Dear Selah (On the night before your birthday)

My sweet Selah girl,
Can I tell you how crazy it feels to be sitting outside your door, listening to you breathe, remembering that 1 yr. ago right now I was falling into the deepest sleep of my life, after almost 30 hrs. of labor, still praying through tears that you’d come soon and safely. The most amazing experience of my life by far was the one that brought you into the world. Now we’ve made it to today, a day filled with preparations for your big day tomorrow. A day we celebrate this beautiful life God has created in you, and praise him for the amazing memories we’ve made so far this past year. I am truly overwhelmed. Today after getting a dozen pink balloons to surprise you with tomorrow morning, tears started flowing as I drove them home and they blocked my view in the backseat. I just became so overcome with gratitude that I get to be your mom…that I get to experience the joy of having a daughter... that I get to buy pink balloons for my little girl. That our loving Father in heaven answered one of my deepest lifelong prayers when you were born. And baby girl, I delight in you. I am fascinated by how God made you…and I love your details. I am drawn closer to your daddy and to your heavenly Father because of you. Seeing you smile and knowing joy has introduced a whole new kind of joy to my own heart.

I’ve spent so much of today reflecting as I’ve crafted, cooked, and created for tomorrow. Nana helped with a lot of preparations and I asked her to make the recipe that’s called the “Best cupcakes Ever,” because I wanted to be able to tell you someday how excited I was about your first birthday. For the first time in my life, I truly understand why my own mother has loved celebrating her children’s birthdays with such enthusiasm and attention to detail. That is now what I desire to do too. Your Daddy has also been busy with preparations and excitement to celebrate you, and has encouraged me and all my crazy plans. We are having so much fun honoring the lovely little life God gave you.

It has been a joy to get to know you this past year Selah. Hours and hours have been spent snuggling you, playing with you, teaching you, feeding you, laughing with you, being amazed by you. So far it seems you truly love life. We continue to pray that the fruit of the Spirit would be evident in you and that you would love Jesus most of all. I have so much more to say tomorrow, on my firstborn’s first birthday…but I couldn’t close my eyes tonight without telling you how excited I am to be your mom. How I love you in a way you won’t even understand until you have your own first baby. (And we pray now that someday you will know that joy.) I could sit here all night and listen to you breathe, because I am just so thankful for every breath the Lord gives you. We will make a big memory tomorrow Selah girl. And tomorrow, on your very first birthday, I will write more of my heart to you. But for tonight, I say sleep tight little one…I can’t wait to greet your beautiful, contagious smile in the morning.

No comments: