Well, my baby girl is 6 weeks old as of last Thursday!! Wow...what a journey so far! I've written a million posts in my head, and am thankful to finally be getting back to actually writing them down. Honestly, any free time last week was spent working hard on her nursery...and I'm excited to say that I'm actually close to being finished!! Crazy. Once I cut into that fabric I just couldn't stop sewing until it was complete. The changing table cover, the curtains, and the crib skirt are all finished. My last major sewing project is the crib sheet, (and a pillow if I get really ambitious), I have the mobile and one more piece of art to complete, then it's just minor details. So exciting. I rarely decorate to completion like I have with her room, so it will be a big accomplishment for me. :)
So that was last week, and the week before that I was especially tired. I feel like she really "woke up" between weeks 3 and 4, which means lots more fun awake time, but what feels like even less sleep for me. When we hit the 1 month mark Kevin and I both felt the repercussions of that first month of adrenaline. While I had adrenaline to burn those first few weeks, I reached a point where motivation was hard to come by. :) As far as alertness and discovering the world around her, that really picked up between weeks 4 and 5 as well. She hit 8lb almost right at 4 weeks, and I really learned how different an 8lb baby seems than a 6lb 12 oz baby, which is what she came home as. She's really started enjoying her swing, which I think was just a bit too overstimulating at first. But now it's funny how she'll just sit there as peaceful as can be. She also got extra smiley between weeks 4 and 5 too! She loves, loves her play mat and kicking the side to make it light up and make music. Hitting the 6 week mark has felt like a major milestone. All was well at my doctor's appt., and by the generous grace of God, feeding my baby has become so much easier. Starting on Friday we have no longer had to supplement...I am so thankful! What a joy that has been for me as I have worked ridiculously hard to get here. Totally worth it in so many ways. She is now eating about every 2 hours from the beginning of one feeding to another during the day, which I'm actually thankful for because it seems to be helping. She'll go about 3 at night. Which means I'm still only getting about 2 to sometimes 3 hrs. of sleep at a time. So the circles under my eyes remain. :) I'm adjusting to a new kind of beauty this season of my life. Including an unfortunate inability to fit into my clothes. Zumba is calling my name! Kevin and I also feel like we are entering into somewhat of a parenting rhythm with our little one which is awesome. The last two Saturdays have been beautiful, and we have been quite successful at some project completion, and feeling very domestic.:) I am preparing myself to totally soak up the next two weeks, as I can just imagine Selah will seem even so much more different as a two month old...who will probably be over 10 lbs!! Oh my.
It's been absolutely amazing to see all Selah's little changes each week. Of course my instinct is always to be sad she's changing so quickly...but I soon realize the joy in each new day and stage she's experiencing. God's creativity displayed in His creation is fascinating and more than we deserve. Right now she's sweetly asleep in my lap and I am savoring it. Because with our more efficient feeding and her waking up to the world, falling asleep in mommy's lap has become less frequent than those first sleepy days. The trade off is her ability to just "hang out" with us when she's awake. This morning she was stirring and before Kevin went to work we layed her between us and she was so sweet and fun, curiously observing and cooing at her crazy parents (and the ceiling fan of course!). We just marvel at who God has created this precious little girl to be. I just can't get enough for sure. What a blessing and a gift. She can also still squeeze into newborn size cloths, though she's especially long, so that probably won't last too much longer.
I have to say I've reflected often on my journey of not becoming a mom until being a 30 yr old, and how that was never in my original "plans." Now knowing mommyhood is amazing as I've always dreamed, I often wonder if I should be sad I didn't get to experience this much much sooner. But of course I would have it no other way. Had my story not been one of waiting I wouldn't have my incredible husband or this amazing daughter. Rather than being sad I have actually been quite thankful that God allowed my story to go as it has. He is the author of what is best for us, and I'm amazed at the thought of what a different parent I would have been even a moment sooner. I actually enjoy being a 30 yr. old first time mom, and honestly think in many ways Selah will be much better for it in my case. And I would have waited a million years just to get to be the mom of this particular little girl. Just more evidence that there's real beauty in how different each of our stories play out, no matter how that is.
So that's our 6 week update for now. Still loving every minute and hope to continue! We have a sweet little girl on our hands and she is simply a joy. She still makes the sweetest faces, her little cheeks are filling out, and her cries are much more discernible. She still grunts when she is waking up to eat, and loves movement and having her bottom patted when she's fussy. And she's always loved the swaddle, the singing and the swaying. She is an alert and curious little one for sure. Baby Love is turning out to be quite my little joy!!
Okay, so finally - the background to how we named our sweet girl! If you know me at all, you know I do not make decisions quickly or easily. I actually put a crazy amount of thought, discussion, analysis, (often too much!?), and prayer into making choices...almost all choices. So particularly weighty decisions are quite an emotional experience for me. You can be sure that whenever I do choose something, I will have an explanation to go with it. (Hence the long and wordy blog post about it!) While not quite to the same extent, Kevin shares this trait with me when it comes to major decisions. So when we became pregnant in December, choosing a name for our child shot straight to the top of the prayer list. What a privilege and honor to give a name to a life God has intentionally and beautifully created! Wow - very intense for both of us. And now that all our past discussions about names applied to an actual child, it was amazing how many no longer carried enough significance to give this sweet baby. We both shared the desire for the names to be God inspired, confirmed by him, and to have depth and meaning to us. No pressure. Ha. Kevin prayed fervently and often that God would give us the name of this child He already knew. We wanted the boy's name to be biblical and strong, and it was important to me to choose something somewhat unique for the girl's name, because when I was young my name was unique and I loved it. (Page is my mom's maiden name and what she was often called in high school and college.) I have always been sure that I wouldn't be able to name a child until the last second because of my decision making struggles. :) That's why it was amazing when God led us to our names quickly and early in February - and we both were excited and had peace about them.
