tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10110657485776838322024-03-13T20:15:31.362-04:00Crazy Joy"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." 1 Peter 1:8Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.comBlogger328125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-35594075066470183212015-06-02T16:07:00.000-04:002015-06-02T16:57:49.652-04:00While I Wait for a New Dance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I am 10 days overdue with my third child, our first little boy. Wow. Talk about plenty of time for reflection and seeking the Lord's purpose in something. My dates of knowing when things happened were so accurate I thought the whole time this could be a due date baby. Now that is laughable to me. :) I am so, so thankful that I have not missed these past 10 days though, knowing we will for sure meet this little guy on Thursday if he does not come before. We have made sweet memories with the girls, the Lord has blessed me with maybe some of the best rest of my life, even at the end of pregnancy; he is giving me an experience or conversation every day that makes me glad I didn't miss it, and He has already taught me so much about trust, waiting, overcoming fear, casting out lies, seeking his wisdom, and surrendering to His perfect plan. I feel like spiritually I've walked a hundred miles in 10 days.<br />
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I was also quite anxious leading up to the due date and a few days after, for some reason extra concerned about having all the little things ready. I mean, I am not one who has a clean house very often, or who finds delight in busying myself with chores or to do lists. (unfortunately, maybe?) This is why I always have an extra appreciation for the crazy nesting energy that makes me more productive than usual. I've been quite the busy bee in my prep and our house was clean for about 3 weeks. The night before the due date I finally finished the baby quilt, which has been what I've told people was what I needed to have done to be ready. Ha. Some people need to clean baseboards, apparently I need to finish my sewing. Now I've told my family that clean house reality might have past. I mean, seriously. We've done our "last grocery trip so the girls have food" about 4 times already - ha! I'm actually considering rewashing the baby clothes and the quilt. Just to use up the last bit of nesting energy and get that fresh baby Dreft scent back. :) By now the Lord has had plenty of time to strip away what I thought might be necessary for prep, and remind me of all that really matters. (Meaning not the color of my hair :)<br />
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Yesterday was a super emotional day where I was driving to the hospital for yet another non stress test for baby boy, after actually canceling an induction yesterday morning as a result of much prayer and discussion with Kevin, because I didn't have peace about it, and didn't feel like my body was ready. I was worshipping in the car and became overwhelmed with His reminder that this is his child we have prayed for and are praying so much for. And it's a great and wonderful privilege that he would allow us the experience of carrying him, raising him, and loving him so mightily. We are naming him a name that means mighty warrior, because I have prayed for this little one before I ever conceived that that's is exactly who he would be for God's kingdom. My heartbeat and passion is to partner with Christ in building his kingdom and standing victorious against the enemy. I pray we are a family who does that, though it is certainly no small task. <br />
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Sunday during worship I became overcome with having to surrender my fears...those that have attacked me in the overdue days, even when I want to just enjoy it. Because he's just right here with me, and sometimes I think, oh let's just get him in my arms, whatever it takes! And sometimes it comes to that...but I have been praying so hard for wisdom and so desperately wanting to follow the Lord's lead in this. He filled me with peace and confirmation yesterday, and in the past several days has opened my eyes to this brand new experience he's leading me into. I know the Lord's will for me is to not open my ears to the enemy's lies. So I renounce that author of fear in Jesus' name. <br />
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I've been working on my labor music, which both times has been for me one of the most powerful parts of being in the Lord's presence while he brings a new life into the world. I absolutely cannot get enough of "We Dance" by Steffany Gretzinger right now, from the You Make Me Brave album. Oh my goodness, so beautiful and powerful, and the girls and I have listened and danced to it so many times this past week. I realized a few days ago that I was surprised by all these overdue days and my lack of rapid dilation for a 3rd child because all I've been doing is comparing this pregnancy to the past ones. I guess I have oddly expected to travel the same road, for it to go relatively the same, whether being induced or going naturally, because I've experienced both. It's almost like God is prepping me that this child is a new creation, knit together in his own way, just like our other two. I cannot plan for exactly how to raise this one, because God will have to lead me in that, just like with Selah and Zoe.<br />
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<i>(Fun at a new park, including a long walk with my girls this morning)</i></div>
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All of a sudden, one day last week when I was really worshipping and reflecting during this song, God gave me the revelation that this is a new day, a new dance with him. I need to lock eyes with Him and what He's doing, prepare to enter into this intense and painful and beautiful experience with my heart completely dependent on and desperate for Him. He has intention in each different kind of dance he leads us in during our life times. But he does lead, and when we trust, though in our own strength that is always easier said than done, we will follow. So this is where I'm at. Waiting, as most of us probably know to different degrees at different seasons in our lives, can be such a time of awakening from the Lord. Because there's just nothing left but to seek him. It has been funny at this point to have reminders of all those last handful of years of singleness when people started giving me all kinds of tips and ideas on how I could take into my own hands meeting this one and only man God had planned for me. I'm getting to the point in this pregnancy where so many sweet people have offered all the ideas for bringing this little guy into the world. I just made the connection today and was comforted at how I had nothing to do with meeting Kevin, but had every confidence that God ordained that on time and on purpose; and I am coming to confidence in Him to do the same now. (Not to say I'm not thankful and willing to try some though! :)<br />
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We are so incredibly excited to meet this new little one whom I've had an extra 10 days to pray for and carry, while remaining in a place of desperately seeking the Lord for his sovereignty, His mighty hand to deliver, protect and save, His perfect timing, His carrying me through this often daunting though amazing process of bringing into the world another beautiful creation of his. This is powerful to me you all. And I'm determined not to miss it. Our son's story has already had it's own unique start, and I can't wait to one day share it all with my little mighty warrior. <br />
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"Thank you Lord for the past 41 and a half weeks; thank you for the rest of the week as we meet our son and watch our girls witness your glory displayed, as we've promised them it would be; and for the years ahead where we pray you allow us the privilege and joy of raising these little ones you have blessed us with to know you and love you, to join you in the battle for your kingdom. Thank you for the body of Christ who has surrounded us and lifted us up with prayer and encouragement. They have blessed us in so many ways. We need you, we ask for your angel armies to be sent to guard us, for your mighty hand to deliver and save. Holy Spirit you are welcome here. Thank you for Father for the invitation to this dance. We will lock eyes with the One who's chosen us."<br />
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-4320897039696353672015-05-30T23:05:00.003-04:002015-05-30T23:05:27.418-04:00To My Two Sweet Baby Girls (before your brother comes :)5-30-15 (started about a week ago ;)<br />
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<i>(Taken this morning, a walk to the downtown coffee shop, 41 weeks with brother</i></div>
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<i>Good job with the group selfie Selah!)</i></div>
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My dear sweet Selah and Zoe,<br />
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You, beautiful girls, literally bring delight to my soul. I have never seen such beauty, held such sweet, pure love, or experienced such grace and life giving moments before I was given the joy of you two. We are in the sweetest stage right now...and I honestly thought that last summer too. But now we're actually all sleeping, (for a moment ;), and you two are the best of friends. You love each other and you love your family. Both of you have delighted in each of our dr.'s appts. to hear the baby's heart "beep." By now you are pros and Selah packs a great bag herself, as well as reminds me to bring the snacks. You've started taking your babies everywhere and this past week you checked them when I was done. Surely it seems to you two that we have been waiting for a very long time, (and it's seeming that way to us too ;), but we have made such sweet memories in the meantime. I am picking up this blog post at a point where we are exactly a week overdue, and we are praying so hard little brother comes on his own this weekend before the dr.'s help him out.<br />
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Selah, some of our sweet times have been at bedtime when I lay down and he moves around like crazy, or we snuggle and you feel him kicking. I have loved when you've talked to him like Daddy, saying, "Hi brother, we can't wait to meet you!" One day you couldn't sleep at nap time and sat on my lap when the baby happened to be his most active. You giggled like crazy every time you felt him jump or move. That's one of those memories I do wish I had on video. Though I need those nap time breaks, it's always special when we have a break in routine like that and get some unexpected one on one time. You love to snuggle and share those sweet, tired moments together. You have the best questions about being the biggest sister, what it will be like when we go to the hospital, how things will work with our newest addition. You have loved moving to the back row of the van as the biggest sister now, though Zoe cried her eyes out when you went back there. Thankfully she is now excited that Baby brother is coming and is going to sit right there next to her! You are already such an amazing helper to me, and such a great encourager. Your heart is so beautiful sweet girl, and I love your love for God and for your family. I love how much compassion and gentleness you have, with others and especially with your sister. You are often happy to help her or teach her or let her do whatever you're doing with you, and that is so kind and loving. I pray that is the Spirit in you!<br />
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Zoe, you love to put your hand on my belly, get really excited, and say, "Baby kicking!!" And you love to kiss my belly - and kiss everything. You now walk around saying, "Baby brother coming!" And you are going to be over the moon delighted when he actually does. You love doctor's appts., and have recently started asking every day if we're going to another one. You have learned well from your very best friend, and you are going to be such a wonderful big sister. You have such a caring, nurturing heart. Thursday we went to a friend's house and you wanted to "hold" their new baby over and over. This past month there were a couple times when you weren't feeling well or just wanted to, "Hold you," and you took your nap with me in the La-Z-boy. Even though you had to maneuver around my big belly I just took you in as my baby for the last little while, and loved those sweet moments with you. You've loved that spot best literally since the moment you were born...and it is special to share those times snuggling you. I won't take it for granted or give up the unexpected times like that...because you are growing all too quickly like your sister! Even since turning two you have tossed the babyhood aside and are now wanting to be a big girl in every way. And saying everything to prove it. You are so unbelievably cute and adorable - it's such a joy to watch you experience life and experience it with you!<br />
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I think we have had more fun with you two girls these last two weeks, thinking he's coming, making memory after memory as family of four, as we ever have. Yesterday we picked strawberries at Spencer Farms, and it was hot and very sunny, but so much fun. Last night we made milkshakes, this morning strawberry shortcakes, and tonight strawberry muffins. This morning I took you two on a walk downtown to the coffee shop and it was once again so sweet for me just to enjoy you. And to think that we will have many more girl times together when the boys do their thing. I love, love, love having daughters and love that you have each other as sisters, more than you could ever know. I am thanking the Lord constantly. Tonight we had a ballerina dance party in the living room to, "We Dance," by Steffany Frizzle...and it was the sweetest time - oh how I will treasure that precious memory with you two, trying to dance this brother out, worshiping Jesus, and dancing together. These are my dreams come to life.<br />
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Our family is about to look and feel different, as Daddy and I are about to be outnumbered. Just tonight when each of us were laying with one of you I was thinking about how our little guy will soon be on our minds and need us too at that time. But let me tell you - these siblings the Lord is blessing you with are the greatest gift. You will be each other's best friends, biggest cheerleaders, and strongest support as you go through life. This is how we will raise you and what we will pray for. While I still get so sentimental getting ready to go through this intense transition, I now know what it's like to watch my children love each other so fully, and enjoy each other so well...and I am just thrilled to be adding to that. So very thankful.<br />
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Daddy and I are always learning, growing, sometimes succeeding, often failing, but constantly desperate and fully dependent on God. I pray you continue to grow in trusting us and trusting the Lord with your whole hearts. I am so thankful for your joy and love of life. I know God will give us the strength we need for the little sleep, transitional days ahead.<br />
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I am so proud of you girls. It is my joy and my honor to be your mama. It is the calling of my soul to be in that role and I do everything I can to treasure it daily, even when my patience wears thin and my efforts are less than the intentional mom I hope to be. We are praying for you in every way, we can't wait to see you welcome and love on your little brother. What a great adventure. You are both precious, unique pearls that God created for his glory. Don't ever forget that.<br />
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I love you so very much. You will always be my two sweet baby girls.<br />
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MommyPagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-61825376016019564422015-05-24T22:43:00.000-04:002015-05-24T22:43:04.121-04:00There Is a Little Boy...who currently lives in my belly. :) What's crazy is, he was due yesterday and this is the first blog post I might finish about him! What a difference the 3rd baby makes. It's obviously tough to know where to start, considering I never even began telling his story here, so I think I'll include some highlights and my thoughts now, as we are excitedly awaiting his pending arrival. I will first say this time around has gone so amazingly quick that about a month ago I thought I would be in complete shock when an actual baby was placed in my arms. Now I'm so huge it's a little easier to believe. ;)<br />
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<i>(Just took these pics tonight on our walk...thus the only ones that made the post for now. ;)</i></div>
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We found out we were pregnant on September 30th. I actually was with my mom, making a quick stop at Target on our way to my then future sister-in-law's bridal shower in Kentucky. I had decided to let my body tell me this time if I was pregnant, because I had some negative tests the months prior and I just didn't want to get back on that emotional roller coaster when I could just wait. But I was getting a little curious because I was at least a week late I think. So I grabbed a test at Target, took it in the bathroom, threw it in my purse...and peeked down at it while Selah and I were almost to the car. Needless to say, I was excitedly shocked, not expecting that moment to be the one I found out about my 3rd baby. :) And I really wanted to Kevin to be the first to know, so I actually made it the whole day and trip without telling my mom, which was certainly tough!<br />
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That night when I got home I told Kevin I got him something that day and gave him a bag with the test in it. It was sweet and we felt overwhelmingly thankful! I was 5 weeks at that point. And oddly enough, I was doing that Whole 30 thing and still had a week left - which I endured, but it wasn't my favorite. For the rest of my pregnancy I have loathed the thought of Paleo things, even just reading about it. Ha. Must be something about being nauseous with what you're eating a lot of at the time. <br />
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Our first super fun moment of the pregnancy was telling Selah (and Zoe). We had been praying with both of them for awhile that God would provide a brother or sister, so Selah was anxious for this prayer request to be answered. We sat them down and asked what we had been praying for, and Selah said, "A baby." Then we showed her the ultrasound and said look what God put in mommy's belly! Of course she wanted to know if it was a girl or boy and proceeded to say in the cutest way for the next several weeks, "We don't know yet," in her sing-song way. I have loved, loved, loved feeling the baby kick and experiencing it with the girls. They just giggle and smile and think it's the neatest thing when they actually get to feel it or see him move. We actually face timed our family's on halloween, to show the girls' costumes and tell everyone what our "treat" was. They loved it. <br />
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The most shocking thing about this pregnancy...I have not thrown up one time!!! Isn't that crazy?? If you have read my other pregnancy journeys you would certainly know that it is. Physically this time has actually been so smooth in a way I'm not used to but have loved. I started out way more fit than I have in the past, and I have no idea if that has contributed or not. My fatigue in the first two trimesters was absolutely crazy though...and I don't think the winter helped much. My emotions also took a huge toll during this pregnancy - I got pretty low in those dark winter months. It felt much more like 'time of the month' nonstop hormones than it has in the past. As much as I've documented and journaled for many years, it's been interesting to me to see how hard of a time I've had putting my thoughts and feelings on paper when I've had moments of struggling. Thankfully with the beauty of the Spring and the fun end of this sweet pregnancy, I am just enjoying this little one I have grown to fiercely love and know to some extent, as well as his amazingly sweet two older sisters. Oh my goodness I just cannot wait to see them with him. They are in the cutest stage right now, the best of friends and blooming personalities. We sincerely adore our two beauties and are delighting over them daily. Such an amazing way to connect to the Father's heart, but knowing and enjoying them.<br />
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One of the first significant times I felt this sweet one move/kick was during the reception of my brother's wedding, which was 18 weeks. I was sitting at the table eating the delicious dinner they had and I felt it - it was neat because that was an amazing day...I have absolutely love seeing my brother and sweet sister-in-law Emilee experience the purest, most intentional kind of love. I am so, so thankful for how the Lord answered many years of prayer with their relationship and union.<br />
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We did find out on January 6th, my 34th birthday, that we are having a sweet baby BOY! We honestly were excited about any possibility, knowing the moment we met our sweet baby he/she would be the perfect one for our family. I had a strong feeling towards boy simply because of my crazy lack of sickness. But we were truly shocked when we opened the envelope/present we had wrapped it in...mostly because we have been in deep with girls and pink around here. But Selah was so cute and started saying right after we found out, "I knew it was a boy." Ha. So funny. It's also been so sweet to see Zoe grow through this experience and become more and more aware. She loves, "Baby brother," she always wants to pray for him, and she knows he's why mama's lap has lost so much room for her. While she is so good at being my baby girl, and love and needs her mama, she also has such a nurturing heart and will be a great big sister. It is just going to be so much fun to see, even with the transitions we'll inevitably have to walk through with her. Selah is such a flexible gal, so good at adapting to new things, with an adventurous and trusting spirit. I think one of the toughest transitions for me might be how big Selah will inevitably and automatically seem with her baby brother here. And she will rise to the occasion of the responsible and helpful biggest sister, which will be awesome but such a reality check of how fast she is growing up. I cannot believe she has left the toddlerhood and will be four in September. Wow. Wasn't I just writing about her being in my belly? The sweet days just fly by and I desperately treasure as much as I can. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord for these answered prayers. May my whole life be an expression of gratitude for these precious people and the purposes you've created them for.<br />
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Our little guy has been such a mover, with the funniest kicks and rolls, the kind that sometimes make me self-conscious that someone might notice me and think, "Whoa, what's going on in there?" ;) That part definitely reminds me of Zoe. But he reminds me of Selah in that he pretty much found his favorite spot and has kind of stuck to it, especially this last trimester. It seems like he's been curled in a sweet little ball, he'll stick his bottom out and firmly kick my right side. I've come to expect it so much that now I'll just say, "Hi there little buddy." I know that I don't know that this little guy is going to sincerely rock my world and melt my heart. Getting to have him all to myself for a bit is always such a sacred, special time of bonding for me and my babies. I don't rush the end and am super sentimental because I know soon I'll have to share and eventually experience separation. Probably sounds a little silly, but until they come out and remind me it's much better in my arms, it's a real "end of the pregnancy" feeling. I also consider myself an "under-productive procrastinator," so having bonus nesting time at the end always turns out super fruitful! Like I finally finished his quilt, my most complicated yet. Some people like to get the baseboards clean; I feel the need to finish the quilt! :)<br />
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And truth be told, especially with the physical ease of this one, I just love being pregnant. But even with the girls, I've never felt more right in my own body, and I'm kept in a constant place of gratitude and worship, that this can actually take place. I don't normally get stretch marks until the last two weeks, then I receive my special little souvenirs to carry with me always that will remind me of this sweet and amazing privilege and blessing. I do not take it for granted, and I am humbled and in awe of the whole thing. I cannot believe my third time around is almost over - I don't know how the Lord might choose us to bless us in the future, but it's hard not to feel shock that I am already almost finished with my first three times to have this amazing experience. I am doing everything I can to treasure it, and I will do the same when this sweet boy makes his arrival!<br />
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I am definitely excited to see Kevin experience the arrival of his son too. I think t's already harder for husbands to really grasp all that's going on during pregnancy, and they don't get the neat experience of bonding through the carrying and getting to know all the little details and movements of the little ones. He is always overwhelmed when he meets our new babies for the first time, completely in awe of what has just happened. But I think the reality of a son, that we have neither one experienced yet is going to be special in a new way too.<br />
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When it comes to our little guy's name, we are not officially sharing until he's born. But it was surprisingly not as easy to land on this time around. I had been praying a specific prayer about this baby before we ever conceive, largely based on the purpose I feel God has laid on my heart in light of some of our experiences and what He's taught us over the past few years. We have always had one boy bible name for a son, and weren't expecting to not just go with that. But one day I googled bible names for a specific meaning, and what popped up took me by surprise, while also beginning to engrave itself on my heart. Kevin wasn't totally sold and we prayed many prayers and had quite a few discussions. We went back and forth with a few arrangements and ideas, but finally have excitement and peace over this little guy's name. It might be a bit different in some sense, but filled with meaning and was completely inspired, which is truly us, and the same as it's been for our other two sweet ones. We are both really excited. Now I just want to put a name with a face and snuggle this sweet guy. Nothing compares to that overwhelming first moment meeting a new life...truly, nothing. Such a sacred experience, that brings greater meaning and understanding of the power of new life in the Lord as well. I just can't believe I'm about to be surrounded by more than my arms can hold...but thankfully not my heart.<br />
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I have started getting a lot of, "You have your hands full" comments, especially with this big belly on my short body that has been measuring a week ahead. I always say, "In the best way possible." Though I have my fair share of parenting tears and fatigue, being overwhelmed can be a beautiful experience. We have been really intentional about having sweet family time with the girls this week and I have just treasured soaking them in during this time. We went to Barnes and Noble a couple cooler mornings this past week and sat on the floor reading until accidental going past lunch time both days. I love that. We also had a fun morning at Conner Prairie, took walks with Daddy to the playground at night, went to our favorite donut place, got pedicures, (Selah and I), went to the Farmer's Market and the library. Today we took our weekly trip to Trader Joe's and walked on this beautiful night downtown. The girls just come to life with so much time as a family, as Selah would say. I feel like things are brewing in there with all this activity, but my sweet ones come just when they're ready. I'm thankful for all these memory making moments as the four of us...and can't wait to see us all five together. It is truly so, so surreal still.<br />
