope your joy is honest."  I tried not to read too much into it, as it's always difficult to blog if you worry too much about what others think.  For whatever reason it's become much more difficult since I had Selah for me to just put it all out there and not care.  I guess the motherhood is a sensitive world.  So different in so many ways for each of us.  I don't want to apologize for having a positive perspective, or worry about judgment if I'm having a bad day and decide to wear my heart on my sleeve.  Of course my blog is honest...it's one of my highest priorities for writing.  But I will always view the world and my life from the perspective of living an undeserved life that I'm grateful for.  Breathing itself is undeserved for us all...but by the grace of God he keeps letting us do it.  I really believe that.  Of course life itself is filled with sad days, happy days, depressed days and overjoyed ones as well.  I prayed for years to be a mom...and I consider it an undeserved blessing and an overwhelming privilege.  I will spend my years as one doing my very best to focus on the positive...even in the midst of crazy.  My prayer is that God will draw me more and more away from what people think...because it's exhausting.

5. Army crawl and Velcro diapers.  A couple weeks ago Selah and I got home from a girls' weekend with my friends from my old bible study in Cincinnati...right when I put her on the floor she decided to show me her new trick - she started army crawling!!  It was so awesome to see her go where she wanted to go for the first time.  And to watch my little fish propel herself across the floor.  I of course am getting a whole new kind of workout, but it's still the cutest thing.  Oh, and baby girl can now undo the velcro on the 4 or 5 velcro cloth diapers we have.  So funny...and cute to see her so proud of herself when she realizes she just accomplished something, though she's not sure quite what. :) Either the pants need to be on or snaps it is.

My Sweet Selah (a 6 month post)

(FYI - I also published a post I wrote when she was 5 months - but back-dated it to Feb. 16th!)

Oh my goodness, this is what happens every single month - I plan a post in my mind the whole month then she's already older! My baby girl is totally 7 months old is 2 days, but I'm in denial about how fast this past month flew by!

We definitely hit our sweet spot in a lot of ways at 6 months. Selah is taking two good naps a day, and I'm finally working out nearly every day, and feeling a million times better. She gets up a couple times a night for a 10 minute comfort feeding, and I know my next step will be getting her up and just rocking her back to sleep without eating. We're just not there yet. Though at 6 months Selah also started sleeping in her crib at naps and bedtime. It was my goal to have her there by that time, and it has (thankfully!) been very successful. But we did love that rock n play for quite awhile! Kevin finally admitted to me that there was a time when he wasn't real sure I'd ever put her in there. Ha! I'm so thankful he stayed graceful and never got impatient with me about this. It was hard for me, as I sure did love being able to reach over and hold her little hand!

Between 3 and 4 months I starting practicing letting her self-soothe when she was fussy not crying, and at 4 months I would put her in the crib for short periods of time to look at the mobile, or maybe take a short nap, so she would start to get used to it. It was so difficult for me to make that nighttime transition though. It still feels weird that she's down the hall from me. I don't always prefer it, though I could totally tell when it was time, and when the space and the comfort of it was the best for her. And of course I just might have slept in there on the floor that first night! I also make plenty of trips down the hall just to see and feel her breathing. It always reminds me to be thankful for this precious life. She does seem to sleep great in there. Now she is a great self-soother, and almost always gets herself to sleep without getting upset, which I'm so thankful for. (Now if she's over-tired it might take a little more effort.) Selah only has tears if there's a real reason it seems. I will say that while I'm not a follower of Babywise, I did find a book that has been helpful called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," and has a lot of good stuff in it that really seemed to also fit with my instincts and desires, while also helping me make wise choices for Selah.

I don't regret one single second of holding my sweet baby girl, or letting her take naps in my lap, which happened a lot those first 3 months. She is growing so fast from a baby to a little girl, and I treasure every moment we've been blessed to spend with her so far. I'm especially thankful for those months because now that I have my energy back it seems like there's so much I want to fit in during nap times. Sometimes I have to remind myself to be still like I was so often then.

