My mind has had fifty-millions things going at a million miles a minute for the last several weeks. Hence the lack of posts. I just don't know where to start! So I'll stop making apologies and promises...I just have to accept that my presence will be a little unpredictable on here.
That said, I'm 18 weeks pregnant today! Wow. Hello belly! I love, love, love getting and looking more and more pregnant. If you ask me it's a great situation for a girl who has never quite been proportionate to begin with. Ha ha. Unless I'm extremely toned, (which hasn't been for a couple years!), I deal quite a bit with bloating. So I've never had a difficult time feeling pregnant. Just recently it's starting to look more like actual pregnancy!
With so much baby on the brain and in the middle of so many conversations, it's gotten me a little frazzled in recent days. Yesterday I spent a few very therapeutic hours listening to music, praying, and crying. It's so nice to just be able to say, "It's the pregnancy hormones." :) I am an extremely intense person, both in my heart and mind, so it's quite easy for me to drive myself crazy and lose a little perspective now and then. God is always faithful to bring me back whenever I return my focus to Him. That said, yesterday He redirected my focus from my relationship with my baby to my relationship with my husband.
Kevin and I have been enjoying the sweetest time of marriage lately. Especially since this past summer. We have just grown and grown in our intimacy and friendship, as well as in extending grace towards one another, and there is no one on earth either of us would rather spend time with. I believe this is a direct reflection of our intentional seeking after God for this very thing. The beginning of marriage was a very difficult time for me, and Kevin rose to the occasion immediately as my strong, gentle support and protector. Those precious days of feeling like I offered nothing and he offered everything created the most priceless foundation for our marriage. My confusions and heartaches did not push him away...they drew him closer. His actions towards me at that time amaze me to this day. But I know with all of my heart they were the fruit of his seeking harder after God than he was seeking after me. And I'm so grateful.
I say all of that because yesterday my mind was going a mile a minute thinking about baby stuff, how I was feeling, what the future holds, and all the things people have asked me about lately concerning the baby. I suddenly became overwhelmed and convicted about my marriage. While I know there is much to be done to prepare for a precious little, fragile life to come into our world, my heart knows that when the baby comes, we will be ready for the baby....as far as having the "things" we need. My heart also knows that while we are over the moon with joy, these are the last several months that Kevin and I will have with just the two of us making up our family. And that makes these months and moments we have together irreplaceable. We delight in Sunday afternoons or any random time we get to spend hanging out, talking about life, napping, laughing, just being together. I never want this precious friendship to fade. What's crazy is, according to my calculations, the day we conceived is the day we moved out of the last place we actually called home. What an adventure these months have been...and I'm convinced that we will treasure them and be strengthened by them for a lifetime.
So in these months before experiencing the beautiful exhaustion of having my heart live outside my body and prayerfully enjoying this incredible baby I am just aching to hold, I am committed more than ever to spend this time focused on my husband and my marriage. I know we will never want to go back, and I pray it will bring us closer, but I also never want to forget these days. We know that in order to be good parents, our marriage must always come first. God answered years of prayer when he brought Kevin and I together, and each year He solidifies more and more why it was so worth the wait. I long to intentionally honor this undeserved gift.
Thus, in the days ahead I will be praying and seeking out ways to make this time special and sacred for us. Whether it's by being creatively encouraging, doing some spontaneous planning, verbally affirming him, or loving him in practical ways through making dinner and doing dishes, it is my goal to be more intentional than ever. I'm also on the look out for some good resources to read during this time. Here are a few at the top my list right now - two that I've read large portions of, and two I've recently found. I would love to hear your recommendations or suggestions, or any thoughts on this topic!!
"The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian
"Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas
"Great Parents, Lousy Lovers" by Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham
"Your Marriage Can Survive A Newborn" by Glenn and Natalie Williams
Here's one of the amazing and powerful songs God used yesterday to draw me to him. I just have to share it. Enjoy this as part of your worship today!