As I mentioned Sunday, for several years I had been familiar with "Selah" used as the name for the popular Christian music group. Love their music, but it wasn't a contributing factor when we were choosing. I also had seen it was in the Psalms but had never really studied it. Last summer we took the most amazing, life changing trip ever to Israel...it was incredible. I'm still just in awe of everything we were able to experience there, and all God taught us. Such a blessing to get to walk where Jesus walked, in the Holy Land. The bible truly came to life for us in an entirely different way after that trip, and we made some powerful relationships with a few people there. While we were there Kevin and I joked about if we happened to become pregnant while there...which led to all kinds of different Hebrew and biblical choices, (some quite interesting ;), that we could use to name our first child. It was all just in theory, keep in mind.
While there we were also able to visit the Dead Sea, (which was awesome!), and at some point we bought this bottle of lotion with Dead Sea minerals in it...and it was given the name 'Selah.'
We found out we were pregnant right before Christmas, and in the midst of going through boxes looking for Christmas decorations and our nativity we bought from Israel, I came across the 'Selah' lotion and set it out by the kitchen sink. I non-chalantly said, "Hey, if it's a girl we could name her Selah." I'm not sure what Kevin said at that point, but that was pretty much the end of it for a couple weeks besides adding it to the list and prating about it.
From the very beginning of our pregnancy we would spend time praying scripture over our sweet baby...often the Psalms. Many of the scriptures in this book have been pretty powerful in Kevin's studies and significant in our family this past year. One Sunday at the end of January we were sitting in church and a reference to a scripture in Psalms was made. As I was reading it I came across 'selah' again, and decided to look through and find all of them that I could, and do some research on it later. In the NIV version of the bible the notes simply say, "unknown meaning." Not exactly what we were looking for in a name. ;) When I researched it at home, I discovered that it's a Hebrew word meaning 'to pause and reflect,' and is essentially a musical term, used in the midst of the songs in the Psalms. It is asking the reader to stop and think about what was just said, (or sung), considering the weight and depth of the meaning. Love, love, love that. Kevin loved it too.
Selah (Hebrew: סֶלָה, also transliterated as selāh) is a word used frequently in the Hebrew Bible, often in the Psalms, and is a difficult concept to translate. (It should not be confused with the Hebrew word sela‘ (Hebrew: סֶלַע) which means "rock.") It is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen". "Selah" can also be used to indicate that there is to be a musical interlude at that point in the Psalm.[1] The Amplified Bible states Selah as "pause, and think of that". (from Wikipedia)
I also love this additional and 'modern' interpretation:
BDB shows that the main derivation of the Hebrew word "selah" is found through the fientive verb root סֶ֜לָה which means "to lift up (voices)" or "to exalt", and also carries a close connotational relationship to the verb סָלַל, which is similar in meaning - "to lift up" or "to cast up". The word סֶלָה, which shifts the accent back to the last syllable of the verb form, indicates that in this context, the verb is being used in the imperative mood as somewhat of a directive to the reader. As such, perhaps the most instructive way to view the use of this word, particularly in the context of the Psalms, would be as the writer's instruction to the reader topause and exalt the Lord.[4]
One of my favorite verses, and one that has been most significant in my life is Psalms 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." I have referenced it on my blog several times, as well as my favorite song, "Be Still and Know," by Steven Curtis Chapman. God has taught me no greater lesson in the 30 years of my life so far than to trust Him. (The "adrenaline rush of trust" as I call it. :) It has been an amazing journey, difficult at times, and I haven't always handled the lessons beautifully. I also know that while I may not like it, the journey to trust is a lifelong one. But God of course remains faithful, and learning to trust him has been a powerful experience over and over in my life. I love the line in that song that says, "Bow before the Prince of Peace, let the noise and clamor cease." That is exactly what I wanted to do right after I had a baby. It has always been one of the greatest desires of my heart to have a gentle and quiet spirit...to fully trust God with a heart and mind at peace. Having desired a child for as long as I can remember, I knew that every time I would look at this sweet baby I would be in awe of what God has done...and with the name Selah, we would be reminded to "pause and reflect," to be still, be amazed, and acknowledge that he is God. And with the crazy journey we experienced with our home situation and other life circumstances during our pregnancy, it was obvious how deeply God was calling us to trust him with our whole hearts over and over. Pregancy alone calls you to that on a moment by moment basis, entrusting him with this precious life he's knitting together.
And that is what our sweet baby Selah is. A precious life we have been entrusted with that we are asked to trust God with. She is his beautiful creation, and we pray we can enjoy her for a long, long time here on earth. All summer long, at the end of my pregnancy, I started each quiet time (by the pool!) reading the Psalms, especially because of the girl name we had chosen. It definitely did great things for my bible study. :) There were a few verses I used as comfort measures during labor, (the story I'll share next!), and especially at the end, right before Selah was born, Kevin and I were literally both crying and calling on God in prayer. I remember being convicted about how once again God was asking us to surrender and trust Him. To be still and know that he is God. (That should have been my first clue she was a girl!!;) Then sweet Selah was born.
