Letters to My Daughters Part 1 - My Sweet Selah

(Yes, this is a 'rose-colored' glasses sentimental post that I wrote yesterday.  Which I'm glad I did...because this morning I had a patience level that wasn't so rosy.  Just so you know;)

I have wanted to write a post to and about my Selah girl before her baby sister comes for the longest time.  Today, after some sweet moments chatting with her and singing to her in the rocking chair, in an effort to coax her into a second nap, I'm glad to finally be sitting down to write.  She loves to kiss my belly right now, and raises her eyebrows whenever we mention Zoe, or 'baby sister.'  She also will miss it when my belly button pops back in, I'm quite sure.  Ha.  Today I'm so sentimental, staring into her petite little face, amazed at how this incredibly overwhelming love I have for a child is about to multiply.  I love this age, I really do.  Seems like the most challenging one so far, but so amazing nonetheless.  I often thought I should write this in my craziest, stressed out moments...you know, for as much of a realistic perspective as possible, ;) but this works too. 

Dear Selah,

Oh how I love being your mom sweet girl.  It's overwhelming in the best way.  Becoming pregnant with you, carrying you for 41 weeks + 1 day, meeting your sweet face after watching you being born....I mean seriously, what an absolute treasure the Lord has given my heart through these special, priceless moments.  What an adventure we have been on over the last 19 months!  From the hard work of getting in rhythm just to feed you at first, to our late night snuggles that went on for quite awhile; hearing you laugh for the first time, making you smile, getting that heart leaping, brings me to tears feeling whenever watching you try or accomplish something new.  Watching you sleep, memorizing your features and gestures, growing in patience as you grow in will, determination, and strength; loving how you hold my hair when I hold you or your tired/scared, loving how you love your thumb while twirling your own hair.  In these last two months I feel like the baby grew right out of you and a little girl took her place.  I thought that was true after 15 mo., but I remember looking at you then and still being able to see my baby girl there.  Now how I love to see you grow...and that you still love your mama in the best way.  You recently started saying mom-MEE in the cutest voice, which of course I am loving...and can hardly resist!

You show your joy and excitement over something, (like being rescued from your crib in the morning;), by saying, "Hi!" in the cutest, sweetest voice.  I love it.  Your hair is a wild animal of its own, and your Daddy would love for me to agree to cut it...but I'm just not ready yet.  Anytime I consider it I think it looks especially fun and cute the next day.  We'll see if we can make it to 2. :)  You are such a little hard worker.  You love to move things from one place to the next (with some grunts while you're at it).  You also love, love your babies, your books, and any balls available.  Such a versatile little gal.  You love to take one particular baby everywhere, which I have a soft spot for, because I was the exact same way with my babies.  You are thrilled about going outside, which is a recent and new thing, since the weather is nice and we don't really have a back yard, so we have to be creative when we're home.  We played with sidewalk chalk the other day and you were delighted.  You also adore your Saturday morning dates with Daddy.  I know he does this to try and give mommy some rest, but now I think he just delights in that one-on-one special time with you.  He absolutely adores making you laugh...and he's great at it.  Mommy tends to get the snuggles, Daddy usually gets the giggles.  We pray so hard about being good parents to you and your baby sister.  We long to raise you to love, obey, and serve the Lord.  Which is why we are working so hard to teach you to obey us the first time we ask.  (Though today I think we looked at each other and said, "We have no idea what we're doing.":) Submission is a lifelong lesson little one, but a trait that certainly leads to freedom.

You also love to go to church and 'praise Jesus!'  I like to take you into worship sometimes because you like it so much, then to the nursery after.  And you love, love your Sunday school class experience, which I'm so thankful for.  It certainly is neat to see you so eager to play, interact, and learn about Jesus.  Or maybe you just love that sticker you get to wear. :)

We've had our tough days and tears, that's for sure.  Having a pregnant mommy who's been through several crazy feelings and stages these last several months has not always been easy on you, I'm sure. But we sure have shared so many sweet moments.  The pregnancy has helped me savor our time together even more.  I love reading you "The Lion and the Mouse," having dance parties to our favorite worship music, taking you to storytime at the library, and teaching you about things we do around the house.  We have such a rhythm you and me, and I have loved seeing you grow in understanding of what I'm saying and doing.  My weariness through pregnancy has also allowed you to be introduced to your Baby Faith dvd's which you could watch on repeat.  And thankfully so could I, which is why I let you watch them at all. :)  Oh and Mister Rogers.  Another one of the few I will play for you.  And it is definitely sweet to see your enjoyment and discovery.   I will always be amazed by you sweet girl.  Even in your sassier moments of independence or not so lovely exertions of will, I often want to scoop you up and have compassion for the tough lesson you'll learn that we're all sinners, broken on this side of heaven, in need of the life giving grace of our savior Jesus.  (Sometimes I just want to go into the other room and pray to Him!)  So often a truth that's tough to accept.  But I promise you little one, God wants to wrap you in his arms even more than I do.

You love life, it sure seems that way.  You are enthralled with babies, and all kinds of little kids in general.  Which  makes me so incredibly excited that you are about to begin the most beautiful adventure; that of being a sibling.  My brothers have been two of the greatest gifts God has ever given me...and I am thrilled that you are about to become a big sister.  What a joy and a blessing.  You will be an amazing leader, nurturer, and friend to your baby sister, I have no doubt.  She will be so blessed by you!  Having not had a sister, I love to imagine the two of you 30 years from now, talking and laughing about your crazy parents.  And hopefully reminding each other that even though we are so obviously and undeniably flawed, you always knew how deeply we loved and treasured you both.   We'll also be excited to see how God chooses to add to our family in the future.  We will always pray for and lead you all to be great friends.

You will always be our firstborn baby girl Selah.  That is a special role to play.  You will always be the one who shared in all the first experiences of parenthood with us, and who has been able to see the crazy looks on our faces when we encounter something else new for the first time.  You will be the one who had us all to yourself for 19 months of your life...and who continues to teach us just how much we can love.  Which in turn has taught us more about God's love for us than I could have ever imagined.  I know your sweet sister will only add to our joy and limited ability to grasp the
Father's love for us.

(This is the kind of hair day Daddy says she'll be mad at us for later :)

Our world is about to  change little one...and we give all the the glory to God for being on the brink of bringing baby sister Zoe into our lives.  While I know we'll have weary moments while we work it out and grow to know one another, I hope and pray for so much fun and sweet joy ahead.  God is so good to allow us such deep and life giving relationships on earth.  Family is so special, and I'm excited that we are about to become 4.  I pray you never doubt our love for you... and that you would come to know and embrace the purpose God has for your beautiful life.  You are a pearl of great price...and you hold such a special place in my heart.  I love you so much Selah.

Love, Mommy


Elizabeth said...

simply beautiful. :)

Melanie said...

Love it! She's so cute!

Tiffany said...

oh, i love this. crying again. beautifully written from the heart. your daughters are so incredibly blessed.