"Between Sundays"

I am so thankful to have had another day off from school today! It seems like the extra days off that feel more like a "gift" are so much more productive than the regular weekends.

One thing I did today was make a trip to the Lifeway Christian Store here in town. I picked up the Bible Study my small group will be studying next, "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer. She is a beautiful speaker and gifted writer, and a link to her blog is on the list of my favorites.

In honor of a cold and rainy day off, one that begs for a cozy afternoon wrapped up in a down comforter, I also picked up a fiction book to enjoy. But not just any fiction book. A Karen Kingsbury novel. Now let me just say, I love Karen Kingsbury. There were many mornings, afternoons, and evenings in college that I could not put one of her books down. Much like today. Today I bought "Between Sundays," a book that has been out for awhile but I have yet to read. (Notice the bargain budget price! Hence the reason I bought it!!!) I am half-way through and very much loving and being encouraged by the story. It is about a young foster child and his foster mom, who took him in after his birth mom, her best friend, passed away. He has a father he is trying to connect with who is an NFL football player and is unaware he even has a son. In the meantime, the football player, who is living a self-centered and wayward life is learning what he has been truly missing in life from his teammate, who is a Christian. He is learning valuable lessons about how he lives "between Sundays," and how that is what makes all the difference. He is also greatly affected by observing the gentle and graceful strength of the woman who is raising this foster son as though he is her own.


I know that Christian fiction novels can often have a predictable plot, but it's not what happens that keeps me intrigued. It is how beautifully Karen develops the characters and portrays their growth as a result of their conversations and moments of wrestling with God. Her books always display God's faithfulness, interwoven into stories that are very much filled with painful realities that people encounter regularly.

Even from the part of this book I have read so far, I am convicted to pray for and research the lives of foster children whose stories I could potentially impact. It is so sad to realize there are hundreds of children who do not have "forever families," and who are left to fend for themselves and make some sort of life starting with nothing when they turn 18. This book really brings to life the sad reality that so many foster children who are older face as they are desperately waiting and hoping to be adopted. I know this is something I will be researching in the near future to see how I can play a role in providing an element of hope to these children. In the meantime, please join me in praying for these children, that they might be welcomed into a family that will love them and provide a home for them forever. If there is any way you can help wherever you are, please pray about doing so.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows..."James 1:27

The Atonement Child

The church service this weekend at Southeast was intense. It is the 37th anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade case, which legalized abortion. Since that time, over 50 million babies have been killed in the womb. It is tragic and devastating to think about. At the end of the service a person representing every age from 37 to a baby still in his/her mother's belly walked down the aisle with a rose to represent the over 1 million children that had been aborted that year. It was heartbreaking. It is a powerful sermon that you can listen to by following this link:

http://www.southeastchristian.org/sermons/

I know that there are women who live daily with the pain from choosing to abort their baby. I have heard stories about instant remorse, when right after a woman has had her baby brutally extracted from her, she sees or realizes it was fully formed, even if very tiny. My heart breaks for these women and their struggle. I want them to know and feel the loving redemption of Jesus Christ, realizing His forgiveness of this choice. And the loving comfort that can come from God alone, who is the great Healer. I am so thankful that our pastor at Southeast chose to speak so boldly about this topic, recognizing it as a Biblical issue, not a political issue. I am so glad he told the story of the woman called "Jane Roe" who once helped legalize abortion and now stands 100% against it, after seeing and realizing the brutality of this practice.

There are two books I have read about this topic that have emotionally rocked me each time I have read them. They are both fiction, one written about a woman's journey after having an abortion, and the other about a woman who walks the difficult road to choosing to give her baby life.

The first book is by Frank Peretti and is called Tilly. It is a story of a woman who has an intense dream that she meets the daughter she aborted in heaven, and the little girl just wants to be loved and held by her mom. She wants to know all about her family and what her brothers and sisters are like. She wants to know that her mommy loves her, and she wants her mommy to know that she is happy and that Jesus takes care of her. She says he tells the most wonderful stories. She tells her mom that Jesus says they will all be together again some day, and she can't wait. She tells her mommy that she forgives her.

The other book is The Atonement Child, written by Francine Rivers. I have read this book numerous times, and each time I cannot put it down. It is the story of a girl who has a "storybook" life, dating a nice Christian man, attending a good Christian college, and is brutally attacked walking back to the dorm from work one night. The result of this attack is a pregnancy, and pressure is put on her to leave school. Her boyfriend suggests abortion. The story walks through the turmoil she faces, the changes her relationships go through, as well as the fear and loneliness she feels. In the end, this girl searches hard after God, realizing He is searching hard after her, and chooses life for her baby. She soon realizes what a life giving choice this is, and how God will bless it. The book, however, ends with a different girl in a cold room in an abortion clinic, her boyfriend leaving the room and closing the door behind him. The last couple lines read, "When the door closed, death surrounded her. And into the silence and separation that followed could be heard the weeping of God's only begotten Son, the Atonement Child."

Tears are rolling down my face and I am sobbing as I write this. First because just imagining this scenario and the millions of women who have sat in that room and ended the life of a precious little child breaks my heart and brings me to my knees. I cry for each one of those sweet, innocent babies. I wish I could wrap my arms around each of those women before they ever step foot in that room and promise them that God can and will get them through what might seem like the most challenging scenario they could face by choosing life for their baby. My tears also represent intense sadness over that hard core depiction of God giving up His one and only son, allowing him to be brutally murdered so that you and I might have an atonement for our sins. So that we may be forgiven and free, promised eternal life.

Let me make one final plea to Christians. Although I cannot read the minds of those who have struggled with the choice or gone through with an abortion, I wonder if there is anything we could have done to help them choose life. I am not talking about protesting or educating. I am thinking more of showing grace. Often in our conservative Christian church cultures we make it horrendously difficult to struggle with sin. The irony is, if you are breathing, you struggle with sin. It is the result of a fallen world here on Earth. Yet we are afraid to hear about someone's deep struggle. Thus, he or she feels like there is nowhere they can turn for help. And the truth is, the church should be the safest place to find grace and healing for the sin someone might be struggling with. What if a young girl was struggling to stay sexually pure yet was completely terrified to share this struggle with anyone at church, for fear of condemnation? Wouldn't she find more strength and accountability to overcome this struggle if she was met with love and pointed to Jesus? What happens if she makes the wrong choice and becomes pregnant? What goes through her mind when she thinks about being pregnant and having everyone talk about her? Can you imagine the pressure she might feel to take another way out? Please, think about this in terms of the church where you worship. Is there anything you could do to make it a safe place for sinners, a.k.a. all of us, to come and be met with hope, healing, grace, and love? Please practice what you preach. Be Jesus to a broken world. Honor God's precious gift of His one and only atonement child.

A Wonderfully Random Day

Yay for Saturday! Oh how I love a day with a blank slate! Here's a few of the many things I did to fill mine...

1. Sleeping in until 10. Love it. (No picture needed. :) )

2. Drinking this (Skinny Snowman Latte - Sugar free White Chocolate, Sugar free Almond, one shot of espresso, soy - yum!):

3. Cutting out these:
4. And checking out these websites to help with the super budget:

shortcuts.com
cellfire.com
pgesaver.com

5. Dreaming about this (yeah right - remember that budget?):

6. Reading this (because it's everything I'm not!):
7. Loving this (Because I think EVERY bed needs a down comforter...one of my favorite possessions!):

8. Also loving this (YUM):9. Thinking about taking down this (but wondering if it would make a super cute Valentine's Tree!? And the light situation is another story for another day!!):10. Walking this (love him!):
11. Worshipping here:

12. Adding to this:


13. Working out on this (VERY fun!):
14. Hanging out with this (REALLY love him!):

15. Reading this:
16. Thankful for this: "...Let the Beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

All Who Are Weary...

It's the weekend...and I am so tired. Kevin and I are on the couch saying things like, "Please stop talking. I have a headache." And, "Quit moving - it's annoying." We are exhausted. And exhaustion around here often equals irritability. Eventually we laugh at the fact that we are staying up trying to make life exciting in an effort to appreciate and make the most of pre-kid Fridays. One day, God willing, we won't have the luxury of sitting around and wondering what to do. One day I hope we'll be feeding and rocking and burping and loving. So today I'll be thankful. And I'll realize the opportunity to go to sleep by choice- at 9:00. Knowing the sooner I go to bed...the sooner I get to experience the thrill of sleeping in.

I wonder if God loves it when we sleep. When we aren't fighting or striving, worrying, trying to understand, or feeling any pain, completely surrendered. I wonder if He just enjoys loving on and breathing life into His weary children, restoring our tired bodies and renewing us for another day. It seems so peaceful to think about. Especially after a week like this week. "Restore us, renew us, and watch over us as we sleep dear Jesus. Please comfort, heal, and love on the people in Haiti. Draw them into a relationship with you. Thank you for another day."



"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

See you tomorrow....whenever I get up.

You Will Come Forth As Gold

10 But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

11 My foot has held fast to His steps;
I have kept His way and not turned aside.

12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food."

Job 23:10-12

Do you know how gold is made? The goldsmith takes the elements of gold that have been extracted from another material and "refines" or heats them until they are pure. Essentially, the goldsmith puts the gold in the fire over and over until it is so pure that its reflective properties allow him to see his face in it.

This is probably my favorite analogy God uses in the entire Bible, because it brings me so much comfort on days like today. I know He is refining me. He is allowing me to go through the fire because He loves me so much and at the end of it all, whenever that may be, He wants to see His face reflected fully and purely in me. I want that so much too. So much that I'll surrender what I want for what He wants. I cannot see Him, but I believe in Him. I do not understand His ways, but I choose to trust Him.

How is God refining you today? Please, choose to trust Him. He knows the way that you take; that you closely follow His steps, and obey His commands, yet still don't understand the fire you may be walking through or the flames you may be enduring. He loves you, He knows you, He desires you, and He will get you through this. Treasure Him, treasure His word. He treasures you...and you will come forth as gold.

A Heart Set Free

My husband and I are on a budget. A super budget. We have big dreams to experience financial freedom, so we are going on a hard core spending freeze. That said, meals often have to get creative. Fortunately, Kevin and I love a good breakfast for dinner, and my husband makes great eggs. He was so excited about his fluffy, beautiful "restaurant" looking eggs as he called them, that I had to take a picture. One photo is of our yummy dinner. The other is of the table of a couple working hard on a budget. Pretty eggs, not such a pretty table.

I am so thankful to be married to such a godly husband, and an awesome partner for life and ministry. I prayed and prayed for years for this man. Last night someone asked us, "How's married life?" And without skipping a beat I said, "It's great!" Later Kevin told me how much he liked that I said that. I realized that every time someone has asked us that question over the last year I have responded with an immediate, "It's definitely hard. But it's good." Which, for obvious reasons might have been a little disheartening for the man who loves me so very much and so very well. I am sometimes honest to a fault, but when I said it was hard, I never really meant it was bad. I believe great things often go through really hard times. And when you are learning to work as a team with someone you have just joined every part of your life with, inevitable challenges are bound to be present. But Kevin and I are in such a sweet place with the way God is truly helping us come together as one, serving Him and loving others as the team we came together to be.

So much of this latest joy we have experienced in our marriage undoubtedly has come from the way I have felt the Lord renew my spirit and restore my joy. Last year might have been a tough transition for me, but because of that it certainly had to be difficult for my sweet husband. He is a faithful man who has loved me through some ugly days. And it has created a foundation for us to build on that I will be eternally grateful for.

Psalm 119:32 says, "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." I am so very thankful that God loves me and has set my weary heart free. While I may bring on the weariness by carrying burdens I was never meant to bear, He has been faithful to stand by me and hear me when I call. Almost every morning this week I have choked up while listening to music on the way to work, and my heart has been brought to its knees in gratitude for the way God loves, listens, and literally never lets go. I have also been brokenhearted for those who have and are experiencing some dark and difficult days of grief right now. I pray that they too feel God wrapping them up, holding them close, and promising to never let go.

This morning I was reminded of the song, "I Will Lift My Eyes," by Bebo Norman. Several years ago, this song was my prayer through some incredibly difficult to understand days. These are some of my favorite lines:

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

"Thank you God that we can lift our eyes to the Maker, the Calmer, and the Healer. Thank you for setting my heart free."

The Gift of Words

"The tongue has the power of life and death..." (Proverbs 18:21). This was true for me today. I was having a not-so-great day, as I was observed during a lesson and my performance anxiety got the best of me. It was not good. And I really struggle with failing. So in the midst of preparing for my next lesson during planning time, I had this ongoing dialogue inside my head. It went something like, "I'm smart, right? Am I smart? What am I doing? Do I even know what I'm doing? I'm just not good at this." Seriously. I went spiraling quickly. Then I received a short, encouraging note from a friend I rarely talk to. And my spirits were lifted. It was honestly a life-giving moment. And that, along with my loving husband gently convicting me with the words I had written just one day before, changed my entire day. Hope was breathed right back into me.
Have you ever felt like encouraging or complimenting someone but you held back? Have you ever thought about writing a short, encouraging note to someone but you just brushed it off or changed your mind? Maybe you thought you weren't significant enough to them for it to make a difference, or maybe you thought it just wouldn't matter. Perhaps you just didn't get around to it. My encouragement to you today is this. Please do not be a person of good intentions. Rather, become a person of bold action.

If you are reading this, there is a great chance that at some point in my life I have thought about writing you a note. Maybe several. Seriously. I think about it all the time. I think about encouraging someone during a difficult time, thanking someone even for the small things, letting someone know how valuable they are and how I notice God using them. (Or even telling someone how much I like the blog they just wrote!) What's crazy is, I think about writing notes to people literally all the time. Yet it seems like I rarely do. I seem to think I don't have the time or the just right card or the stamp or the address, etc. I usually just think I'll do it later. Ridiculous excuses. In actuality, I simply don't take the time and I'm numbed by the fear that it won't be just perfect. Thus, the thought often remains an intention for a lifetime, never becoming an action God can use. Literally everyone loves to be thought of and encouraged and built up. Quite possibly they painfully need it. And tragically, there are thoughts inside our minds that could be gifts of life to someone else, yet we selfishly keep them hidden.

I know Jesus was not a man of intention. He was completely a man of action. His whole life was devoted to doing God's work, not sitting around thinking about how it might be a good idea for him to do it. He was literally selfless. He did not have great intentions to love others, he did love others. He was obedient to his Father, and was devoted to others in love. He did not hesitate. And his devotion changed the course of history.


"The tongue has the power of life..." What an honor and a privilege to have the opportunity to use you to breathe life into someone today. I'm thankful to my friend who did not hesitate to listen to God's leading today. What a blessing to think God would inspire you or put a thought in your head to encourage someone so that He might speak to them through you. You never know. My mom still remembers when her third grade teacher told her she had a beautiful smile. The phone call you make, the note you write, the compliment you give could turn someone's entirely bad day into entirely something else. Without hesitation, what one person could you encourage with words today?

Scars of Perseverance

If you have not read Erwin McManus' book Uprising, then please, go get it. Seriously, right now. Erwin is a pastor in L.A. who consistently shares God's truths in powerful ways. He is the pastor of a church called Mosaic that meets in a building on the weekends that serves as a nightclub during the week. Tonight a friend called me to be reminded of the title of this book that I said would change her life. I actually said if I could only read one author's books for the rest of my life I would choose his.

Interestingly enough, this book was a huge part of Kevin and I's "dates." We did not live in the same city, so for about 3 or 4 months we talked for at least 3 hours almost every night. And I read him this book...rather dramatically I might add. I do tend to get a little excited. I would read parts I was excited about, then we would talk about it for hours. Then one day I surprised him by sending it to him in the mail so we were both able to read it at the same time. It was awesome. I still remember the adrenaline of those nights growing more in love with one another by growing more and more in love with God. I rarely slept, but I was always smiling.

So after my friend called tonight, I was encouraged to pick the book back up. And I am now in the process of reading it again. Tonight I just want to share one page that is so good it made me laugh out loud while I was reading it to Kevin. He and I have talked a lot lately about doing the work God specifically designed us to do, that which we are truly passionate about. And in the midst of those conversations we have been convicted by the fact that God has us where He wants us, and we should be doing exactly what we're doing right now, with wholly devoted hearts. The biggest lesson we are learning is that life is in the process. Dreams are in the days. It's not like you wait and wait, and work and work at something, then one day arrive at a place where all your dreams are fulfilled. Certainly not here on Earth. Instead you live and live and live, trusting God and serving Him every day, with every gift you have. Over and over again. And He will do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine with that. With your faithfulness. So here is the page from Uprising. Keep working, keep loving, keep living, keep serving. Persevere...even when it hurts. Then surrender the scars...

How can you be faithful with the tasks entrusted to you today?

How He Loves Us Part 2

It is officially Day 5 of being 29. I have to say, it has been a great age so far. Having a four day weekend, two days unplanned, has contributed to this bliss. And this is my fifth blog. 360 more days to go until the big 3-0.

Last night Kevin and I finally checked our mail after a snowy few days, and I received this beautiful birthday card from my mom and dad. It is my inspiration for today's blog. My mom is a master at celebrating people. She raised me from birth to know and believe the very truths that are on this card. She and my dad together have been a beautiful voice through which God has communicated His great love for me. I am inspired by her to love other people in this way. She often shares with other women the importance of valuing themselves as deeply loved treasures that God adores. This card says three things, which are each accompanied by three verses. It is my prayer that every woman would hide God's word in her heart and acknowledge these things to be true about herself.

YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE...

"God not only loves you very much but also has put His hand on you for something special." 1 Thessalonians 1:4

Being an elementary school teacher consistently challenges the feelings I have about myself and my unique worth. Teaching 22 children well on a daily basis is a daunting task. Everyone has a different need, no one learns the same way. On top of that, the administration of it all might make a person crazy. Most hard working teachers at my school have a beautiful gift of organization. I do not. My way is a bit more chaotic than some could handle, and my desk is rarely perfectly clear. At the beginning of the year I used to criticize myself and feel constantly overwhelmed that I was failing because of my "organized mess." I knew where things were but it looked like I hadn't a clue. Finally I made peace with the fact that I love those kids with my whole heart. I am there to teach them to the best of my ability. I am working hard to do my best. Though I will never have the most orderly classroom in the school, I know who I am to those kids, and to me that's what matters most.

Isn't it true that so many times we feel little more than boring and ordinary? There are so many roles that we fill as women. Wife, mom, daughter, sister, some kind of in-law, friend, teacher, mentor, counselor, student, girlfriend, employee, cook, etc. Striving to fill all these roles well creates a huge pressure and burden for us to bear. Regardless of the role we are playing, at some point there is usually a feeling of inadequacy that goes along with it. When we are single it's, "Am I worthy of being loved the way I desire?" When we are married it's, "Am I a good enough wife to my husband?" When you're a mom it might be, "Am I raising my kids well?" When we're at our jobs it's, "Am I even capable of doing this job?" As if that weren't enough, it also seems like there is an abundance of unwarranted advice consistently available. In the end it all comes down to the fact that God loves you more than you can imagine and He has designed you to be especially you. He wants you to have no one's gifts but your own, and He wants you to live your own story. Which is probably why you don't see my blog filled with the most creative crafts you've ever seen. Would I love to be recognized and given accolades for coming up with some amazingly cool creations? Yes, absolutely. Is that my gift? No, absolutely not! I must become content to recognize I am special for who God made me to be, and my joy will come from knowing He loves that person so very much more than anyone I might pretend to be. And when I am content with pleasing God alone, I have so much more to give.


YOU ARE CHOSEN...

"...Even before He made the world, God chose us to be His very own through what Christ would do...." Ephesians 1:4

There is a song by Kari Jobe that I used to listen to over and over in my car. Part of it goes, "I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands. Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can bear, I melt to my knees, it's overwhelming." It is a beautiful song and I LOVE that image of sitting at the feet of the sweet, wonderful Jesus who died for us and has been so very faithful. It is powerful to realize that God knew us before we were born. He knew how we would succeed and fail, what choices we would make, how we would or would not love Him and receive His love. He knew all of this and yet he chose us. He sacrificed so that we could be free to delight in Him and enjoy eternity with Him. I can only imagine what it will be like to be embraced by the only one who will ever truly know me inside and out, better than I know myself...and love every bit.


YOU ARE TREASURED...

"...God, your God, chose you...as a cherished, personal treasure." Deuteronomy 7:6

If you get a chance today, look up Matthew 13:45-46. It is the parable of the treasured pearl. Often referred to as "the pearl of great price." It talks about the kingdom of heaven being like a merchant looking for fine pearls. It says when he found one of great value and worth, he sold everything he had just to buy it. This serves as an example of how so dearly loved we are by our heavenly Father. He would give anything...and essentially gave everything for each one of us. I have struggled many times throughout my life with the idea of feeling valued. I remember from the time I was a little girl always wanting to be beautiful with all of my heart. I always felt ugly and awkward. I have struggled with hating myself for my imperfections and trying to please others so that I might gain their approval and affirmation. I have struggled with finding my value in absolutely God alone, and making every choice of word or action from that belief. In the end, it is all of these struggles that have built and strengthened the deep love I have for Jesus. Often struggling to fully trust others, I have found that God is always trustworthy, and when I place my trust fully in Him, I have peace that passes all understanding. I have a crazy joy that does not make sense in the midst of life's circumstances. He has and will provide. He has and will heal. He has and will comfort, guide, forgive, listen, lead and love. Receive this love for yourself. Read about it in his word. Sit at his feet, let it wash over you and give you hope. No, you do not have to be perfect or approved of today. God created you. He knows you. He DELIGHTS in you. Please learn with me how to be okay being so much less than perfect. You are irreplaceable, You are chosen, and You are treasured.

YOU ARE LOVED.

And thank you mom and dad for introducing to me at a young age how very much God loves us...and for showing it to me still. I love you.