I remember when she was laid on my chest and I found out she was a girl, I instantly wanted to say her name...but had held it in for so long that I hesitated. (And we wanted to tell our family). It was sweet and funny at the same time...but instantly confirmed. It is certainly and wonderfully true that I cannot look at this sweet amazing little blessing without taking a pause and reflecting on the depth of all God has done. He is amazing...and she is a gift. What a sweet bonus blessing that she's a girl...because I get to share this story.
And that, my friends, is how our sweet Selah girl got her name.
Thank you Lord for this beautiful girl, and her very special name.
My favorite lines:
"Consider all that he has done, stand in awe and be amazed, know that he will never change."
"Come rest your head upon his breast; listen to the rhythm of his unfailing heart of love...beating for his little ones, calling each of us to come...be still."
Good morning...or afternoon - the time of day often alludes me anymore. :) Except when I'm feeding a certain little miss - then every second counts. I'm happy to be linking up with Carissa and back to sharing some miscellany on a Monday!
1. Wonderfully weary.I.am.TIRED. You know, in a good, crazy in love with my little one kind of way. But wow - her little 4 week old self is very interested in the world around her, very hungry, and not nearly as interested in sleeping. 30 yr. old mommy, however, still loves a little shut eye. (30 something daddy wouldn't argue this either!) :) The adrenaline of that first month definitely catches up to you. Still definitely not wishing this sweet time away. I do love these quiet weekdays we have together...starting with our sweet morning reading time. I love babies in the morning! So wonderful to hear all her new little sounds and watch her discover the world. Fascinating and amazing. Today I'm obsessed with her precious feet and her squishy cheeks. (I was testing to see how asleep she was...so I kissed her cheek...everytime I did it she would just give me a big sleepy smile. Love that. :)
2. Fabulous photo shoot.On Saturday Selah had some photos taken by a sweet friend of ours who also took our maternity photos and photographed the birth. I can't wait to take the time to look at the journey of Selah's life so far and enjoy the amazing pictures that have been taken to capture it all. Our little girl did awesome for her photo shoot - it was in the morning so she was wide-eyed...but content, so they are going to be so precious. Can't wait. It's amazing how awesome it is to no longer care as much about how I look in photos because my little super star is the main attraction. Love that. Well, maybe I shouldn't have cared in the first place...life long journey to put to death that vanity. ;) By the way, this little accessory was used for the photos...SO CUTE!! Thank you Etsy.
3. Marriage recharge.After our photo shoot Selah then blessed her parents by sleeping soundly...so we could enjoy a "surviving the first month of parenthood" celebration breakfast at Wild Eggs - one of our favorite places. Yum. I had the BEST meal - the Farmer's Market skillet with basted eggs. Seriously, perfect in every way. All kinds of cooked veggies on the bottom along with skillet potatoes, then covered in cheese and finally topped with two perfectly cooked eggs. Loved every bite. It's also amazing how a conversation with your husband can be really good for your marriage. It was like a marital regrouping session. Much needed. Thank you Lord for a sleepy baby.
4. Pretty projects.I am working hard on all my little projects for the nursery. Truly might be the end of this month or sometime in November before I'm fully finished, but before she's 3 months old is a good goal I think. It's crazy how sometimes I think about what I might have done differently if I had known she was a girl. But I'm excited about following through with my bright, whimsical, and happy nursery. So thankful to be able to add those pops of raspberry pink to an aqua, yellow, and gray pallette. Ooooh, can't wait to see how it turns out! I have materials for the bunting prepared to sew, Kevin just cleaned up and painted a changing table we thrifted, we have the dresser that we are going to redo and paint a yummy shade of pink - (thank you Pinterest!), and I have big plans to sew the curtains this week and maybe make the diy canvas bins for the changing table. Whew. That would be a wonderful accomplishment. I've got to be honest though...I'm so nervous to cut all my fabric! Still planning to sew the changing table cover, the crib skirt, and eventually a crib sheet. Um, did I mention I have a newborn baby! Ha.
5. In the cloth club.Love the cloth diapering...seriously. Friday I used them for an entire day to figure out my system, and it was great! I took all my pictures for that post...so it's coming. Here's my preview: Bummis Easy Fits are my favorites! I will say it's not for everyone. Besides the oodles of money we will save, I like putting those healthy fabrics on her tush, and I prefer it to the diaper trash. Though we are in the heavy season for that. At least 12-15 diapers a day is admittedly a lot. I'm learning newbie parents often change their baby...right before the big poo comes. So back-to-back changes add to the trash load. :) I will say disposables are convenient and also a perfectly wonderful choice for those that prefer them for diapering a little bum. We actually have used them two days in a row because we needed to use aquaphor to clear up some irritable bum, as I like to call it. I know it will ruin my cloth diapers if I use those ointments with them, so I had to put that on pause. Flexibility is key with all these new mommy choices. I do have some Grandma El's diaper rash cream coming, which is supposed to be awesome and safe for cloth. By the way, it just so happens that the only chore I don't have an aversion to is laundry...which is a must for cloth diapering, and probably a big part of my being a big fan. With what I have now, I have to do a load a day in order to use cloth all day long. I'm definitely learning in every bit of parenting to respect each and every person's personal preference...because we all like doing it differently and that's all perfectly wonderful!
Don't judge her acceptance of these by her face. Ha.
6. Lights, Camera, action.Kevin and I were graciously blessed with some Target gift cards at our baby showers, and I just returned a bag or so of stuff...so we are thinking it might be time to invest in our first DSLR camera! Needless to say, I am EXCITED. (A little nervous too maybe??) I love taking photos and I've always wanted to learn how to do it right. This is a big decision though, I have to say. We've never had a camera like that. Due to a sale, our gift cards, and reviews, we are leaning toward the Nikon D3100. Thoughts?? I know their can be quite a debate between Canon or Nikon. I'd love to hear any opinions out there if there are some. I'm a little intimidated and overwhelmed by the decision...because this camera will need to be enjoyed for a looong time. Advice welcomed. :) (Also, what's your favorite online site for housing your photos? (Flicker, Google Picasa, etc.) Also on our list of things to set up.)
7. Dark chocolate deliciousness.Have you ever had these?? I could eat them for a meal. (But I promise, I haven't. I don't
think:). We got them at Costco. YUM.
8. Love her.Baby girl is grunting and waking...time to wrap it up. I'm learning the fabulous art of super fast blogging. Might leave out a few details and not quite have time for checking for grammatical errors anymore, so please forgive me. Going to work on writing about her name and the birth during some spare moments today too. Will pair nicely with some journal writing...gotta get these memories and prayers on paper! :)
"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."Psalm 118:24
My sweet girl and I had a little worship session to some "Selah" music this morning. I've always loved their music, and I'm thinking they were probably my first experience with seeing Selah used as a name several years ago, though the inspiration for using it for our daughter came much later. (And I will be sharing the rest of those details this week!) I almost used their version of a song that I posted early in our pregnancy and right after we'd decided on names, but Kevin said it might be too much of a hint. :) I listened to their hymn cd a lot throughout my pregnancy, especially that incredible version of "I Need Thee Every Hour." Wow. Having a great love of music, I love that our little one shares her name with a group that sings such powerful, beautiful songs of worship. Hopefully she will love it some day as well. This song was an especially powerful one during my labor and after delivering my own special Selah. Have a beautiful, restful Sabbath!
Well hello - can you believe I have a one month old little girl?! I have honestly tried to squeeze every moment out of every day, so it doesn't quite feel like it's gone in a blink...but it definitely has gone by fast! Little miss sweet Selah is just pure delight! And how much fun that she found her voice and started noticing the world around her between 2 and 3 weeks! So cute to see her start noticing everything, and finding joy in her discoveries. I know that's why every age and stage will be special in its own way. Because while I loved the super sleepy, squishy, and quiet first days, I'm also loving the ones that are more lively and filled with personality. The sleep is less, (for both of us I think!), but the smiles and coos are more. So sweet. Selah is a happy little baby, seemingly filled with sunshine. Don't get me wrong...underfeed the poor girl and she'll let you know how she feels with a wide mouth and a red face! I prayed so often during pregnancy for my sweet one to be filled with the spirit and to be filled with the fruit of the spirit. So when she's joyful I often reflect on those prayers and praise the Lord.
The further I get from them, the more I appreciate those first couple weeks...when recovery demands rest and there is zero pressure (for me at least!) to address anything else that might need to be done. I don't know how often I put her down, but it sure wasn't much. So worth waiting for and I just can't ever get enough. This past week those mothering/domesticated instincts kick in...for me. And during those precious, priceless naptime hours I have to become a master prioritizer. Do I do the things I need or want to do...sleep, exercise, eat, craft, journal...or do I address what needs to be done...dishes, laundry, the nursery, cleaning. A choice always has to be made. (Looks like blogging won a few minutes of this one!) And sometimes the best choice is to watch my baby sleep or hold her during the nap! I love those times...and know I will miss them more than anything else I could be doing!!
Bath #2 was much happier than the first!
We are figuring it out little by little, and dare I say we at times have a bit of a routine. A couple days she has taken a morning and afternoon nap and we've had some fun during "play time." The last two nights she has slept in shorter spurts but has been able to go back to sleep with just me feeding her (without having to supplement)...which is awesome! It makes the feedings seem much more peaceful and go more smoothly, so I am thankful for that. I'm staring at her sleeping now and she's just so wonderful. What a joy. She doesn't even cry when she needs to get up at night. She grunts. No kidding. It's the cutest thing ever. Now, she does cry when we change her diaper and start to take to long! :) Soon I'm going to post about some of my favorites that have worked great for her, AND my thoughts on cloth diapering!! I have partially done some form of cloth diapering since the beginning...and I love it. But of course I have my ever forming opinions!!
OH, and we took our first venture out the other day - it was hilarious. I was such a typical first time mom, sweating at the thought of her waking up and screaming in Target or Michael's. I even did RETURNS at Target no less. Yikes. And did you know the carts in Michael's are miniature?? No baby carrier is fitting in that thing! That was definitely a workout. She was a champ though. And I also managed without a major meltdown, so yay me too. Ha. I should also clarify after my last post that I have managed to take a shower at some point every day and I wash my hair every other. Please always keep in mind that I tend toward the dramatic. (Like I need to tell you this!) So while the hygiene is hard to come by, I do make it happen!! ;)
Okay, now for the fun...my first Pinterest project!! I love that the gals over at Lemon Tree Creations are hosting a Pinterest Project linky party and I've been excited all week to post mine. I love Pinterest so much because I'm so visual...so now I complete projects because I have them organized in one place and I don't forget about them. I know everyone has seen and delighted in that awesome melted crayon art...so I made my own! And I am loving it...can't wait to put it up in the nursery of my sweet girl. I added some lyrics from John Mayer's song about fathers and daughers. This was so much fun to make - seriously try it! Just know that the closer you hold the dryer to the crayons, the further down it drips...or so I found. Here's the link to the crayon project I pinned. And here's the link to my boards. Happy pinning!