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I think I'll end this post by linking to a song our family loves to belt in worship together when we're in the car and it comes on. Thank you Lord for overwhelming us in this way, for drawing us to yourself through our little ones. Thank you for knitting this baby boy together for your glory, for forming him and loving him, and carrying us all to this time and place. We ask for your powerful protection and provision in delivering him and bringing him into this world and our arms. In Jesus' name.<br />
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<i>(**Please note, this is an obviously fast and brief overview of a lot of life lived over the last 9-10 months. There is so much not mentioned about life and friends and family; hurts and hardships/joys and sorrows we've walked through with others during this baby growing time. Just wanted to say that. :) )</i><br />
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<br />Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-20667915906962084222014-04-14T23:58:00.002-04:002014-04-15T00:15:03.942-04:00Dear Zoe (On the Night Before You're One)Sweet Zoe girl....how can we be at this moment, how can I be sitting down to write this today?? That precious, painful, beautiful night of bringing you into this world does not seems like a year ago. I still remember every little detail of that life changing day. It was actually at this exact time that I was checking in the hospital, unknowingly at 7cm, but in crazy pain waiting for somebody to come to the desk. What an incredible night. We have been through so much together since you came into this world. It has not been easy by any means...but you my sweet girl are an amazing blessing to this family. This past 12 months have seemingly flown by now that I'm in this moment...but in many ways it's been quite a long and hard year. It's surreal that the joy of meeting you has been in the same year as the pain of losing our dear friend. This will always be a time in your life that I will use to teach you about trusting the Lord and clinging to his strength. There have been intense and painful moments...but completely and overwhelmingly joy-filled ones as well. You my sweet daughter, are my precious Zoe Joy. I will never pretend like our first year together was always peaches and rainbows because one day when, prayerfully, you're a mommy who adores her babies, you will be more encouraged by the truth than anything I could say to pretend it away.<br />
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As I sit here and reflect on all the days that brought us here, I remember few of them without a million snuggles a day with you. That is one thing I treasure about you...you love love. From the moment you were born - literally - you wanted to be close to your mama. You wanted to feel me, touch me, know I was right there. And you are still that way. It most certainly took me awhile to learn how to live without very long stretches of time of being able to use two hands. ;) You have occupied my arms during your little life more than you have not, I'm almost certain. And oh how you loathe sleep and recently I've made some desperate pleas to the Lord for help. But I have always known the tough part of this training for you comes from how much you just really don't want to be alone in this life. And baby girl, that is okay. It is really important that you start sleeping a lot more soon ;), but I don't ever want you to believe the lie that needing others is a bad thing. It's wonderful to know how precious and important relationships are. God has given us such an amazing gift to have each other to love, and you have such a gift of pouring it out and being so open to receiving it.<br />
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The honest truth is that you have been amazing through so many changes and experiences you've had in your first year of life. You learned to travel well and relax in the car, even though it took months. You've always been so good at being my baby, and it seems weird that now your entering into toddler hood. I am still amazed we survived through the moving and all the traveling and adjusting - it's crazy when I think back. But we figured it out. I hope you'll be gracious to forgive how the fatigue has affected my memory so much more fully this time around. But even if I don't have each sweet detail perfectly documented, always know baby girl that I am present with you and your sister every day. And even on the hard, exhausted, not so pretty days, there are always a million moments that I stand back and stare at you two in complete fascination. I LOVE talking to you in my mama voice and just getting that big Zoe grin in return. And the way you open those hands wide and reach out for me is the sweetest. It's almost so amazing and surreal that I can't emotionally comprehend it a lot of the time. I pray some day you will be blessed with little ones of your own and know just what I mean.<br />
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Some things we've grown to know and love about you....you are a mover and a shaker. Just like in the womb. That part does not surprise me at all. You amaze me with how you move even while your nursing. It's actually kind of hilarious. And while you have always, always loved sitting on a lap and listening to books being read, most other times you are wiggly and busy. You do love being worn in the carrier and you ADORE being in the stroller and walking. It's the sweetest contentment. You are curious and determined, you have sort of rushed through the stages and I just go with it, even though I certainly don't encourage it. ;) You hardly did any baby food at all, and are a champ at eating. That's what's sweet about you...as much as you do not want to be alone or too far from somebody else, you are the most flexible little gal. You really do go with the flow and honestly just want to have a good time. <br />
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Which leads me to what everyone has noticed first about you since the moment you were born...<br />
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you are CUTE. So stinking cute. A lot of times I write a little update blog post in my head and I always want to start with, "She's so cute I can't stand it." Seriously baby girl, you smile with your whole face. You lean your head back and giggle your little heart out. You are the easiest person to photograph because you've always looked right at me and smiled. You love when someone looks at you, notices you, loves on you....and you always reward with the biggest, toothiest, happiest smile. You have a sweet, curious, playful little heart, and I'm so glad you are mine.<br />
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There is no way I could write about you without talking about your very best friend...your sister Selah. It brings me the greatest joy ever to see the way you two love each other. It's amazing and fascinating and I am so beyond thankful that you have one another. Every morning you are both so eager to see each other. Selah still calls you "Yo-ee," but I can tell she's about to transition out of that. For the first 6 months at least it was "Baby." It's all been so cute I don't rush any of it away. No one makes you smile like she does, and you want to participate in whatever she is doing. She absolutely adores you Zoe, don't ever forget that. Even now when you are really starting to let your own personality and preferences shine, and you two get in some little squabbles, I still see you are for each other and your friendship is deep. I pray that is always true, even as the squabbles potentially get a little more intense throughout life. You are best friends and God has blessed you deeply by giving you to one another. Selah has always looked out for you and wanted what's best for you since the day you joined our family. She is always telling mama what baby sister needs. :)<br />
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And now the night before your very first birthday. It's crazy, truly. Though I may be obviously really tired, I am even more thankful. This role is special, this life is special, every single little minute we have together is so special. Every day, every month, every year I hope I'm growing at this mothering privilege. I'll never forget a moment I had with you at my 6 week dr.'s appointment after you were born. I looked at you and knew deep in my heart you would not be interested in staying a baby for long. I knew you'd always need me, but there has always been a sparkle in your eye to grow and live and move and explore. I pray my heavenly Father keeps leading me to know how to love and lead you best. It's a big role and I'm having a whole lot of fun, even when the days bring tears. I love you Zoe Joy. We all love you so very much. Your daddy is so proud of you and so delighted by you. We love how you crawl right up into our laps and hug us tight around the neck when we are sitting on the floor. Or how anytime we get you out of your crib you give us the biggest squeeze. You even already love giving kisses and smacking your little lips together. You amaze me sweet thing. I'm excited to continue celebrating you tomorrow on your big day. It's been fun to celebrate you already with our families. God created you for a purpose precious girl, and I pray he pursues your heart more and more every day, and that you would be drawn into relationship with him and trust him with your whole heart. Here's to year two with you Zoe Joy Marie...we are sure looking forward to it! Happy almost birthday sweet one. :)</div>
Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-87232139573600674472014-02-18T15:36:00.000-05:002014-02-18T16:53:57.288-05:00The Only Relief in GriefGrief can be wearying. It often feels like a struggle to want to make sense of what feels awful, while actually having to surrender the reality. It's a fight to selfishly want to understand and get some control over what feels like chaos, while accepting that we are the created, not the Creator...the children, not the Father. It can grip your heart, invade your dreams, tempt you with fears. It is shocking when you least expect it. Sometimes it is lonely and confusing. Though the process might be natural, that doesn't mean it's comfortable.<br />
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We are continuing to grieve over the loss of our dear friend <a href="http://www.kristensauder.com/">Kristen Sauder</a>. It does not feel right that we have lost her from this life. My guess was true a couple weeks ago when I assumed we would only miss this precious friend more and more as the days passed. It feels like the wind gets knocked out of me when I want to pick up my phone and text her, or when I so desperately wish for another conversation...another experience of her sweet smile, her infectious laugh, her deep, soulful, Jesus seeking wisdom. When I want to see her sweet family, all together. When I think of all the lessons, the teaching, the memories, the moments, the experiences shared, her incredible family...it aches. I did not get to know her long enough. We are in a new place and a new ministry and talk about her all the time, trying to explain to people just who this amazing woman was, and how she so greatly influenced our lives...and it always brings me to tears. It feels sweet but sad when my daughter recites her first <a href="http://www.excellentthings.org/store.html">"Picture Scripture."</a> I want to be able to share with Kristen face to face what a difference she's making in my family. I'm constantly thinking, "we need her here." Actually I believe the whole world needs her here. I want her here for her family. For her husband to love, adore and enjoy, for her children to have her affections, her leadership, her friendship. For more memories to be made here. She was an amazing wife and mother. And I know I don't even know the depth of how amazing they know her to be. We are really hurting for them. It's actually incredible how intensely she and Kurt have affected every area of our family and ministry. How they are intertwined forever in how we seek after Jesus, long to know his word while shining our light for him, and prayerfully lead our children to as well.</div>
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So we have had some seriously sad days, continuing to hurt and question, to wonder and seek the Lord and his truth in all this. Just like the day she went to be with Jesus, I randomly have times where I feel like someone is taking a bat to my knees and I might fall on my face. There are moments it grips me painfully hard, especially when I am focused on my own understanding, or lack thereof.</div>
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There is only one thing that brings me relief, that picks me up from a low place when I am tempted to stay there...</div>
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"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an ETERNAL GLORY that <i>far outweighs them all. </i>So we FIX OUR EYES not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.</div>
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Now <i>we know</i> if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.</div>
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MEANWHILE WE GROAN,</div>
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LONGING to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling,</div>
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because when we are clothed, will not be found naked.</div>
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For while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our HEAVENLY DWELLING, </div>
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so that</div>
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what is mortal may be <i>swallowed up by LIFE.</i></div>
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Now it is GOD who has made us for this VERY PURPOSE</div>
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and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, <i>guaranteeing</i> what is to come."</div>
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(2 Corinthians 4:17-5:5)</div>
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Do you know what brings me relief in grief? It is in the knowing, in the realizing that if we think what we are living here on earth is LIFE, then we are greatly deceived. A body and "life" that is mortal has an end. REAL LIFE does not end..."real" life is <i>abundant, eternal, </i>EVERLASTING. There is no grief in "real" life! It is actually a gift of grace from our Father that we are allowed to know so much joy, beauty, and goodness in these earthly, mortal dwellings.</div>
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We must fix our eyes on Jesus. We are like grasshoppers you all. This is serious. Open up to the Psalms, or to Isaiah, and <i>get to know the One who made you. </i>When I think about me, my plans, my purpose, my understanding, I am not in a good place. But when I crack open my bible, pour over those divinely inspired words, and turn the worship music up loud, I dwell on the character of God, the sovereignty of my Creator, and I <i>know peace.</i> I admit I wanted him to answer our fervent intercession for her life differently. Yet that is my own understanding. I do not know the plans, but He knows them well...they are <i>his</i>. They are good plans. <a href="http://www.kristensauder.com/2013/12/the-lord-will-make-a-way/">Kristen said so herself on her blog</a>. This "life" on earth is but a vapor, a mist, a breath. What awaits us is an eternal glory that far outweighs it all.</div>
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We aren't here for ourselves...we are here for HIM, <i>so that </i>one day all may come to him. We are here right now for the opportunity to <i>know him</i> forever and <i>be known</i> by him here and experience it now <i>and</i> then. There is work to be done here, and a relationship with our heavenly Father to be poured into here. <i>He </i>will give us rest for our weary souls. </div>
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While this time often has a sad stillness lingering over it, like how can we move forward in life and ministry without a woman who led us and loved us so well through it, that is exactly what we have to do. We will continue to enjoy her sweet self by sharing memories of her, spurring each other on with all she taught us and poured out with her life. In honor of her, for the sake of Christ. Kristen was battling boldly for the purpose of her Lord. She wanted ALL to come to the saving knowledge of him. She prayed for and sought after revival. The Jesus whose feet she sits at now, is the very one she longed for all to be in relationship with. I will carry on equipped with the Word of the Lord, and spurred on with the encouragement of a sister who faithfully laid out the path. You know how she knew the path? She <i>knew Jesus. </i> And now she KNOWS him. EVERY time I want to ask her what I should do in a certain situation, I KNOW what she would say...pray. Take it to Jesus. Get on your knees. Work it out in your journal, look for it in scripture,go back and forth in conversation with him. Be relentless in your seeking after him. He exists to be found, so do the searching! Offer yourself to the <i>good plans</i> he has for here, which have significance that lasts way beyond.</div>
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I hurt with her family and her friends, her loved ones, and all who just don't want to see any sort of future without her right here in the present. Oh how there was so much more "life" here to be lived with her. But oh how short this "light and momentary" present will really turn out to be.</div>
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You might think you want it all here friends. But trust me, you don't. There is so much more at stake. </div>
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I wrote out almost all of 2 Corinthians 4 and 5 in my journal yesterday. Read it. Read all around it. It is <i>rich </i>and good. It is life-giving. Earlier in the chapter Paul writes,</div>
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"We are hard-pressed on every side,</div>
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<i>but not crushed;</i></div>
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Perplexed,</div>
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<i>but not in despair;</i></div>
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Persecuted,</div>
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<i>but not abandoned;</i></div>
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Struck down,</div>
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<i>but not destroyed.</i></div>
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We always carry in our bodies the death of Jesus, </div>
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so that </div>
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the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body....</div>
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<i>All this is for your benefit,</i></div>
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<i>SO that</i></div>
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the <b>grace that is reaching more and more people</b> may cause <b>thanksgiving to OVERFLOW</b> to the <b>GLORY OF GOD</b>.</div>
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<i>Therefore,</i> we DO NOT LOSE HEART."</div>
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I do not know what you personally are going through, but <i>do not lose heart. </i>I could have saved you all the reading of this post by simply typing out the oh-so-powerful lyrics of "Come to Me," sung by Jenn Johnson. It is on an intense repeat for me right now. This is my anthem. This is what he's calling us to do friends. Run there, meet him there. <b>Keep your eyes on him</b>. <i>He's all you need.</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>I am the Lord your God,</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b>I go before you now.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I stand beside you</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>I’m all around you</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And though you feel I’m far away</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I’m <b>closer than your breath</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>I am with you</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">More than you know</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I am the Lord your peace</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b>No evil will conquer you</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>Steady now your heart and mind</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Come into my rest</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And oh, <b>let your faith arise</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And <b>lift up your weary head</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I am with you</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Wherever you go</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Come to me, I’m all you need</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Come to me, I’m everything</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Come to me, I’m all you need</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Come to me, I’m your everything</span></i></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>I am your anchor</i>, in the wind and the waves</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And I am your steadfast, <i>so don’t be afraid</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b>Though your heart and flesh may fail you</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I’m your <i>faithful strength</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And I am with you</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Wherever you go</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Don’t look to the right or to the left, <b><i>keep your eyes on me</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>You will not be shaken, you will not be moved</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Just come to me, come to me</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Cause </span><b>I’m all that you need</b></span></div>
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-58699206565442317702014-01-30T09:48:00.003-05:002014-01-30T16:03:28.783-05:00The Anchor Holds<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I have fought the good fight, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have finished the race, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7</span><br />
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Kristen most certainly did. Last Wednesday morning, our friend and sister in Christ, <a href="http://www.kristensauder.com/">Kristen Sauder</a>, went home to be with Jesus.<br />
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Kevin and I have been friends with the Sauder family for several years, we were in ministry with them in Louisville for a season, and have stayed with their children on several occasions. We have a deep, deep love for them. They have both mentored us, loved us, encouraged us, prayed for us, and believed in us. We hold dear our memories with this faithful family. We are heartbroken.<br />
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There are no words adequate to describe the journey we have been on this past 13 months, battling for our sister in prayer, seeking the Lord to show himself faithful, to restore life to this precious woman of God. We have wept and wept, clung to one another for comfort, covered her four amazing children and beloved husband in the strongest prayer we know how. This really, really hurts.<br />
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It is a gut-wrenching kind of pain to lose a life so precious, so impactful, so significant to so many. We really, really miss her presence with us here....and that reality will not go away. Here's the truth I've concluded. This life on earth...it will rip your heart out. And honestly, I know I don't have to convince most of you of that, because you already know. Yet God is GOOD, his Word is TRUE, and he sent his son that we may have abundant LIFE. He did not intend for death. That is the very reason it is awful. Death is not from our Creator, our Father, our Healer and Redeemer. Death is dark, it is intended by the evil one to steal, kill, and destroy. We know the minute it happens that this is not how it was meant to be. While we are here we are meant to be longing fully for heaven, to be in the presence of Jesus. You might remember only 18 months ago when <a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2012/07/not-our-home.html">I wrote about the loss</a> of our brother in Christ, Matt D, due to a heartbreaking tragedy. While we rejoice for him and know that the Lord is always healing, the heartache of that loss remains. At the time he was on staff with Kristen's husband Kurt, as well as with my husband. When we celebrated his life I sat right beside Kristen, worshipped and wept with her. Honestly, this just feels shocking and surreal. But just as it was true then, it is true now: we have been struck down but not destroyed. <i>This world is not our home</i>...and the battle rages on. Yet this enemy has been DEFEATED. We are in the presence of the mighty God of angel armies and he ALWAYS has the final say. Kristen is home, where God intended and longs for us all to be, and she is more ALIVE than she's ever been before. It does not matter what pain-inducing attempts the enemy makes to strike us and shake us and convince us that we are abandoned....he is WEAK.<br />
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He knows who holds the future and the VICTORY. We are not abandoned, we are not alone, we will not be shaken....God is FOR US. Jesus reigns forever. (worshipping to <a href="http://youtu.be/qv8kecxwV_w">this</a> today) He is FAITHFUL. He WILL sustain the Sauder family, and get them through the hardest of days. We will be battling in prayer for Him to do so. He will work mightily throughout the entire community she left. His promises are good and true, and we can stand firmly on them.<br />
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One of my favorite verses in the Bible, right at the top of my list of life leading verses, is Isaiah 40:21-22:<br />
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<i>"Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was found. </i></div>
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<i>He sits ENTHRONED above the circle of the earth, and its people are like GRASSHOPPERS. </i></div>
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<i> He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in."</i></div>
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I actually could write out all of Isaiah 40. There is so much rich, comforting, ground shaking truth....</div>
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our Lord sits enthroned above the earth and we are like grasshoppers. It is crazy because it's impossible for us to comprehend, we are unable to even fully take in what this means. I don't love this verse because it is the most comforting at first glance...but it is what assures me that the Rock I put my faith and trust in is worthy, faithful, and immovable. He is SOVEREIGN. Life here does not happen by chance, and there is a Ruler over all...and he is GOOD. I am like a grasshopper in comparison...who am I to question my Creator, THE Creator?! Here are some other verses that God is using to assure my heart through this...</div>
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<i>Psalm 18 </i>- <i>"I love you O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer. My God is my ROCK in whom I take refuge. He is my SHIELD and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is WORTHY OF PRAISE, and I am saved from my enemies....</i></div>
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<i>As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless, He is a shield for all who take refuge in him....it is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect....</i></div>
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<i>The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are TRUSTWORTHY, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are RIGHT, giving JOY to the heart. The commands of the Lord are RADIANT, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is PURE, enduring forever. The ordinances of the Lord are SURE and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold; they are sweeter than honey....</i></div>
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<i>I am STILL confident of this:</i></div>
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<i>I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.</i></div>
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<i>WAIT for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!</i></div>
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<i>The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord is enthroned as King forever. </i></div>
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<i>The Lord gives strength to his people;</i></div>
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<i>the Lord blesses his people with PEACE."</i></div>
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<i>Psalm 31 - "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place...</i></div>
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<i>Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;</i></div>
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<i>my eyes grow weary with sorrow.</i></div>
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<i>My soul and my body with grief.</i></div>
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<i>My life is consumed with anguish and my years by groaning;</i></div>
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<i>my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak....</i></div>
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<i>But I TRUST IN YOU, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies, and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love...How great is your goodness; which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men, on those who take refuge in you.</i></div>
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So our church family in Louisville, alongside Kristen's family and other dear friends, are in a time of grieving for the loss of this lovely, passionate, and mighty woman/warrior of God who we all asked God so fervently to allow to remain with us for a longer time....while we are left here on earth to carry on. Yet we are also joined together to PRAISE him through this pain, not only because we know he is worthy of praise, in every season, but because that is what our friend Kristen led us to do all throughout her courageous battle with cancer. God is sovereign in a way that we cannot comprehend and often don't even like. Our understanding is so limited....we often want answers but have to remember again and again that He IS the answer. We ask why he would allow pain like this to people who are seeking hard after him, to a family who is as devoted to him as any person you will ever find. And he responds by telling us to TRUST. To seek after him and to WAIT. That was part of the <a href="http://www.bobrussell.org/2014/01/26/gods-ways-are-not-our-ways/">message given at her funeral</a>, truly a celebration of her life. God asks us to trust who he says he is, and to look to him for strength for the days we have to endure until we can be with him as well. He has the final say, he knows what he's doing, and his plan is to bring all to him. His plan is for good, and he knows this time on earth is a vapor, a mist, a breath. We feel like the joy should be found here, but He knows the JOY is found in him and with him. His ways are not our ways, but we do know that we are all on our way to the plans he has for us. <i>Good plans for those who love him.</i> And we do know that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. <i>He intends for us to do the work!</i> It won't be long until the ultimate redemption is realized, until all is made new, until all is made whole, until we can be with our friend Kristen and many other loved ones again. Yet his work on earth is not finished and he asks those of us devoted to him to sow, sow, sow. Do not hesitate, do not waste another minute waiting to share the salvation intended for all. If God is waiting to make his return until the work is done, then we certainly need to increase the effort.</div>
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<i>The spiritual temperature is rising, do not doubt that for a minute.</i></div>
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God is on the move, there is a battle at hand. The enemy prowls around and won't stop at anything to try and manipulate our focus off of the very fact that we are in the middle of the battle. He wants us to want it all here on earth, to believe that this is all there is. To think there's no such thing as eternal significance. A place where it is all about us, and now and 'live for today.'</div>
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Do not think it is a coincidence when you are tempted on all sides, when you can't seem to find time to read the Word, when prayer seems too difficult or boring, when you feel hate or judgment for those around you or spend your time invested in things that don't matter...or things that frankly bring zero glory to God. There is an enemy intentionally at work here. But the good news is still the GOOD NEWS. We have broken all of our promises and fall flat on our faces in failure to live honorably before the Lord we belong to. Yet He, in his gracious mercy and love, out of the kindness that He is, sacrificed his only son to pay the price so His promise of redemption and eternal, abundant, amazing LIFE would belong to ALL who believe and surrender their lives back to him. He has armed us for this battle. <i>Run to Him.</i> Ask him to change you with life shattering truths when you open your Bible. Then open it. Make an appointment with him and be changed by your encounter with <i>your Creator</i>. You will find <i>no </i>rejection. The invitation is always open.<br />
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As much as our world is desperately trying to become a very "gray" place to live, do not be deceived. You do have to choose a side. To either be following the Spirit's lead, or living by the flesh. The scariest place to be is one where you think all of your choices are not either born of the flesh OR born of the Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit is a great one, and leads only to life. This is not a battle against flesh and blood, but a spiritual battle, and the forces of evil futilely working to steal, kill, and destroy lives do not rest. BUT they are weak, they will not have the final say, and we have the power of the Holy Spirit, the very same power Jesus had when he stood up to the enemy here on earth. God is love, and he draws us to himself, so that very love can flow through us onto a hurting and lost world.</div>
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You might think this is the grief talking...and it definitely is. But that's because if God gets the glory and he works ALL things together for the good of those who love him, then let that goodness start now. It has never felt more real or clear to me that this world has nothing for me, and this earth is not our home. What a privilege that He even allows us to know so much joy here.<br />
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Honestly, we all wanted so desperately for Kristen to live....here, with us, right now. She was doing a mighty work here on earth for the glory of the Lord with her family. She was FAITHFUL. I still want her to be here, I wanted many more days of knowing her, learning from her, following her lead in life and ministry, enjoying her friendship. I love her children with an intense love, and I want them to be able to be held by their mother for longer here. That's because I am still so human, so earthly unable to grasp that her present reality is the REWARD she lived for. She is alive. For now I only know in part. The truth is, over time God will be faithful to heal our hearts in some way. But with each new season of life, a soul like Kristen's will only be missed more. God has created us with a longing for Heaven. So if you've ever wondered if this is all there is, a life that inevitably keeps offering pain, the answer is joyfully no. More awaits than I can comprehend.<br />
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I have so, so much more to share about this sweet soul we lost, the impact she had on me, the legacy she has left, and all that she has taught me, especially in this last year as we were forever changed by learning to fervently seek after the Lord. But for now I felt the desperate need to share what I know without a doubt is truly needed for us to do...<br />
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"<i>Turn your eyes upon Jesus; look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>Fix your eyes fully on Jesus my friends, and this earth and the sorrow it tries to weigh us down with will be dimmed. Kristen most certainly knew this and lived this....she drew ALL of us to this...and now she worships right there in his presence, she is rewarded in full. She would want you to know this....God loves you so much, more than you can imagine. He is inviting you to come and see the abundant life he has for you too. He is waiting for YOU. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13) Kristen absolutely did, and we are so thankful for how it has radically changed us all. We will miss her every day until the Lord takes us home too.<br />
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<b>Please, please pray for Kristen's husband Kurt, and their children. </b> They are experiencing the most intense kind of grief. Their sadness is so deep....yet their faith remains unshaken. They know the Lord is faithful and that He will carry them. Also <b>read her story</b> and hear Kristen's very own heart on their blog, <a href="http://www.kristensauder.com/">Further Still</a>. There you can also find resources, authored by her and her husband, that will change your life.<br />
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Kristen did this interview a little over a month ago, after she was told she had 5 days to live. Take this amazing woman's words to heart. "I have sought the Lord and I have found him....when your worst nightmare comes true, the anchor holds. I am with the One who loves me."<br />
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When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!!<br />
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-70831247542512420552013-11-27T17:07:00.002-05:002013-11-27T17:07:45.341-05:00Blog Post Catch Up/OverloadHi friends! I'm back in a big/kind of crazy way. ;) I have been writing here and there over the last several months, and last weekend worked hard to add pictures to the blogs I've written and get them ready to post. So I'm doing that now, back dating a couple because it just makes sense to me in my head to do it that way, posting them when I wrote them. So hopefully that doesn't create some pretty annoying blog feeds, but at least I'll be caught up! I hate feeling behind, and I'd love to start writing right where I'm at. To make it easier to read all the posts, (which I'm really only expecting from my mom and mother-in-law, let's be honest ;), I'm linking to them here. A LOT has happened with our little family over the last several months, which why I'm excited to finally be documenting it here. Going through the process of working on these has humbled me all over again with how God is working in our lives. And how our loving Father is always pouring out so much to be thankful for. <br />
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Here are the links to my posts: <br />
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<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/06/zoe-1-month-old.html">Zoe - 1 month </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/07/zoes-birth-story.html">Zoe's BIRTH STORY </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/07/zoe-2-months.html">Zoe - 2 months </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/07/baby-zoe-is-3-months-old.html">Zoe - 3 months </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/09/on-adventure.html">On An Adventure (the first time I wrote after WE MOVED)</a> <br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/10/zoe-4-and-5-months.html">Zoe - 4 and 5 months </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/11/selah-is-2-and-life-update.html">Selah is 2/Life Update </a><br />
<a href="http://mycrazyjoy.blogspot.com/2013/11/zoe-6-and-7-months.html">Zoe - 6 and 7 months </a><br />
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So yes, you can read all about how our family moved...apparently after those crazy newborn months we didn't think we needed a rest. ;) So we headed off to IN when Zoe was 4 months old and Selah was almost 2. We were sent off with an abundance of love and prayer, though it was an especially tough time. Not a particularly easy move for us. It took a lot of prayer and what felt like courage to leave a place we loved and amazing, irreplaceable relationships. We will always be missing friends and family in Louisville, but I'm so thankful for how our new church family has been amazing in welcoming us here. We were sent off joyfully with so much support and wisdom from our Southeast church family, (where Kevin worked for the last 7 yrs. - for my blog world friends ;), and we moved to Indiana on mission to keep doing the work He has for us. We are so grateful for having been taught and prepared the way we were at Southeast. We are excited to be a part of our new church family, where Kevin is the Small group/Discipleship pastor, as well as having opportunities to preach. God is clearly at work here and we are excited to join him on this adventure. After only being here for a few months, I can honestly say we're really loving being here. We've had our ups and downs in the moving process, (along with moments of shock), but God has been faithful to continue going before us. <br />
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To our friends and family, THANK YOU does not adequately express how much we appreciate your prayers and encouragement through this. It is amazing to experience the kind of support we did before moving, as well as what we have after. Definitely overwhelming in the best possible way. So here I am, back online, where this is hopefully just the start of sharing all God is teaching me on this journey....in ministry, in motherhood, and in life. What a privilege to be created by such a loving Father, and pursued by him everyday. Happy Thanksgiving!!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-71644802907759501122013-11-15T09:11:00.000-05:002013-11-27T16:53:04.352-05:00Zoe - 6 and 7 months!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="text-align: left;">Well, I feel like I started writing this post when Zoe turned 6 months, but obviously didn't get finished. And now she's 7 months old as of last Friday! Whew, slow down with this growing up little babies! 6 months was a huge turning point/growth spurt for Zoe, much like 3 months was. From 4-6 months she remained just happy to be held or touched, or loved on. The girls and I developed quite the rhythm of getting out and about and having fun, especially because our town lends itself to lots of walking, parks, and storytimes. I always get Zoe out first, put her in my Pikkolo carrier, then get Selah so I can hold her hand. And Zoe was happy to just hang out with me, no matter what we were doing. She is still that way mostly. She used to easily fall asleep while being worn. But in the last couple weeks she has refused to miss out on the action. And just a couple days ago she started sitting next to Selah during storytime, and wanting to be out and about and on the move when we're somewhere. I remember this time with Selah too...it's such a shift from sleepy bitty baby to excited about life older baby! This past month has had so many new things for baby Zoe...TWO bottom teeth, sitting up on her own, crawling on her knees, dumping the dog bowl, not falling asleep in the baby carrier, wanting to be with her sister and participate during outings, and napping at the same time as her sister - yay for mommy!!</span></div>
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<i>These two could not love each other more! </i></div>
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<i>And even big sister can't resist those squishy cheeks :)</i></div>
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<i>Oh how I adore these two. And trust me, they both have the cutest dose of silly as part of their personalities! This will be so fun to keep watching within our family dynamics. Now that Selah is talking all the time she is cracking us up. I have no doubt Zoe will be much the same!</i></div>
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<i>This is a signature Zoe face. She can curl the best lip, </i></div>
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<i>and sometimes it's just to be silly!</i></div>
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It's so funny because both Kevin and I thought that the first 6 months were pretty similar for Zoe...the same squishy, snuggly baby who has an old soul and notices everything. Kevin said once, "I don't feel like she's changed at all." Which isn't true, but she did really hold steady with her personality and preferences. Even the cashier at Trader Joe's the other day said she seems so much older just by the way she looks at you. It's funny. I have always said about Zoe that she has never preferred being a baby, and is in a bit of a rush to grow out of it! That said, Zoe seems to have two moods...super duper happy, or super duper not. ;) As I mentioned before, baby girl cried so much those first few months. And she was not a long napper. She really seemed to thrive on movement and closeness. She was literally like this from day one too. It has definitely been so sweet to get to know her more and more. I think I'll make a list to commemorate this little 7 months old of mine. Maybe 7 things about my littlest baby girl.</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"><b>ONE:</b> My sweet girl needs her mama. She's always been one who wants to be close and where I am. Two days ago she went from her army crawling that she's been doing for a month and a half, to full on crawling on her knees!! What is happening around here?! It's adorable though, and she is THRILLED to be so mobile. One thing that's made it easier to embrace her "growing up" is we've always known the more she can control her position the happier she'll be! She's also sitting up great, and though I hate to admit it...she pulled herself up today. Boo hoo, baby's growing up! It really is crazy, the first baby you kind of expect to get bigger, and wait to see what's next. The next baby you say, "Slow down little one, no need to rush out of this stage to the next!" But anyone who has kids or loves kids knows that the next new thing they learn just adds to the fun and wonder of childhood and getting to be a parent. She has always loved to reach out and hold on to something. When I'm feeding her she grabs my chin, mouth, or nose. If I wear her she holds my shirt or the carrier. She has quite the grip and it's always been a part of who she is!</span></div>
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<i>Zoe crawled over to the stack of books we just brought</i></div>
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<i> home from the library and sat right down on one of them.</i></div>
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<i> So far both my girls are sweet little readers, after their mommy and daddy's hearts!</i></div>
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<b>TWO:</b> Zoe is CUTE. She has the roundest little head, she's always loved to have it rubbed, and she has the sweetest, squishiest little cheeks. I think she also has such beautiful hands. She's always moved them so sweet and delicately. Everywhere she goes she's told she's a beautiful baby, and she just gives that big grin in return. God definitely gave this girl a sparkle and a joy to share with the world! She also seems to be a little more compact like her mama. Which I think is sweet. She also has the most adorable rolls and always has. Another way she's so different than her sister. From day one my two sweet girls have each shown they are their own unique little gals. I'm excited to see how their similarities and differences will come to life more and more in our family and through their friendship.</div>
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<b>THREE: </b>Baby girl LOVES TO MOVE. She is my little wiggle worm. I will never forget one morning leading Bible study at church last winter and saying, "I think my baby girl wants to come out!" She was always leaping and lurching and kicking when she was in my belly. It was crazy sometimes. One day I was in Trader Joe's and thought people might be looking at me funny because my belly was moving out of control. Ha. Well, the same little lady is quite the gymnast outside the womb. It's hilarious the way she eats. It's not this peaceful, stare into my baby's eyes experience. She twists and turns her body the whole time. And she eats quick - 5 to 7 min. max. Crazy compared to last time! It's actually hilarious how used to it I am. I LOVE how God prepares and equips us to be mamas to such unique and different children. Though it can take some work and lots of prayer, it's such a fun adventure to the parenting journey for sure. Zoe's been rocking the super fast army crawl for about a month, but just this past week she discovered the ability to go from room to room. As much as she loves to be where we are, she has developed a new drive to explore every corner. Time to close the doors and put up the gates! :) This baby girl makes a beeline for the water bowl every time. And if anyone is on the floor she wants to crawl all over them. It's hilarious, and if Selah doesn't want her to get into something she'll say, "Yo-ee (Zoe) Mommy hold."<br />
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<i>One of the first days when Zoe started rocking on those knees at the beginning of this month.</i></div>
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<b>FOUR: </b>Zoe totally did a 180 and turned fussy into flexible and FUN. I had gushing milk at the beginning and I have no idea if that contributed to her colicky nature those first few months. But even if it did, she always, always hated being flat on her back, from day one in the hospital. Which makes safe sleeping tough. (and reiterates my love for the rock-n-play!) This baby girl rolled onto her tummy at 3 months and 4 days and has never ever slept on her back since then. Which didn't even make me nearly as nervous, even when she was tiny, because it helped so much with her sleeping. It's funny because while I didn't get to have long, luxurious times of sitting and holding her, taking her all in, much like I did with her sister, I did get to hold her and love on her a lot while walking, moving, bouncing, doing life, etc. So I still got my precious newborn, once-in-a-lifetime snuggles, they were just a little more active than last time. And now she still loves to be involved in any and everything. She is up for anything, anytime, just as long as she gets to see what's going on or participate....and as long as she's not alone. :) The girl needs her people for sure. Even though she's always on the go, she will happily give a snuggle session anytime!<br />
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<b>FIVE: </b>Baby girl is not a big fan of sleep. She has certainly gotten better, but this sweet gal could party all night and day long it seems. Her daddy just said the other day he thinks she might be one of those who doesn't need much. Uh, I would have to disagree...that is NOT in her genes. ;) The other 3 people in her family actually love a good snooze. But true to her 'life of the party' self she sure loves music. She even just started bouncing to it during our dance parties which is awesome! At first I wasn't really sure she was doing it, but today I tested it and it was so cute. Definitely need a video. She also loves to put everything in her mouth. She is a chewer for sure, and will keep me on my toes with the things she finds to gnaw on. I could have stopped with she will keep me on my toes.</div>
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<b>SIX: </b>Zoe LOVES HER SISTER. And she has a sister that absolutely ADORES her. I teach the girls that they are best friends and talk to them about how to treat each other in light of that. My prayer is constantly that they would be so blessed to share life together and be best friends the whole way. And neither one is as happy as they would be if the other is not there. Yet they both are happy to have their one on one time when they need it. It is so sweet how Selah gets upset if she hurts Zoe, whether on accident or on purpose. And if Selah starts crying then Zoe looks at her and thinks she should be crying. The drama is thick here you all. That is definitely in their genes, I have to say! Their daddy and I take all the responsibility for that.</div>
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<i>Look at those sweet and squishy legs! And yes, for 10 days during the move</i></div>
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<i>I used disposables...that was a GREAT decision for my sanity :)</i></div>
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<i>Selah had her crib in the main room for awhile after we moved for various reasons, and would always say, "Baby in," after she woke up from her nap. So I would let them snuggle together in there, which they both always love.</i></div>
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<i>She was not sitting on her. And no, I do not let her do this. But that's</i></div>
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<i>not to say she doesn't try! </i></div>
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<i>How hilarious is this? </i></div>
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<i>Selah got a baby picture of mine and set it right in between them. Ha!</i></div>
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<b>SEVEN: </b>Zoe is a daughter I always dreamed of. She and her sister both. Oh how I could never have imagined how amazing these days would be. I cannot believe He is giving Kevin and I this amazing honor and privilege of loving two little girls, being filled with joy as we experience life with our daughters. God has taught me so much through Selah and Zoe, (and motherhood in general). One lesson I'm finally learning is to be gracious with my children and gracious with myself. Being a mom is hard work, but amazing work. It hits me all the time that I am living the answers to years and years of prayers when I longed to hold my own sweet babies in my arms. And every day when I'm juggling these two sweet girls, through constant diapers to change, meals to make, training to follow Jesus, obey mommy and daddy, and be kind...I am thankful. I don't always have a great attitude or get everything done that I think I "should." But I will tell you this....I do not take this life for granted. The Lord is so gracious to give us these days to make memories with these little ones. And wow, how I've learned so much more about his love for me. I am reading the book <i>Desperate</i> by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson and it is amazing. Rocking my world in the best way. God has shown me some of my faulty thinking while I have been reading it and saying, "Oh my goodness yes! This is exactly for me...this speaks straight to my heart." But at the same time thinking no one else must need that encouragement. Yet somehow it is growing quickly in popularity and I've heard others say it has been amazing to them as well. That alone gave me so much peace to know....<i>I am not alone.</i> I am not the only one who struggles with different aspects of motherhood even while I embrace my littles so completely. The enemy might attack me and want me to believe that I am alone and crazy and everyone else has it together. But my Father in heaven gently calms me and says, "Fix your eyes on me, not the world. I will give you rest and be all you need as you train up these sweet ones in righteousness. Know me...love me...seek me, and be graceful with others." </div>
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It is my desperate cry that we as mothers and even those who long to be mothers would be one another's greatest encouragers. That we wouldn't make it our place to judge or overly advise when listening and praying for is what is required. That we could embrace how uniquely the Lord has designed us all, and how each must follow the convictions the Spirit has placed in her own life. I think a lot of freedom will come from that. Shocking realization: There is not one way to raise these little people, not one way to parent. We all certainly have our preferences and opinions, but outside of what the Bible teaches, God leaves a lot left to need to come to him for in the way of wisdom and learning. Which is why we <i>have to be asking Him to lead the way. </i>We are raising kingdom workers, prayer warriors, and God's children. That is big time. We need each other and we sure need Jesus. There is rarely a day when I go to a story hour and don't meet someone new. And whenever I ask about them or hear a little bit of their story I see over and over women needing to be encouraged on this journey. If you go to any events like this throughout the week, I encourage you to always, always talk to someone you don't know. Show them some sort of kindness and learn their name. Smile, be sweet to their baby, let them go first. It is such an opportunity to be a light and show love to another mom who just needs to know she is noticed and she's doing a good job. </div>