Every night I lay my hands on her, praise the Lord for her life, and pray in the name of Jesus for his continued protection of her life. My favorite sight in the whole world is to look in and seek her little chest and belly rise up and down, as the Lord continues to give her each beautiful breath. I would rather stare at the wonder of my baby girl than any great wonder of the world. I am overflowing with gratitude for this life the Lord allows me to live. Kevin and I intensely enjoy our little family, including sweet Chai, who loves our baby girl as well. He was a little nervous at first, but now we can totally tell how protective he is of her, and how much he loves to see her after we've been out of the house for a bit. She also just loves to get her hands on him, and lights up when she sees him.

Selah is not yet sitting up, but she is rolling all across the room and loving her toys. She can also work her feet to propel herself all around in a circle. She loves to shake anything that rattles, and play with anything that crinkles. She also loves banging her toys together so they make noise. She really loves reading books, (and chewing on them), and she still really enjoys bath time. Her favorite part is getting to chew on a washcloth. Kevin and I love singing to her, and making her smile and laugh. She's a great car rider, and extremely flexible in most any situation. She really seems to love people, and each week she enjoys the nursery at church. (We started that at 5 months). She does seem to get a cold from it most every week, which we don't love. Oh, and right around my brother's birthday at the end of March she started waving on her own...so cute! Kevin has been working with her even more on this since then.

(Check out that laundry - totally keeping it real!)

Breastfeeding is still going great, and it is the number one thing I am so thankful I persevered through and worked hard at. It's been a very special experience for me, more than I would have thought. Our pediatrician had told us at 4 weeks that I would always probably have to supplement, but at 6 weeks, with the wonderful help of my lactation consultant and some curl my toes hard work, we never had to supplement again. (and I was able to stop pumping 10 times a day - that was awful.) It's amazing what a different experience the whole thing is by 3 months! Not everyone's preference, I know (and respect!), but it has been something I've loved. I know we are now right on the edge of what it will be like once Selah realizes she can get down from my lap on her own! Though we're not rushing that mobile phase. :)

She makes the cutest, funniest noises, that we call the pterodactyl. It's hilarious. She does this especially when she wants to get your attention or "talk." She also loves to make all kinds of noises with her mouth, and she sticks her tongue out a lot. We just love all her little personality traits.

Besides the Jesus Storybook Bible and her Goodnight Bible, our favorite books to read are "I Love You This Much," "On the Night You Were Born," "God Created Everything," "Pat the Bunny," "Mommy Hugs," "Guess How Much I Love You," "Wherever You Are," and "Ten Tiny Puppies." She also likes all the Eric Carle books. My favorite moments of the day include when I sing to her, dance with her, and greet her super smiling face after a good nap. I also love feeding her and staring into those amazing blue eyes of hers. We also love our walks. She could contentedly go forever in that stroller it seems. Maybe she experiences God through nature much like her mom. :) Hopefully we'll be taking her hiking during this beautiful spring soon.

She is truly fascinating to both Kevin and I. We are constantly commenting on how neat she is, and we just can't tell her enough how much we love her. Kevin always tells her how we love how God made her. We call her Selah girl, Baby girl, Sweet girl, and Baby Love - probaby in that order. We sing the first few lines of the song, "Baby Love" to her what seems like a hundred times a day...sometimes changing the first words to "Selah girl, my Selah girl, I love you oh how I love you girl!" Then I say, 'doo-ta-doo, do do da doo-ooh, do do do' which honestly seems like her favorite line. Ha. :) She also loves the song, "I love you, a bushel and a peck," and my grandma recently taught me the rest of it when she sang it to Selah! It was so sweet. Selah is also fond of bouncing on my knee, or anything you do to try to make her laugh. She really gets a kick out of our craziness.

6 months also brough Selah's first March Madness experience - which was pretty amazing given the fact that we live in Kentucky, her daddy's a crazy UK fan and UK won it all! The whole tournament was fun though - it seemed like there were so many good games this year, and we enjoyed every one! I also made my first quilt and Selah tried solid food. (which so far she's a little indifferent to.) She also was so brave for her shots. Kevin and I on the other hand, well, it was not our favorite thing!