- A "good day" means you took a shower AND put on makeup. (Hair washing = REALLY good day - a.k.a. husband is home. :)
- When you took that shower it was the fastest one of your life and there's a baby in her rock n play in the bathroom...and you're praying she doesn't wake up yet!
- The glider is your new best friend.
- You listen to Praise Baby because it's calming to YOU.
- When the baby does go to sleep you find yourself SPEED WALKING from one end of the house to the other trying to get stuff done. (Then yes, your body has something to say about moving that fast!)
- When you sit down to feed the sweet baby you run through the list in your mind...did I eat? Did I shower? Does the dog need to go out? How many dirty/wet diapers has she had today? Who have I yet again forgot to call/email/facebook back? Do I have anything non-maternity to wear in public...that actually fits?! Oh, and how IS my husband today??
- When you do get a chance to eat dinner with your husband while the baby's sleeping, you have to discipline yourself not to talk about breastfeeding or that precious and beautiful baby. Seriously, what did we used to talk about?!
- You hope no one spontaneously comes to the door...because 9 out of 10 times there's a good chance you're not fully clothed.
- You think watching a new little human sleep to be the most beautiful, blissful thing in the world.
- When your husband takes you to the doctor's office those first couple weeks you get "dressed up." And when you leave you desperately think of where else you could go to feel like a functioning member of society again.
- Your iphone has at least a hundred pictures of the most beautiful sleeping baby on it.
- You cry at all the Pampers commercials. Yes, a baby changes everything. :)
- You get a random headache in the middle of the day and ask yourself, "Why am I so tired?"
- You have to tell yourself that one day you do have to return to the front seat and sit next to your husband in the car.
- You've never prayed harder in your entire life.
- When you ask your husband to please get you some breast pads, he responds with, "Oh, are those what I find lying around everywhere?" (First week stuff of course :)
- If you had to choose one toiletry item to take with you somewhere...it would be medela lanolin.
- You realize that the moms who are getting a whole lot done are the ones who one day decided they could live on a whole lot less sleep. (I'm not quite there yet ;)
- You finally grasp the meaning of being thankful in all circumstances...because it is an absolute privilege to endure and adjust to whatever necessary in honor of the amazing little life you've been entrusted with.
- If you're like me, you wake up each day feeling like you just landed your dream job...and the longevity is prayerfully promising.
My grandma lovingly made this beautiful cross-stitch for my mom many years ago...and now it has been passed on to me. It so wonderfully sums up my heart and my days with my special sweet baby Selah. Becoming a mom has been an overwhelmingly joyful experience...having waited so many years for this dream to come true makes it all the more sweeter. Even as I'm writing this I think of all the things I've wanted to put in a post lately, but now it's difficult to put into words. I have spent the last three weeks snuggling and soaking up all the squishy, squeaky wonderfulness that is my daughter. That first week at home was crazy...recovering from giving birth, learning how to feed this tiny person, trying to remember to eat, exhausted from such little sleep, the adrenaline of being overwhelmed with gratitude for this gift. Seriously, my excitement over having our sweet little baby home felt much like the week after I found out I was pregnant...I was so excited and thankful I couldn't sleep. That's how it was when we first came home. Kevin would tell me to go lay down for a bit and I would just lay there saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," over and over to God. Then I'd get up to go hold my precious baby. :)
Dance time with Daddy :)
The second week was filled with a couple dr. appts, a couple sessions with the lactation consultant, and a whole lot of feeding...trying to put some weight on my little one. If I read your blog and you breastfeed, I might just be emailing you soon. I am determined to persevere and I so enjoy it...I really am hoping to feed her that way for a long time...it's just thrown me quite a learning curve with some unpredictable scenarios. Definitely a full time job - but the best kind in my opinion! I've had a bit of a struggle with milk supply more than anything, so any feedback or encouragement from any of you who have been down this road and got it to work for you eventually would be much appreciated! :) (Though I think I'm trying every trick in the book!) Now we're at the end of our third week together, getting into somewhat of a rhythm, and being fully initiated into motherhood with some projectile poo the other day. :) That's what mommy gets for changing that diaper a moment too soon!
I don't believe you can spoil a newborn baby...I do believe in loving abundantly and holding a lot and savoring such a special, short lived time. I even prayed that God would allow me to have long days filled with memories and special moments with her these first weeks - because I know all too well, even without fully experiencing it yet, that she will be so different in such a short time. Even when she's sleeping I reach over and lightly feel her tummy to make sure she's breathing...what seems like a million times a day and night. I just so love this fragile, beautiful and delicate little life and I don't want to miss a second. I read several blogs of new moms and wonder how in the world you all now have 7 month old babies!!?? I feel like I was just the one waiting on all their arrivals!