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Well, I think that will wrap it up for now! I am excited to be "caught up" with some of these blogs I've been partially writing so that I can start writing as it happens now. I feel like there are so many details I'm always wanting to blog about, or heart stuff I want to share, but needed to catch myself up first.</div>
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(Taken right before we moved, during a hot, exhausting packing day)</div>
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So in light of my long (yet not unusual these days ;) blogging absence, I think I'm going to have to steamroll the current info. onto this blog post. Because I usually so desperately work to create perfect little packaged posts that hold all the info and pictures I want in it and not anything else. But I've been trying that and I keep running into problems with it...not enough long stretches of time or energy to complete them entirely, a computer that is in the crashing stages of life and I haven't been able to upload photos to for a year, and an often lack of emotional energy or discipline to record these precious days. I sure do miss documenting life on this blog, so I'm determined to make a come back. But this post isn't about that. Let me add a quick note to say that I used to care too much about making certain groups of people happy with what I write...but I think that does a disservice to myself and my little ones. We obviously have rough, plenty of bummer moments types of days, but I usually don't choose to expand on all that when I do memory posts like this. But maybe on one of those days I'll just spill my guts. Maybe not. ;) So pretend I entitled this, "Celebrating My Kiddos." Well, okay, one thing. There was that night last week that Kevin must have run an errand, I was giving Zoe a bath and Selah hadn't obeyed right away so I sent her to time out. Well she was exhausted and got her feelings hurt so she started that dramatic-sad-not really crying-but screaming anyway thing, which in turn prompted her sister to start fake crying/screaming, (those two really seem to stay on the same page;), and it hit me just right that I had to put my head down with the biggest smile on my face. I just couldn't stop laughing at the moment, thinking about this crazy scene. This is definitely a far cry from the time Zoe was 10 days old and this happened...I cried with them then! So things like this happen and most of the time I don't even know what day it is because I feel so exhausted...but I'm thankful to be blessed with that exhaustion so this post reflects that!<br />
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(Zoe is growing like crazy and she is a HAPPY child!)</div>
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First, the latest with us: we moved to another state and are working at a new church! I actually wrote all about it about 3 weeks after we moved, and I just posted that and back dated it here. So that will fill in some blanks and emotions. We've now lived in our home in IN for a little over 2 months. It has been crazy, as moving (especially with little ones!) always is. But we are really soaking up this time as a family too. It is definitely a bonding experience to move to a place that neither of you have ever lived and learn it together. We have certainly had our hard, homesick moments, but this post isn't particularly going to be about that. But I will say THANK YOU to our amazing Louisville community who have prayed us through this transition. We sure do miss doing life with you, but you are in our conversations, thoughts, and prayers often. And we are SO grateful for being sent out for kingdom work with such support. We are also really thankful for the sweet, gracious community here who has welcomed us with open arms. And God has really blessed us with continual affirmation in little and big ways that He has gone before us here. Which ultimately brings more peace than anything else!<br />
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Our home here is getting cozier and more "us," and the girls and I are honestly having a great time exploring during our days. There is the cutest children's bookstore downtown that has a train table and story time 2 times a week. (And a special, longer activity on Fridays you can register for!) We also have the most amazing 3 story library that has story time a few times a week, and an awesome play area. Then there's Barnes and Noble's story time on Wednesday where they also have a train table....along with gingerbread lattes and mommy books too! When the weather was nice her most favorite thing in the world was the "pawk." (park) She could go for hrs. there. We also usually make about a once a week trek to Trader Joe's, about a 20 minute drive, which is like a field trip to Selah because she gets her own cart...and she has turned into an awesome, mostly no fit throwing shopper. I have also become more efficient at getting through the store, and if I keep it to 20-30 min. max we're good. Don't get me wrong, we certainly don't do all those things every week, but I love the options, and whenever we do any of them it's been a really fun time and a good day. I think Selah and I both like the adrenaline from our outings. :) Actually just this past Monday I was really taken back by how much Selah has changed even since we moved 10 weeks ago. When we first started going to story time here she kept asking for the train to be uncovered and got a little ready for the stories to be over. But just this week we went in, she sat down on the little carpet square and loved the stories, anxiously waiting for each page to be turned. So I chose this week to start checking out big stacks of picture books at the library to read throughout the week which my teacher heart has been loving. And Zoe is totally along for the adventure. We have quite the system and she lives in my Pikkolo carrier. We both have grown to love that thing. There are also some really sweet, young moms that go to our new church, and we're slowly planning more play dates to get to know them. But just keeping two baby girls fed, changed, and getting their regular naps while keeping up with the house and continuing to get settled has proved to be all consuming on a lot of days! <br />
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I guess what I really want to be writing down for keeps right now are thoughts about my baby girls as they are. So I should get right to that...<br />
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Selah is 2. She is an amazing, beautiful two yr. old who has captured our hearts and created a whole bunch of joy bursts in there. We look at her all the time and tell her how beautiful she is. We actually use the word 'cute' a lot around here, so she does too. Which is awesome. She looks at the baby and says, "Cuuute." Or if I put a necklace on or curl my hair I get the same reaction. So do furry little animals she sees, so I don't quite know how to take it. ;) What a journey we've been on since her baby sister was born. It has blown me away how awesomely she has jumped into the big sister/sharing mommy role. Such a beautiful blessing to see her love her life with Zoe in it. She has always been a nurturing baby lover, with a pretty good imagination for independent play, and it seems those things have helped. But from the moment we brought Zoe home, Selah has wanted to be with her as much as possible. The first thing she says whenever she wakes up from anything is, "Bay-bee, bay-bee." She immediately wants to wraps her arms around her neck and <strike>smother</strike> snuggle her. She can say 'Zoe,' and sometimes even Zoe Joy, but I call Zoe 'Baby' and 'Baby Sister' so often that I think it's always stuck with Selah. She makes us laugh absolutely every day. I love it when she says, "Whoops!" if she or someone drops something or if she falls, and "Saw-ree" when it's appropriate. About a month before we moved, I'll never forget that first moment Selah said, "I do it." We were in the bathroom and I was helping her with one of her dolls. It caught me off guard but was so precious. That was her first sentence. And the beginning of her language explosion. One of the sweetest nights of my life was 4 days before we moved for good, after a super fun night of swimming at a friend's house, and I was getting dinner for Selah in the midst of packing while Kevin was out of town, already having started his new job. I handed her something like a napkin or cup and unprompted she said, "Gank-oo!" (Thank you) I got the biggest smile and it totally caught me by surprise. I have been saying "Thank you mommy" probably after almost anytime I've done something for her or given her something since she started making sounds and words. It is an amazing moment, as other moms have experienced, when something you've worked hard to train your child in bears fruit. Amazing. I have a whole post to write about that night, (and I'd better get to it!) because it was sweet and special, and right on the edge of everything that was to come. Just one of those sweet spots in the midst of crazy that I desperately needed and meant a whole lot. Speaking of swimming, I do wish I had written more about that this summer...Selah LOVES the water. It's really awesome and was so cute to see. Even in the midst of packing and craziness, I tried to take her to the pool as much as possible. The month of August was awesome because it wasn't so unbearably hot for Zoe to sit in the stroller and often sleep. Then at the end of the summer Zoe was big enough that I got her in with us a couple times and she loved it too! Such sweet little water babies. We made some really special memories this year in the pool. Next summer will surely be a blast with them both eager to get in.<br />
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A few weeks before her second birthday Selah really started talking about everything and pointing out everything. It was like all of a sudden we were like, "She <i>knows</i> what everything is! How long has this been going on?!" Ha. These little ones go from baby to big kid in a flash. She was also saying, "Ma-muh, ma-muh" all the time when she was calling for me or talking to me. So sweet when she would call for me with this sweet voice from her crib. How can you resist? The crazy thing is how quickly she stopped calling me that and went right to 'mommy!' It was like over night, right around when she turned 2. It really surprised me that she just changed, so I tried to make her go back. Ha. Good luck telling a 2 yr. old what to call you. :) Then I settled into and accepted we had grown to Mommy. But guess what little big girl started trying out on me last week..."Mom!!!" What in the world is happening. I have no idea where she picked that up but it is funny. I still keep trying to refer to myself as Mommy, but she firmly goes back and forth. Today I spontaneously showed the girls a cheer from high school and Selah responded with a calm, "Good job Mom." Ha! I've settled into the fact that I just love being her mom and I'll be happy to be called whatever her little heart desires. So enjoy it while it lasts fellow "mamas!"<br />
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Even as I'm writing I feel a little desperate to figure out how to possible capture her exploding personality on this simple computer. But it's impossible. Saying things here just sound like facts....but they couldn't possibly capture the life that is in my firstborn baby girl. Anyone who has or has had a two yr. old knows what I'm talking about. They are so full of LIFE! She is funny and silly and loves to play. She calls other kids, "friends," and doesn't understand when big kids are the nicest, but she's getting more curious about it. She can play all.day.long. It's amazing how long she could go without eating or stopping if we let her, especially at a park. And they have great parks here. So many places to explore. She could also sit and watch Curious George for longer than I let her too, so she's definitely a versatile little person. She has a sweet heart and loves to do things as a family. She loves to take walks, which we've done a lot of since we've moved. When we first moved here we went to the children's museum with some friends and she had an absolute blast the entire day. Couldn't get enough. I think all the fun things to do and the fact that everything is so close together here has really helped her transition seamlessly. And I think she was also at the just right age to be flexible and not so attached that she would have a hard time. Though I know she would be thrilled to visit our old/home church and see the familiar faces that have loved on us so much. We sure miss them, and certainly have some really homesick days, but are thankful they sent us with many prayers and words/hearts of confidence in the Lord's plans during this next step for our family. <br />
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Moving was hard. Really hard. It was exhausting to pack and clean, find a new place to live, process leaving our old life, and take care of a 4 mo. old and 23 mo. old at the same time. It was emotionally exhausting too, and I think I got sick with a bad cold or sore throat in the middle of it. We tried hard to get together with as many friends and family as possible before we left, which was awesome but crammed our days full at the same time. Looking back I'm amazed at how Selah adventured through those later than usual nights and kept going with joy. It is seriously a blur. The week before moving and the 2-4 weeks after feel like such a crazy time in my memory that I was just forcing myself to physically get through. Zoe has always needed me in a big sort of way, which I love about her, but looking back I think that contributed to the exhaustion. Not to mention that my youngest baby used to hate being in the car. Not a great situation in the midst of all the running and driving we were doing. My saving grace was having two babies who didn't know the difference of what was going on, and just wanted to love life! So doing fun things with them in the middle of it all helped me keep my sanity. But that's all just a side note. We survived, and dare I say now we're on the brink of thriving! :)<br />
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Back to my baby girl....Selah still loves all her baby dolls, but she doesn't leave clothes on any of them. Which I think is the opposite of how I was when I was little, concerning the clothes thing. It will be interesting to see how this evolves. She also loves building blocks and will tell you to sit and play with her. And she loves kicking or throwing any type of ball. She really seems to love 'working' at something. She has recently started loving 'making' something in the kitchen, or helping wash the dishes. And I let her "make" to her little heart's content, giving her little bits of flour, raisins, oatmeal, and measuring cups and spoons. It is her place of delight to be working with me like that and I love it. She loves when I make, "muffs." (muffins) And I've recently taught her to like carrots and "hummoose," which I'm thrilled about because I love hummus. Little things I wish I would have done a better job of writing down are things like when she started making actual kiss sounds when she kissed us. (instead of just putting her lips together) This also happened about a month before we moved and it was so sweet and adorable. She started putting so much purpose behind her affection. It's the little things that seem to make your heart the happiest as a mom!<br />
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She's also learned a lot about obedience and seems to be a child who wants to do the right thing. But I can tell when it's hard for her because she has that "look." She went through her first "fit" phase around the time we moved because I can remember telling Kevin, "Just make sure to support her head on her way down." Ha. These kiddos sure have strength! That's right around the time when he wasn't too thrilled with Trader Joe's trips that got too long! ;) She's also started "running," swinging her arms and everything and it's awesome. She loves to go on walks with Daddy without the stroller, just holding his hand and occasionally running with him. A few months ago she was saying, "Yeah" a lot when we'd ask her something, and we'd correct her to say, "Yes, please." So she transitioned to, "Yep," which was so cute. Then in the last few weeks she has started saying, "Yes, peas." And it's awesome. An encouragement to new moms...start repeating the manners over and over early and one day it will stick for good! My mom was huge on manners and it has stuck with me. I'm definitely thankful to have been trained in that way, where it feels weird if I'm rude. (because let's be honest, I definitely can be.) The hilarious part about when they start saying these things is that they say them all the time. Like now when you give something or do something for Selah she says, "Gang-koo, Welcome. Gang-koo, Welcome." So funny. Selah loves reading, and she loves books about numbers or animals. She really loves it when something is funny or silly. She still sucks her thumb and twirls her hair when she's tired or unsure of something. But right before we moved she grew out of holding onto my hair when I would rock her or sing to her. Just today she asked me to take my hair out of a ponytail when I was holding her at one point, but that was it.<br />
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The last 6 months with her have definitely been a time when we have been overwhelmed with moments of truly delighting in who Selah is becoming. It is such a powerful connection with the Father's heart when you read in His word how he delights in us and can't really imagine it or fathom it. Then you have a child of your own and it is overwhelming how the reality of delighting in another beautiful creation in a way that takes over your whole soul. I have moments of watching her and just being speechless with how I feel about her. Just tonight I snuck up the stairs and peered through the railing to watch her talk to her stuffed animal and 'read' her Bible before she finally surrendered to laying down for sleep. Then I went up to make sure she wasn't sleeping on a block or a book and she woke just enough to ask me to get in. It's actually pretty cozy in there. You know it's almost time to transition to a big girl bed when she's old enough to ask us to snuggle next to her because she knows we can't resist those sweet moments. The other night I rubbed her head and sang her all the way to sleep and treasured it in every way I could. I always, always longed for this, prayed for this, desperately hoped for moments just like the ones I'm having now. It's a really incredible experience to learn how to parent and encounter the refining that comes from it. And to witness the unfolding of a life learning its way for the first time.<br />
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I just can't resist all the original uniqueness that comes from within her. She is untainted by the world and brimming with pure innocence and it's amazing. I treasure it as hard as my heart will allow. Every experience with her is new and amazing because it's the first time it's happening for us as parents. Some of those firsts she hasn't loved, like fireworks at a wedding this summer which terrified her, and the fire trucks in the first parade she saw. "Too loud," as she would say. She gives a pretty good neck grip during these times too. :) She loves to help get everyone's socks and shoes ready when she wants to go somewhere, and two days ago she sat and worked at it and got her own shoes on and velcroed...which was adorable because she had a shirt and diaper only on and we weren't going anywhere. Speaking of diapers, she's still in them. And I'm still cloth diapering two. I'd love to tell you about it sometime. ;) So far she makes her little Target bath baby tinkle in the potty chair so it will sing and say, "Yay!" I'm waiting for her to feel really ready. She asked to be changed, so I think she's close. When she was 18 months, right before Zoe was born, she didn't have a diaper on after bath time and became really overwhelmed because she had to "poo." So we ran and put her on the potty and she pooed in there. And apparently was pretty traumatized because she never wanted to do that again...ha ha. So we'll wait for that. We're doing fine without wiping bottoms and dealing with public places so far. ;)<br />
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We pray more about Selah's relationship with Jesus than anything else. She likes to talk about "JeeJee" as she calls him, and thinks every Bible character is him. She also insists on first finding the "baby" towards the end of the Bible every time we open it. We just recently have been talking about really praying for the Lord to develop and refine certain character traits we see in our children. <br />
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Motherhood is no doubt hard work. For every mother, no matter the situation or circumstance. But it is good work. And us mothers have an intense bond of knowing what it's like to love that hard and that fully. I am in a sweet place right now, really enjoying these days that are flying by but are being filled with memories. When these sweet ones are grown, the thing I'll miss the most is how they feel in my arms. Oh how I love holding them close, feeling their sweet skin, and calming them by running my fingers through their hair or rubbing their little arms. I love their giggles, their energy, and their joy. I'll miss those sweet baby things one day, but I also excitedly embrace the new days and ways they grow...because I don't take it for granted to get another day with them. It's such a privilege to raise these sweet children God birthed from my womb. So amazing. I pray for many, many, many days with them. And I pray hard for the relationships we'll hopefully have as they grow and we get to see how God will use them. But for now we're going to take all the sweet snuggles we can get!<br />
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Well, that's embarrassingly long. But I'm sure the grandma's and great-grandma's appreciate the update! I obviously can't turn this into any longer of a post...or at least I'm not going to. So that's it for now...my amazing littlest baby Zoe girl will get her own update coming up next! That little one is going to be running circles around me in no time!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-69394195749876958832013-10-15T20:42:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:51:21.280-05:00Zoe - 4 and 5 months<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Sweet Zoe's 4th and 5th months were the craziest ever! I always vow I won't say this, but I sure do wish I had done a better job of journaling and writing during that time. But I was just trying to keep my head above water in a lot of ways. It also was the end of summer, the beginning of a beautiful Fall and we were so busy having fun and exploring our new town. I remember thinking when Zoe turned 4 months, then 5, how much she was changing and growing up, mostly in the way of showing her personality. She has A LOT of personality too, let me tell you. She is the smiliest little baby, unless it's time to go to sleep, which she really dislikes. She also gets very upset if she's done playing on the floor and you don't pick her up right away. She has not been one to roll from one side of the floor to the other, but she's been rolling onto her belly since shortly after 3 months, and will pull herself to whatever she wants. Zoe's love for her sister just kept growing during these months, and she learned to become quite flexible, with lots of changes. We moved when Zoe was 4 and 1/2 month old and she was still at a place where she did not love being in the car. So the driving to and from when we had to do that a few times was not easy. We had the privilege of staying with my grandma for almost a week while we were looking for a place to live in our new town. The girls loved their Great Grandma/"GeeGee's" house, and it was fun to get to spend that extended time for her. But it was a little crazy too, as two little one's in a non-child proofed home can be a little hard on their mama. ;) We moved to our new place, had some rental house issues to work out, which was stressful to say the least, and just the process of unpacking, moving, creating new routines. But the girls were champs and we played and played. I have worked so very hard since Zoe was born to keep doing special things with her and Selah, no matter how crazy it's been. Because even when the stress is high and the to-do list is long, I don't want to miss out on precious memories!</div>
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Zoe has been told her whole life that she is SO CUTE! And she is told this by everyone! That only got more fun and easy to do during those sweet months because she just smiles, crinkles up her nose, and is so easy to make giggle. If she hears her daddy making her sister laugh she will twist her whole body around so fast just to see, then she starts laughing right along like she's part of the fun. Every single morning, without fail, both girls have to see each other first thing. Zoe smiles so big when her sister comes to give her hugs. She has always had the most amazing cheeks, and has received too many kisses to count...just so amazingly irresistible!! At 4 and 5 months old Zoe took lots of walks in my carrier, to the park, to our downtown, at the grocery store, during story time at the library or Barnes and Noble. She did a lot of hanging out and going with the flow! I love the memory of one of the first times she was in the nursery at our new church. I was a little nervous, but when I came to get her she heard my voice, whipped her head around and smiled so big. And she was sitting in a Bumbo, which we don't have, and it was before she was sitting up on her own. So she looked so big and I got one of those overwhelming, "She's mine," proud mommy moments. I just love her little 'zest for life' heart.</div>
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I will say she still was not a great napper at at home at this time, which was tough for me. (She always slept great in the Pikkolo when we were out and about;) So many days I felt like I just needed somewhat of a break. My babies needed so much at this time, and Selah wasn't quite having full conversations or communicating as fully then. I think that's all why it's kind of a blur. We were just living and loving hard, trying to sleep when possible and recover from the exhaustion of getting adjusted and acclimating to a new place. The days were flying by fast! And I might have stayed up most of the night to finish details for sister Selah's 2nd birthday, which didn't do me any favors on the energy front. :) I usually have what I consider to be a pretty good memory, even with the details, but wow...those first two months of Indiana with two babies and a husband with a new job were crazy. And we didn't even have our dog with us at that time!</div>
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You know how some kids require singing, dancing, and standing on your head to get them to smile one demand? (that's Selah;) Well not Zoe. She practically gives you the biggest smile just for looking at her! And if you talk to her in a sweet voice or give her a big smile, she just cannot resist. It's such a precious trait of her's, to smile and laugh so big and easily. It is seriously infectious around here. We all love to make our baby Zoe smile!<br />
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Zoe honestly just loves love. I know that sounds like a normal baby thing, but for this girl - it's serious. She thrives in every way on affection and the attention of her loved ones. This has been true since the second they laid her on my chest in the hospital. It's actually amazing to see how she showed us who she is during her first moments. This is fun in the way that she is thrilled to be spent time with in anyway. Meaning she's always like it when we sing to her, or read her books, or talk to her. Even from a little bitty age. Which has always been so sweet to me. When she is happy, she is the happiest little thing without a care in the world. But when she's not, she is my little firecracker. I mean for real. This girl has spunk and spice for days! This mostly shows itself at sleeping times, in the carseat, or when she is ready to be picked up. Sometimes it's seriously like two totally different babies. But she is always calmed quickly at this stage. I know that God is going to use that fierce determination for his glory. And I know her joy will be something special that will be a light for many. I pray that He helps me know how to lead it well. One thing I haven't mentioned is that Zoe moves all.the.time. Just like in my belly!! It's amazing. When she is wiggling all around and in our arms I imagine those same movements in my belly and it cracks me up. She just has to move and kick and twist and grab. At the same time, she has always been one to lay her head on my shoulder and lean in when we're holding her. She will just hang out in your arms looking around and taking it all in, perfectly happy.</div>
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I love you Zoe girl! You are such a special blessing to me and I cannot imagine my life without you sweet one.</div>
<br />Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-24449170750174964372013-09-20T16:40:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:50:30.368-05:00On An AdventureIt is good to be here...writing in this little space of mine in the online world. In the last several months my mind and heart have been in a million different places. If I'm being honest, it's been pretty exhausting in most ways, but wow - what an adventure! About a month ago I had a blog in my mind titled, "On the Edge of Adventure and Feeling Thankful." Well, that ship has sailed. I am still feeling thankful, but we are deep in our adventure....our little family moved to a new state just a few short weeks ago! After MUCH prayer and seeking, talking and thinking, and seeking wise counsel, my husband took a new ministry position at a church in Indiana, only about an hour and 15 min. from where I grew up. (and where my parents still live) This decision was honestly, truly excruciatingly difficult for us. Kevin has been in Louisville his whole life, and his entire family is there. And we had to choose to leave an incredible and amazing church and community. God is doing an incredible work there, and the people are on fire and seeking hard after him. We were so privileged to be a part of it. It was a unique situation because we both felt as excited about ministry and what we were both in the middle of doing as we ever had. And we really felt if there was a time in our marriage and our family to take a step of faith like this, then it was now. Nonetheless, the relationships we have built over the last five years we've been married, and the amazing people who have loved on us and our babies, were so, so tough to say goodbye to. But shortly before Zoe was born, this new job possibility came up. And we spent months going through the process of seeing if God was leading us through that door. As it turns out, we felt peace and excitement to walk through this new door, and embark on an adventure together, no matter how tough it would be to leave a place where we were thriving and knowing great joy.<br />
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And now? We are on that adventure, and have moved to the most charming community and a young church who is hungry for more of God and all He can do in this place. We have joined a sweet and passionate staff, and people who have been so sweet to welcome us with kindness and joy. Our prayer is that we can serve and become a part of this church and community, and be completely surrendered to how God wants to use us here. And so far we are no doubt tired, (moving is <em>exhausting!!!</em>), but we are having fun. I kid you not, as one of Kevin's co-workers just said, we seriously moved to Stars Hollow out of the Gilmore Girls. We live on a brick road you all! We also are a walk away from the cutest, historic downtown which has an old fashioned diner/ice cream shop, a cupcake shop, a children's bookstore that has storytime two times a week, the coolest antique shops, and some fun restaurants. I can also walk to the (awesome) library, and Kevin often walks to and from work! We are just a mile from our new church/his work. Just this past weekend there was a fun little festival on the downtown square that we walked to. There are also some really fun parks here, one where we had Selah's second birthday party. So all those things certainly make it easier for a mom with two sweet little ones to adjust. I would be lying if I said we haven't had some seriously homesick moments. Moving is always a really big deal and just takes time. And while we love being a part of our new church family, it is definitely tough not to feel like we're missing out at "home" sometimes. This is my third really big move in my life, though it's a little crazier because I do feel a little like I've 'come home' in a way. I haven't lived this close to my parents since I left for college 14 years ago...and I am a midwest girl with a heart for Indiana. :) All that to say, we are excited to join God at work here, to get to know our new community, and continue making memories as a family. Thank you friends and dear family for your prayers! We are so thankful!!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-67257153248500656802013-07-18T16:38:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:49:21.184-05:00Zoe's BIRTH STORY!<br />
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This was one of my favorite moments shortly after Zoe was born. It was about 6:30 in the morning, two hours after her arrival, and we were "kangarooing" on the hospital bed, while Daddy was asleep on the couch. I thought I would sleep after being exhausted from laboring/delivering through the night, but I had so much adrenaline and emotion, I just sat there, with tears rolling down my face. I didn't have my bible or journal or anything near me, (and I wasn't exactly able to just hop up and get it, if you know what I mean;). Kevin was asleep on the couch in the room and I didn't want to wake him, so I just held my baby girl, thanking God for her delivery, overwhelmed by the whole experience. So surreal.<br />
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I went all natural for Zoe's birth. Like no medication at all. It was crazy. Crazy hard. So hard that Kevin or I neither one could think about it or talk about it without getting so emotional those first days. I mean seriously...if you're looking for a way to be forced to get outside yourself and depend fiercely on God, this is one good way to do that. :)<br />
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I mentioned with Selah's birth that Kevin and I had really prepared to give the natural experience a try. But if you read her "three day induction" story, you know that wasn't happening after being induced. And while I didn't like any of the effects of the epidural, I admittedly loved the whole birth experience, and had fun going through it. When I got pregnant with Zoe, it surprised me how many people asked if I was going to go natural. It caught me off guard because I really wasn't necessarily planning on it or even determined to give it a try. I just knew I really wanted to enjoy my second birth experience too. Well, the doctors even started asking, and being really encouraging about me being able to do it. It's funny how much it meant to me that they were so positive. (both my dr. and the dr. who delivered Selah when mine was on vacation.) So I started saying if I had to be induced then no way I would even attempt it. Because in my opinion being induced is like being set on fire...at least that's what it felt like to me after 30 hrs., before the epidural;) Having done it the other way, I can confirm it to be true...induced contractions feel much crazier and unnatural - really hard to find any sort of rhythm or relief through.<br />
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Kevin and I did start reviewing all we had learned, praying and preparing for the possibility, and I started saying if we went into labor on our own, if the baby was in a good place and it wasn't terribly long, then I definitely wanted to see how we could do. Having an epidural last time wasn't my favorite, with the paralyzed legs and how sick it made me. So that just added to my motivation to see how it might go.<br />
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We prayed many times to go into labor on our own, and prayed some very specific prayers over the whole process. We had no idea what it would be like for that experience, especially since the last time we were so overdue and it was really different.<br />
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So around 37 weeks I started doing the thing where the increasing braxton hicks contractions make you think you're going to go into labor anytime. Also, Zoe always sat really low, especially after she flipped from being in a breech position, around 34 weeks. So the end felt a lot different. That at least threw us into gear and we spent 3 solid weeks being way more productive and prepared than usual. (I was packed by 38 weeks, I actually checked everything off my list (wow), and my nesting of choice was sewing...more on those projects later!)<br />
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Basically for the next few weeks every night was about the same once I laid down, feeling a little different, increasing contraction like symptoms. At my week appt. I was 4 cm dilated, which I was SO excited about. I thought for sure I would go early. (Just because I felt different than last time) My sciatic was really messed up though, so those last weeks were tough...so it was probably wishful thinking that she'd come soon. 40 weeks came and went on April 11th, and we just started taking it day by day.<br />
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Friday night we went to a church staff get together, which was one of those bonus things when you're overdue. :) That night while I was talking to someone I would randomly get these weird bursts in my back, different but not exactly painful, more like I thought it was funny because they would catch me so off guard. Saturday night was kind of the same, maybe a few more. I definitely kept feeling like there was an increasing sort of "churning" in there. Then, at 2:30 Sunday morning, I had a contraction that hurt enough to wake me up. One of those quick waves. But I thought I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, as 30 min. later I had another. I made myself relax and thankfully did go to sleep. All day Sunday I would have another one of those contractions, and they remained 30 min. apart. And my nesting was crazy. I was moving around the house, making sure everything was in order, laundry was done, bags were packed and double checked, Selah's stuff was prepared...oh, and I made a crib sheet I had been planning on since I had Selah. Ha. By mid afternoon, during Selah's nap and when I was at the part of feeding the elastic through the sheet, I was laying in bed working on it, because my contractions were more painful and I was starting to really time them/pay attention to the intensity.<br />
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My mom was originally going to come on Saturday, but we had pushed it back to Sunday, and she arrived around 5:00. I'm so thankful for the perfect timing of that, because she lives 4 hrs. away and I really didn't want her to miss it. By the time I was rocking Selah before her bedtime, I was having painful enough contractions that I had to stop singing every once in awhile and breathe through it. But they still weren't long. After she went to sleep the real fun began.<br />
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I was still busying myself with preparations, while continually saying things to Kevin about being prepared. I think I was getting nervous about how everything was going to go, as it's all just so unpredictable. He started reviewing our notes from the class we had taken, especially about how to help me through contractions and when to go to the hospital. Between 8 and 9 they were getting bad enough that I had a bit of a meltdown at one point until Kevin and I were on the same page, and I had to start vocalizing through them. I tried to get in the tub but I did not like that at all. For some reason every time I had a contraction, (once they were especially painful), I had to stand straight up. I think it was her position or something.<br />
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The contractions were lasting at least 30 sec. and were getting closer and closer together. Between 9 and 11 things progressed and changed significantly, as far as my pain level and the consistency. I took a shower to try to relax and be ready in case we were going to be having a baby that night. (Obviously we were, but apparently we like to keep our options open. ;) By 11:00 I was on the floor in the living room with the exercise ball, and we called our amazing friend Holly, (who has 10 children of her own and who helped us during labor last time), to get some advice on what to do. Everything we had learned and read had told us to not rush to the hospital because it was best to get as far along as possible at home in a relaxed environment. (Which I totally agree with, as long as your water doesn't break of course). And the real reason we were unsure was because they were (mostly) consistent at 5 min. apart, but never lasted more than 45 sec. So we were really waiting for them to be a minute long. Well, Kevin was waiting for that. It's so hard on the "coach's" part, because they can't feel the pain or know how intense it is, so he could only go by what we had been told/taught to do. We did learn through this experience that every baby/body is different and following the mom's lead is undoubtedly the best (only!) way to go. :)<br />
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The funny part was the fact that my sweet mom had to witness this craziness. She was admittedly starting to get a little scared that we had lost our minds and were going to have a baby in the living room. At one point I guess Kevin went to talk to her about phone numbers and who could come stay with Selah during the night, and he said she was looking up on Web MD what active labor looked like and when to go to the hospital. Ha! She did such a good job of not freaking out or telling us what we should do next.<br />
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Let me just say, laboring naturally with people you love around you can be hard. Well, at least for me. Because I might be able to get through a lot of pain, but it's really hard to be extremely nice/loving/respectful through it. It takes so much focus and the littlest thing can make you crazy.<br />
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So while Kevin was talking to Holly, asking her what we should do, I had a painful contraction that I was particularly loud through. She asked Kevin, "Is that Page in the background? I think you all should probably go." So apparently when they get that hard and painful you're getting close. ;) Kevin did give me the option of laying on the couch and seeing if they lightened up at all. An option I was not interested in. I'm definitely not the girl looking to deliver my own baby! Ha.<br />
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We got in the car around 12am to head to the hospital. I wanted to pop in Selah's room, lay my hand on her and pray over her one more time, and I tried...but barely made it out of her room without "verbalizing," (that means some form of yelling), through another contraction. The drive to the hospital was not particularly pleasant. I kept telling Kevin not to talk and to just turn on the music. It took about 15 min. to get there and when we did I asked Kevin to get me a granola bar we had packed because I knew they wouldn't let me have anything and I wanted to have energy. Then he got out the video camera...which I was not a fan of during active labor, let me just say. But apparently he's really glad he took it now!<br />
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The main doors were locked, so we had to walk to another exit, then a nice man with a wheelchair loaded me up and took us up the elevator. All the while I'm getting through these contractions. When we got up there we probably waited 5 min. for the nurses to come, (and I apologized for taking them from their break - ha.) They asked me if I was going to get an epidural and I said it depended on what they checked me at. So we went in the triage room, and she checked me...I was a 7!!! In my mind, from everything I'd heard and read, 7-8 cm. is transition. And I had told myself if I could make it that far, I knew the baby shouldn't be too far away so I was definitely going to try. Kevin was obviously nervous about this....he asked the nurse how far in I could still get the epidural. She said all the way up until the baby crowns. (Who knew??)<br />
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I had strep B, and the worst part of that beginning process was getting through these painful contractions while they tried to get an IV in, start the penicillin, (which burns like crazy! really didn't like that), and asked me a million questions. Literally...it felt like a million. I was still sitting in that bed which was tough, and that whole thing was a blur because it was several nurses, lots of talking, and a painful thing in my arm. They wheeled us to the room, and said they'd call our doctor. Once we got in there Kevin made sure the lights were low, and we just kept getting through one contraction at a time. Shortly after we got in there I felt sick and threw up that granola bar I had eaten so quickly in the car. That was no fun. My doctor came really quickly and waited until we were between contractions to check on me and see how I was doing. I asked her how long it usually took and she said about 1 cm. every hr. In my mind I thought there was no way I could do that kind of laboring for 6 hrs. She said she was going to go get some sleep, and they'd get her when it was time.<br />
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Then it was just Kevin and me. I'm telling you, I just teared up writing that sentence. That was the moment of entering one of the most sacred, painful, intense experiences of my life. It is so, so difficult to even know how to describe it...because to me it was so extremely internal and deep and focused....and so hard. Every time I had a contraction I would stand straight up, clench my legs together, sometimes get on my tip toes, and grab Kevin's shoulders really tightly. Sometimes would try to get a rhythm of swaying, or going up and down on my tip toes. In hindsight, its funny that everytime Kevin thought something would help me because I started doing it, he would try to initiate and I'd bluntly say, "Stop, don't do that!" I really wondered if we would be able to get through it without help or a doula, and now I think it was best to just have Kevin there because he's the only one whose feelings I didn't have to worry about hurting. It would have been hard for me to be in so much pain and be potentially rude to someone else had they been there. I would have worried about it and felt badly. He understood and knew he just needed to follow my lead and get me through. And he was amazing.<br />
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Music is so incredibly powerful to me, so like last time, we had it ready to go. Earlier in the day, when I had showered I had sang the song, "Love Came Down," (the Bryan Johnson version), and practiced relaxing through it. So I asked him to play it. That was one of those sweet and powerful moments of the night. I absolutely love that song and needed every word of it in those moments. I remember listening to that and Bebo Norman, and know we played more of my 'labor playlist,' and it was so helpful, just to help me stay focused on God's strength and not freak out at the pain. I think it was during that song that Kevin almost started to tear up and get emotional, and I said something to the extent of 'no way hosea.' I needed him to be sturdy and help me through each contraction. Only one of us was allowed to be on an emotional roller coaster. ;) I also really relied on my index cards with scriptures on them. That was something I didn't have done yet, so while I had been laboring at home earlier in the day I'd given my journal to my mom so she could copy some verses down that I had chosen.<br />
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The one thing I was able to tell him to do that didn't make me crazy was to tell me at the beginning of a contraction that it was almost over. It was amazing what that did for me mentally. Sometimes I had to remind him during my breaks to say it right away. (Even if it wasn't exactly true.) I could tell he didn't want to tell me something that wasn't accurate at first, but I assured him that's what I needed to hear! I'm telling you, even as I write this I can remember those huge waves as they built and peaked. And let me tell you, through every single one I thought, 'There's no way I can do that again. I'm going to get the epidural. Then somewhere in my mind I'd be thinking I'm so close, just one more contraction. Then I'd think, that whole epidural thing would just take time, slow me down, be annoying, and make me have to get a catheter. (which caused annoying problems after they took it out with my first baby.) That was all taking place somewhere in my mind, all while I was processing the pain.<br />
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I remember Kevin left two times for some reason, I think to talk to our families, maybe go to the bathroom. But those two times he wasn't there it was SO much harder to get through the contractions. I had to be careful not to panic. But I did use those two times to be much more out loud verbal and vulnerable with the Lord, which was good for me. I read my verses out loud, claiming them with my whole heart, and one time I said as surely as I knew how that I was claiming God's favor and calling on the Spirit in the name of Jesus, and asking for his angel armies to surround me and help. Looking back those moments were powerful and awesome parts of the night.<br />
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Our sweet nurse Michelle came in every once in awhile, having me on the monitor for one stretch just to check on the baby, and to tell me if anything felt different to let her know. I felt like I was definitely moving towards something and the pain was increasing steadily. And I kept feeling like I had to go the bathroom, so I would continue to try. We had gotten in the room between 12:45 and 1, so at 2:00 or a little after I asked her to check me. I think that time was in hopes that progress would be motivating. She normally would have waited another hour, but she did...and I was at 8cm! That was seriously what I needed. So we kept going, and that next hour or so was crazy. It was still quiet and dark, and we had actually gotten into quite a rhythm. But I don't think we played music anymore after that...all I remember is the pain, the focus to get through, and the breaks. OH my goodness the breaks.<br />
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If pain in labor/childbearing is a result of the curse, then the breaks in the middle of contractions through natural labor are the demonstration of God's grace. Seriously. Getting through natural childbirth is only made possible by these incredible chunks of time where your body literally relaxes so deeply from exhaustion that you can <i>fall asleep. </i>I kid you not. Every time I would make it through another contraction, right when it was over I would sit back down on the bed, positioning myself in the same way every time, with one leg on the bed, I guess because it was comfortable with my still sensitive and searing sciatic problem. Then I would close my eyes, breathe, and gently sway back and forth. At least a couple of times I would jerk awake from almost being out. It's funny because even though I couldn't verbalize it I thought, "I wonder if Kevin knows I almost fell over?" Ha. Apparently it wasn't as dramatic as it felt. But those moments were SO peaceful and SO amazingly awesome. And it felt like they lasted 10 min. each. Apparently they were only 2 or 3 min. long though, sometimes a minute and a half, according to Kevin. <br />
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Then when that precious break was over and the fire in my belly started up again, I'd stand quickly, grab onto Kevin, stand on my tip toes, and squeeze my legs together, trying to breathe, relax, and believe it would be over soon. My screaming during the contraction started turning into me saying, "Owww, owww," kind of rhythmically, I guess because it felt better for me to be honest that it hurt! Those contractions ended with a sort of sob too. Then it got crazy. Let me just say, transition is not when you know "the baby's almost here." It's when your screaming goes up an entire octave and the breaks get shorter and shorter, less and less. I remember specifically when I started sounding different and feeling like something was violently trying to get out of my body, and Michelle came in and said, "Are you okay?" At the time I thought she'd lost her mind because it seemed clear that I was not. :) But once I told her "something had changed," and she checked me to find I was 9 cm, I realized she had asked because it was sooner than she expected and I was sounding like someone does when the baby is about to come!<br />
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At 9 cm there were no more glorious breaks, no more rhythmic swaying or even any thinking clearly. And I was just so incredibly tired. (This all happened between 1:00 am and 4:11 in the morning.) I crawled on the bed and screamed into the pillow for each one, and they came really pretty close. I remember still thinking, "I can't do this, I'm going to get the epidural." Then I'd go through that whole process in my mind again of how that would all just take too much time and I was almost there. The room started getting a little crazy as nurses started prepping. By this time I was biting the pillow with each contraction, accompanied by a pretty high pitched scream. Mentally what honestly helped me the most was telling myself, "You will not break. You are created to do this, this will not break you, it just hurts. Because you just have to find a way to not completely tense up and try to protect yourself from the pain. It's much better to lean into it and get through, if that makes sense. <br />
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My dr. came in shortly after and checked me again and said it was time to push! This all was happening so fast but didn't exactly feel like it at the time. I actually pushed really hard once and she realized I wasn't quite all the way to 10 like she had thought, but I could kind of push my way there. Oh my goodness then the pushing. I don't know if I've ever felt quite like I couldn't do something as much as I did that night. That was the moment I most honestly admitted my absolute inability to do it, and my desperate need for the Lord to do what I couldn't. My dr. was calm and so amazingly incredible the whole time. She apparently is the resident pro at natural deliveries, and I certainly learned why. She said, "Your natural instinct is going to be to scream through the pushing, but the more energy you put into that the less you'll have for the push." Which I didn't love hearing, but I trusted her and gave it a shot. She stayed that calm and so encouraging through the whole process. She even let me put my foot on her leg for support.<br />
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I remember during each push my dr. saying, "Push, push, push!" really fast, and Michelle saying, "You're doing great, you're doing such a good job." Kevin would say, "You're doing it, you're doing so good, keep going." Then he would tell me he was so proud of me. But let me tell you, it was crazy hard. Ridiculously hard. My baby girl did not pop right out. I remember looking around the room and there were like 3 or 4 other nurses just waiting. They just stood there watching, as calm as could be, saying nothing, doing nothing, just looking. I remember wondering what they were thinking and how they could be so calm! I also had a preconceived idea that "the ring of fire" was something that would last for seconds, when you pushed the baby out. Well that might be true if your baby comes out with one push! My sweet girl's head finally made an appearance after a crazy hard push, but she was not all the way out. Apparently this was normal because my dr. wasn't freaking out or anything, but it.hurt.like.CRAZY. This was the moment. I was crying, I said to Kevin, "I can't do this," and he said, "You are doing it." Then I was stuck in the fire thinking, "I can't push through this pain...but what's the alternative? She can't go back in and this is the only way out! One other thought in the back of my mind was that my sciatic pain would disappear if I could just get her out. I'm not sure if this is accurate, but it felt like she was half way out and I was stuck in the fire until I did something about it!</div>
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So I gave a hard push, then cried out, "Lord Jesus I need you to deliver this baby right now! Please help me!" (seriously - I was screaming this in the room.) I pushed as hard as I could one last time and she came out. And I thought I was going to pass out. It hurt so bad. Not like a shocking hurt, but like a 'this is so crazy, I can't believe I'm enduring this searing pain' hurt. The coolest feeling of not having any medication is feeling the baby go from your belly to out in the world. That really is awesome. Your belly goes from hard to soft in a second. I fell back onto the bed and was shaking, and the dr. handed her to me....still in her bag of waters!!! It was so awesome, I only wish I had been a little less exhausted to really take all that in. To break the water my dr. just gently sliced the bag and it all fell out on top of my chest. Then they wiped the rest off Zoe's face. It was the coolest thing. And I have heard keeping the waters intact can help cushion the contractions, so I choose to believe this was such an answered prayer, and more grace on God's part. Then Zoe gave the passionate little scream she is not known so well for, and she was snuggled close in my arms. (I just sighed heavily thinking about that moment. I still feel relief and joy when I get to this part of the story!) Oh, and since she came about 3 hrs. after they pumped me full of that painful first dose of penicillin, I didn't even get enough rounds to protect her from the strep b....but since she was born in the bag of waters it didn't even matter! Kind of crazy.<br />
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I remember kissing her wet little head over and over, talking to her in my mommy voice and telling her I loved her so much. And I looked at Kevin and we both started crying, and I'll never forget saying, "That was so hard." He nodded through his tears and said, "I know." I looked over at my mom, who had come in right before I started pushing, and I said, "That had to be so hard to watch." Then she started crying! It was a little intense if you can't tell. ;) But beautiful babies coming into the world is always so amazing anyway. I will add in for those who have been through a natural delivery or who are curious about it, the part after delivery was extremely unpleasant, not quite worse, but bad in my book. Email me for details. ;) I snuggled baby Zoe under my tank top to get her warm. My brother and Kevin's parents came in to see her, and we were all just exhausted. And so, so thankful. There is nothing like the adrenaline rush and beautiful exhaustion of a baby coming into the world.</div>
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After that they helped me into a wheel chair, and handed the baby back. My body was so seriously fatigued and out of it that for a second I was hoping I could hold her steady. I just wanted to close my eyes. Nobody was worried about that apparently, so I held her close, and she ate the whole time they wheeled me down to our room. I had tears running down my face the whole way down the hallway, just taking it all in, everything we just experienced and the intensity of the last several hours. So overwhelming and amazing all at once. By the time we got to our room it was about 6 am, and the sweet nurses gave her a bath, and told us how seriously beautiful she was. (We agreed of course;) I was starving and exhausted, but breakfast wouldn't come until between 7 and 8, and Kevin passed out as soon as the nurses left and I was snuggled up with Zoe again. I thought I would sleep because I'd taken a pain pill, but instead I found myself right where that first picture shows, tears running down my face, my heart processing the experience, and my adrenaline still rushing, just feeling so, so thankful. I love, love being a mommy.<br />
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***<i>If you're wondering, immediately after I gave birth I was thinking I would never do it that way again, wasn't even sure I could ever give birth again, and I would never tell anyone else to do it like that! But that quickly changed to I will take it as it comes and I'm so glad we did it. It's definitely an experience you can't over think or dwell on because then of course it would be too hard to imagine. It's certainly a moment by moment thing for me, and I'm really, really thankful for the experience, just because it was special for what it was. And while the after pain really wasn't noticeably different, my emotions and ability to move around were a lot better, and I didn't have some extremely annoying effects on my body that I had had previously for a couple months after my first delivery! My advice for anyone giving it a try...definitely have worship music, the Word, and a willingness to totally and completely rely on and call on the Spirit for strength!! Oh, and it took a full 2 months to "forget the pain." But I can still do a pretty good job of remembering if I try hard enough. ;) TOTALLY WORTH IT.</i><br />
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-73120657694001922452013-07-18T16:28:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:50:04.554-05:00Baby Zoe is 3 months Old!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just this past Monday Zoe turned 3 months! Wow. Time definitely does fly, but we have certainly worked hard to get to this place. :) I am truly enjoying my girls, their relationship with each other and my relationship with them more than ever. It seems like you talk so much about making it to that 3 month mark, then all the sudden you're there! Now we're really starting to have fun. Newborn days are truly priceless and sweet, but our littlest lady's personality is really starting to show, which I wouldn't give up for anything. Don't get crazy though, I'm still so tired, having a super hard time putting in the necessary effort to lose the weight, and constantly trying to figure out how to get the things done that need to be done. It is a season though.<br />
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This past month has not been the toughest, but it has been the craziest! It seems like it's been the month of roadtrips. If you've ever had two babies and done a lot of that, with one who cries a lot in the car, you know it can be fun but super exhausting for mommy and daddy. When Zoe was 9 weeks old, we braved a 7 hr. trip to a family reunion in Pennsylvania. Of course it turned into more like an 11 hr. trip with all the necessary stops. And we are SUCH amateurs at this because we drove on Friday, spent two nights and came back on Sunday! What were we thinking?! ;) It was fun family time though, and of course totally worth it. Two days after that we took just Zoe on a 2 hr. trip to and from Indiana in one day, which also felt a little crazy at the time, but more on that later. Then Kevin officiated his first wedding a week after being ordained! This time we went on a 4 to 5 hr. trip to a very small town called Chester, IL. He did a great job and it was so much fun to spend time with our friends the Ahlers, who have 15 amazing children, 7 adopted from Liberia! They definitely have an amazing story. This was our second time staying in a hotel for two nights with both girls. We are learning so much through these adventurous experiences! Trying to recover from the road trips has been as hard as actually doing them, so I keep having to try again to find my rhythm at home with cleaning, cooking, etc. An endless learning process for me.</div>
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This month Zoe has really started being happy during the days, loving sitting in her bouncer/rocker, swinging in her swing, or kicking on the floor. She absolutely loves and adores her sister Selah, and will crane her neck as far as she needs to in order to see her when Selah's saying hello. Selah adores her just as much, and cannot start her morning without finding and saying hi to the baby! (Whether she's asleep or awake!) Zoe smiles so big when you start talking to her, and she remains the cutest little gal!!! Her face is just so amazingly sweet. She has become much more laid back and better at waiting or just hanging out. But she is still my sweet snuggler.<br />
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Sometimes I have crazy de ja vu when Zoe as a baby reminds me so much of Selah as a baby. Yet at the same time they have been totally different babies. But some mannerisms and just the way they're built has felt so familiar. Zoe does the absolute cutest stretch ever when she wakes up. Her short little legs with their sweet rolls stretch as far as they can while her arms go over her head. She does this all the time and I think it's so awesome. She also started cooing and gooing a lot, which I love, love, love! It is precious. She's been going in the nursery during my Thursday morning Bible Study since she was 7 weeks, which was a stretch for me, but she does awesome. I feed her right before and after I pick her up. She has also started being a champ at holding her head up for a couple minutes during tummy time. Though with a toddler around, floor time is not quite as frequent it seems. But we're getting plenty and she is really enjoying her new little piano kicking play mat from her CiCi. She also has surprised me by loving laying in the crib for a bit. We were in nursery a couple weeks ago so I could sort through the girls' clothes, and I let both the girls play with the mobile in the crib. (Until Selah wanting to stand stressed me out enough) Zoe loved looking up and seeing everything and was perfectly content to hang out. It took a lot more easing into it with Selah. We don't yet have another crib or toddler bed so they're not quite sharing a room yet. I still haven't put too much thought into this transition, but know the next few months will bring some changes. Selah hasn't shown any signs of crawling out as of yet, so I'm hoping we have a little more time.<br />
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She has also gotten so close to really truly laughing, but she is making me work for it. :) She does seem really ticklish though, so it will be sweet when we get more of those precious giggles. She still is a really great eater, and our feedings still go really fast. I have a feeling this one is racing a little towards the rolling and moving around. I am a mommy who is totally patient and not in a hurry for things like that, but this little gal is a mover and seems to want to get somewhere. Just exactly like all the crazy acrobatics that made her feel like she was trying to break out of my belly when I was pregnant. This is of course what makes my second little baby girl who she is, so I totally love that about her. There continues to be no feeling like when I have both girls snuggled in my lap. Oh my goodness talk about an overflowing heart. Kevin is smitten with his daughters, and it is fun to see him love and adore them. Selah is at the most precious age, and he is always saying lately that he just can't get enough. And he loves when Zoe gives him that big grin that matches his. We continue to be tired and have no clue what we're doing most days, but we are relying on Jesus together, and learning so much about each other and the Lord's love for us. One thing is for sure, we love our girls so much and find it fascinating but awesome that we have two kids! Some major changes are happening for us over the next several weeks, so we are very reflective about all the Lord has done over the last 5 years, since we've been married. Can't wait to share more...such a divine adventure!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-4934109998029124992013-07-15T16:47:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:48:45.907-05:00Zoe - 2 Months<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Our second month with Zoe was just as crazy, (but wonderful in its own way!) as the first. Our sweet girl still felt pretty fussy for a lot of the day, as I mentioned in my 'week 7' post. And let's be honest, I'm writing this now when she is 3 months old and we have spent a month easing out of the tough days. I wouldn't say we are totally out, as her fussiness remains at night, but we've made a ton of progress. And her screaming has lessened into restless fussing, which is better!! But I am still SO glad I wrote during the newborn craziness because I always think one post to document those days is good to have. Amazingly enough you do forget even how tiring and overwhelming it was, even though it wasn't long ago!<br />
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That second month we started having really sweet mornings. I would bring Selah into our room in the morning and let her watch some Little Angels, the Donut Man, or Daniel Tiger on the ipad, Zoe would be happy to lay on the bed, kicking and being happy for a bit, and I could work on my Bible Study. I was still so tired in the mornings, so this helped us ease into the day. Zoe worked up to about an hour of happy, then was pretty fussy (periods of screaming) throughout the day still. I will say that it did not take long for her to get into a 1am and 4am routine at night. Then she went from 10 to 5 right after I wrote that last post, even giving me some 9 to 6 stretches!! In the past 2 or 3 weeks we've regressed a little, but will hopefully work that out soon. Life has been more than a little crazy. :)<br />
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We were still pretty much in survival mode that second month, but adoring and loving our little one like crazy all at the same time. I love that she loves it when I sing, and also when I read to Selah. Zoe also continued to grow fast that second month, and was 11 lbs at her 2 month appt. She is a healthy, growing girl! She also started really smiling, and she is a baby that can light up a room! She captivates me with those sweet almond eyes, and she continues to love bathtime. We started early with a bathtime routine for her in her little tub outside the bath while Selah was in the bath. We do it most every night just because we've found that the routine makes them great at being sleepy and falling asleep quickly. Even Zoe started falling asleep shortly after Selah because she was so cozy and calm. <br />
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At 6 weeks I had the sweetest moment when I took Zoe to my 6 week dr.'s appt. I was walking in the building, looking down at her sweet face, and remember it vividly because she was staying happy while even in her carseat, which was new. And for a moment I could totally imagine her grown up, a sweet beautiful girl with hopes and dreams and planning a wedding. That sounds a little crazy and I certainly don't want to rush it, but I became overwhelmed with such graititude that I get to be her mama and guide her through the years we'll go through together to get there. I love looking into her sweet beautiful, dusty blue eyes and imagining the relationship we'll have. I already love the one we have now! That was just one of those days and moments that I know will stick with me when I look back and remember the time she was a newborn.<br />
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-26359724196017788582013-06-15T16:44:00.000-04:002013-11-27T16:46:00.852-05:00Zoe - 1 Month OldZoe's first month was one of learning and growing together! The first lesson I learned was that every sweet baby is so different. At first you think of comparisons with the first experience, then you embrace and love the fact that this is a totally different baby and needs to be discovered in a whole new way.<br />
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I love my baby girl Zoe so very much. In my very mommy opinion, she is so amazingly BEAUTIFUL! She has the squishiest, most wonderful cheeks, and the sweetest little, perfectly round head. And she loves any sort of physical soothing, especially having her head rubbed, which I think is the sweetest. I've always felt like she doesn't totally love being a baby, which is maybe why she seems to resist the baby-ness. ;) She moves all the time, just like in my belly, kicking those feet just exactly how I remember at the end of my pregnancy. She also has the most beautiful little hands, and she's always seemed to either hold them together or reach out and grab onto something with them.<br />
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(First double snuggle session)</div>
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(First time holding baby sister...it was always instant love with these two!)</div>
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From the very beginning Zoe has wanted to be held close. She much prefers snuggling to anything else. And she has never, ever fallen asleep right after eating. That completely took me by surprise, because we never had one of those eat then nap in Mommy's lap times, which is what I expected. But from the very beginning she has needed a lot of comfort through crying, but gets to a place where she can be set down and she'll fall right to sleep on her own, with the little sound machine that came with the pack n play. The first couple weeks she was pretty sweet and sleepy, just getting upset after feeding possibly because of it coming too fast for her. She also gained her weight pretty fast instead of staying tiny for very long. We also only went to the lactation consultant once, when she was about a week and a half old. Those first two weeks were super hard in the way of day and night confusion. I was sooo tired. For some reason whenever I've had a newborn I feel so old. ;) I keep thinking surely I wouldn't be so tired if I was in my twenties, but maybe it's just exhausting for everyone? On the other hand I also have the best hormone shifting adrenaline the first 3 weeks or so, excited about new baby days, and left over nesting energy. Then that ended drastically.<br />
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Zoe cried a lot, alot, almost all the time except when she took short naps that first 6 weeks. That was super tough and we survived by baby wearing. She loves, loves baby wearing. Almost every night my nerves were way past shot, and I was too exhausted to think or do anything. I remember just rocking her like crazy in the rock n play, silently begging her to sleep. During the days and until she went to sleep at night I would have to walk, bounce, and pat her to calm her down, and any time I tried to sit for a break or even to try and rock her she would immediately wake up and start screaming again. It was wild. She has always preferred to be held upright too, and started laying her sweet head on my shoulder from early on. I did have some fun those first days trying to get some sweet photos of her and her sister, not an easy task with a toddler, which is why I seem to have so many more photos of Zoe right now, both with my camera and my phone!<br />
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(First doctor's appointment...super duper tired mommy ;)</div>
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We also totally survived by sweet friends and family bringing us meals...what a blessing and life saver! I remember every time someone would show up with food I would feel this huge rush of relief, both for Kevin, Selah, and myself. <br />
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The day Zoe turned one month old she had her first sweet "play" time on the floor with Selah and I, which was so much fun to be together and happy with my girls. I have been amazed from day one, once again, that God created this absolutely precious little human being in my womb and now we get to love, adore, and get to know her sweet spirit. We are thrilled and thankful to be a family of four!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-243835729594708172013-06-06T15:50:00.000-04:002013-11-23T14:06:44.223-05:00Zoe is 7 weeks!<em>(I restarted writing this on Monday or Tues. of this week and am just finishing it today.)</em><br />
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(my mom took this on her ipad when she was here...though it was a crazy moment and I felt awful, I'm so thankful she did! such a treasure to me)</div>
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It's been 50 days since I officially became a mom with two little ones. So I started writing this when we were 17 days in, but honestly could not find the time or the energy to make it happen. I do not know how mommy bloggers do it. I'm guessing super late nights/early mornings/little sleep! :) <br />
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What an adventure we are having! I have certainly been exhausted out of my head, much of the past two months, but I'm so incredibly thankful. It's really hard to believe I now love two beautiful little girls; children I have prayed and hoped for many times over the last several years.<br />
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So where to even begin. To have both of my girls asleep at the same time for long periods of time is not quite happening yet. And by the nighttime I am emotionally and mentally spent. I guess I'll start with a quick list of updates and how it's going/things to remember.<br />
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*Selah as a newborn was not much of a screamer except for that hour or so at night when she was preparing for sleep. She did cry randomly throughout the day, but with a little help she slept anytime and anywhere. Zoe "cries passionately" when she is hungry/tired/needing changed/uncomfortable/not being held/cold/alone/in the carseat. I know that sounds dramatic, but many days it has been crazy on the extreme side. But I love that about her. (Though to say I've been worn thin more days than not is an understatement. Some for real exhaustion here.) She came out of the womb wanting to be comforted and close to her mama, and she's growing up and out of some of that all too quickly. The crazy thing is that she often goes to sleep on her own at night. If I catch her when she's at that tired point - not past it, then put her down with her wubbanub and some white noise she gets herself to sleep. That is a blessing. My nerves have struggled quite a bit by the end of the day, especially if its been a rough one for both girls. All this has not made me a great friend/texter/phone caller lately. My girls have needed extra grace from me, and I have for sure needed it from others!<br />
* I started a game where if both girls threw fits at the same time I was allowed to eat chocolate. Then I decided it was allowed even if just Zoe screamed. Ha. (Sea salt dark chocolate caramels anyone?) I wish I was kidding. Let's be honest - it wasn't even a game, just comfort food at its best. Weight loss isn't going so well just yet. ;) Seriously though, the hardest moments of having two so young have been when they both cry at the same time. It never lasts for long, but in the beginning my hormones helped me join right in. I actually want to write a blog post of the most memorable night when this happened.<br />
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*Selah loves Zoe. She has since the beginning. She doesn't show signs of jealousy, or even seem to mind when I'm feeding Zoe, but I can tell when she's needing some one on one time. I have tried to create a "15 min." plan. I try to spend a solid 15 min. at a time doing something with just Selah, whether it's reading, stickers, bubbles, coloring, making something in the kitchen. And I always put Selah down for naps and get her up from them without having Zoe with me. Selah likes her best when I put her down so she can talk to her and play with her hands. She says, "Hi baby," over and over in her sweet 'mommy' voice. :) I'll be honest and say it was hard for me those first weeks to really figure out my emotions and time with two. I felt pretty overwhelmed, and some days like I didn't know how to be fun for Selah by herself. Weird, I know, but transitioning is for real. We are just starting to get a rhythm, especially as Zoe is becoming more flexible. Everyone, even my friend with 10 children has told me 1 to 2 is the hardest. And many times I've just thought or said, "This is hard." Either it's me, my kids, or just normal. I'm hoping it's the latter.<br />
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*In my opinion you need two things when you have a baby: a great lactation consultant and a rock n play. I'm not kidding. I love them both dearly. I seriously don't know how I'd do it without the rock n play. I worry a lot about head shape and all that, but both my physical therapist and pediatrician said the rock n play is great and just fine to at least get through the first weeks of survival mode. The best part about it is it's easy to move around and when the baby starts to get fussy you can just rock them until they're in a solid sleep. It's worked well for Zoe because she loves feeling tucked in or held, and it's at an incline and she struggled with being on her back for the longest time. I think she's getting close to transitioning out though. I just haven't been willing to do it because she's still been tough at night and I have to get some sleep.<br />
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*My nice camera broke when Zoe was only 10 days old. Such.A.Bummer!!! I was so, so disappointed, especially because I had been preparing to try and take my own newborn photos of her. (Much less expensive, but not exactly recommended:) It took 5 weeks for it to be repaired and I thankfully got it back just a week ago. Thankfully my sweet sister in law let us borrow her camera for a couple weeks in the middle. I have such kind and generous sisters in law!<br />
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*Breastfeeding can be completely different with different babies. Selah was a laid back baby, but I struggled like crazy for at least 2 months to get my supply to the right place. It was so hard. This time I've had oversupply a bit, which just means it gushes, can be annoying for the baby/cause some colic, and they choke/eat super fast. Even that has just started to get better though. I think as the baby grows and your body adjusts and calms down it all starts to work out. But we think that's what was so tough on Zoe at the beginning. It hurt her belly to eat so fast and she would scream. I started having to pump some before feeding. It still amazes me how quickly she eats. Now I understand what sounded so crazy to me when friends that had babies when I had Selah talked about these fast, no big deal feedings. It seriously took 45 min. to an hour with Selah for at least a few months. Then maybe 15 or 20. Zoe is definitely no more than 10. This is another good example to pay attention to when another mom is talking about her experience and you want to judge her or you think she's doing something wrong. Trust me, <em>we are all very different! Let's be encouragers not judgers!! :)</em><br />
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<em>* </em>That oversupply did cause me to get mastitis which was seriously awful, let's be honest. Between weeks 5 and 6, and much of the next I was wiped out in the worst way. I'm seriously so thankful that's over with. Thankfully my mom happened to be in town and was able to stay some extra days, which was such a blessing. It was so hard to take care of both girls on my own, and the one day when I needed to and was still sick, they both blessed me with taking a two and a half hr. nap at the same time! I was thankful, especially because I was asleep in bed myself.<br />
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*The first few days Zoe wasn't sure about the days and nights, but thankfully she was quick to figure out when we sleep the most. :) Part of me thinks by having somewhat older parents our kids just have to figure it out. Because you get to the point where you just can't stay awake. That was so hard, but oddly enough I'm already starting to forget just how tough that felt. Which is why we all keep having more babies!! At around 2 weeks Zoe could go to sleep "for the night" between 8:30 and 9:30 which is awesome. Occasionally she has a hard time and it's more like 10 or 10:30. She was eating every 3 hrs. at night for awhile and just last week started going to every 4 or so. She usually wakes up around 1:30, then again at 4. Then she'll usually go until 7 or 8, but back to sleep until around 9. One time last week she only woke up once. I of course have no idea what day that was or what time she woke up because I feed her in bed, she eats fast, and I put her back down before I ever really wake up to see what time it is usually. Talk about being way different this time around. I always went to the living room with Selah and it took a long time for quite awhile. Occasionally she needs a diaper change then, but it's always so awesome when they start being able to go all night without one. Zoe did that around 4 or 5 weeks which was wonderful.<br />