How He Loves Us

I woke up this morning to find this sweet note from my husband on our bathroom mirror. It is something he has done since we were first married, and I love it every time. He has such a gift of encouraging me with words. In this particular note he refers to the "divine adventure" that we are on together. That is what we started calling our journey soon after we knew that God had brought us together for a lifetime. We love our story because it is so apparent that only God could have written it. It seems like neither one of us had anything to do with it. Yet we were both at a place of taking big steps of faith and surrendering every desire and dream to Him, and he orchestrated our meeting with such beautiful care and timing. We consider our journey a "divine adventure" because at the core of who we are and why we are together, we both have a sincere craving for God, a passion for loving others in a way that draws them to Him, and an incredible peace in knowing that together as a team, we are stronger for Him. We both say the gift of each other is one of the most tangible ways God has ever expressed His great love for us.

Kevin and I were with a group of people from the Oldham Campus, the new multisite of Southeast we are helping to launch. We had a great discussion based on Deuteronomy 5:7, "You shall have no other gods before me," about making sure that we are serving only the one true God, rather than all the little gods we allow in our life to become our idols. Some of the suggested things that we idolize were spouse and kids, hobbies, work, success, finances, self, and even the Christian life. We were talking about how so often we minimize our faith down to a "to do" list that has to be done to make us "good enough." In actuality, God isn't interested in our efforts to prove our faith or earn our worth. Rather, he is interested in us...in our hearts. He created us so that He could have a relationship with us. He loves us so powerfully that if we could fully grasp and comprehend his great love for us we would be completely overwhelmed and overcome. My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing Him someday. Until then I know the only important thing is to truly know Him and build an intimate relationship with Him. To invite Him into our hearts and draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to be our strength and guidance in the battle of life. Literally everything else will flow out of that. I LOVE the song from David Crowder, "Oh how He loves us." Here are the lyrics:

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Love it!!! I also love the recording by Kim Walker. Here is the youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-rW528qiYw If you have this song or can get it, I would turn it way up in your car, be surrounded by it, and listen to it over and over. I love the part that says, "we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes." I love how there is no mess too big or darkness too great in our lives for God to overcome and redeem. He delights in overcoming our weaknesses with His strength. We need only to be broken and lean into Him...admitting our need. I also love the line, "He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy." God wants us for Himself. He loves us so much that He doesn't want to share our devotion with anyone or anything else. When I was in junior high or high school, my youth minister told us if we only remembered one thing, remember this: "God loves me, God loves me, God loves me." That alone has sustained me so many times since then, and even still today. In any moment, at any time, if that is the only truth I have...then I have everything. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me...and He loves you.

A Craft, A Workout, and an Inspiring Night

Let's be honest. One of the reasons I was so inspired to be a regular part of the blogging community was because of the fascinatingly creative people on here who blog about their awesome ideas and creations. (See the long list of them to the right!) I am amazed and inspired by the many gifts that people have and are willing to share on here. And I certainly don't want to be left out! Now, I might appreciate creativity, but I am not particularly an artist. I am constantly asking myself, "how do these people think of these things?" After that I think, "I'm going to learn how to do all this...I need some supplies!" So a couple weeks ago, when I first discovered all these clever crafts, one in particular caught my eye - the Scrabble Tile Pendants. I followed the tutorial from the "Make and Takes" blog. I thought they were so cute, and I knew I had my first project. Well, after at least one trip to every craft store in the city, including multiple trips to Michael's, I finally had all the stuff and worked on this project for a couple hours on Monday night. (Keep in mind...I'm a first year teacher. Not a lot of margin to spend hours on a creative outlet!) I am happy to report that today I finished the necklaces! Project #1 complete! Now, I have no idea how to wear these things, or if they should be worn at all, but I at least think they're cute! I can't wait to decide on my next project! I'll keep you posted.

ALSO, I worked out today!!! Now, I know, most healthy young adults are thinking, woo hoo. Welcome to my daily life. But I've kind of neglected the workout enthusiast inside of me for quite some time now. And I mean, really quite some time. So on snow day #2, I finally got out my favorite dvd's and enjoyed a good sweat for about an hour. The photo below is a workout that I love - Turbo Jam. It's like kick-boxing with a hip hop flair. Fun! Am I sore? Definitely yes. I have a lot to learn about easing into things.

Finally for today, Kevin and I attended the "Louisville Success" event tonight. Our good friend, (and the wife of Kevin's boss), Kristen Sauder spoke, (check out her awesome Bible Study "Godseeker" - www.furtherstillministries.org), as well as several other well known people in Louisville, including Bob Russell, about what it means to be successful in life as a Christian.
A runner named Wesley Korir, a Kenyan who considers Louisville home, shared his story about winning the Los Angeles Marathon, and how his strength comes from fixing his eyes on the glory of Jesus before him, even in his daily life. He talked about trusting God in the race, and just following hard after Him, knowing that if it was for God's glory for him to win that day, then it would be so.

I remember when I ran cross country in high school, and my favorite moment was that last long stretch at the end where everyone was piled up on either side of the roped off area, screaming as loud as possible for the runners sprinting towards the finish line. Sometimes I could even hear my name. I always imagined Jesus was at the end, arms open wide, calling me to persevere and run right to him. I often wondered if that's what Heaven would be like, Jesus with His arms open wide, calling me to come to him, with the angels cheering me on. I can't wait for that moment.

So on that note, I will finish this day with a verse that depicts that very image and offers an encouragement to us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus alone as our strength, knowing that he can sustain us, so that we might cast off anything else that hinders us.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

A Season of Rest

Today and tomorrow are the first SNOW DAYS of the school year....oh how I suddenly love being a teacher!!! Such a gift to have an unexpected, cozy, quiet, and restful day at home.