It's just so crazy how much I feel joy in being Selah's mom, and how I have the most unbelievable peace that this is what I was created for. And that must be why I longed for, dreamed about, and desperately prayed that this would be a reality in my life. Which is why I thank the Lord over and over every day that He gives me to enjoy it. He is incredibly gracious and an amazing gift giver, that's for sure!

Well, the sunshine, springtime, and regular nap times have brought with them some extra energy and focus for me, thankfully! Hopefully that means I'm also coming more regularly back to blogging. Though my computer is broken so that doesn't make it much easier, I have to say. But I do feel like I have much to catch up on, and a lot to share about what God is teaching me lately. And I sure do love and miss my bloggy friendships! Thanks for reading!

A Celebration of 'Not Yet'

(Fyi...I wrote this about a week and a half ago, thus the rapid changes.  I figured I'd better post it before I had to mark off everything! :)



As of today, Selah's not yet...

sleeping through the night...
eating solid foods...
sleeping in her crib all the time...
crawling...
sitting up on her own...
saying her first words... (though she has been doing a "mmm-uh" thing when she's hungry)
clapping...
sitting in a high chair...
needing discipline...
taking a bath without the newborn insert...(though her feet hang over:)
rolling over from back to front...  (2/25)
rolling over from front to back...
reaching out to us...
been in a swing at the park... (just today actually!)

One night last week, (well more like 4am), I was snuggling Selah after a feeding. She rested her sweet head on my shoulder and was all curled up close to me. As I was staring at her face I couldn't help but be swept right back to those first days and nights with her in the hospital, when her tiny self was all curled up on my chest and I couldn't take my eyes off her. And all I could think in these new moments of discovery with my 5 month old was, "Wow, wow, wow." Truly the amazement hasn't lessened in the least. There isn't a day that goes by that Kevin and I don't say, "She's just so neat...," or, "Isn't she so awesome?" When she falls asleep we just stare in wonder at this beautiful girl God so uniquely created. It's incredible and we are only grow in gratitude.

I never want to forget this precious time when our baby girl, our firstborn, is still our baby.  She's already doing so much and I'm not at all interested in rushing what's next.  Because I will blink my eyes and my Selah girl will be running and begging to be chased, sleeping straight through and not gifting me with middle of the night smiles and snuggles, she'll be feeding herself, communicating with words, needing correction, snuggling and chatting with toys in her crib, and melting our hearts in all new entirely wonderful ways.  Until then, I'm staying right here and loving right now.  Because I just can't get enough.  What a generous God we have, to give such an amazing gift of getting to love a child.  Nothing like it.  And I'm loving it.

I am constantly overcome with where we are in her life...on the edge of so much.  So many "milestones" that will be celebrated, so many things people look forward to.  But I insist on taking a pause right where we are... to celebrate the right now, the not yet.

Finally an Update! (a 5 month post)

So I have obviously been absent from the online world. It all just got a little too "noisy" for me, and I have seriously reflected on how exactly I want to contribute. I've also just simply been soaking up every second with my little love. My oh-so-sweet Selah girl.

The stage I'm in right now is, "Wow, wow, wow." I'm just so overwhelmingly amazed, more and more each day, at the way God created my daughter. I remember at the beginning of her life I would constantly say, "You are just so neat!" Then once she hit that two month "wide awake" stage, I remember feeling like it was Christmas every day. Each day I felt blessed with a new and amazing discovery about her. She would surprise me with something else that would just melt my heart. It's just so beautifully overwhelming, this first time parenting. It's so awesome that each day is somewhat of a surprise, because everyday is filled with firsts for her and us. Sweet Selah can bring me to tears in 2 seconds flat, simply because I am so, so thankful to get to be her mom. The ultimate dream come true to be entrusted with this life. I do focus intentionally each day to do whatever I can to squeeze as much joy out of each moment that I can, not ever wanting to take this blessing for granted. Having only one car, we tend to be at home perhaps more than we might be, but I honestly treasure these sweet, simple days soaking up a new little life. And I'm enjoying learning the homemaker role as well. (Though figuring out laundry, dinner, cleaning and organization does NOT come naturally to me...nor is it necessarily my favorite. ;) Often I joke with Kevin that Matilda or Gertrude or Hilda (my imaginary cleaning ladies) didn't show up today, and they'll have to be fired. Then I suggest that I receive their pay. Ha.

