Letters to My Daughters Part 2 - Our Beautiful Baby Zoe

(This has been a hilarious and memorable due date; Selah woke up super early and I made her wait way too long for me to get her up.  I can hardly walk and wince in pain just standing up...which means I practically have to drop her in her crib for naps.  She was more whiny than usual (surely not because her parents are a mess!?) Kevin came home to take us to brunch but accidentally slashed his finger in the glider while on the phone (???) It's pretty bad and has been throbbing all day.  Oh and we did make it to lunch, then to the pet store which I thought she'd love....not so much.  The cats made Kevin sneeze all afternoon.  Oh my.  All while the rain came down and we carried on with our usual crazy.  Never a dull moment!  Zoe is coming into quite the party :)  Credit to Jenna Maddux Photography for doing a beautiful job taking our maternity photos!  So glad we squeezed them in!!)

 Dear Baby Zoe,

I know it might seem crazy to call you beautiful before I've ever seen your face, but I know you are being uniquely and wonderfully knit together by our heavenly Father....so I know you are a beautiful, amazing creation.  I guess it's weird to think I'm writing a letter to a little life I've never met.  But the second I say that I realize we have spent the last 40 weeks getting so acquainted.  You were breech for about 34 weeks, and it was a whole different experience having my little one's head closer to my heart. What I loved most about your position was how intensely, (though painfully;)  I was able to feel your movements.  I always felt like people would look at me and be shocked by how crazy my belly looked while you moved.  It definitely made it easier for your daddy to feel your movements and see your little body rolling all over in there.  Every time he sees or feels it he gets really close to my belly and says, "Zoe, what are you doing in there?  We can't wait to meet you and we love you so much..."  It is a powerful experience to have your belly prayed over when you're pregnant and we've done that too.

And now sweet one, on my very due date, you are snuggled up so tightly on my sciatic that it's actually pretty hard to even walk or move!  Though that has been challenging for me this week, today when you were kicking out my side as you like to do, I thought of how everything will change so quickly, in a moment, when you finally are placed in my arms.  Oh, I am so excited!!  I really work hard at savoring pregnancy, trying to memorize this belly and all these feelings and moments.  It is certainly more difficult at the end with such physical pain.  (or the first half when I'm throwing up. ;)  But how amazing will it be to meet your brand new life and witness your first breath!?  An experience that I know will be unlike any other.  Worth any and every moment I could endure while you're in my womb.  Now, labor and delivery is definitely not all flowers and gumdrops of course.  But my only experience so far sure was fun....and all the details, crazy or not, are what make it special.  And rest assured, knowing your daddy and I, we will always be sure to share the most dramatic version with you and your sister. :)

We just cannot wait to see what you look like, what kind of traits you share with your big sister Selah, what kind of personality you have, and how completely different you are as the one and only you that God has made.  Even though I know how much I already love you, I imagine those who've already been down the road of having another baby are thinking that I have no clue what emotions are coming...and I believe that  And I wait with expectation at what it will be like for your Daddy and I to look into your eyes and really get to know you.

I imagine loving you will be a divine adventure....filled with tears and triumphs, sweet moments and sometimes crazy ones.  More than anything I know we will have to seek after and trust God with every step.  You are his sweet child, and we are the privileged ones who get to know you and raise you.  And know we pray fiercely for you baby girl.  I will spiritually fight for you every day of your life.  God has taught me so much in my journey as a mother so far, and I know with every life he entrusts to us those lessons will only increase.  I hope you always know how very much I love being a mom...and I so love being your mom my Zoe girl.  Trust me when I say, I work really hard at keeping a grateful positive perspective.  But I am obviously far from perfect...God is continually refining me and I will just hate it when I fail you.  Unfortunately, I know there are times when my broken self will.  That is the beauty of grace...receiving and offering it freely and fully.  One of the biggest struggles of all for me as it has been no easy task in my life.  But oh how I'm thankful for God's constant pursuit.

That is a lot of words for a baby before you're even born, I know.  But I just never want to forget these moments of waiting, wondering, anticipating your arrival.  The last moments before I meet you and am changed forever by knowing you.  It's just so hard to believe that God loves us so much to allow us this experience.  I don't take it for granted, and I have to surrender my anxiety every day.  I have prayed so many times for the Lord to breathe life into you, to protect you and deliver you safely into our arms.  Many others are praying for you too, and we are so very thankful.  Oh, and your big sister Selah...well she already seems to love you too.  She points to my belly when we ask, "Where is baby sister Zoe?"  Then she wants to lift my shirt and kiss you right on my belly button.  I know she will be fascinated when she sees you, a real baby that we get to bring home and love.  I am longing for that moment when we're together.  We pray that you two will love each other so much, and be best friends for your whole lives.  I'm quite sure with us 3 gals in the house we will have our moments. ;)  (And I know I don't even have a clue!)  But I trust we'll get through it and hopefully love each other more for it.

I think I keep writing and writing because it either makes me feel closer to you, or I'm trying to coax you out. (or calm my nerves!)  You are welcome to come anytime baby girl!!  And please do.  I'm a pretty good swaddler, (your daddy is the best), and we will keep you warm and snuggly on the outside too.  The anticipation only grows with each day little one.  I just can't believe I'm about to hold a new baby in my arms again.  And I am so crazy grateful.  I love you little Zoe.  As your uncle Darin asked last weekend, you can come out to play now!

Love, Mommy


Melanie said...

This is soooo sweet!! Won't be long now..I can't wait to read the birth story and see her sweet face!

Ashley said...

Oh, my goodness, Page! This is so sweet and brought tears to my eyes. We are praying for you, and for the delivery of sweet baby Zoe.

Callie Nicole said...

These letters are so sweet!

Tiffany said...

so sweet and tears have filled my eyes. i love this. oh, how i wish i could go back and do it all over again. i am so excited for you and your growing family...