Selah makes the best facial expressions - in her sleep, when she's waking up, and recently when she's awake. We have seen her smile in her sleep so many times - and it is precious. Today she was sleeping in my arms and I was on the phone with a friend...when I laughed she made the sweetest giggly face - it was awesome. She is quite curious, yet so peaceful at the same time. Even when she was born she had her eyes wide open when they laid her on my chest. Checking me out and quietly looking for love from the beginning. She especially gets a kick out of her daddy when he reads to her and talks to her on his lap after work. She is an amazing sleeper - (which of course caused us a little freaking out at first!:), and only seems to scream when she's hungry...which is why we're definitely thankful we figured out early on that she wasn't quite getting enough to eat with just what I was able to give her. I am praying hard that won't always be the case. She loves being swaddled, she enjoys car rides and walks in the stroller, and she loves being held close and rocked. When her tummy hurts she prefers daddy's special football hold.
I love everything about this little girl...and I'm still getting to know her. It is quite amazing how quickly it's hard to remember life without her. Pregnancy feels like a million years ago. Can you believe all that time I had a little girl growing inside me?? I certainly didn't know or was never really honest about how much I have always wanted a daughter...until I had one. We adore having a little girl...and since it's still pretty new to me I have moments of seeing something cute or girly and getting excited about the fact that I'm part of that world now too!! About pregnancy...I did love it so much...I felt so good with my baby belly all the way to the very end. That has definitely been confirmed now that I'm left with my post baby body...funny how it doesn't matter if you lose 18 lbs in the week or two after giving birth - what remains certainly begs for some serious work, and the leftover pounds hang on for dear life! :) Now that I can see my thighs again I'm reminded of them too. Ha. Totally worth it of course. And the several stretch marks I didn't get until the last few weeks but that will be with me forever will always be a beautiful reminder of the special season God was knitting Selah together. That was an amazing time...and life with sweet Selah in my arms is even more so.
New baby days are not all daisies and roses, don't get me wrong. (And I'd be happy to talk in more detail about those dandelions if you'd like to email me and chat about it. :) Today is actually the first day I have my mind and thoughts together as much as I do! I certainly have had my fair share of irritability and emotional breakdowns. (Kevin has learned quickly not to say much when I'm pumping. Ha.) And I've quickly grown a mother's heart as I'm often overcome with an overwhelming desire to make every right decision for my daughter. This is truly a new season and time to live in and offer grace. All that said, I do choose to focus more on the daisies than the dandelions. Because when God does an amazing work like creating new life, it is too powerful and priceless to miss. For me, it's years and years of dreaming and praying coming true. Ironically, just like I said in my last post before I had my sweet girl, this is a time to "savor and be still." And to once again give God the glory for what He has done.
"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."Psalm 127:3 NASB
I will share soon about her name and her crazy amazing birth story...I just had to get my heart out before too many days go by!
Look who God has graciously and abundantly blessed us with...our precious and prayed for Baby Love,
who is a beautiful, amazing daughter!
I'm excited to finally introduce you to...
Selah Page
7 lb 4 oz.
20 1/2 in.
9:48 am
9-8-11
(I wore this dress as a newborn...it was her coming home outfit!)
We are in love and consumed with our sweet Selah girl. Delivering and meeting her was the most powerful experience of my life by far. I can't wait to share the birth story, the inspiration for and meaning behind her name, and the beginning of our adventure together with you! Thank you for your prayers...God is so faithful and we give Him all the glory for this new life!!!
I have to be honest with you...you already know how ridiculously excited I am to meet this baby...but I'm really finding great peace and joy in this "waiting for baby" process. The first day or two felt weird, like I was "late" for something, the next couple days felt like bonus free time, and now I'm in the "savor and be still" stage. (Though I have my moments...particularly when the dreams get weirder and WAY more real! :)
Today I strapped on my more supportive Teva sandals and enjoyed an hour long walk (without waddling!) with Chai on our favorite trail. I savored the fascination of this full term baby snuggled and squished in my belly, being rocked to sleep with every step, and as physically close to my heart as he or she will ever be. I was overwhelmed in amazement that in a matter of weeks, (prayerfully!), I could be pushing this very baby in stroller, having to take breaks to make sure he or she is warm enough, fed enough, or changed. Even when it feels slow, life happens so quickly. So I certainly don't want to miss right now.
I was able to do some great thinking and reflecting about the times in my life I've had to endure the waiting...or the times of waiting others in my life are enduring right now. It's crazy how stories of others' experiences can at times be overwhelming when you're in the thick of pregnancy craziness...but now, when strangers ask me when I'm due and I tell them last Wednesday, their stories are actually the comforting ones, as so many tell me how long they had to wait! Makes me feel a little more normal, instead of like I'm missing the party or something.:)
Isn't it difficult at almost all stages of life to wait?? As children we struggle with waiting our turn, or sacrificing our own instant gratification for that of another, and waiting on our parents when they say, "Not now." (Actually, this is kind of true of adults too...yikes!) As teens we just want to grow up, be respected, be included, be loved. We think if we could just get out of that stage of life we'd get there. Then, if you're me, you go to college and wait to be pursued, or "wait" for all your dreams to come true and prayers to be answered. Sure, we try to follow God's lead and take the appropriate action steps, but often our hearts still feel like they're enduring the elevator music when we've been put on hold on the phone. Then we "wait" or endure the search for the just right job, or the next direction we're supposed to go. Or for the promised rental home you're waiting for while pregnant with your first child. Pray and wait, pray and wait...it can start to feel quite rhythmic if it lasts long enough.
But today, like so many times before, God convicted me with the richness that's to be found in the waiting process. It's the finite, one piece of the puzzle principle. We can and will only ever be able to see small pieces of the puzzle at a time, until it is complete and we can view with God the whole picture. Though often, when it is complete, it's a masterpiece and we feel silly for freaking out and throwing our tantrums because we couldn't see it sooner.