Play dates are definitely oh-so refreshing I have to say, as I've realized the undeniable necessity to connect and share with other moms of young ones. I really want to work harder at making these more regular, as I haven't exactly excelled in the friendship area since I had Selah. It's been an interesting transition for me to rediscover myself and my personality in the role of mom, while mustering up the energy and effort to reach out to and connect with others. My most difficult month was definitely between weeks 8 and 12. My days definitely ran together a bit then. Some painful, physical stuff came around as a result from my long labor. (Thankfully gone now). I also had to transition to a new kind of tired, as my little love wasn't so much sleeping like a newborn in the daytime anymore, and was still getting up at least a couple times a night. This is also when she became much more interested in the world around her and wanted to be a part of everything. (This hasn't changed:) At this time I also started becoming really convicted by the "comparision" trap in the parenting world. Certainly a dangerous temptation that is definitely not from God.

As I mentioned, at 2 months Selah seemed to wake up and take notice. She gained some strength, batting at her toys on her favorite playmat, pushing down and with her legs and "standing" on our laps, and smiling a lot. She still pretty much slept whenever we drove in the car, and continued to eat at least every 3 hours. She also grew to love, love the swing. At the end of 2 months she started getting on an eat for 20-30 min., (down from about an hour!), play for 45 min. to an hour, then sleep for 45 min. to a little over an hour, with a longer two hour nap in the afternoon. I thought we had it down great. She also slept for over 8 hours the night before Thanksgiving! Well, the second I started saying that's what our days were like, Selah apparently decided to switch things up shortly after turning 3 months. At this stage I felt like she left the bitty newborn days behind. I remember in the days and weeks leading up to that 3 month mark I would snuggle my tiny baby close and try to memorize every second of that special newborn, sleepy sweet time. I knew we were on the edge of some getting older transitions. What's awesome is how much I constantly try to hold so tightly to the current moments...only to be amazed at how much I love the ones that come next just as much!

When she turned 3 months, shortly before Christmas, she became as fun as ever. Joyful and playful, spunky and still snuggly. She really started grabbing and holding onto things, and handling a little more time on her tummy. She also started staying awake on trips, and didn't care much for being in her carseat when we were out and about. But she started loving being held facing outward and seeing everything. She also continued to love doing daily "chores" with me, reading books, and "dancing" to music. She became a lot more patient and flexible, and it's been so neat to see her "mature" into a trusting little one content to go with the flow. A super cute new development was her ability to be "distracted" while eating, whenever daddy would come home and start talking. She started taking breaks and looking up, then laughing. I remember it being so hilarious when she started doing this. So funny. At the end of 3 months she also celebrated her first Christmas, which was so surreal and sweet. Of course she slept through the gift opening during both our families' celebrations. :)

Then came 4 months - goodbye newborn baby girl, hello big girl Selah! Our little lady's big personality started coming out more than ever. She became much more comfortable with others, even more expressive day to day, and stronger than ever. Also much less interested in daytime sleep! Though we are definitelly instilling quiet crib time early around here! She starting kicking more than ever, especially in the bath, which she loves. She also started wanting to touch and interact with whatever book or toy we were reading or playing with. We entered into the age of reaching out and grabbing for everything, then wanting to put it in her mouth. She also started loving the exersaucer and all things that crinkle. She is up for going anywhere at anytime, it seems, and is really flexible about sleeping and eating in different places - which I'm thankful for. She is fascinated by other children, and definitely gets a kick out of and adores her daddy. I feel like this month flew by faster than any other. So crazy. It seems like the bigger she gets, the faster she grows up! Selah also got her first cold, and when we went to the doctor she weighed 14 lbs 8 oz and was 25 and 1\2 inches - in the 95th percentile! Wow - she does not get her height from her 5 ft 3 mother, that's for sure. At 4 months she also started enjoying being rocked and sang to before bedtime, which I love. When she was itty bitty she preferred quiet walking/pacing and being bounced or patted. We went to hear my brother preach at the end of January and she was crying her eyes out from weariness as we got in the car that night to head back home...but calmed down and went to sleep when I sang to her...love, love, love. Also one of my most favorite things ever. I sing the same songs to her that my mom used to sing to me, and that I used to sing the little ones I nannied for several years. That's another interesting thing...When Selah turned 3 and 1/2 to 4 months, I realized that age to be more familiar to me, that's when I started babysitting a few of the little ones I did in the past. I am loving that now it's my very own daughter...and that I finally had the privilege of enjoying and experiencing those precious first few new baby months myself.