Our dog Chai loves the snow! I tried to "play" with him in it today, but that was less than successful. It's not like we can go sledding, build a snowman, or drink hot chocolate together, but I still think I get points as a good dog mom! And of course he looks as cute as ever anyway. :)

Watching the beautiful snow fall today made me think of how much I love God's creativity in the changing seasons. It is fascinating to understand how and why it all works the way it does. Winter is the season of rest. Everything is quiet, seemingly hidden, and it seems as though there is little life to be found in nature. Yet it's this very rest that allows for the new growth and life that is to come.

Last year at this time I was certainly not writing a blog about how I had just turned 28 and had found a new resolve to live life to the fullest. I was still recovering and healing from the drama of a crazy, intense, accelerated yet blessed season of falling in love, making a million life changing choices in record time, setting out on a new adventure in a new city, and getting married. It was crazy and I couldn't process it fast enough to come out on the other side the same. Last year was hard. I missed my brother and living with him in his house. I missed my church and the powerful ways I grew while I was there. I missed my friends, my Bible Study, my favorite coffee house, the kids I babysat for 8 years and practically grew up with. I missed the simple joy of knowing people in every corner of Cincinnati. I missed the adrenaline of the full life that had been built there. Now in this new life, I felt alone in a very foreign place, away from anything familiar, and less busy then I have ever been in my life. It seemed like the life I had known suddenly stopped and became very quiet. A dear friend and mentor told me that God was giving me a time of rest. She encouraged me to embrace the season rather than second guess its timing.

Only recently have I truly begun to once again look forward rather than dwelling deeply in the past. I have obsessed over imperfections, choices, and missteps that I've made, and I have grieved over so much that has felt lost. I have grieved over just letting go of a special season in my life, and accepting the great change that is present in this one. I know in my head all that has been gained, and God is drawing me close to Him so that my heart may delight in it all as well. My husband has been so gracious in letting me grieve, not always understanding my moments of deep sadness, but loving me and holding me close, trusting in the divine adventure God has brought us together for. I trust in it too.

God gives nature a time of rest. He allows great change and from that change He produces great fruit. This rest allows for a harvest that is plentiful. From my own experience I am learning to let myself and others rest. In a world where we base so much on performance and product, happiness and health, it is so important to allow one another to rest. So many times we fill moments that should be silent with words. We neglect to provide a safe place for powerful emotions to be released. Psalm 30:5 says, "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Who in your life do you need to let rest? Who is trying to find peace that passes all understanding, perhaps as a result of a tragedy or change? Who do you know that feels like they are in a dark time and just need a safe place to grieve or get out some serious weeping? Let them. Very often answers and advice are more harmful than helpful. We need the freedom to feel. Jesus himself wept. He was referred to as a man of many sorrows. He and His father know a lot about some serious grief. If you are the person that needs to grieve or rest, please do. God can handle whatever you have for Him. I pray that you would feel free to offer it. This was the beautiful view from our back door today, and I love the following song written by Hillsong.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am conqueror and co- heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life in every season
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I received I will sow

"Thank you Lord for letting us grieve and for remaining the same in every season of our lives. Thank you for promising to fill us when we are empty, be near to us when we are brokenhearted, and renew us when we are weary. I will rejoice, I will declare God is my victory and He is here."

Ready or Not, Here I Come

Birthdays are kind of like my New Year's. Maybe it's because mine is so close to the first of January, or maybe because this is when I am the most deeply reflective about how I have turned out after all these years. I often read my journals, think about my life, remember my dreams, and wonder, "What was I thinking?!" It's usually on my birthday that I take a good long look at where I've been, where I am, and where I really want to be. It's also on this day when I face the feelings and fears that have been holding me back or threatening to hold me under. Today, January 6, 2010, I am 29 years old. At the heart of me I am the same girl I have always been. My grandma often tells me that she looks in the mirror and only recognizes her eyes. I wonder if when I look in the mirror today, if that will be the vision I hold in my heart for how I see myself even as I grow older. Perhaps even how I think God sees me.

I have to say, this birthday has been different for me. Very reminiscent of 25, I must admit. it was on that day that I had my major, "Life looks nothing like I thought it would" meltdown. Yet so much changed after that moment. I was different. It was that birthday that I was so afraid of spending the day alone. This birthday I am now blessed with and married to the man I prayed years for, who celebrated me with my favorite pink gerber daisies today. On this day it is more like, "Okay, it's now or never. There is so much that needs to be done, so much passion that must be pursued." It's like I'm desperate to make my "life list" and get it all lived out before what we all know is looming exactly one year from now. Before I'm "old." Yes, I'm aware of my dramatics. But that's the fun of being 29. I no longer feel the need to apologize for it!

So on this day, I am ready. The next year of my life I am choosing to live wide awake. Full force, ready or not, here I come. Today, as I taught 22 beautifully wonderful, goofy and squirmy third and fourth graders, I felt a surge of hope in my heart. A childlike delight about enjoying the last year of my twenties and forging fearlessly into what feels like true adulthood. Who knows what lies ahead. More than I can possibly imagine. What I do know is what lies within. The same restless spirit that has grown in my heart since I was a little girl. I have loved Jesus with a powerful passion for as long as I can remember. He has been so faithful and I long to serve Him. I desire to enjoy Him. How fitting that my day would start today with two sweet girls telling me about their commitment to read the Bible in a year. I long to live the Bible more deeply than ever this year.

It is in this blog that I plan to document the days that are to come. The moments that will make up the memories that will shape the rest of my life. When I am "old." Okay, I'm over it. 30 technically isn't old. But hey, I have one year left until I walk down that road and come to my own conclusions. How about you? What one thing does your heart insist you do this year? Let the ride begin and the journey continue.

Crazy What??

Today I had a moment. A "God, are you sure it's okay for me to be really honest with you?" moment. I came back to visit the place I have known as home for almost the last 10 years of my life - and I feel so happy. I was driving down the road to my favorite coffee house, driving down a path on which I have done some of my best thinking, and I got choked up with how much I miss this place. How much I miss me. And I feel guilty. I am married to who I believe to be the best husband on the planet, and I love him in a way that takes my breath away. I enjoy his love even more. I know in my heart that he is home for me. That I would go anywhere with him and we would go anywhere together for the sake of God's kingdom. But it is so hard to feel like the real me, the joyful me, when it feels like the girl with the dreams and passion, vision and motivation remains here, in a different city. When I drove here yesterday it was like I could breathe deep and feel safe in the place where God grew me so much.

So as tears welled up in my eyes I silently said to God, "I miss this so much. You know how much I wish I lived here, right?" And it felt like such a peaceful reply came from Him saying, "Yes. I know you love it here - and that's okay. I know the plans I have for you." Then I thought I'd take it a step further. "Could I be so bold to ask you if we can move back here?" And I felt him say, "Trust me. I love you. I hurt with you. I know how you feel, what you desire, and how much you want to serve me. I know you love your husband and are grateful for your life with him. Trust me."

And I have peace. Not that I am done crying while I am here, but because for the first time in a long time, I felt safe being honest with God - and He was right there waiting, so faithful in His reply. It is so difficult for me to admit, but in light of being given such a beautiful gift as the one of marriage to the man of my dreams, I have felt so terrible for missing what I once knew. I have felt guilty for feeling like a fish out of water when it comes to marriage, for wanting my old life, for missing my brother and my friends so much, for sitting in Bible Study thinking, "I feel far from a Proverbs 31 woman." I feel horrible for being sad while my husband would do anything to love me in a way to make me feel safe and that brings me joy.

I have been weighed down by the burden of analyzing each of my decisions in the past year. Did I make the perfect choices at the perfect times? Did I fail at following God to the best of my ability? And you know what I realize? God is not interested in my perfection. He wants me. All of me - the ugly, the beautiful, the crazy, the peaceful, the weak, the strong, the sorrowful, and the joyful. He is waiting. He has so much more than I can possibly see in front of me...as evidenced by this beautiful, amazing man I waited so long for and am so privileged to call my husband. Yet He continues to have to teach me this, over and over.

Have you ever had an out-of-the-blue, unexpected whoosh of excitement in your heart in the midst of a really difficult time that feels like unexplainable hope? Those moments when your heart is randomly light, your mind takes a break from figuring out life, and you feel excitement about the unknown?

Last night I went to dinner with two of my beautiful friends, both of whom walk their own journey and experience their own unique pain, and we talked about these very moments. Those that I have termed, "adrenaline rush of trust" moments. When, for a brief instant we let go of all that hurts, all that is hard to figure out, all the ways we feel we have failed or others have failed us....and we surrender. Often these moments are brief because they scare us; we feel out of control, afraid of the unknown, afraid to trust anyone else with the only life we have, and we take hold with a painfully unnecessary grip once again. Yet God remains, seated on His beautiful throne of grace, with a loving, gentle smile on His face, arms open wide, waiting.

You know what's crazy? It is not the fact that we can be joyful when we want what we don't have, when we have what we don't want, when we are stumbling through life feeling like a complete mess. What is crazy is that we often feel like we are waiting on God when He is actually waiting on us. Those brief moments of realizing this truth...those are the moments I call crazy joy. When it's not about what we can do or should do or should have done. It's not even about feeling happy. It's when we realize God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He loves us more than we could imagine, for no reason other than we are His. He is waiting for our tears. He longs for our honesty. And He can handle it. Give it to Him. He will do more than you could ever ask or imagine. He will give you a joy that is not from the world but is only from Him. A crazy joy.

Live the Dream...and Dream Again

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be married. I can picture the countless hours and days I spent grappling with such a deep desire and the ultimate reality of wanting to surrender it completely to God. I prayed and wondered, cried and dreamed. I always knew there was a great reason for my deep desire, but in the meantime, would have to pray for peace about what God had for me prior to that longing, if ever it was to be.

On the day before my 25th birthday I had a minor melt-down. I was trying to proactively make a fresh start to the next stage of life by tackling the monster task of cleaning my bedroom. Now, I am messy. And it's only recently that I've been willing to admit that. If I've learned anything in the last year it's that I have a pattern of denying reality in order to protect the ideals I create...or perhaps the ideal that I want my life to reflect. Let me just say, that's a little dangerous. To say the least. Life on earth is not ideal. It's not meant to be. We are created to long for so much more...because there is so much more. Yet we often think we can label that longing so we have something to strive for, wish we had, or believe that if indeed that longing were to be filled, then we would be happy.