There's no doubt those times can be incredibly tough and pain-filled, sometimes demanding moments of grieving over unmet expectations or the loss of the ideal while we're in the throws of the wait. Times when it just doesn't make sense this side of Heaven, and it feels more than we can bear. Especially when it comes to waiting to conceive, longing to be married and have a family, waiting for a loved one to be healed, or waiting for healing yourself. This is when we cry out to God from our depths and have to get real honest with our desperate need for His peace that passes all understanding. I completed a bible study on Exodus this year called God-Seeker. At one point, after highlighting the amazing verse that says Moses changed God's mind when He became angry and wanted to destory the people who had turned from Him, (Exodus 32:14), she asks the reader, "Who are you storming the gates of Heaven for?" This entire pregnancy I have been more drawn than ever to "storm the gates of Heaven" for so many. Like little Kate McRae who is only 7 years old yet has battled a brutal and awful cancer for two years. Or my blog friend Amy, who has also battled this ugly disease for a year now, yet has remained so faithful and honest with her almighty God. And now a family friend and co-worker of Kevin's who recently began his fight with what seems like an ugly and unfair cancer diagnosis. And a family member who has been desperate to conceive another child, praying for God to hear their requests as they long to add to their family for His glory. The stories could go on and on...the waiting can seem and feel awful and heartbreaking. So gut-wrenching and difficult for any of us to make any sense of.
Our pastor shared a great quote a couple Sundays ago during his sermon on prayer. He said something like, "We shouldn't make requests of God when we're not willing to also take action ourselves." I have thought about this over and over, particularly when I am sharing my petitions with God and have to question what I could be doing to be available for Him to use in order to answer the request. Like if I see or hear about people who are hurting and am immediately compelled to call out to Jesus on their behalf. I now also start reflecting on how He might be wanting to use me to bring comfort. Though I know I must choose to be willing and take action.
I will never forget the moment my persepective on "waiting for a husband" changed pretty dramatically. I had longed to be a wife and mom my whole life, and I felt like it was what I was created to do. I prayed and surrendered over and over, and I believed God placed that desire in my heart and wanted to answer my requests. But I couldn't see far enough in front of me to really get it. So I kept making choices and looking at my life in my early and mid twenties in terms of, "Well, in 2 years I'll probably be married, so I should or shouldn't choose this." And I'm even talking little stuff like buying a set of dishes, new silverware, (instead of using my mom's old), or investing in the comforter cover I really wanted. (Bright colored multi-striped!) I would think, "Well I wouldn't want to get something my husband wouldn't like, so I'll just wait." Crazy!! This is the perfect, (even if seemingly ridiculous) example of fixating on only a small piece of the puzzle. I think I was about 24 or 25 when this realization dawned on me, and I immediately decided to take a different course of action. I decided to savor the moment and live now. I bought a set of white IKEA dishes that I loved, and the comforter cover and shams, (and pink sheets!) from The Company Store I had really been wanting, so I could finally make my bed and decorate like an adult. And wouldn't you know it...3 or 4 years after that, God brought the amazing man He had for me into my life and we got married. And up until last week we have used that bright striped comforter cover! Ha! Turns out it didn't even matter! (Don't worry, I have worked hard to create a sacred space for us - without that cover - in this new home. :) Also, we are still using and love those white IKEA dishes as our only set. We didn't even register for dishes because of them!
Those might be minor and silly examples, but they will always be a huge lesson for me. During the years I was feeling the most discouraged about wanting to be married, Kevin was not even yet a Christian. I wouldn't have even considered him as a potential husband. Yet today he is a phenomenal and God-seeking man. God has done a powerful and amazing work in his life, and I am changed so grateful for it! He leads our family well, disciples others as his job, and is more than I could have ever asked for or imagined....and I asked for and imagined a lot!
What's on my heart that motivated this post is this: God is sovereign and we are not. He is our Creator and we are His creation. He loves us more than we can imagine, but while on earth, we will never not be small and human. He knows how the puzzle fits together and why. We would be foolish not to trust. Which reminds me, we also just recently had to make a tough decision about my job. Very long story, but at the end of the day, we prayed and were at peace with me making the difficult decision to walk away, regardless of the potential for circumstantial fear that might pose. Wouldn't you know it, a few days after that decision was made on our part, the family took a new position and relocated to California! Ha! Thank you God for confirmation of that decision.
It amuses me how theoretical and analytical we can get about life...and it must amuse God how often we try to understand and explain the details of why things are the way they are...rather than surrender and savor what He has for us in the middle of it. Which is what I'm doing now. I don't know when this sweet baby will come. But I know he or she will. I don't know what he or she will look like...but I guarantee you I'll say this baby is the most beautiful creation I've ever laid eyes on. I don't know how labor and delivery will go, but God has known since He started knitting this baby together. I do know that I have confidence in Christ, I trust Him, and I am praying fervently to Him about the whole process. Even when it's hard, I know He is in control and I just can't be. I am praising Him for the depth and richness He has given me while reflecting during these "extra days" of waiting. The Israelites wandered and waited in the desert for 40 years. And not without grumbling and wanting to give up, I might add. Sometime I'll have Kevin do a guest post on how much God has taught him during these 9 months through that story. If they had known what the Promised Land would behold, don't you think the waiting would have been so much easier? But then again, they would have never had to trust. They would have missed out on seeing the magnificent beauty of God's provision and answered promises...and they would have missed that He is to get all the glory.