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*Babywearing has been so helpful. Especially since Zoe has needed so much love. (Which, by the way I think is super normal. I'm a huge believer in the "4th trimester" that "The Happiest Baby on the Block" talks about.) I still couldn't fall in love with the Moby wrap this time. Too.much.fabric. For me at least. It is really comfortable though, I just don't have time to put it on. Ha. :) And I think it would be too hot for the summer. I have really wanted a ring sling, but have made myself not buy anything that isn't completely necessary. Especially since we bought a Pikkolo by Catbird Baby when we were pregnant with Selah. I didn't use it a lot then, but am really starting to love it with Zoe, especially as she's a little bigger. It's really comfortable and supportive. We don't have a double stroller, but today we took a walk and I wore her in that and it worked great.<br />
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<em>(I had to stop writing this here...the babies needed me and I didn't get a chance to get back to it until now!)</em><br />
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<em>*</em>Okay, I am picking this post back up 2 days later, but what a difference two days makes. I started leading a new Bible Study session at church this morning, (I'm crazy I know. But women's ministry is under my husband's leadership right now, and I don't exactly think he'd relate as well. ;) Besides, if I don't have something that I have to be out for, it takes me way too long to get connected to others after having a baby. And I absolutely love it. (We're doing Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer-one of my favorites) We already had an amazing morning and I can't wait to see what God does over the next several weeks! Anyway, miracle of miracles both girls are fast asleep right now and in their own little beds. So I am typing like a maniac because they are growing up so fast and I want to get these memories down....<br />
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*Last night I picked up my journal and started writing..."Today I felt like a rock star." Ha ha. We had the car, it was a beautiful day of sunshine, and I took the girls to Barnes and Noble and Target. And we had FUN. It was awesome. I even got to flip through a couple books while Selah played with the trains. Selah and I were sweating like crazy by the end of it, but it was a sweet morning. I wore Zoe in the pikkolo, and Selah did such a good job holding my hand and listening. I am so thankful for how sweet she is being right now. Kevin and I agree we are loving her current stage. It brought me so much joy to see her experience joy on our "adventure." (which is what we call it anytime we go out) At one moment I thought, so this is how moms with more than one do it. They just make it work. I remember going to Target with Selah for the first time and feeling so overwhelmed and nervous. Now that sounds like a piece of cake! (Keep in mind, I never thought something like that was difficult when I was 'nannying' years ago. It's definitely different when they're tiny, close in age, and mine!) Seriously, my heart was so full after a fun time with my girls, and I really had that, "I so want to remember this day" feeling. My first time really 'having a day out' with my two baby girls. Twenty years from now I hope we'll be going to Target together for the fun of it and they'll laugh when I tell them the story. We even went to the pool last night as a family for the first time, which was so fun too. Zoe slept so well in her little bassinet while Selah loved the water. AND I made dinner. Crazy. Thankful for a much needed good day. (Though my laundry still/always needs folded!)<br />
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*Seriously for the last two days Zoe has had really great happy and awake times during the day, smiling at us and being fairly flexible, even in the carseat. She is still needing her hour of fussing at night, but last night I think she seriously slept from 10 until 5! Then back to sleep until sometime between 8 and 9. Whoa, how awesome! I really believe having a better milk supply this time around is making a huge difference. Unfortunately I got so caught up in journaling that I didn't go to bed until 12:30 and it took me awhile to fall asleep. Then of course my cute toddler slept an hour and a half later than usual, and I woke up 30 min. before we had to be at church! But we made it. Oh the wonderful craziness of motherhood.<br />
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Well, that's it, I'm done for now. My lovely little ladies are awake and ready for me. Thankful for the few minutes to write some things down. This short, choppy sentence writing style is not my favorite, but I'm thinking something is better than nothing. Long sentences are a luxury these days. Such a bummer to not having any pics with this one, but our photos are on Kevin's computer. Here's what I'm hoping to post soon:<br />
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Zoe's Birth Story (half way done...don't expect anything less than the long version!)<br />
Meet Baby Zoe...her 1st (and pretty much 2nd!) months of life (pictures!!)<br />
The night we all rocked and cried<br />
Cloth diapering two babies at once (wow, what an experience:)<br />
My thoughts/compassion for new moms<br />
A couple snack recipes we're loving lately!<br />
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You know I'd like to get those all posted in the next few weeks...but you also know me. These days my blog posts are a big surprise in your Blogfeed. <br />
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I hope you're enjoying this summer day in some way!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-77256611024849843182013-04-23T22:13:00.000-04:002013-04-23T22:13:38.715-04:00Welcome Baby Zoe!We had our precious baby girl a week and a day ago! Oh how excited I am to share her amazing birth story with you...crazy, hard, a powerful experience in every way. I can't think about it without being brought to tears. But first, without further adieu, here she is:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Zoe Joy Marie</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4/15/13</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7 lbs 2 oz</span></div>
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We are loving this new little life...so much more to come!</div>
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-34090464903045811282013-04-11T21:56:00.002-04:002013-04-11T22:18:20.404-04:00Letters to My Daughters Part 2 - Our Beautiful Baby Zoe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>(This has been a hilarious and memorable due date; Selah woke up super early and I made her wait way too long for me to get her up. I can hardly walk and wince in pain just standing up...which means I practically have to drop her in her crib for naps. She was more whiny than usual (surely not because her parents are a mess!?) Kevin came home to take us to brunch but accidentally slashed his finger in the glider while on the phone (???) It's pretty bad and has been throbbing all day. Oh and we did make it to lunch, then to the pet store which I thought she'd love....not so much. The cats made Kevin sneeze all afternoon. Oh my. All while the rain came down and we carried on with our usual crazy. Never a dull moment! Zoe is coming into quite the party :) Credit to <a href="http://www.jennamadduxphotography.com/">Jenna Maddux Photography</a> for doing a beautiful job taking our maternity photos! So glad we squeezed them in!!)</i></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Dear Baby Zoe,</span><br />
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I know it might seem crazy to call you beautiful before I've ever seen your face, but I know you are being uniquely and wonderfully knit together by our heavenly Father....so I know you are a beautiful, amazing creation. I guess it's weird to think I'm writing a letter to a little life I've never met. But the second I say that I realize we have spent the last 40 weeks getting so acquainted. You were breech for about 34 weeks, and it was a whole different experience having my little one's head closer to my heart. What I loved most about your position was how intensely, (though painfully;) I was able to feel your movements. I always felt like people would look at me and be shocked by how crazy my belly looked while you moved. It definitely made it easier for your daddy to feel your movements and see your little body rolling all over in there. Every time he sees or feels it he gets really close to my belly and says, "Zoe, what are you doing in there? We can't wait to meet you and we love you so much..." It is a powerful experience to have your belly prayed over when you're pregnant and we've done that too.<br />
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And now sweet one, on my very due date, you are snuggled up so tightly on my sciatic that it's actually pretty hard to even walk or move! Though that has been challenging for me this week, today when you were kicking out my side as you like to do, I thought of how everything will change so quickly, in a moment, when you finally are placed in my arms. Oh, I am so excited!! I really work hard at savoring pregnancy, trying to memorize this belly and all these feelings and moments. It is certainly more difficult at the end with such physical pain. (or the first half when I'm throwing up. ;) But how amazing will it be to meet your brand new life and witness your first breath!? An experience that I know will be unlike any other. Worth any and every moment I could endure while you're in my womb. Now, labor and delivery is definitely not all flowers and gumdrops of course. But my only experience so far sure was fun....and all the details, crazy or not, are what make it special. And rest assured, knowing your daddy and I, we will always be sure to share the most dramatic version with you and your sister. :)<br />
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We just cannot wait to see what you look like, what kind of traits you share with your big sister Selah, what kind of personality you have, and how completely different you are as the one and only you that God has made. Even though I know how much I already love you, I imagine those who've already been down the road of having another baby are thinking that I have no clue what emotions are coming...and I believe that And I wait with expectation at what it will be like for your Daddy and I to look into your eyes and really get to know you.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9-Ke3a5LglM/UWdebMR6lLI/AAAAAAAAGxY/QKdP-zRh7c0/s1600/Russell-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9-Ke3a5LglM/UWdebMR6lLI/AAAAAAAAGxY/QKdP-zRh7c0/s640/Russell-31.jpg" width="640" /></a>I imagine loving you will be a divine adventure....filled with tears and triumphs, sweet moments and sometimes crazy ones. More than anything I know we will have to seek after and trust God with every step. You are his sweet child, and we are the privileged ones who get to know you and raise you. And know we pray fiercely for you baby girl. I will spiritually fight for you every day of your life. God has taught me so much in my journey as a mother so far, and I know with every life he entrusts to us those lessons will only increase. I hope you always know how very much I love being a mom...and I so love being <i>your</i> mom my Zoe girl. Trust me when I say, I work really hard at keeping a grateful positive perspective. But I am obviously far from perfect...God is continually refining me and I will just hate it when I fail you. Unfortunately, I know there are times when my broken self will. That is the beauty of grace...receiving and offering it freely and fully. One of the biggest struggles of all for me as it has been no easy task in my life. But oh how I'm thankful for God's constant pursuit.<br />
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That is a lot of words for a baby before you're even born, I know. But I just never want to forget these moments of waiting, wondering, anticipating your arrival. The last moments before I meet you and am changed forever by knowing you. It's just so hard to believe that God loves us so much to allow us this experience. I don't take it for granted, and I have to surrender my anxiety every day. I have prayed so many times for the Lord to breathe life into you, to protect you and deliver you safely into our arms. Many others are praying for you too, and we are so very thankful. Oh, and your big sister Selah...well she already seems to love you too. She points to my belly when we ask, "Where is baby sister Zoe?" Then she wants to lift my shirt and kiss you right on my belly button. I know she will be fascinated when she sees you, a real baby that we get to bring home and love. I am longing for that moment when we're together. We pray that you two will love each other so much, and be best friends for your whole lives. I'm quite sure with us 3 gals in the house we will have our moments. ;) (And I know I don't even have a clue!) But I trust we'll get through it and hopefully love each other more for it.<br />
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I think I keep writing and writing because it either makes me feel closer to you, or I'm trying to coax you out. (or calm my nerves!) You are welcome to come anytime baby girl!! And please do. I'm a pretty good swaddler, (your daddy is the best), and we will keep you warm and snuggly on the outside too. The anticipation only grows with each day little one. I just can't believe I'm about to hold a new baby in my arms again. And I am so crazy grateful. I love you little Zoe. As your uncle Darin asked last weekend, you can come out to play now!<br />
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Love, Mommy<br />
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-79194573688225322832013-04-11T17:34:00.001-04:002013-04-11T22:00:13.660-04:00Letters to My Daughters Part 1 - My Sweet Selah<i>(Yes, this is a 'rose-colored' glasses sentimental post that I wrote yesterday. Which I'm glad I did...because this morning I had a patience level that wasn't so rosy. Just so you know;)</i><br />
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I have wanted to write a post to and about my Selah girl before her baby sister comes for the longest time. Today, after some sweet moments chatting with her and singing to her in the rocking chair, in an effort to coax her into a second nap, I'm glad to finally be sitting down to write. She loves to kiss my belly right now, and raises her eyebrows whenever we mention Zoe, or 'baby sister.' She also will miss it when my belly button pops back in, I'm quite sure. Ha. Today I'm so sentimental, staring into her petite little face, amazed at how this incredibly overwhelming love I have for a child is about to multiply. I love this age, I really do. Seems like the most challenging one so far, but so amazing nonetheless. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">I often thought I should write this in my craziest, stressed out moments...you know, for as much of a realistic perspective as possible, ;) but this works too. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Dear Selah,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Oh how I love being your mom sweet girl. It's overwhelming in the best way. Becoming pregnant with you, carrying you for 41 weeks + 1 day, meeting your sweet face after watching you being born....I mean seriously, what an absolute treasure the Lord has given my heart through these special, priceless moments. What an adventure we have been on over the last 19 months! From the hard work of getting in rhythm just to feed you at first, to our late night snuggles that went on for quite awhile; hearing you laugh for the first time, making you smile, getting that heart leaping, brings me to tears feeling whenever watching you try or accomplish something new. Watching you sleep, memorizing your features and gestures, growing in patience as you grow in will, determination, and strength; loving how you hold my hair when I hold you or your tired/scared, loving how you love your thumb while twirling your own hair. In these last two months I feel like the baby grew right out of you and a little girl took her place. I thought that was true after 15 mo., but I remember looking at you then and still being able to see my baby girl there. Now how I love to see you grow...and that you still love your mama in the best way. You recently started saying mom-MEE in the cutest voice, which of course I am loving...and can hardly resist!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">You show your joy and excitement over something, (like being rescued from your crib in the morning;), by saying, "Hi!" in the cutest, sweetest voice. I love it. Your hair is a wild animal of its own, and your Daddy would love for me to agree to cut it...but I'm just not ready yet. Anytime I consider it I think it looks especially fun and cute the next day. We'll see if we can make it to 2. :) You are such a little hard worker. You love to move things from one place to the next (with some grunts while you're at it). You also love, love your babies, your books, and any balls available. Such a versatile little gal. You love to take one particular baby everywhere, which I have a soft spot for, because I was the exact same way with my babies. You are thrilled about going outside, which is a recent and new thing, since the weather is nice and we don't really have a back yard, so we have to be creative when we're home. We played with sidewalk chalk the other day and you were delighted. You also adore your Saturday morning dates with Daddy. I know he does this to try and give mommy some rest, but now I think he just delights in that one-on-one special time with you. He absolutely adores making you laugh...and he's great at it. Mommy tends to get the snuggles, Daddy usually gets the giggles. We pray so hard about being good parents to you and your baby sister. We long to raise you to love, obey, and serve the Lord. Which is why we are working so hard to teach you to obey us the first time we ask. (Though today I think we looked at each other and said, "We have no idea what we're doing.":) Submission is a lifelong lesson little one, but a trait that certainly leads to freedom.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-psref1iEPoA/UWbysZpatqI/AAAAAAAAGwA/sBL5iUFbpjk/s1600/DSC_0005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-psref1iEPoA/UWbysZpatqI/AAAAAAAAGwA/sBL5iUFbpjk/s400/DSC_0005.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">You also love to go to church and 'praise Jesus!' I like to take you into worship sometimes because you like it so much, then to the nursery after. And you love, love your Sunday school class experience, which I'm so thankful for. It certainly is neat to see you so eager to play, interact, and learn about Jesus. Or maybe you just love that sticker you get to wear. :)</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Avw00cWe9Xo/UWbxKaoz1KI/AAAAAAAAGvg/Bx1DVxQDtVE/s1600/DSC_0019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Avw00cWe9Xo/UWbxKaoz1KI/AAAAAAAAGvg/Bx1DVxQDtVE/s400/DSC_0019.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">We've had our tough days and tears, that's for sure. Having a pregnant mommy who's been through several crazy feelings and stages these last several months has not always been easy on you, I'm sure. But we sure have shared so many sweet moments. The pregnancy has helped me savor our time together even more. I love reading you "The Lion and the Mouse," having dance parties to our favorite worship music, taking you to storytime at the library, and teaching you about things we do around the house. We have such a rhythm you and me, and I have loved seeing you grow in understanding of what I'm saying and doing. My weariness through pregnancy has also allowed you to be introduced to your Baby Faith dvd's which you could watch on repeat. And thankfully so could I, which is why I let you watch them at all. :) Oh and Mister Rogers. Another one of the few I will play for you. And it is definitely sweet to see your enjoyment and discovery. I will always be amazed by you sweet girl. Even in your sassier moments of independence or not so lovely exertions of will, I often want to scoop you up and have compassion for the tough lesson you'll learn that we're all sinners, broken on this side of heaven, in need of the life giving grace of our savior Jesus. (Sometimes I just want to go into the other room and pray to Him!) So often a truth that's tough to accept. But I promise you little one, God wants to wrap you in his arms even more than I do.</span><br />
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You love life, it sure seems that way. You are enthralled with babies, and all kinds of little kids in general. Which makes me so incredibly excited that you are about to begin the most beautiful adventure; that of being a sibling. My brothers have been two of the greatest gifts God has ever given me...and I am thrilled that you are about to become a big sister. What a joy and a blessing. You will be an amazing leader, nurturer, and friend to your baby sister, I have no doubt. She will be so blessed by you! Having not had a sister, I love to imagine the two of you 30 years from now, talking and laughing about your crazy parents. And hopefully reminding each other that even though we are so obviously and undeniably flawed, you always knew how deeply we loved and treasured you both. We'll also be excited to see how God chooses to add to our family in the future. We will always pray for and lead you all to be great friends.<br />
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You will always be our firstborn baby girl Selah. That is a special role to play. You will always be the one who shared in all the first experiences of parenthood with us, and who has been able to see the crazy looks on our faces when we encounter something else new for the first time. You will be the one who had us all to yourself for 19 months of your life...and who continues to teach us just how much we can love. Which in turn has taught us more about God's love for us than I could have ever imagined. I know your sweet sister will only add to our joy and limited ability to grasp the<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Father's love for us.</span><br />
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(This is the kind of hair day Daddy says she'll be mad at us for later :)</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Our world is about to change little one...and we give all the the glory to God for being on the brink of bringing baby sister Zoe into our lives. While I know we'll have weary moments while we work it out and grow to know one another, I hope and pray for so much fun and sweet joy ahead. God is so good to allow us such deep and life giving relationships on earth. Family is so special, and I'm excited that we are about to become 4. I pray you never doubt our love for you... and that you would come to know and embrace the purpose God has for your beautiful life. You are a pearl of great price...and you hold such a special place in my heart. I love you so much Selah.</span><br />
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<br />Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-8873395312447912242013-03-21T23:25:00.000-04:002013-03-21T23:25:47.357-04:00Full Term (a.k.a. I better write this down!)<div style="text-align: center;">
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(This is the kind of energy I'm exerting into taking an update photo of myself these days...hanging out on the couch while blogging. Ha.)</div>
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So, how in the world am I almost going to have my second baby?! Well, it's not all that shocking, as I have truly felt this winter has been quite long. Definitely different than running around all tan and pregnant in a sundress and swimming every day leading up to delivery. Now I'm being refined as a person and shaped as a parent by the daily learning of leading a toddler! I. am. tired. But thankful. So thankful. I had a couple months in the middle of this pregnancy that seemed fairly energetic, but wow, I've had some tough days. I have come to admit that I'm a low capacity pregnant lady. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Keeping up with all things domestic, trying to be a good wife and mom, and wanting to be fruitful with how God leads me has been challenging more often than not. The good part about this is how powerfully God has been able to reiterate my desperation for Him. I have no choice but to acknowledge how completely incapable I am on my own....and to put in an order for a big helping of grace! I struggle with even saying I've had tough days when we have precious families in our lives right now who are facing really, really major battles and are desperate for healing. Perspective is incredibly powerful and humbling.<br />
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I was part of a prayer service for a friend I have mentioned before who is battling cancer, and for whom we are pleading with God for a miracle of healing. That particular night of prayer was absolutely amazing. We prayed and worshipped for more than two hours, calling on God for his divine power to be displayed in Jesus' name. And we truly believe he hears us and is mighty to save. I'm telling you, not much will bring you closer to the Lord, your maker, than to fall before him, acknowledge his truths and that you trust him, and bare your soul in asking for his divine favor. I have been helping to facilitate a Bible Study at our church over the last 8 weeks, and have referred a number of times to how tough it can be to not see the big picture and understand the story as God does. Yet at the same time, my confidence in approaching the throne of grace has grown immensely. Because as I read his word and look deeper into the heart of God, I meet my heavenly Father, the King of kings, who wants to have an intimate relationship with me and tells me to call to him so he can share with me great and unsearchable things that I do not know. So I am calling.<br />
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My motivation for writing this is that I simply cannot keep it in. I haven't felt emotionally or physically up for putting my heart into words, but sometimes you get to that place where you just have to share what God is doing and teaching or you'll burst. I'm there. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, having braxton hicks and feeling pressure that seems like I could deliver this baby any second...and my bags aren't even packed. I have made list after list and this past week I've worked on crafts for taking photos of our baby girl after she comes, some different sewing projects, thinking about a creative big sister outfit for Selah, and yesterday I made a cake. Because it sounded good. I'm just saying, my priorities are all out of wack. I do have all the newborn baby clothes clean, the pack n play/bassinet thing up, and lists for Selah (sort of) made. We have done some prep for labor, I did meet with the lactation consultant, and I take my prenatals. Oh but I have more pictures to take, more memories to write down, a house to get out of a state of disarray, more sentimental moments to create and share with Selah, a post to write about her, a pregnancy update post to write about baby #2, more ways to beautify and savor the experience. But if there's anything I've learned from being a mom, it's that life just keeps going, moment by moment, whether that moment is handled perfectly or not. And I'm forced to surrender those moments to God and ask him to make something beautiful of my often frazzled, fragmented self. And certainly I should be thankful to have all these "things" to consider and think about.<br />
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I've been reading the book "7: a Mutiny of Excess" by Jen Hatmaker, and that will definitely shake up your perspective quickly. It certainly helps to remember that at this point in our pregnancy with Selah we hadn't even moved into our home yet and our second car had just broken down! We were still living in a sweet family's basement and relied completely on the generosity of others. And I reminded myself yesterday, (when I thought, "What if I go into labor right now?), that if that if I were to go into labor I'd call Kevin, we'd go to the hospital, and we'd have a baby. Even if our mile long list wasn't near completion, and my home remained in a state of disarray. (Admittedly tough to conquer and keep clean these days!) <br />
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That said, perspective brings peace. Things of this world bring chaos. And really? I just can't wait to peer into this little one's face and meet my new baby girl. And oh how I am so looking forward to her daddy and sister Selah seeing her as well. I just can't believe I'll have two babies in my arms to hold...it's already amazing to be filled up (literally) inside with one, and hold the other one, who has grown to cover me on the outside at the same time. Overwhelming and good.<br />