So on that particular day, as I became overwhelmed by trying to "clean up" the part of me I don't like, I made the ever popular choice to procrastinate and focus on the side of myself I do enjoy - my journals. For more than 15 years I have filled page after page with my life in my own words. Prayers I have prayed, experiences that have shaped me, lessons I have learned, all written with the freedom of my romantic ideals and unreasonable enthusiasm. Successes, struggles, and serious dreams were the plot of my story. In those pages, written directly from me to an audience of One, I was okay. All that was and is me was lovable, desirable, meaningful. As I read about my life year after year, one desire screamed mercilessly from the pages. I wanted to be a wife and a mom; it was the calling I was certain I was created to live out. Yet it had not come to be. That day I realized I had lived for years making choices with the mindset of "in a couple years when my life looks like...." And I was afraid. I had no confidence in who I was because I always thought I needed something, or someone else to be fully me. It hurt me to face the reality that it all didn't turn out like it was "supposed to." I cried. I questioned. I prayed. I didn't clean my room. And my mom drove for three and a half hours the next day so that I could avoid the one thing I was afraid of the most. Being alone.

That night, as I put pen to paper once again, I met God with a new resolve. I committed to no longer living my life in fear. Somehow I had begun to live under the belief that I was not living up to my ideal, but everyone around me was. I believed I could not survive if rejected, and I was not valuable if not pursued. As I became ruthlessly honest with God and myself, I received the truth that my worth could be defined by no one and no reality apart from my Creator alone. If I were to sit in the middle of a disgustingly messy room, I would be worth it. If I were to stand at the altar to commit my life to the man God had planned for me, I would be worth it.

That day began an incredible journey of getting to know the deepest part of me. Essentially, that's the day I really started to grow up. I began the maturation process of realizing God could easily, in a moment's notice give me what I wanted, what I thought I really needed, if in fact I was willing to risk waiting for the so much more. He could say yes to me in an instant; or, with an even greater love he could say no to me over and over again in order to honor the one even greater desire within me. During the same years I had prayed fervently to be sought after by a man on earth, I had prayed first and foremost that God would use everything He created in me to the fullest potential; that He would not allow me to waste an ounce of it, but would instead only allow in my life that which would make me better for Him.

So for two more years I lived. But I lived free. Free to hope for what might be, free to let tears fall for what sometimes was, and free to let my heart beat faster as I let God in more and more, to love me in the way I had always longed for. I went back to grad school to be a teacher and it was hard. When I hated it I cried out that it wasn't what I really wanted anyway. I reached a place of brokenness that had me crying out to God in my car, "Please help me know how a man is supposed to treat me. Because I don't know." I experienced a new depth in my friendships and purpose as a person. And my faith was rocked to the place where I was forced to ask myself if I wanted to live a life fully surrendered to God as long as it was safe, or was I willing to truly let Him have it all and with great sincerity say, "Where he leads, I will follow." My heart stirred for adventure and I became willing to go. As I interviewed for a job thirteen hours away from life as I had known it for nine years, God led me through a process that would create the adventure that is now my life.

I have been married for two and a half months. One year ago I had no clue God was preparing the man He had for me in Louisville, KY. Five months after Kevin and I met I left everything I knew and loved without hesitation. Four months later I stood before God and the man I had prayed unceasingly for and committed my life and who I would be as a wife to both of them. For six months I have lived in a place that is foreign to me, with people that are foreign to me, playing a role that is incredibly foreign to me. Twelve months ago I was so busy I couldn't see straight; I was student teaching kindergarten, driving all over Cincinnati on a daily basis, and in full-time grad school. Now, I'm waiting daily for calls to substitute teach, trying to find a full-time job, and discovering that even if you scrub the floors really well one day, it has to be done yet again the very next week. Seriously, I worked so hard I thought that floor would stay clean forever!

My husband has held me while I've cried, as I miss the life that was, but am embracing the life that is. I have obsessed over details of a near perfect wedding day. From the curl that was too tight to the lipgloss I forgot, unimportant realities have been what I have chosen to fixate on, beyond any sensible reasoning. That is, until last week when I realized I won't let go. I refuse to believe that the day I have longed for, prayed for, and dreamed about for most of my life is over. Not to be had again. I am faced with the realization of life beyond that beautiful day. I am also convicted with the truth of what I must have deeply held inside me all of these years; that there was some sort of finality in my wedding day.

Oh, no. This is not the truth. While there is certainly finality to the forever of our commitment, I must face the bigger, better reality. This is only the beginning of simply a new forever. I just haven't spent as much time thinking about this forever. It is new to me. It is crazy, unpredictable, and immeasurable. No one can tell you what it's like before it happens, and it's a learn-as-you-go, pray every day, unending lesson in unconditional love and grace. I've never been in this place before and I'll never be here again. Yet this is the adventure I prayed for. This is the plot of my fully surrendered life. And for that reason alone, it is good.

When I am ready to be fully honest with God, myself, and my husband, I will admit the difficulty in letting go, I will admit the human futility in my holding on, and I will embrace everything that amazing day was, loving and letting it be the beginning of the story I now live.

During the five years between college and Kevin, I lived with my older brother who became one of my closest friends. He had a front row seat to the process of life I have previously described. So on November 16, when he helped officiate the ceremony that would unite me with the man of my dreams, he very much shared with me the depth of my gratitude and joy. Now whenever I see him and share how I'm doing or what adjustments my new life brings, he always follows up his goodbye with, "Live the dream." And I know what he means. He knows how deep and long I have dreamed for this life I now live. He sees that now that it's here, ready or not, fast and furious as it may have came, it is time to live, as fully as I know how, the dream that came true, in a way that is more than I could have ever asked or imagined. And I see that what must come next. I must not dwell on the past, but instead live right here, right now. The adventure continues, the surrender requires constancy. I must learn to live as passionately and fully as I know how, embrace this gift, and realize that the cleaning will continue forever. But as I live and love, learn and let go, I must also move forward. In order to first and foremost honor my Father who can do so much more with my life than I ever could, I must not only live the dream, but I must dream again.