Now we're about 2 weeks into having a 5 month old...wow. It is just so hard to believe. Our lives have been powerfully changed in a beautiful way since our sweet girl's life began. We are just so amazed at how she's growing up...and it's absolutely CRAZY that we can see 6 months. How time flies - for real. I seriously don't think it will get any less amazing either...how could it ever get normal or old to see a sweet life God uniquely created grow, learn, and discover. Simply fascinating. And I know what we're on the edge of...a whole new stage and age for sure. She is a strong and determined girl...she will work hard to get what she is after, not giving up easily. She also will reach up and grab my face, loving to hold tight. I'm convinced that her first word will be "gentle." Ha. She is "talking" and babbling and making her requests known a lot. And she just loves being talked to. She remains a great eater, enjoys walks in what I call her "big girl stroller," as we graduated from the bassinet. She is a tall girl so far, and is wearing 6 month clothing...which she'll be grown out of by 6 months!

I still check to make sure she's breathing and okay throughout the night, at the same time praying for her protection and thanking God over and over for the undeserved blessings that she and Kevin are to me. Kevin and I have grown in such interesting ways since becomiing parents, and have just been humbled over and over. We are as hungry as ever to honor him and give him all the glory for our lives, being submitted to how he calls us to live them, and committed to not wasting the days he so graciously allows us to live. We are rough around the edges, and certainly works in progress...but so thankful to continually be changed and taught.

A couple nights ago, well more like 4am, I fed Selah, then just held her as she laid her head on my shoulder/chest and curled up to go back to sleep. I was taken right back to the day she was born, as I layed in that hospital room with this brand new beautiful tiny baby curled up on my chest in the same position, and I couldn't stop staring at her. That was the most overwhelming emotion I have ever felt...and it was revisted just the other night. I couldn't stop staring at her face, just like when she was born, and I literally just kept thinking, "Wow, wow, wow." I continue to be in awe and overcome by a love so powerful that it's difficult to put into words.

Yesterday I was telling Kevin about this and comparing it to what we must be like to God. As very own creativity and creation - each so unique and different and special, I have a feeling that we cannot even grasp the intensity of emotion he has for each and every one of us. And just like I love to watch my Selah girl sleep, and I delight in the sweet stillness of her rest, I think God must especially delight in seeing his children, his creation, when our hearts are at rest and we are at peace...fully trusting in our Maker. I love when Selah falls asleep in my arms...and am challenged to rest more often in the Lord's. Yesterday she rested her head on Kevin's shoulder on her own for the first time when he picked her up. I think he was almost brought to tears. He just loves having his little girl relax and rest into his arms, fully trusting in him as her daddy. What a special moment.

I am certain there will be many more tear-inducing moments, yet am fully enjoying soaking up all the moments of today. I have learned that slowly but surely a post pregnant stomach shrinks, the irregular sleep becomes normal and somewhat strangely comforting, and even in my most exhausted moments, when I'm aching for my sweet girl to take a good nap, once she falls asleep I look so forward to when she wakes up. It's crazy and I love it. I hope to get it together and get to sharing more in the days ahead. I feel like God is teaching me something new every day.

We are delighted to be parents, and drawn closer to our heavenly Father by getting to experience the love for a child. Amazing. It felt like I had to wait so long to experience this, but I would have waited a lifetime for this kind of joy. I'm just so thankful that wasn't the case.