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I'm 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, (as of last Friday), and I have another appt. on Monday. This baby is so low I have moments of literally feeling like I have to hold her in there. Selah has spent this last week getting some sort of unkind tooth, dealing with a sporadic fever and interrupted sleep. She has been particularly clingy and sweet and sassy and smart. I do look forward to having more energy for playing and bending over and dancing and moving faster. I'm telling you....my belly is big. Thankfully my little breech baby flipped a few weeks ago and relieved the crazy pain on my sciatic. A blessing I am so grateful for!! This little lady is such a mover and oh how I wish that was something you could bottle up for remembering later. While it might bring relief, it's tough to adjust after delivery to an empty belly again, after having this little living love display her life in there.<br />
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So Zoe is on her way soon, and I'm in major prayer mode. For a strong and healthy baby, for a safe and smooth process of getting her here. Full term pregnancy, labor and delivery...major stuff, all kinds of emotions. We're going to keep squeezing Selah and telling her how special she is, savoring our sweet days with only our firstborn...and prayerfully one day soon, bring home her baby sister, who will inevitably grow our hearts in ways we can't even comprehend.<br />
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Maybe this post will spark a writing streak these last few weeks...or days. Maybe not. Either way, I love you bloggy friends, and I look forward to connecting again one day soon!Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-70242899454080022372013-02-28T23:24:00.000-05:002013-03-21T23:25:29.065-04:00Baby Girl #2 - 34 Weeks!<div style="text-align: center;">
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Ahhh...I'm aching to write, as I've had so much on my heart and mind. I just keep putting it off because I don't know where to start and I'm spending my down time reading, researching, and thinking of all the things I need to do!<br />
I can't believe my sweet baby girl will be sometime around 6 weeks from now!!! Where has this past month gone?? It's amazing...and crazy, and awesome, and overwhelming, and unbelievable! I think she literally dropped yesterday, as all of a sudden I woke up and felt a little different and like my belly started hanging lower - kind of weird. But the only reason it might be so noticeable is because this little one has been pretty painful in there. The way she has been positioned has almost felt like she's straight across my belly and she rounds that back like she's pushing to pop right out! With this pregnancy I've felt like I could lean forward a little too much and tip right over. Ha. I never felt like that with Selah. This little gal is also a mover and a shaker. My placenta is positioned differently, which I think allows me to feel her more, but it's kind of hilarious. When I sit or lay down at night, it's like my body has a mind of it's own, and I'm often taken back by how it feels like my body is hopping and jumping outside my control. It's especially fun because Kevin can obviously see our girl rockin' and rolling in there. Our little gymnast. :)<br />
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I LOVE when Selah is sitting on my lap, leaned up against me and Zoe gets to moving. It is the most amazing feeling to have both my girls so close to me like that. It's the same at night when I rock and sing to Selah - she'll be laying her head on my shoulder and her body maneuvered around my big belly and Zoe will be moving all over the place at the same time or kicking me like she knows something's there. I am so savoring those sweet times. I'm definitely at the place now where people are saying, "You're just SO pregnant." Ha. I do think I'm sticking straight out more, possibly due to what I was saying earlier, about feeling like she's pushing out as hard as she can.<br />
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I'm also entering the "grieving the end of another pregnancy, eager to hold my new little one, trying to pray through my labor/delivery/end of pregnancy anxiety" stage. Even yesterday, feeling like she dropped I felt like crying because I might not have captured a good picture of her in my belly before that happened. Ha! So crazy and funny, but the hormonal waterworks are always real. :) You wouldn't know it by my lack of photo updates, but last summer I made the cutest weekly update banner with one pendant that was velcroed on so I could change the number each week. But I did a horrible job at keeping up with that, partly because it was tough to fit it all in a picture. And for better or worse, I always change my camera to crazy settings as I work on different photography things, so sometimes I just don't have the motivation to walk Kevin through how to take an actual in focus photo. So ridiculous, I know.<br />
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The other basic details:<br />
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<strong>How far along</strong>: 34 weeks<br />
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<strong>How big is baby</strong>? Size of a pineapple (though she totally feels like a bowling ball!)<br />
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<strong>Gender</strong>: Girl!<br />
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<strong>Symptoms/Cravings</strong>: I've had a whole lot of crazy sciatic stuff, where sometimes it will catch and make me stop to catch my breath. I am also totally empty on energy by dinnertime. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Insomnia is particularly regular, and I want every dark chocolate thing Trader Joe's has to offer. This sweet tooth is insane. Hmmm...maybe I've solved the mystery of why she's moving around so much in there! :) I still just love having this big belly...and I really will miss it when it's gone and I feel like I have to suck it in again. Another good reason to do a whole lot of babywearing! ;) It's gotten pretty tough to hold Selah while standing for any length of time, but I still love to scoop her up and snuggle her whenever I get the chance or she needs me to. And we do enjoy our couch time, especially since I started letting her watch Mister Rogers. Fun memories with her. I am also aching to write an update post on her and her precious little growing personality! I am praying so much for this new little life, and embracing this special time of having her so close to me. It's just incredible and I'm SO grateful for this experience! Life is happening so fast it's crazy.<br />
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<strong>Fun fact</strong>: This entire pregnancy I've only bought two maternity sweaters, one clearance maternity tank top, and a $6 pair of jeans. I was also given a different pair of jeans. I haven't been able to wear my other maternity clothes except for a few shirts (because it was summer), but I am surviving! I say that just to be an encouragement to those on a budget. I might not be too fashionable, and I might be getting especially tired of the clothes I have been wearing, but I'm so thankful to have saved a lot of money by not heeding the pressure to look cute or trendy. (Not to mention it helps that I'm home a lot!) That said, these last several weeks might get a little tricky, as it will definitely become impossible to wear some of the non-maternity shirts I've stretched to the limits!<br />
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<strong>Special moments with Kevin</strong>: It has been so neat that he can feel her move so much...and he always starts talking to her and telling her how excited we are to meet her. And he prays over her and my belly, which we did with Selah last night with her little hand on it. She knows Zoe's name and we've talked a lot about big sister/baby sister...and as much as she loves other little babies I can't wait for her to meet this very special one.<br />
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Other than that, I'm longing for the sun with most everyone else. I love that Spring is coming...and I rejoice in the Lord for all the newness that comes with it. Oh how I'm focused on treasuring these baby years...there are definitely tough days and ones when my patience wears thin...but I know these are special, special times so I sincerely want to savor it. <br />
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There is so much more on my heart and mind, and things going on in life...covering all different emotions...but I'll just have to make myself write more so I can share it. For now I'll end with the verse that's on the artwork above the crib in the nursery:<br />
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<em>"The Lord is my strength and my shield; I trust him with all my heart. He helps me and my heart leaps for joy. I burst into songs of Thanksgiving." Psalm 28:7</em>Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-85534806024428977832013-02-10T16:13:00.000-05:002013-02-10T16:13:06.723-05:00Happy Heart's Day From My Little Loves<em>(Today is a super special day, because February 10th is the day that my husband and I met 5 years ago! I'll never forget the big smile he had when he greeted me in the atrium of his church, after I made a very nervous drive from Cincinnati to Louisville. I will forever be thankful for that life-changing day, when God answered a prayer I had prayed for many years. I love you Kevin!)</em><br />
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In honor of "love month" Selah and I did a little photo shoot a couple weeks ago. It was quite a workout for mommy and baby, but we got some cute ones. The first one is what we sent to our families last week...<br />
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This was what the photo shoot really looked like most of the time.</div>
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"Baby sister?"</div>
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And yes, our little Lovebug's name is Zoe! This is a name I have loved for a long time, and I will dedicate a whole post to more of the story behind it soon, but below is part of what I wrote on the back of the card we sent with the photo to our families. We are praying so intensely for this little one, and are just so excited to meet her and have our girls together!</div>
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<em><span style="color: #e06666;">"We are naming our new baby girl Zoe! We have both prayed over and love this name, and have chosen it because it means "life." John 10:10 says that there is one who seeks to steal and destroy, but <strong>Jesus came so we "may have life and have it to the full."</strong> In New Testament Greek this abundant and eternal life is translated "zoe." We rejoice over our little one's new life and pray she shares this message with many. We can't wait to meet her! Thank you for your continued prayers for a healthy baby and safe delivery at just the right time."</span></em></div>
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Speaking of Jesus and love, here's my favorite song about both right now....</div>
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Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-55640039598196484142013-02-10T16:12:00.000-05:002013-02-10T16:12:41.344-05:00Lady Lovebug at 30 weeks!<br />
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(This was at my 30 week appt.!)</div>
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I can't believe I'm moving right along and embracing the 3rd trimester with this little one! I mean good grief...we will be meeting this little lady before we know it! The first trimester and a half I was crazy sick, the second trimester I felt great with lots of energy during the second half of it, and now I'm on a bit of an every other day path. Meaning one day I'll feel all "nesty" and productive, and then I am completely wiped out the next. But half-time productivity is better than none. :) Yesterday Selah and I both took 2 naps and I had a rough day for whatever reason. And my emotions are a little cuckoo, which I keep telling Kevin to embrace. Here are some more fun details...<br />
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<strong>How far:</strong> 28, 29, 30 weeks (I originally wrote this at 28 weeks, then tweaked it at 30, now I'm 31 1/2! I'll try to write a more updated post soon. Flying by!!!)<br />
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<strong>Size of baby:</strong> Butternut squash, 3.1 lbs!!! (Technically a head of lettuce by now) Wow, can't wait to meet this spunky little gal.<br />
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<strong>Gender:</strong> We're having a GIRL!!! Yay, fun and different experience to know. I love calling her "she" and praying for her/talking to her by name. Keeping the gender sealed in an envelope until Christmas was a really fun way to build up the anticipation and create a special moment...so I highly recommend doing something like that if you're thinking of finding out but want to do something fun. (I also think that balloons in a box thing would be fun!)<br />
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<strong>Name:</strong> Speaking of which, yes, we have a name that I love and that most importantly for us is so significant in the meaning. I made a fun photo announcement for our families, then I'll share more publicly. Exciting! Naming a baby always feels like a lot of pressure...such a privilege...and I don't know that it ever totally sinks in and becomes just right until the little one is here and we can see her face! (but I'm trying to teach it to Selah;) Tough to keep in the details...can't believe we kept everything in for so long last time!<br />
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<strong>Pregnancy symptoms:</strong> I have backed off the cinnamon roll cravings - thank goodness! And have definitely loved salads or soups lately. And I have been excited about cooking and meal planning for maybe the first time in our marriage! (Which I'm thankful I've finally come back around to...I've always loved to cook, but just haven't found my groove in the past few years) My sciatic is really bothering me, and sleep is either great or rough. This sweet little gal is pretty low down there and resting on some nerves that aren't the most comfortable. And when she kicks/squirms/punches it hurts definitely more than with Selah. But she also feels more "up front." Finally, I definitely think I look even more "motherly" with this pregnancy. Last time I did a lot of swimming in the last trimester, and I'm a little nervous about not having that these last few months. Definitely don't want to set myself up for shock with the body aftermath of this pregnancy. Yet I love what I just read in a great book I'll share soon. She said our bodies were meant to be used up, not preserved like in a museum! Ha - love that!<br />
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<strong>Sweet moments:</strong> Selah is definitely a snuggly gal, which I am so thankful for. It is not unusual for her to come up and just give me a big, long hug for no reason. She did this a few days ago, and I just held her, thinking about these next couple months as the last months with just her. I am beyond joyful that she is getting a sister, but I do want to embrace this time before our family changes again. But I certainly am excited to have all four of us together!<br />
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<strong>On my mind lately:</strong> A lot of domestic things. I find myself wanting to connect and relate to other wives/moms who might find the daily tasks at home a struggle sometimes. Or the repetitive nature of it all. I am definitely seeking God on what's going on in my heart with this one. I'm also working on a post to share some of my favorite mom books lately, which have helped me realize the pressure I put on myself and how often I feel like I'm failing if I don't live up to my own expectations. And I know I want to be a mom who offers grace to my husband and kids, but I'm finding I need to do a way better job of receiving grace myself!!<br />
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<strong>Meaningful verse this week</strong>: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therfore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:22-26<br />
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My prayers for my little ones are intense and seem constant lately. Carrying a baby in the womb and having one outside my body brings my heart to my knees all the time. I feel like I can't pray enough for these two, and have a feeling it will always be that way. I can still hardly believe that I am a mom, and I'm just really thankful.Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-30132867782172387782013-01-10T07:00:00.000-05:002013-01-10T07:00:00.482-05:00Birthday SnapshotsI really didn't take too many pictures with my camera last weekend, but snapped a few photos on my phone to document some of our birthday fun.<br />
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We started the celebration Friday night with a dessert run to the Homemade Pie and Ice Cream kitchen. They have the best caramel apple pie!</div>
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On Saturday morning we took Selah to Kevin's parents so we could go to brunch and a movie. And because I'm pregnant, (and we were celebrating my birthday after all ;), we stopped at a random donut place called "Donut Sky" we just happened to notice near his parents. And the donuts were surprisingly amazing! Good choice for sure. </div>
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The good thing about having a birthday so close to Christmas is the chance of having a gift card to use...which we did to one of our most favorite places - Wild Eggs. So good. And it was nice for Kevin and I to have a date! We love places like this...'First Watch' in Cincinnati, and 'Another Broken Egg' in the south. We have enjoyed several fun dates throughout our marriage at all three.</div>
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Then we went and saw this...because everyone was talking about it, so I thought it was a sure thing. I totally respected the acting and the production, but the first half was way too dark and gritty for me. (I didn't know the story at all before I saw it) And you have to know, I'm a super mild and conservative movie watcher. I did really enjoy all the Hugh Jackman scenes and mostly the entire second half. It was just fun to sit in a movie for a couple hours, eating candy and sitting with my husband. :)</div>
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Kevin and Selah brought this to me while singing Happy Birthday while I was getting ready for church Sunday morning. She wrote me quite a sweet message. :)</div>
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Kevin also brought home pink roses for me...I love getting flowers!</div>
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We also took a family trip to Barnes and Noble just for the fun of it. Selah was loving some play time at the train table. It's fun to watch her play so intensely.</div>
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He also got me my most favorite meal for my birthday dinner....corn cakes and lettuce wraps from the Cheesecake factory...yum! (We shared it ;) I was stuffed but enjoyed every bite!</div>
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Other than that, we enjoyed a quiet peaceful Sunday, which was my actual birthday. I so appreciated the sweet comments through facebook and texts, as well as phone calls that day. After church we went to our favorite local cafe for coffee and tea, then during Selah's nap Kevin joined me for a mini marathon of Downton Abbey before the season premiere that night! And I'm happy to say he was hooked and looking forward to watching it with me. A sweet birthday present to end my day.</div>
<br />Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1011065748577683832.post-79134872076754353622013-01-09T08:00:00.000-05:002013-01-09T08:00:02.113-05:00Our Christmas 2012 RealityChristmas day has such a big build up to it, (for good reason of course ;)...the decorations, the traditions, the music, the focus on the true meaning of Jesus' birthday, the only coming once a year....I mean, once it comes, you really want that day to live up to all its potential, right? Well, this year I had to embrace that Christmas is much more than one day. The weekend before Christmas we undoubtedly enjoyed every opportunity to worship our Savior and celebrate with our church family. Our church had several services, and while Kevin (who is on staff) was at each of them, Selah and I joined him for 3. One service we worshipped with Kevin's side of the family, and the other two I came to be with Kevin and visit with different people so we could wish them Merry Christmas. It was nice to see so many people we love doing life with over the weekend and on Christmas Eve. Selah was in the nursery for two of those services....and you might guess where this is leading. Christmas Eve night, after we got home from a party at Kevin's aunt's house, I had a million things left to do including straightening up the house and wrapping some presents before Christmas day. I was also working on the gender reveal cake for his parents' house the next day. (I made a blue and pink layer, not sure which I'd use! :) Obviously, I'm a procrastinator - especially when pregnant!<br />
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Needless to say, I learned that night that once your family starts growing you should not put things off to the last minute. Because you just never know when your daughter will randomly wake up an hour after you put her in bed and throw up all over her crib. Then, after she's clean yet too upset to sleep your husband might just show you that he meant what he said for the last few hours about not feeling well. And the result of that is much, much worse. So there we were, me exhausted out of my mind, our house a disaster, my baby girl unable to sleep so she watches God Made Christmas and Praise Baby on repeat until 2am, while my extremely sick husband lays groaning on the couch and randomly dashes to the bathroom. All. night. long. Seriously. How crazy is all that. (Trust me, in the moment it seemed so awful.) I even tried to get Selah to fall asleep in her pack in play in our bedroom while Praise Baby was on...because I was just so incredibly tired. I actually fell asleep through all her fussing at me to get her out. Finally I got her to sleep in her room and went to sleep myself. And as you might guess, Christmas morning didn't exactly arrive with bells ringing and joyful caroling going on. Kevin couldn't even really get up, Selah got up late and ate a little something, then went right back down...and they both napped for 3 or 4 hours. Which, can I tell you - allowed me some seriously peaceful hours in my own home that are very rare.<br />
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I actually put on the Steven Curtis Chapman Christmas station on Pandora, and sat down at my sewing machine, being reflective, enjoying the peaceful day, and praying over and over for a dear friend who had just been diagnosed with cancer. I also couldn't stop thinking about and praying for several dear families at our church dealing with the pain of losing loved ones last year. Humbling and emotional. It was kind of special knowing the whole city was mostly at home, the streets were quiet, and I was able to enjoy some stillness of my own. I ended up being very thankful.<br />
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Poor Kevin, though - it was a rough day. He managed to take a shower and give me about an hour around 2 or 3 to watch Selah open her presents, and for our gender reveal. Which was awesome, and I'm SO thankful we saved the special finding out for that day. He then went back to bed, and I got Selah dressed to take her over to my in-laws for about an hour of Kevin's side's Christmas. She opened her presents, I revealed the gender, then we had to leave. I kept telling everyone not to get too close to Selah, and I didn't want to be there one second too long, for fear of getting anyone sick.<br />
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So she and I went home and she had fun playing with some new Christmas things, while I put together her new wooden baby doll stroller. Kevin remained on the couch. Wednesday was quiet and uneventful, as Kevin slowly started to not feel awful and everyone was still tired. We were planning to go out of town to my parents' on Friday for my side of the family's Christmas on Saturday. I was thankful we'd have a second chance to celebrate. :) <br />
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Kevin's always teaching Selah how to be gentle...and she was so anxious for him to be able to play again, while he was so worried about getting her sick. It was sweet.</div>
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This is what happens when you leave your husband to babysit while you're sick all day. ;)</div>
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Then on Thursday afternoon Selah woke up from her nap extremely hot and very sweet and clingy. She didn't eat much dinner and I took her temperature...which was 104. By this time my nose started getting a bit runny, as did hers. By Friday morning we were both much more stuffed up and kept sneezing, and we had been keeping track of her fever, giving her tylenol, but not that excited about it staying over 100 for awhile. She also wasn't eating much more than graham crackers and milk. So we decided to take her to the doctor before leaving town, just to make sure she didn't have anything that would be bad for being around my family and the little ones there. She tested negative for strep...but positive for the flu. Boo. She had even had the shot, and thankfully so had I. We made the very tough decision not to go to my parents' on Friday, and to miss Christmas dinner Saturday, which felt sad and a big bummer...especially since I've never missed Christmas at home.<br />
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Then by Friday night I was much worse myself, feeling feverish and my head was so stuffed, I couldn't stop sneezing, and I was wiped out. I haven't been sick like that for 2 years. It was a day of hot tea and chicken noodle soup. Kevin thought it was the flu, but I thought it was a super severe cold. And I had the flu when I was pregnant with Selah and there was definitely no denying it. But Saturday I was wiped out and in bed all day, and would randomly be sweating then cold. Thankfully Kevin was able to take care of Selah, (and Lysol the whole house), and she of course seemed to be fine other than a runny nose after her flu diagnosis. Who knew that all the while I was making our exciting announcement about Baby girl #2 I was sick and miserable in bed?! That's why I always tell my non-blogger friends that even if the gross and gritty isn't always shared, it's always there at some point. Someone even told me that day they wished I had my energy...ha. If only they knew!<br />
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All that to say by Sunday afternoon we were in a better place and decided to head up to my parents' in Indiana, especially since the other kiddos wouldn't be there anymore so we wouldn't infect them. I still didn't feel great the couple days we were there, but I was getting better, and we had a fun time celebrating Christmas and spending time with my parents.</div>
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My mom and I finished a 1,000 pc. puzzle that my brother had brought on Christmas day and started with her and my dad. This was no small feat. But we did it!</div>
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So Christmas 2012 was quite the reality check of realizing the beauty in an imperfectly perfect day. There were no stockings hung by the chimney with care...because I admit, there ended up being no homemade stockings. ;) Our week was crazy and exhausting...but a great reminder of what really matters. And proof that your house can be a mess, your presents not yet wrapped, and no special breakfast on a beautiful table served...while remembering the Lord and loving life with your family nonetheless. Lessons learned: think hard before putting your littles in the nursery the weekend before Christmas, and get your flu shots!!! (which Selah and I did or else I think things might have been much worse!) Hope you all have some fun and merry stories to share from this past Christmas as well.Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121814249623923799noreply@blogger.com2