I so wanted to title this post, "Overflowing With Lemonade," in reference to my seemingly incessant need lately to take the lemons life has thrown at us and make lemonade. Not quite as easy when you're pregnant, I've quickly found. I know some people have an aversion to how those online often seem to make life seem fake and problem free, (of course we all know it's not!!)...but I wonder if that's because it often feels like a bummer to get on here and be a downer in our weak moments. Particularly those moments when I don't have perspective and I'm not handling it well. Which is quite possibly why I've been avoiding...
I know all too well there are MANY people who would love their biggest problems all at one time to be not having a permanent dwelling, cars ending their lifespan, and other annoying little inconveniences. There are families desperately praying to have more time with those they love the most, or grieving those they have lost...and that is pain. I know people in physical pain so constant that they are longing for Heaven and relief. So the last few weeks in our life have felt like trials, but I know they're just exhausting bumps in the road. At the end of the day Kevin and I are growing close to each other and to God through them. And the precious little firework in my belly is a continuous reminder of His unending and overwhelming faithfulness. I am loving this little person more and more everyday, and it has taught me more than anything else in all of my life that very little external circumstances are really a very big deal. Because the big things in life are BIG. Relationships and increasingly loving, trusting, and looking like Christ are what it's all about.
I have been reminded often lately of the verse, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. so don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
Thankfully I am not a precious little bird...I am a child of the King...of THE Creator. That's big time. Why should I worry...why should I ever be afraid? I am a broken, human girl...but I have such hope and joy. I was majorly convicted Sunday when one of Kevin's coworkers and our friend who reads my blog said to me, "When I keep hearing about your all's circumstances I just keep thinking about 'Crazy Joy.' This is it." Ha. I was convicted by my own blog title...what I claim to be all about!! But he's right. The reason I live, I write, I rejoice is because I know in my soul this crazy truth: regardless of our pain, our circumstances, or our trials, we can have real and ridiculous joy from the hope found through a relationship of Jesus and the promise of Heaven. For real. Even when the burden and weariness feel so heavy. So while that wasn't easy to hear on a Sunday morning after a night of tears, it was exactly what I needed to be brought back to. The fact that I'm not alone and I'm not living for the comforts of this life.
The other blessing that has always come during times of trial for me is the way my family loves, encourages, and rallies around me...it reminds me that that's who we are. There is nothing like family to have your back and remind you that you're loved when you need it most. My family has done this for me too many times to count in my 30 years. They have sacrificed for me over and over without hesitation or ridicule. Endless grace resulting in overwhelming gratitude. That is so much of why I am beyond excited for Kevin and I to start our own family with sweet little Baby Love. Because I want him or her to know that kind of grace, generosity, and joy...and to give all the glory to God for it.
Okay, I just had to get that out and be real with you all. I am committing in my heart to get on here and shine my little light more often. I have so many unshared fun posts in my head...like how I've GOT to show you this big baby belly! Little sweet thing is growing like crazy, and I love it!!! While I won't be decorating a nursery before the baby comes, I have so many fun ideas/inspirations, and I need to share about the super fun and sweet baby shower my friends threw for me last week! More to come! Love to you all!!!
"His eye is on the sparrow...and I know He watches me."
(Who doesn't love Lauryn Hill singing this song!?)