Check out this admittedly heavy but ridiculously rich quote I just found in C.S. Lewis' article or sermon, The Weight of Glory, referring to how we think about God and how He thinks about us:
"In the end that Face which is the delight or the terror of the universe must be turned upon each of us either with one expression or with the other, either conferring glory inexpressible or inflicting shame that can never be cured or disguised. I read in a periodical the other day that the fundamental thing is how we think of God. By God Himself, it is not! How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important. Indeed, how we think of Him is of no importance except in so far as it is related to how He thinks of us. It is written that we shall “stand before” Him, shall appear, shall be inspected. The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God...to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness...to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is." WOW. (I just came across this, but will be reading it and reflecting on it so much more!! I can hardly wait to read the whole sermon!)
My doctor just left for vacation today. Much of the reason we chose this doctor is because she does whatever it takes to deliver each and every one of her own patients. Yet when she hesitatingly told me last week this might happen, it surprisingly didn't phase me a bit. For whatever reason, it seemed like I knew it was coming. God has done a real work in my heart during this pregnancy, squeezing out any desire of mine to be in control. I am constantly reminded that He is everything, and I am nothing without Him. And Kevin has reminded me, we have prayed the whole time, and God knew this scenario and how it would play out from the beginning. I've been reminded that my faith, hope, and trust for the growth and delivery of this baby has never been in the doctor...it is in God alone. That is the only way that He gets what He deserves...all the glory.
So my encouragement to you while you wait...or while others seem to be anxiously waiting for you ;)...give him all the glory, right where you are; be grateful and savor whatever He has to teach you in the unknown. I pray you'll be joy-filled in simply knowing that you are delighted in by the One who made you. And when the tears come because it seems too painful to bear...let them fall. That's often when our Hero and his love shines the most.
LOVE this song!! This summer our church did a beautiful service centered around the message of this song. Hope you are encouraged and uplifted on this beautiful Sunday!
So what does a pregnant lady do when she's overdue?? She embraces what I'm affectionately referring to as "extra recess." While I know meeting this little baby will be more fun than I can imagine, I am definitely choosing to make the most of this "overtime" Kevin and I are sharing. As two people who tend to have plenty to do last minute, (I'm trying not to call us procrastinators:), a few or more extra days doesn't hurt. Also, while many of you might start telling me to walk like crazy, unfortunately my first injury of the pregnancy just came on a few days ago...the ball of my foot throbs pretty excruciatingly when I walk on it. Probably the result of carrying around an extra 25 or so pounds and wearing sandals with horrible support all summer. Anyway, walking isn't currently easy. But here's a list of some other fun ways we're spending on time waiting on God's exciting and perfect timing:
* Enjoying a "date-a-day" with Kevin, eating at our favorite places and getting out and about. So far we've had an amazing dinner, an awesome breakfast, and a dessert night. We are trying to plan some other favorites for each day...a pre-baby bucket list...we'll see how far we get. :)
* Lots of pre-baby pool time for the pregnant lady. SO.MUCH.FUN. All summer I've embraced the peaceful times I've spent reflecting, reading, and praying while floating in the pool. I just love being in the water. Kevin and I had it all to ourselves for about an hour and a half tonight while the sun was going down. I hated to even get out. We have made many fun memories the last couple summers enjoying great talks and swimming together in the pool. Also, I haven't exactly mentioned that the place we just moved to is a patio home community...a.k.a...the average age of the residents is probably older than our parents. :) But let me tell you, that makes for some FUN conversation with the afternoon ladies. I was blessed to hear some great stories yesterday, including the tales of the dancing they do often with their hubbies...the waltz and polka...LOVE IT. So sweet. And of course they are so excited about the baby...they especially loved that I was taking it easy for a few hours at the pool when I could be having a baby at any moment.
*A trip to the mall - I'm having that last minute anxiety over wondering if I have just the right outfit for a boy or girl - so silly, I know. Another result of not knowing what this sweet one is and freaking out about not being prepared. At least I know I'm acting crazy. And we did not buy anything...but it was therapeutic to look.
*Catching up on all the new mommy reading I haven't yet finished in all my preparations.
*Reading non-'new mommy' books...like "One Thousand Gifts." I've had it all summer, but have yet to finish it. Such an amazing book to draw you to live in gratitude as a first resonse. I know it's well known in the blog world, I've just been slow going in getting it read!
*Replenishing my makeup and maybe throwing in a new sparkly illuminating powder from Sephora...to try to stretch the prego glow to new baby days. Ha ha.
*Praying, praying, praying and journaling. I am daily surrendering my fears, praying for courage and peace, praying through some powerful scriptures, and praising God for this amazing time leading up to holding my little one.
*Sharing some sweet conversations with my husband about the 3 yrs. we've enjoyed leading to this special new time, and talking about our hopes and prayers for our marriage and family. And dreaming about who God has created this little one to be...so exciting!!!
*Resting at home, enjoying the quiet, and icing my foot. :) Also spending time in the nursery getting excited and thinking about my future plans for it...and being patient with myself. I've also managed to squeeze a couple loads of laundry here and there. Notice my "nesting" doesn't exactly have me running for the dust bunnies!
Who knows what tonight or tomorrow will bring?! Until then, we'll just keep living to the full our last days before being parents FOREVER. Can you tell transitions are a big deal to me?! ha. Such an adrenaline rush of trust...exciting!
